Fathwa, - Prayer> Istikhara: The Guidance Prayer

Question:
Several people I know are confused on the topic of salat ul-
Istikhara. Is it meant to be prayed several days in a row until a
decision is made, or only once? Is it meant to be prayed after one
has pretty much made up their mind, or whensomeone hasn't really
figured out what to do? Are their various valid opinions?
Answer:
Assalamu alaikum,
When one is not clear about the result of the istikhara, the fuqaha
mention that it is recommend to repeat it, upto 7 times if necessary
(usually done on separate occasions). [cf: Radd al-Muhtar]
It is not necessary that you get a dream or even a "feeling." Rather,
the istikhara is a prayer that Allah guide you towards that which is
best (khayr)for you. If you do the prayer of guidance (istikhara) with
the proper manners, the most important of which is to truly consign
the matter to Allah and suspend your own inclinations, then Allah will
make events unfold in the direction that is the best for your worldly
and next-worldly affairs.
In general, when it is notpossible to perform the istikhara prayer
itself (such as when one is out on the road, or in one's menstrual
period), it is recommended to simply read the dua itself. [Radd
al-Muhtar]
The istikhara prayer may be made for a specific matter or be made for
a general seeking of all that is best. Some scholars, including Imam
Abd al-Wahhab al-Sha`rani and Ibn `Arafah before him saw this kind of
istikhara prayer as being superior.Others, including Shaykh Ibn
al-Arabi, recommended performing a general istikhara prayer for all
that is good every day, ideally at the time of the Duha prayer (after
sunrise).
Imam al-Nawawi mentioned that before the istikhara prayer, one should
seek advice (istishara) from those whose knowledge, wisdom, and
concern one is confident. Ibn Hajar al-Haytami and others mentioned
that one of the benefits of this is to further distanceoneself from
the desires of one's own egotistic inclinations.
It is recommended to open the dua of istikhara[below], with praise of
Allah and sending blessings on the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him
peace), and to close it in this manner, too.
Like other duas, it is recommended that one face the qibla.
It is disliked to 'hasten' inseeking the answer to one's istikhara,
like otherduas, because the Prophet (Allah bless him& give him peace)
said,"Your prayers are answered, unless you hasten, saying, 'I prayed,
but no answer came.'"
One should be pleased with what Allah chooses for one, and not seek to
follow one's whims after the answer to one's supplication becomes
clear.
There is a pious lady in our community who has offered to pray
istikhara for me to help me make a decision for marriage.... [ .... ]
my question to you is if you know if this idea of relying on someone
else's istikhara is a good idea and compatible with the teachings of
Islam on how to make dua and decisions. should I follow her advice
(according to her dreams and feelings) to me on this issue or not?
This is one means you can take: to seek the istikhara of a pious
person. The permissibility of this was mentioned explicitly by the
Malikis and Shafi`is. The Hanafis do not appear to have discussedthis
issue [al-Mawsu`a al-Fiqhhiyya,Kuwait], butthere is nothing in it
thatwould indicate its impermissibility. Rather, it is merely the
taking of a means, which is permitted as long as one knows that the
one who gives and takes, benefits and harms is Allah alone.
In such cases, though, one should not leave doing the istikhara oneself...
Salat al-Istikhara
CONCERNING THE RITUAL PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE IN CHOOSING THE BEST OPTION
[SALAT AL-ISTIKHARA], AND THE PRAYER OF SUPPLICATION [DU'A']
APPROPRIATE TO IT.
According to a traditional report transmitted on the authority of
Muhammad ibn al-Munkadir, it was Jabir ibn 'Abdi'llah (may Allah be
well pleased with him and with his father) who said:
"Allah's Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to teach
us how to seek guidance in choosing the best optionavailable in a
practical enterprise [al-istikhara fi'l-amr], just as he would
sometimes teach us a Chapter [Sura] from the Qur'an. :
"'If one of you is concerned about some practical undertaking, orabout
making plans for ajourney, he should perform two cycles of ritual
prayer [rak'atain], not as an obligatory observance [farida], but
voluntarily. Then he should say:
'"O Allah, I ask You to show me what is best, through Your knowledge,
and I ask You to empower me, through Your power, and I beg You to
grant me Your tremendous favor, for You have power, while I am without
power, and You have knowledge, while I am without knowledge, and You
are the One whoknows all things invisible.
Allahumma inni astakhiru-ka bi-'ilmi-ka wa astaqdiru-ka bi-qudrati-ka
wa as'alu-ka min fadli-ka 'l-'azim fa-inna-ka taqdiru wa la aqdiru wa
ta'lamu wa la a'lamu wa Anta 'Allamu 'l-ghuyub :
O Allah, if You know that this undertaking is in thebest interests of
my religion, my life in this world, and my life in the Hereafter, and
can yield successful results in both the short term and the long term,
then make it possible for me and make it easy for me, and then bless
me in it.
Allahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna hadha 'l-amra khairun li fi dini wa
dunyaya wa akhirati wa 'aqibati amri wa 'ajili-hi wa
ajili-h:fa-'qdir-hu li wa yassir-hu li thumma barik li fi-h:
If not, then turn it away from me, and make it easy for me to do well,
wherever I may happen to be, and make me content with Your verdict, O
Most Merciful of the merciful.'"
wa illa fa-'srif-hu 'an-ni wa yassir liya 'l-khaira haithu kana ma
kuntu wa raddi-ni bi-qada'i-ka ya Arhama 'r-rahimin :
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Jamiatul Ulama Transvaalcollected this:
The Etiquette of Du'�
These etiquettes are narrated in the Hadith. For reasons of brevity,
only the following summary and reference of each Hadith is mentioned
instead of theentire Hadith.
To abstain from haraam food, clothing and earnings. (Muslim : Tirmidhi)
To make Duaa with sincerity. In other words,one should firmly
believethat nobody but Allah Ta'aala will fulfill his objectives.
(Haakim)
One should perform a good deed prior to making the Duaa & he should
mention this during the course of the Duaa. For e.g. He should say, O
Allah! I had performed so & so deed solely for Your pleasure. O Allah!
accept my Duaa due to the barkat of that deed. (Muslim, Tirmidhi, Abu
Dawud).
To make Duaa whilst oneis paak & clean. (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, Ibn
Majah, Nasai, Ibn Hibbaan, Mustadrak).
To make wudhu before the Duaa (All six major hadith collections)
To face the Qiblah (All six major hadith collections)
To sit as in the Tashahhud position (AbuAwanah)
To praise Allah Ta'aala at the beginning as well as at the end of Duaa
(All sixmajor hadith collections)
To convey Durood upon Rasulullah ( ) at the beginning as well as the
end. (Abu Dawud, Musnade-Ahmad)
To spread out both the hands. (Tirmidhi, Mustadrak)
To raise both the hands up to the shoulders (Abu Dawud, Musnade-Ahmad)
To sit with humility and respect. (Muslim, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud)
To mention ones helplessness and dependence. (Tirmidhi)
To abstain from raising the eyes towards the sky whilst making Duaa (Muslim)
To mention the Asmaal-Husnaa (the names of Allah Ta'aala ) and the
sublime qualities Of AllahTa'aala. (Ibn Hibbaan and Mustadrak)
To abstain from ceremonies rhyming of the Duaa phrases (Bukhari)
To abstain from saying the Duaa in a "sing-song" tone if the Duaa is
in a poetic form (Hisn)
One should make Duaa through the medium of the Ambiyaa
(alayhimus-salaam) and other Pious servants. (For e.g. He should say.
O Allah! Accepts my Duaa throughThe good offices of thesesaintly
people). (Bukhari,Bazzaar, Haakim)
To make the Duaa in a soft voice (All six major hadith collections on
the authority if Abu Musa )
To utter the Duaa phrases transcribed fromRasulullah Sallalahu Alayhi
Wasallam because Rasulullah Didn't leave out a single need of the Deen
nor of the dunya whilst teaching us how to make Duaa (Abu Dawud/Nasai)
To make a Duaa that encompasses most of theneeds of Deen and the
dunya. (Abu Dawud)
To make Duaa in favour of oneself first, thereafter ones parents and
to include the other Muslims in the Duaa as well (Muslims)
If the Imam is making Duaa, he should not make Duaa for himself only
but he should Include all the congregants in the Duaa (Abu Dawud,
Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)
Abu Dawud (R.A.) Narrates that Rasulullah Said that the Imam who makes
Duaa for himself only, has betrayed the people." In other words, the
Imam should not Make a Duaa that is restricted to him alone. For e.g.
He should not say, "O Allah! cure my son." or "O Allah! Return my lost
item." etc. but he should make a Duaa that includes all the
congregation for e.g. He may say "O Allah! Forgive us and have mercy
upon us."
To make Duaa with firm conviction (for e.g. he should not say: "O
Allah! If you wish fulfil so and so task of mine." (All six major
hadith collections)
To make Duaa with enthusiasm & yearning. (Ibn Hibbn & Abu Awana).
As far as possible endeavour to bring about a "presence of heart and
mind" and cherish a high hope of the Duaa being accepted.(Haakim)
To make Duaa repeatedly. (Bukhari, Muslim)
This repetition should beat least thrice (Abu Dawud)
Note One may repeat the Duaa thrice in none sitting or he may repeat
it on three different occasions. The"repetition of the Duaa" can be
interpreted in both ways."
To make Duaa earnestly and insistently. (Nasai, Hakim, Abu awanah)
To abstain from making Duaa of severing family ties or other sins.
(Muslim, Tirmidhi)
Avoid making Duaas of pre-determined and fixed things (for e.g. woman
should not make a duaa of being transformed into a man or a tall
person shouldn'tmake Duaa thus: "O Allah!Make me short ." etc)
(Nasai).
Don't Make Duaa for impossible things. (Bukhari)
Don't make a Duaa in which you ask Allah Ta'aala to confine His mercy
to yourself Only (Bukhari, Abu Dawud, Nasai, Ibn Majah)
Ask only Allah Ta'aala alone for all your needs. Do not depend upon
His creation. (Tirmidhi/Ibn Hibbaan)
The one making the Duaa as well as the person listening to it, both
should say Aameen at the end. (Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, Nasai)
Rub both hands over the face at the termination of the Duaa (Abu
Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibbaan, Majah, Hakim)
Don't be impatient over the acceptance of Duaas. In other words, don't
say: "I've made Duaa repeatedly but to no avail." (Bukhari, Muslim,
Abu Dawud, Nasai, Ibn Majah)
Wassalam,

Fathwa, - Marriage and islamic teachings about living with in-laws

Question:
I have received a marriage proposal from an excellent practicing and
knowledgable muslim brother, Alhamdullillah. The only hinderance in
making any decision isthat he and his family (including his younger
brother) want to live together in one house, meaning everyone living
on the same floor, sharing one bathroom and so forth.This is going to
be a very difficult situation for me regarding privacy and parda. i
will have to be in hijaband proper outfit while performing house
chores around the house. This brother agreed earlier that they
understand this situation and are planning to move into a different
house where this won't be a problem (maybe makeseparate portions).
However, now this brother and his family have changed their plan and
have decided to live the way they are living now (everybody living
together and i will only have a bedroom) and will live the same way
anywhere they move. I would like to know what is the Islamic teaching
on this. The brother is really nice and religious , mashallah but
living together is the only problem that is hindering me from making
any decision.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
I apologize for taking so long to reply.
Choosing a spouse is one of the most important decisions you'll ever
make. Looking for someone with good religion and character is
foremost. However, this is not the only consideration. Women should
also look for men with stable and lawful incomes, and the ability to
support them adequately.
Please see Ustadha Hedaya Hartford'sIslamicMarriageat a lmuhajabat.com
for more details on choosinga spouse.
At the very least, a man has to provide his wife with her own separate
apartment, even if it's within the confines of his family's home. The
wife should have her own living area, bedroom, bathroom, andkitchen.
Please think long and hard before you put yourself in a situation
where you have no privacy. You deserve your own space. This is not a
luxury, but a religious obligation upon your husband.
And Allah knows best.
-

The problem of lust )a dad-son dialogue( – I

According to the teachings Islam, the desires and lusts play a vital
part in the makeup of every human being; they cannot be ignored.
Humans, unlike the angels, have to face the challenge in this life of
mastering these forces within us. If we fail to do so, then we become
enslaved by our desires and thus fall below the level of the animal
kingdom.
The keys to a happy and fulfilled life are to be found in the guidance
contained in the Quran and in the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammadwhose
lifestyle embodieda perfect balance between permissible enjoyment and
abstention from what is forbidden.
In this article, we will talkabout the dangers of yielding to the
unrestrained cravings of the soul through highlighting the problemof
lust. Although man could be afflicted by lust at any age, young men
are more susceptible. That is because between adulthood and
childhoodis adolescence, where a person undergoes great physical and
psychological changes. During this stage, one's decisions and
experiences determine, to a great extent, the type of adult one will
become. So, if a person succeeded in curbing his desires during this
period, it would be easier for him to curb it for the rest of his
life.
Sometimes, our children who are on the thresholdof adolescence receive
scant attention from parents regarding this matter; so, we preferred
to tackle the issue of lust in the form of dad-son dialogue:
Son:Dad! You've told me alot about the advantages and bright aspects
of the period of entering manhood. Can you tell me about its problems
and difficulties?
Dad:This is a crucial question. You know that Satan is eager to tempt
and seduce human beings. Allaah Says in the Noble Quran )what
means(:"]Satan[ said,"Because You have put me in error, I will surely
sit in wait for them on Your straight path. ThenI will come to them
from before them and from behind them and on their right and on their
left, and You will not find most of them grateful ]to You[."
]Quran 7: 16-17[
Therefore, the fight between Satan and a young man reaches its climax
when the young man reaches the age of religious obligation.
Allaah made the way to His Paradise hard and difficult, and the way to
the Hell full of desires for a certain wisdom, namely, to test people.
In other words, the road to Hell is closer than that toParadise. The
Prophetis reported to have said:"Hellfire is surrounded by all kinds
of desires and passions, whileParadiseis surrounded by all kinds of
disliked undesirable things."]Al-Bukhaari[
Thus, desires and lust start to appear in this stage of someone's life
inorder to distinguish those who can resist the temptation from those
who cannot. If the ways toParadisewere furnished with flowers,
everybody would take it.
Son:Can you tell me more about these desires, Dad?
Dad:Well! They are so many, varying in strengthand scope. Allaah
Says)what means(:"Beautified for people is the love of that which they
desire – of women and sons,heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine
branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of
worldly life, but Allaah has with Him the best return."]Quran 3: 14[
As for their varying nature, they differ from one person to another
and from one environment to another. However, the influence of sexual
desire on youngpeople is the strongest and most dangerous, especially
in the present time. The Prophetwarned us against that when hesaid: "I
am not leaving behind a more harmful trial)cause of mischief(for men
than women."The Prophetalso said:"A person who gives surety to
)safeguard( what is between his jaws )tongue( and what is between his
two legs)private organs(, I guarantee his entrance into
Paradise."]Al-Bukhaari[
Abu Hurayrahnarrated that the Prophetwas asked about the things which
cause most people to enterParadise. Heanswered: "Being carefulabout
one's obligations to Allaah, and good behavior". Then, hewas asked:
"What are these things which would lead a person into Hellfire?"
Heanswered:"His mouth and genitals )i.e., misusing
them(."]Al-Bukhaari[
Son:You have come close to home when you spokeabout this desire. May I
ask more questions about it?
Dad:Go ahead, son.
Son:Some young people say that Allaah is All-Knowledgeable and
All-Wise, so they wonder if there is any apparent wisdom that a Muslim
can see behind afflicting people with such a strong desire?
Dad:You should know, myson, that a Muslim is not allowed to question
or object to the commandments of Allaah.He must submit to whatever
comes from his Lord and believe in it whether or not he knowsthe
wisdom behind it. However, if he knows thewisdom, his Faith will
become more firm.
One wisdom behind sexual desire is to sustainthe human race by meansof
reproduction. Therefore, the two sexes are attracted to each other in
order to achieve this end. Again, as mentioned earlier, one ofthe
greatest pieces of wisdom is affliction and trial. If the way of
obedience is hard, it will not be taken except by honest and pious
people who are characterized bypatience and fortitude, or else it will
be open to everybody.
Son:I think the first step a wise young man should take is to know the
temptations that may enkindle such a desire so that he may avoid them.
Am I correct, Dad?
Dad:Certainly. One should avoid the things that maystir up desires and lust.
To be followed…

The problem of lust )a dad-son dialogue( – II

Son:What are the most dangerous of such temptations?
Dad:On top of such temptations is looking boldly at a woman as an
object of sexual desire. This serves as a stimulus that may lead to an
unlawful response. Also, it is the first step towardsmajor sins.
Allaah warns us against such a forbidden look; He Almighty Says )what
means(:"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their
private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allaah is Acquainted
with what they do."]Quran 24: 30[
Because of its dangerous consequences, the Prophetwarned his
companions against looking at forbidden things. Hesaid:"Refrain from
sitting on the sidewalks of the streets."The companionssubmitted: 'O
Messenger of Allaah, we have no other alternative, there isno other
place where we can sit and discuss things.' Hesaid:"If that is so,
then observe your responsibilities due to the street."The
companionsasked as to what was due to the street? Hesaid:"lower your
gaze, clear thestreet off obstacles, reply to greetings, and enjoin
virtuous deeds and forbid evil ones."
Son:I can gather from thisthat a Muslim should be on his guard and
keep away from places where he would look at forbidden things. Is that
right?
Dad:Yes, my son, in the previous saying, the Prophetordered them not
only to avoid lookingat forbidden things, but also to avoid sitting on
the sidewalks. The Prophetsaid so although the streets of Madeenah
then were different from the streetsnowadays. Nowadays, the streets
are full of unveiled women, who tend to display their charm. The women
then were veiled and showed signs of modesty; and so they would stick
themselves to the walls while walking without a legal escort as
bashful as they were.
Son:Why is looking at a woman so dangerous?
Dad:This is because it is oftentimes followed by serious consequences.
When someone looks at awoman, he pictures her as an object of sexual
desire. And the image develops in his mind. Satan, then, beautifies
this image and brings it back in his mind with all sorts of desirable
animation. When this is repeated, it develops intoan obsession; and
one may be haunted by such an image in his prayers.
When someone is obsessed by a certain idea, there is always the
possibility that such an idea might materialize into tangible action.
The whole thing starts with an intention perceived, then the intention
develops into determination, followed by vicious scheming, which
eventually results in committing adultery. Ifthis were not the
outcome, thinking wouldlead to masturbation which is forbidden.
Son:Dad, I have an important question about masturbation, but Iwill
put it off until later. For now, I have another important question
about looking at women.What would you say to those young men who watch
actresses in moviesor view pictures of women in magazines or on the
Internet; and theirexcuse is that there is no harm in just doing that
since they are not looking at the real woman body but rather an image
of her?
Dad:This is the same as looking at women in person; there is no
difference, since both actions will lead to the same result.
Son:What if the whole matter is confined to a mere thought, I mean no
action is taken. Would you say something like 'it's the thought that
counts'?
Dad:One of the Attributes of Allaah is "The Merciful"; and so He
Almighty does not punishHis slaves except for the sins that they
actually commit. The Prophetisreported to have said: "Allaah forgives
my followers for evil deeds their ownselves may suggest to them as
long as they do not act upon them." But, thinking about women in a
persistent way may lead to the unlawful act of adultery. I would
advise you and every young man to engage yourselves in things that
will benefit you in this world and in the Hereafter. Be careful when
such thoughts cross your mind; try to stop them right away and replace
them with better thoughts.
Son:Dad, how can I put a curb on my desires?
Dad:The best thing to do is to maintain a strong Faith in Allaah. This
is the most effective weapon against desires. I am telling you this
because the Prophetis reported to have said that there would come a
time when Faith would become dear and rare to found. Mu'aathused to
call one of his friends and say to him: "Let's sit and spend some time
increasing our Faith!"
Son:Dad! What are some of the things that one does to increase his faith?
Dad:Faith increases with submission to Allaah. Good deeds, like
reading the Noble Quran and reflecting on its meanings, remembering
Allaah, and contemplating His creation, also increase faith.
Then you have to fear Allaah in the most appropriate manner,
andobserve your duties to Him wherever you are. That is because a true
believer should know that Allaah encompasses everything and that
nothing is hidden from Him. Not even an atom escapes His knowledge.
Allaah Says of Himself in the Noble Quran )what means(:"And with Him
are thekeys of the unseen; none knows them except Him. And He knows
what is on the land and in the sea. Not a leaf falls but that He knows
it. And no grain is there within the darknesses of the earth and no
moist or dry ]thing[ but that it is ]written[ in a clear
record."]Quran 6: 59[
Allaah Almighty also Says)what means(: "Allaah knows what every female
carries and what the wombs lose]prematurely[ or exceed. And everything
with Him is by due measure. ]He is[ Knower of the unseen and the
witnessed, the Grand, the Exalted."]Quran 13: 8-10[
Allaah knows whoever commits unlawful acts in broad daylight and
whoever commits them behind closed doors. If a believer is well-aware
of this fact, he will fear Allaah. Do you remember that Hadeeth in
which the Prophetnamed the types of believers that will be under the
Shade of the Throne of Allaah on the Day of Judgement? One of them is
a man who was seduced by a beautiful woman, but he said: "I fear
Allaah."
To be concluded…

The problem of lust )a dad-son dialogue( – III

Son:Dad,were there more things that help increase one's faith?
Dad:One has to remember that he will stand before Allaah on theDay of
Reckoning when all secretsare disclosed. Nothing will be hidden from
Him, and the mouths of the disbelievers will besealed and their limbs
will testify against them. Allaah Aays )what means(:"Until, when they
reach it, their hearing and their eyes and their skins will testify
againstthem of what they used to do."]Quran 41: 20[
Now, let me ask you if it is possible for a person todo wrong without
his limbs being present with him? Allaah answers this question in the
Noble Quran )what means(:"And you were not covering yourselves, lest
your hearing testify against you or your sight or your skins, but you
assumed that Allaah does not know much of what you do."]Quran 41: 22[
Son:Is there any thing else?
Dad:Yes, son, a believer has to remember what Allaah has in store on
the Day of Resurrection for those who obey His commandments and keep
away from what He has forbidden.
Son:You mean the maidens ofParadise?
Dad:Exactly! These are thechaste women of Paradise whom Allaah
describes in the Noble Quran )what means(:"Indeed, We have produced
the women of Paradise in a ]new[ creation, and made them virgins,
devoted ]to their husbands[ and of equal age, for the companions of
the right ]who are[."]Quran 56: 35-38[
The Prophetis reported to have described them saying:"The first group
)of people( who will enterParadisewill be)glittering( like a
full-moon. They will neither spit therein nor blow their noses nor
relieve nature. Their utensils therein will be ofgold and their combs
of gold and silver; in their censers the aloes wood will be used, and
their sweat will smell like musk. Everyone of them will have two
wives; the marrow of the bones of the wives' legs will be seen through
the flesh out of excessive beauty. They )i.e. the people ofParadise(
will neither have differences nor hatred amongst themselves; their
hearts will be as if one heart, and they will be glorifying Allaah in
the morning and in the afternoon."]Al-Bukhaari[
Son:What else, dad?
Dad:You have to turn to Allaah, following the example of the Prophet
Yoosuf )Joseph(whenthe woman whom he worked for tried to seduce him.
The Noble Quran gives an account of him, saying:"He said, "My Lord,
prison is more to my liking than that to which they invite me. And if
You do not avert from me their plan, I might incline toward them and
]thus[ be of theignorant'."]Quran 12: 33[
My son! Turn to your Lord, raise your hands with humbleness to Allaah
in supplication, and realize that Allaah will not turn away those who
ask Him.
Besides, you have to strengthen your will. You have to train yourself
to bridle uncontrollable desires; you must never surrender to them.
But you have to know that this requires a tremendous amount of
training, because you arestruggling against your vicious instincts,
which are amplified and supported by the accursed Satan.
Son:Is that all?
Dad:No, son, there remains an important issue that was always
highlighted by the Prophet.
Son:You mean marriage, don't you?
Dad:Of course, son, may Allaah grant you success in your life.
Marriage enables one to enjoy what Allaah has made lawful for him.
This will surely prevent him from indulging in forbidden pleasures. If
a person of your age cannot afford to get married, he has to observe
fast on those days which were favoured by the Prophetsuch as Mondays
and Thursdays, or whatever ismost convenient. Fasting,as you know,
infuses piety in the heart. Allaah Says )what means(:"O you who have
believed, decreed uponyou is fasting as it was decreed upon those
before you that you may become righteous."]Quran 2: 183[
Moreover, fasting strengthens the will and determination, and
qualifies you to defeat your vicious instincts.
Son:Dad, what about masturbation?
Dad:O my son, it is a filthy and blameworthy habit. Moreover, it is
forbidden according to the Noble Quran and the authentic Sunnah.
Allaah Says)what means(:"And those who guard their private parts.
Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for
indeed, they are not to be blamed."]Quran 70: 29-30[
These two verses indicatethat true believers shouldguard their private
parts from illegal sexual activity. There are two permissible outlets
for satisfying sexual desire. These are one's wife and one's slave.
Therefore, noway besides these two is permissible.
Also, practicing this blameworthy habit adversely affects the health
and leads to health problems. Moreover, masturbation is a main cause
of psychological disturbances, like depression and anxiety.
Ejaculation of sperms dueto masturbation is usuallyfollowed by fits of
remorse, which develops later into a sense of indifference. What is
worse is that one may practice this habit in a place where he cannot
remove his ritual impurity by taking a shower, causing him to either
miss the prayers intheir appointed time, or perform them in a state of
ritual impurity; and in either case, he will be sinful.
Son:So dad, how can one quit this filthy habit?
Dad:In order to quit this habit, one has to practisea few things.
First, one should strengthen his belief in Allaah. Second, one should
lower his gaze and avoid thinking about lust. Third, one should avoid
being alone. Fourth, one shouldkeep himself busy with beneficial
activities such as reading, useful sports and the like.

Dought n clear, - Does expiation have to be offered for having intercourse when making up a missed Ramadaan fast?

My husband had intercourse with me oneday when I was making up a
missed fast. Do I have to do anything?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Making up missed Ramadaan fasts is obligatory, and it is not
permissible to break such a fast except in caseof necessity. Once a
person starts to observe a fast to make up a fast he missed, he is
obliged to complete it, and it is not permissible for him to break it
except for a legitimate shar'i excuse.
It was narrated that Umm Haani' (may Allaah be pleased with her) said:
"O Messenger of Allaah, I broke my fast when I was fasting." He said
to her: "Were you making up a missed fast?" She said: "No." He said:
"Then it does not matter if it was a voluntary fast." Narratedby Abu
Dawood, no. 2456; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani. This indicates that
it would matter if she broke her fast when observing an obligatory
fast. What is meant by "it would matter" is that it would be a sin.
With regard to what happened in your case, the expiation of
intercourse is only required if what is broken is a fast in Ramadaan
itself. Based on this, you do not have to do anything except make that
day up again, as well as repent to Allaah and resolve not todo such a
thing again.
Ibn Rushd said: The majority are agreed thatno expiation is required
for deliberately breaking a fast observedto make up a missed Ramadaan
fast, because it does not come under the same category with regard to
sanctity of time, i.e., Ramadaan.
Bidaayah al-Mujtahid, 2/80.
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about a
woman who broke a fast she was observing to make up for a missed
Ramadaan fast, to make her guests feel comfortable. He replied: If she
was making up a missed obligatory fast, such as making up a day of
Ramadaan, then it is not permissible for anyone to break such a fast
except in cases of necessity. With regard tobreaking the fast because
of the arrival of guests, this is haraam and is not permitted, because
the basic principle in sharee'ah is that "Everyone who starts an
obligatory duty is required to complete it, unless he has a legitimate
shar'i excuse."But if he is making up a voluntary fast then he does
not have to complete it, because it is not obligatory.
Based on this, if a personis observing a naafil (supererogatory) fast
and something happens that means he has to break his fast, he may
doso. This is what was narrated from the Prophet(peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him), that he came to the Mother of the Believers
'Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) and said: "Do you have
anything (to eat)?" She said: "We have been given somehays(a kind of
meal)." He said: "Show it to me, for I started fasting this morning."
And he(peaceand blessings of Allaah be upon him) ate some of it. This
has to do with a naafil fast, not one which is obligatory.
Majmoo' al-Fataawa, 20.

Dought n clear, - He wants to delay making up Ramadan fasts until winter because the days are shorter

What is the ruling on making up missed Ramadan fasts in winterwhen, as
we know, the days are short?.
Praise be to Allaah.
The one who does not fast some days in Ramadan is obliged to make them
up before the next Ramadan comes, whether that is in the winter or
otherwise, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"but if any of you is ill oron a journey, the same number (should be
made up) from other days"
[al-Baqarah 2:184].
And it is proven that 'Aa'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) had
days to make up, but shedid not make them up until Sha'baan came
because of the status of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him).
And Allah is the source ofstrength. May Allah send blessings and peace
upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and Companions.

Dought n clear, - Should a woman start with making up missed fasts from Ramadaan or with the six days of Shawwaal?

What should a woman do first: fast the six recommended days of Shawwal
( Alayam Alsetta Albeed) or fast equivalent to the days she missed in
Ramadan due to her monthly period?
Praise be to Allaah.
If she wants to earn the reward mentioned in the hadeeth of the
Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), "Whoever fasts
Ramadaan then follows it with six days of Shawwaal, it will be as if
he fasted for a lifetime"(reported by Muslim, no. 1984), then she
should complete her Ramadaan fasts first, then follow it with six days
of Shawwaal, so that the hadeeth with beapplicable to her too, and she
will gain the reward mentioned in it.
As regards the matter of permissibility, it is permissible for her to
delay making up her Ramadaan fasts, provided that she makesthem up
before the next Ramadaan comes along.

Cheap Ticket to Paradise: Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace be Upon him) in dream

A man from a respectablebackground came to Balkh which is situated
inthe south of Iran, accompanied by his wife and daughters. Shortly
after their arrival the man fell ill and later died,leaving his wife
and daughters. Without his support they became poor and suffered. So
fearing the mockery of enemies, she fled Balkh with her daughters to
Samarkand.
On the day she arrived the weather was very cold, so she left her
daughters in a mosque and went out in search offood. She passed by two
groups of people. One was gathered around a Muslim who was the Sheikh
and the other group around a Zoroastrian (Majusi) who was the security
officer of the city.
She first went to the Muslim Sheikh and described her situation
saying, "I am a woman ofa respectable family, withdaughters whom I
have left in the local mosque and I have come in search of food." He
askedher, "Bring me proof thatyou are from a respectable family." She
replied, "I am a stranger in this town and therefore do not know
anyone to testify for me."She departed from him brokenhearted. She
then went to the Zoroastrian and explained her situation to him,
telling him about her noble background and her orphaned daughters
whowere, waiting her return in the local mosque. She also mentioned to
him how the Muslim Sheikh had treated her. The Zoroastrian stood up
andsent some womenfolk to bring her daughters and took all of them to
his house. There he showered them with honour and generosity. He fed
them fine food and clothed them in rich garments.
That night the Muslim Sheikh saw in a dream the Day of Resurrectionand
the banners were unfurled around Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace be
Upon him). Ahead of him, was a green palace made of emeralds, its
balconies of pearls and rubies and domes of pearls and corals. He
asked Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace be Upon him),"Messenger of Allah,
for whom is this palace?" Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace be Upon him)
replied, "For a Muslim." The Muslim Sheikh replied, "I am a Muslim!"
Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace be Upon him) said, "Prove to me that you
are a Muslim?" At that, the Muslim Sheikh was dumbstruck. Holy Prophet
Muhammad (Peace be Upon him) then said, "You asked a woman to produce
proofof her respectability and therefore my question to you is, can
you produce proof that you are a Muslim?" At this point theMuslim
Sheikh felt remorse about his treatment towards the woman and her
orphaned daughters.
In the morning, he immediately set out to find the woman. He learnt
she was staying with the Zoroastrian and so called for him. When the
Zoroastrian arrived, the Muslim Sheikh requested that he sends the
woman and her daughters to him. The Zoroastrian replied,"Under no
circumstance! I have received great blessings from her." The Muslim
Sheikh said, "Takea thousand dinars from me and bring them to me."
Zoroastrian shouted, "Impossible! Theone who showed you thepalace in
your dream has made it (the palace) for me. Are you surprised because
I am not a Muslim? By Allah (SWT), I did not sleep last night, before
I and my family accepted Islam at that noble woman's hand andI dreamt
something similar to what you dreamt; Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace be
Upon him) asked me, "Is that noble woman and her daughters with you?"I
replied: "Yes, Messengerof Allah." Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace be
Upon him) said, "This palace is for you and your family. Allah (SWT)
created you a believer in eternity." At that the Muslim Sheikh
remained sorrowful and grieved for the missed opportunity of earning a
lofty position in Paradise,due to his neglect of the widowed woman and
her daughters.
Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace be Upon him) has said, "The one who
strives on behalf of the widow and the needy is like a warrior in the
path of Allah". (Bukhari and Muslim) May Allah guide us to what is
right for indeed, He is Generous, the most Kind, and the most
Merciful!

Dawah (Inviting to the way of submission and surrender to Allah)

Every Friday afternoon, after the Jummah service at the Central
Mosque, the Imam and his eleven year old son would go out into their
town and hand out "Path to Paradise" and other Islamic literature.
This particular and fortunate Friday afternoon, as the time came for
the Imam and his eleven year old son togo to the streets with their
booklets, it was very cold outside, as well as pouring rain.
The boy bundled up in his warmest and driest clothes and said, 'OK,
dad,I am ready!' His 'Al Mualim' dad asked, 'Ready for what?'
'Dad, it's time we gather our tracts together and go out.' Dad
responds, 'Son, it's very cold outside and it's also pouring rain.'
The boy gives his dad a surprised look, asking, 'But Dad, are not
people still going to hell, even though it's raining?' Dad answers,
'Son, I am not going out in this weather.'
Despondently, the boy asks, 'Dad, can I go? Please?' His father
hesitated for a moment then said, 'Son, you can go. Here are the
booklets.Be careful son.' 'Thanks, Dad!'
And with that, he was off and out into the rain. This eleven year old
boy walked the streets of the town going door to door and handing
everybody he met in the street a pamphlet or a booklet.
After two hours of walking in the rain, he was soaking, bone chilled
wet and down to his very last booklet. He stopped on a corner and
looked for someone to hand a booklet to, but the streets were totally
deserted.
Then he turned toward the first home he saw and started up the
sidewalk to the front door and rang the door bell. He rang the bell,
but nobody answered. He rang it again and again, but still no one
answered. He waited but still no answer.
Finally, this eleven year old Dawah (Inviting to the way of submission
and surrender to Allah) expert turned to leave, but something stopped
him. Again, he turned to the door and rang the bell and knocked loudly
on the door with his fist. He waited, something holding him there on
the front porch!
He rang again and this time the door slowly opened. Standing in the
doorway was a very sad looking elderly lady. She softly asked, 'What
can I do for you, son?'
With radiant eyes and a smile that lit up her world, this little boy
said,"Ma'am, I am sorry if I disturbed you, but I just want to tell
you that 'Allah really loves and cares for you' and I came to give you
my very last booklet which will tell you all about God, the real
purpose of creation, and how to achieve His pleasure."
With that, he handed her his last booklet and turned to leave. She
called to him as he departed. 'Thank you, son! And God Bless You!'
Well, the following Fridayafternoon after Jummah service the Imam was
giving some lectures. As he concludes the lectures,he asked, 'Does
anybody have questions or want to say anything?'
Slowly, in the back row among the ladies, an elderly voice was heard
over the speaker. As the voice went on, a hint of glorious gaiety and
contentment was plainly evident in it even thoughshe was not to be
seen,"No one in this gathering knows me. I have never been here
before. You see, before last Friday I was not a Muslim. My husband
passed on some time ago, leaving me totally alone in this world. Last
Friday, being a particularly cold and rainy day, it was even more so
in my heart that I came to the end of the line where I no longer had
any hope or will to live.
So I took a rope and a chair and ascended the stairway into the attic
of my home. I fastened the rope securely to a rafter in the roof then
stood on the chair and fastened the other end of the ropearound my
neck. Standing on that chair, solonely and brokenhearted I was about
to leap off, when suddenly the loud ringing of my doorbell downstairs
startled me. I thought, I will wait a minute and whoever it is will go
away.
I waited and waited, but the ringing doorbell seemed to get louder
andmore insistent and then the person ringing also started knocking
loudly. Ithought to myself again, 'Who on earth could this be? Nobody
ever rings my bell or comes to see me.' I loosened the rope from my
neck and startedfor the front door, all the while the bell rang louder
and louder.
When I opened the door and looked I could hardlybelieve my eyes, for
thereon my front porch was the most radiant and angelic little boy I
had ever seen in my life. His smile, oh, I could never describe it to
you! The words that came from hismouth caused my heart that had long
been dead to leap to life as he exclaimed with a cherub like voice,
'Ma'am, I just came to tell you that Allah really loves and cares for
you!' Then he gave me this booklet, 'Path to Paradise' that I now hold
in my hand.
As the little angel disappeared back out into the cold and rain, I
closed my door and read slowly every word of this book. Then I went up
to my attic to get my rope and chair. I would not be needing them any
more.
You see, I am now a happy vicegerent of the One True God. Since the
address of your congregation was stamped on the back of this booklet,
I have come here to personally say Thank You to God's little angel who
came just in the nick of time and by so doing, spared my soul from an
eternity in hell.
There was not a dry eye in the mosque. And as shouts of Takbir! Allahu
Akbar (God is the greatest)! rented the air, even among the ladies.
The Imam (dad) descended from the pulpit to the front row where the
little angel was seated. He took his son in his arms and sobbed
uncontrollably.
Probably no Jamaat (Assembly) has had a more glorious moment and
probably this universe has never seen aPapa that was more filledwith
love and honor for his son, except for one, this very one.
You are the best community evolved for mankind; you enjoin the right
conduct and forbid indecency and you believe in Allah. Noble Qur'an
(3:110)
Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching and
argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious. Noble Qur'an
(16:125)

Fathwa, - Responsibilities regarding womenfolk

Question:
As salaam alaikum,
Shaykh, my question isregarding sisters. If one's sister is not
married and, due to her fussy nature, seems unlikely to marry in the
near future, does the responsibility of her welfare lie upon the
father's shoulders? Taking into consideration the fact that she is in
her mid 30's and her father is in his mid 60's. She works and
socializes as she wishes, but she is punctual regarding Salaah etc.
And I know for certain she only socialises with fellow Muslimahs. The
fact that she has refused allproposals given, does this make my father
sinful and will the sin in-turn fall upon me her younger brother (but
the eldest of two brothers). Also, I intend to study abroad, would the
responsibility of my sister fall upon my head if my father was to pass
away, taking into consideration the independent nature of women (my
sister most definitely included) in the West. For example I am almost
certain she would not travel abroad with me, and I probably wouldn't
be able to afford it (myself being married).
Shaykh, sorry for the awkward way I have written my question, it's
more a query needing advice than a formal question. Anyhow, thanks for
taking the time to consider and hopefullyprovide a solution to my
situation.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Brother,
1. Refusing marriage:
Your sister's refusal to get married is not a sin. Your father is also
not responsible if his daughter refuses to get married. You also do
not incur any sin if your sister keeps refusing marriage. That is her
prerogative.
2. According to a previous answer by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam
al-Kawthari, your father is generally required to support his grown
daughter, provided he is able and she is in need of support.However,
he may ask his daughter to assist in her maintenance, although he may
not ask her to work outside the home. Please visit Fiqh of
financially supporting one's parents and other relatives.
3. If your father passes away, you will be required to support
yoursister only if you are ableand she is poor and unmarried. Your
first priority is supporting your wife and children. After that, if
you are able, then you should provide for your sister if she is
unmarried. Once again, you may ask her to help out, but you cannot
demand that she work outside the home.
Last but not least, it's best to come to some sort of arrangement that
is beneficial to everyone.If your sister has no problem with working,
then it may be advisable for her to contribute to her upkeep,
especially if your father is getting along in years. In fact, if your
father is himself in need of support, then both you and your sister
must support him, regardless of her marital status.
I pray this helps.
And Allah knows best.

Fathwa, - My husband doesnt understand my feelings regards to living with hisfamily

Question:
I've been married for 11 months now and and me and my husband are
expectingour first child in April. In general I am very happy with my
husband and i love him very much, the only problem is living with his
family. he has loads of brothers and sisters some are married but they
are always around with their children and their husbands there isn't
much privacy. His mum is constantlymoaning about something or the
other and it is really getting me down and I feel like any day now I'm
goingto have a mental breakdown. the problem is my husband knows how i
feel about living with his family, but his refusing to to do anything
about it. I can't take this anymore. please help me with this problem
and what can i do to make my husband see how im feeling. Im notasking
him to disown his family or anything like that just that i need my own
space.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
I pray this message finds you well. Congratulationson your pregnancy!
A woman has the right toseparate lodging from her in-laws. At the very
least, your husband is obliged to provide you with a separate living
space, bedroom, bath, and kitchen.
Please communicate your concerns to your husband emphasizing:
1. the importance of fulfilling one's responsibilities towards one's spouse
2. the importance of privacy in building a strong and lasting marriage
3. the importance of having your own space (and some peace and quiet)
when the baby arrives
I pray that you can work out a solution that is to the benefit of all involved.

Fathwa, - Are men wiser than women according to Islam?

Question:
Assalam o alaikum
Alhamdulillah, I feel extremely strong in my faith and do not question
the Qur'an, Hadith, Sunnah or the orthodox scholars. But I am taking a
class called Women in Islam, which is taught in a subtly feminist
approach and I find myself knowing that the readings or issues I am
reading are beingmisinterpreted but I lack enough knowledge to wisely
argue my points out. Therefore, I am forwarding the questions here in
hopeof a logical answer that can be presented to a non-Muslim Western
classroom.
The following ahadith which I found while researching and whichare
also mentioned in my book:
The meaning of this verse is: I have made men overseers of women
because I havegranted the former superiority over the latter. This is
due to three reasons viz.
a. perfect understanding
b. perfection of deen and obedience in jihadand commanding the good
and forbidding the evil etc. This has been explained by Nabi
sallallahu alaihi wasallam in an authentic Hadith.
"I have not seen any one of deficient intellect and deen whois more
destructive to the intelligence of a cautious man than youwomen."
The women asked:"Why is that, O messenger of Allh?" Hereplied: "Do you
not spend a few nights without performing salh and without keeping
fast? This is the deficiency of her deen and the testimony of one of
you equals half the testimony of a single man - this is the deficiency
of her intellect. "... so that if one of the two womenerrs, the second
wouldremind her". (Al Baqarah, verse 281)
Questions that can be raised here are:
points (a) and (b) are not women's fault then. Then why did God make
them like that. For extremely atheistic or secular people this could
showa deficiency in God nauzubillah or it demonstrates that Godis
perhaps a masculinefigure or if not, then I mean I cannot reason with
why God would want to make women weaker like that. That shows an
inherent lackof equality then. And no matter how much one tries to
please oneself with the idea that oh how lucky you don't have to pray
for aweek or whatever...it still boils down to whycould not women be
made equally intelligent. And also orientalist scholars could say that
Prophet (saw) was chauvinistic. Why did he speak so patronizingly
(in"progressive" perspective) about women?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
Thank you for your question. It is certainly an important one.
I have not been able to find a satisfactory explanation for this
hadith. I pray that one ofour esteemed scholars will offer us a new
perspective on this hadith, especially since many non-Muslims like
tocite this hadith as evidence that Islam discriminates against women.
I would caution against interpreting this hadith at face value for the
simple reason that the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace,
was famous for his kind and equitable treatment of women. Therefore,
for him to make a blanket statement about women's supposed inferiority
requires someamount of interpretive flexibility on our part. For those
who would accuse us of being apologists for the hadith,I would respond
that every religious tradition has texts which appear to privilege men
over women. The challenge for believers in modern times is to discover
new interpretive possibilities for these texts.
What I find especially fascinating about this hadith is what emerges
when you read between the lines. Was the Prophet, Allah bless him and
give him peace, alluding to a certain group of women? Could this have
been a wake-up call for women who were slacking in their deen?
I don't believe that we can take one hadith and jump to the conclusion
that the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, was saying that
women are created inferior.
In fact, when you examine the overall framework governing gender
issues in both theQur'an and Hadith, the core idea that emerges isthat
males and females share the same essence.
The Qur'an says,
"O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your LordWho created you from a
single soul and from it created its mate and from them twain hath
spread abroad a multitude of men and women. Be careful of your duty
toward Allah in Whom ye claim (your rights) of one another, and toward
the wombs (that bare you). Lo! Allah hath been a watcher over you."
(An-Nisa, 4:1)
And
"And their Lord hath accepted of them, and answered them: "Never will
I suffer to be lost the work of any of you, be he male or female: Ye
aremembers, one of another..." (Aal Imran, 3:195)
However, the Qur'an clearly indicates that men and women are distinct
and unique:
"...and the male is not as the female..." (Aal Imran, 3:36)
When I read hadiths that seem to imply some intrinsic distinction
between men and women, I marvel at the Prophet's profound
understanding of humannature. Scientific research is discovering more
and more that women and men are really not the same. There are
inherent biological and emotionaldifferences which shouldbe accounted
for. In the field of medicine, for example, experts are discovering
the need for gender-specific medicinethat addresses women's unique
health concerns. As one scientist said, women are not little men!
Back to the issue of hadith, it's important to weigh "problematic"
hadith against others which speak more favorably of women. In many
hadith, including the above, which is rigorously authenticated,the
Prophet, peace be upon him, expressed deep concern for the women of
his community.
For example, the Prophet, peace be upon him, was reported to have said,
"Fear Allah regarding women. Verily you have married them with the
trust of Allah, and made their bodies lawful with the word of Allah.
You have got (rights) over them, and they have got (rights) over you
in respect of their food andclothing according to your means."
Last but not least,

The Sacred months

Allaah Almighty Says)what means(:"Indeed, the number of months with
Allaah is twelve)lunar( months in the register of Allaah )from( the
day He created the heavens and the earth; ofthese, four are sacred.
That is the correct religion )i.e. way(, so do not wrong yourselves
during them. And fight against the disbelievers collectively as they
fight against you collectively. And know that Allaah is with the
righteous )who fear Him("]Quran 9: 36[
It is with the wisdom of Allaah that He favored some months over
others, like favoring the month of Ramadan over all other months,
becauseit is the month of mercy, the month of Quran, the month of
forgiveness andfreeing of people from the Fire. It is a month which
people glorified during the pre-Islamic period as well, and after
Islam it became even more glorified.
Moreover, the month of Muharram )which means forbidden in Arabic( was
called that because the Arabs used to forbid fighting during it.
Safar)which means zero in Arabic( was given this name because the
Arabs used to loot all the property of the enemy after defeating them
in battle )i.e. they left nothing behind(. Rabee' Al-Awwal )which
means graze in Arabic( because they used to graze their cattle during
this month. Jumaadaa )which means solid in Arabic( was giventhis name
because water used to freeze during thismonth. Rajab )which means
remove in Arabic( was given this name because the Arabs used to remove
the heads of their spears and refrain from fighting. Sha'baan)which is
anything positioned between two things in Arabic( was given this name
because it comes between Ramadan and Rajab. Ramadan )which means heat
in Arabic( was giventhis name because of the hot temperature and
excessive heat of the sun during this month. Shawwaal )which means
raise in Arabic( was giventhis name because she camels would raise
their tails when they became pregnant. Thul-Qi'dah)which means sitting
in Arabic( was given this name because it was the month during which
theywould sit and stop fighting. Thul-Hijjah)which refers to Hajj in
Arabic( was given this name because it was the month during which
theyperformed Hajj.
In the abovementioned verse, Allaah informs us that since He created
the Heavens and earth, and created days and nights, and made the sun
and the moon, each float in an orbit, as a result of which the
darkness of nights and the light of days occur. It was from that time
that Allaah had set the months to be twelve, and He, Almighty,
informed us that He, Almighty, designated four of them to be sacred.
We must respect the sanctity of these sacred months, by adhering to
the commandments of Allaah, and rejecting that which the people of the
pre-Islamic period were upon, like delaying the restrictions of these
months or changing theirsequence. It is for this reason that the
Prophetsaid in his farewell pilgrimage:"O People! Time has gone back
to how it was at the time Allaah created the Heavens and the Earth. A
year has twelve months, four of which are sacred, three consecutive,
Thul-Qi'dah, Thul-Hijjah, Muharram, and Rajab, which comes between
Jumaadaa and Sha'baan."]Al-Bukhaari[
The words )which mean("…when He created the Heavens and earth…"]Quran
9: 36[ are to clarify that the decree of Allaah took place very early
on, and that He set the months, named them and sequenced them when He
created the Heavens and the earth, then He revealed this upon His
Prophets withinthe divined Books.
The verse is informing us that the ruling of these months will
remain)names, sequence and sacredness(, and the changes made by the
disbelievers to the sequence would have no effect. Moreover, whatever
the disbelievers had changedcould not change what Allaah had decreed.
This verse also indicates that it is compulsory to base acts of
worship and Islamic rulings on these months, and not the onesthe
Christians use. Therefore, it is not fit for a Muslim to prefer using
these Roman or Christian months over these Arabic)named( months.
They are: Thul-Qi'dah, Thul-Hijjah, Muharram, and Rajab which is
between Jumaadaa Al-Aakhirah and Sah'baan. It was also called Rajab of
Mudhar, because the tribe of Mudhar used to adhere to its sacredness,
while another tribe by the name of Rabee'ah Ibn Nizaar used to change
sacredness of Rajab to Ramadan. In order to lift this confusion the
Prophetsaid: "Rajab, which comes between Jumaadaa and Sah'baan".
Allaah Says in the same verse )which means(:"…that is the right
religion" meaning, this Sharee'ah )Islamic law( and obedience therein,
isthe right and straight path. Then Allaah continues Saying that)which
means(: "Do not wrong )oppress( yourselves therein"]Quran 9: 36[ which
is referring to all months ofthe year but the sacred months hold a
special position which makes oppressing oneself greater, just as
Allaah Says )what means(:"no sexual relation )with spouse(, no
sinning, nor unjust dispute"]Quran 9: 36[ and this certainly does not
indicate that one can sin other than the time of Hajj but it is to
reflect the greatness ofsinning during its rituals.
Do not wrong )oppress( yourselves by fighting and committing sins,
because when Allaah honors something for one reason, it becomes that
much honored, but when He honors for two or more reasons, then
sacredness becomes more, and punishment for disobedience is multiplied
accordingly. For example, one who obeys Allaah during the sacred
months in the sacred area will receive more reward than obeying Allaah
during other months, and the one who obeys Allaah during months other
than the sacred months outside the sacred area will receive less
reward than he who obeys Allaahinside the sacred area. Allaah gave an
indicationto this in His Saying)which means(:"O wives of the Prophet,
whoever of you should commit a clear immorality – for herthe
punishment will be doubled two fold, and ever is that for Allaah,
easy."]Quran 33:30[

Bad relationships with Mothers in-law -II

We must feel for the mother in-law:Some mothers in-law have an
unintended and uncontrollable feeling of rejection and
resentmenttowards their daughters in-law. This could be caused by one
of the following three reasons:
First:The eldest son is a source of compassion and love which mothers
benefit from, especially at old age; therefore, they would not have
good feelings towards those whom they think would deprive them
fromsuch a source.
Second:The mother, who has spent her entire life raising and caring
for herchildren, finds it difficult to accept that the daughter
in-law, who has never shouldered such responsibilities, is able to
properly care for her son.
Third:The mother in-law could have different values, principles or
evenideologies from the daughter in-law.
When would the mother in-law be the wronged one?
Some mothers in-law suffer from grief and depression due to
differences and disputes with their daughters in-law. The daughter
in-law may treat her badly, neglect her, and even keep the
grandchildren away fromher; this is compounded when the mother in-law
is a widow and her children mean everything to her. Most mothers are
pleased by something as minor as a kind word being said to them; this
is because theyrequire special care, as their lives are empty due to
the loneliness they feel, which makes them think that they have no use
in life. Therefore, it isespecially important that their children are
merciful and understanding towards them; they should make them feel
important and involve them in certain matters and decisions, in order
to make them feel that their opinion is important, and that they are
valued and needed.
How can a wife win the pleasure of her mother in-law?
· By using kind wordswhen talking to them: Allaah Says )what
means(:"Have you not considered how Allaah presents an
example,]making[ a good word like a good tree, whose root is firmly
fixed and its branches ]high[ in the sky? It produces fruit all the
time, by permission of its Lord. And Allaah presents examples forthe
people that perhaps they will be reminded."]Quran 14: 24-25[
· By obeying her and dealing with her as if sheis her own
daughter:`Aa'ishahreported thattheProphetsallallaahu'alayhi wa sallam
said:"Whenever forbearance is added to anything, it adorns it; and
whenever it is withdrawn from something, it leaves it
defective.'']Muslim[
· By gifting her:AbuHurayrahreported that the Messenger of
Allaahsaid:"Exchange gifts; you would thereby remove hatred towards
one another; andnever belittle any gift you give your neighbour, even
if it is)something as minor as( the hoof of a sheep."]At-Tirmithi[
· By treating her kindly, just as she would to her own mother:
She should have tolerance towards her mother in-law, especially during
the first months of the marriage, until she wins her pleasure and
therefore becomes one of those who are belovedto her mother in-law -
and this would make the entire family love her as well.
The wife should fear Allaah, lest she becomes acause for her husband
to be undutiful to his parents.
How can a mother win the pleasure of her daughter in-law?
Many mothers in-law treat their daughters in-law just as they treat
their own daughters, andare very supportive towards them and their new
life; this is because the daughter in-law is not only the wife of her
son, but is also the futuremother of her grandchildren, who are
usually dearer to the grandparents than their own children. On the
other hand, there are many cases where the new wife is regarded as the
personal property of the mother in-law, but why? In many traditions,
the wife is dealt with as the property of her husband, and since the
son is the property of his parents, then it follows that the ownership
of thewife is in the hands Of her in-laws, and this is a very
dangerous predicament.
The mother plays a very sensitive role in the life of her children; a
single incorrect move on her part could cause her children's lives to
turn into intolerable misery. On the other hand, an affectionate touch
from the mother could render her son's household into heaven. The
following are some things a motherin-law could do to win the pleasure
of her daughter in-law:
· Express joy upon seeing her: some mothersin-law show so much
happiness at seeing their daughters in-law that it causes the latter
to forgetabout all their problems.
· Treat her as her owndaughter: If she deals with her with a
motherly touch, the mother in-law would win the heart of her daughter
in-law. If her son were to ever wrong his wife, she would advise him
and encourage him to rectify all the problems that have occurred, as
well as to be kind to her. If the son is married to more than one
woman, his mother should treat themall similarly and love them
equally, exactly as she would treat her own daughters. If any dispute
takes place between her own daughter and her daughter in-law, she
should side with her daughter in-law and say to her daughter: "You
aremy own daughter, but she is a stranger who hasno one to support
her." This behaviour is exhibited by an ideal mother in-law, one who
fears Allaah and seeks to make her son's house a happy one, and who
seeks to strengthen the relationship between herand the daughter
in-law.
The man's personality is what governs the type of relation his mother
will have with his wife:The solution to the chronic problems between a
mother and her daughterin-law depends on the son's personality and how
wisely he deals withmatters, as well as how strong a personality he
has. The husband should make his wife understand that her respecting
his mother is an expression of her respect for him, and that her
having a good relationship with his mother will also reflect on her
relationship with him. The husband should always remember that the
right of the parents takes precedence over the right of the wife; as
Allaah Says )what means(:"And your Lord has decreed that you not
worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or
both of them reach oldage ]while[ with you, say not to them ]so much
as[:'uff' ]i.e., an expression of disapproval or irritation[ and do
not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the
wing of humility out of mercy and say: 'My Lord! Have mercy upon them
as they brought me up ]when I was[ small.' Your Lord is most knowing
of what is within yourselves. If you should be righteous ]in
intention[ – then indeed He is ever, to the often returning ]to Him[,
Forgiving."]Quran 17: 23-25[
AbuHurayrahreported that theProphetsallallaahu'alayhi wa sallam
said:"May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! -
He whose parents, one or both of them, attain old age during his
lifetime,but he does not enterParadise)by being dutiful to
them(."]Muslim[

Bad relationships with Mothers in-law -I

We often hear of problems that occur between women and their mothers
in-law. Thecommon conception among the masses is that the mother
in-law is an evil person. Regardless ofwhat she may do, or howkind she
may be to her daughter in-law, her description remains as such
-especially in the view of the daughter in-law.
Many daughters in-law have forgotten the fact that their mother in-law
was a mother before she became a mother in-law, and that the days will
pass, and eventually, theywill also become mothersin-law, perhaps to
suffer in the same regard.
There are many factors that contribute to the bitter relationship that
some women have with their mothers in-law; some of which, on the part
of the daughter in-law, are:
Lack of respect:Respect for others is a fine quality to possess; it is
never that it is practiced between people except that love and harmony
will engulf them. Islaam has commanded the young to show respect
towards their elders, and thus, respecting one's mother in-law is a
must; this is due to the fact that not only is she an elder, but also
because she was the reason for the daughter in-law's husband being
present in this world, as it was her that delivered him.
The daughter in-law must realise that she will eventually become a
mother, and if it is of a son, then he will eventually marry, and
shewill therefore become a mother in-law who would long for respect
from her daughter in-law. `Amribn Shu`aybnarrated on the authority of
his father that the Messenger of Allaahsaid:"He is not one of us who
shows no mercy to)our( younger ones, and does not acknowledge the
honour due to our elders."]At-Tirmithi & Abu Daawood[
Expressing enmity:There is another type of daughterin-law who deals
with her mother in-law, from day one, as if she is her worst enemy.
This could be due to the incorrect manner in which the daughter in-law
was brought up, or to the repeated warnings that her own mother gave
herregarding her future mother in-law before shegot married. Based on
this, the wife would exertall efforts to make her husband hate his
mother and brothers and sisters; she may even invent events that never
took place, or exaggerate in relating ones that did; she may
frequently make false accusations about her husband's mother and
brothers and sisters until she succeeds in forcing him to leave his
mother's house and live with her, alone. Such a life is a poisoned
one, and one which contains many problems.Haarithahibn Wahbreported:
"I heard the Messenger of Allaahsaying:"Shall I not inform you about
the inmates of Hell? They are every violent, disrespectful and proud
person.""]Al-Bukhaari & Muslim[
The husband returns from work to see his evil wife crying, so he asks
her why, but she only continues crying, so that she will attain the
best effect. The husband insists on knowing why, so the wife finally
answers, in a very disrespectful tone: "It is either me or your
motherin this house!" The husband wants to know what the problem is:
"What happened?" he asks, but she begins crying again; the husband
asks again: "Please explain to me what happened." Finally, the wife
says: "Your mother badmouthed me, and then your sisters gathered
around me and insulted me." Due to the husband being enslaved to his
wife, he is enraged, and without even bothering to ascertain if his
wife's statement is true, he goesoff in a storm, and screams at his
mother and sisters; he forgets therank of his mother, and that Allaah
parallels respect of her to Islaamic monotheism when He Says )what
means(:"And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and
to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old
age]while[ with you, say not to them ]so much as[: 'uff' ]i.e., an
expression of disapproval or irritation[ and do not repel them but
speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out
of mercy and say: 'My Lord! Have mercy upon them as they brought me up
]when I was[ small.'"]Quran 17: 23-24[ The Messenger of
Allaahsaid:"The pleasure of Allaah is in pleasing one's parents, and
His wrath is in displeasing them."
Severing ties:Some daughters in-law sever ties with their mothers
in-law and never visit, or even have anything to dowith them. Such
daughters in-law ruin their relationships with their mothers in-law.
Themother in-law is human, and would therefore wish that her daughter
in-law would treat her asa mother; she would not like being given the
cold shoulder; in some cases however, the daughter in-law is not evil,
but she may be unaware of someof the etiquettes of how to deal with
her mother in-law. The daughter in-law who severs ties with her mother
in-law causes her husband to abandon his mother and sever his ties
with her; thus, such a wife becomes the reason behind his
undutifulness towards his mother.
AbuHurayrahreported that the Messenger of Allaahsaid:"Allaah created
all )His( creation, and when He finished the task of His creation,
Ar-Rahm)i.e., ties with kinfolk( said: `)O Allaah(! At this place I
seek refugewith You from my ties being severed.' Allaah replied:
`Would you be content that I treat with kindness those who treat you
with kindness, and sever ties with those who sever your ties?' It
said: `I am satisfied.' So Allaah said: `Then this is
yours.`"]Al-Bukhaari & Muslim[ Imaam Al-Qurtubisaid: "This is to
inform us that Allaah has granted these ties a high rank: that of one
who took refuge in Him and was granted it; and one who is taken into
the protection of Allaah will certainly never be forsaken."
AbuHurayrahreported that theProphetsallallaahu'alayhi wa sallam
said:"May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! -
He whose parents, one or both of them, attain old age during his
lifetime,but he does not enterParadise)by being dutiful to
them(."]Muslim[
On the other hand, the causes of the bad relationship can be on the
part of the mother in-law herself, such as:
Being harsh with the daughter in-law:Some mothers in-law are very
harsh towards their daughters in-law, and also encourage their sons to
treat their wives badly.AbuHurayrahreported: "I
heardAbuAl-Qaasim)i.e., the Prophet(say:"The miserable one is the only
one whose heart is deprived from mercy."]At-Tirmithi[
Being jealous of the daughter in-law:Why do some mothers in-law love
theirsons while despising their daughters in-law? Psychiatrists say
that this results from jealousy. It isnatural for women to be jealous,
but added to thisis the fact that the mother feels that this daughter
in-law has shared her son with her and taken him away from her
control; therefore, a competition arises. This is especially so if the
mother's only provider and supporter isthis son, because his role
could have been that of the father in taking care of the affairs of
the household and being his mother's protector, so the mother would
feel that she has lost such an important son to her daughter in-law.
Some mothers become jealous seeing their sons happy and enjoying life
with their wives; if the daughter in-law were to ever complain to her
about any problem that might occur with the son,she would never
support her; rather, she would side with her son, even if he was the
one at fault; moreover, she would humiliate his wife and may even beat
her. Sometimes, the wife could be doing all she can in order to please
themother in-law; she may speak kindly to her, give her gifts, and
treat her with respect, but, the mother in-law would always be
striving to create problems, as she feels that she would otherwise
lose her son.

Dought and clear, - Relationship of Sin and Attitude to Aqeedah.

Does falling into sin indicate that there is something wrong with
one's 'aqeedah (belief system)?
Praise be to Allaah.
Good attitudes - which are those that are obedience in and of
themselves or lead to obedience - are part of Islam, in fact they are
Islam. Allaah praised His Prophet Muhammad(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) for being "on an exalted standard of character"
and Ibn 'Abbas interpretedkhuluq(translated here as "character") as
meaning Islam.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And verily, you (O Muhammad) are on an exalted (standard of) character"
[al-Qalam 68:4]
Ibn 'Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: You are on an
exalted standard of religion, which is Islam. Narrated by
al-Tabaraaniin hisTafseer(12/179).
The correct view is that character cannot be separated from religion.
Al-Fayroozabaadi said in his book Basaa'ir Dhawi'l-Tamyeez (2/568): It
should be noted that religion is all character. Whoever excels over
you in character will excel over you in religious commitment. End
quote.
Undoubtedly 'aqeedah (belief) has a strong connection to one's conduct
and character, negative or positive. That is clear from a number of
things, including the following:
1 - The Muslim who believes that Allaah can hear him and see him and
knows his secrets, and that belief is very strong in him, will be
affected by this and will not do anything that a person whose belief
in these matters is weak might do.
Among the evidence for this is the following:
(a)The verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"But if you do good and keep away from evil, verily, Allaah is Ever
Well-Acquainted with what you do"
[al-Nisa' 4:128]
(b)The verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to
Allaah, even though it beagainst yourselves, or your parents, or your
kin, be he rich or poor, Allaah is a Better Protector to both (than
you). So follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lestyou avoid justice;
and if you distort your witness or refuse to give it, verily, Allaah
is Ever Well-Acquainted with what you do"
[al-Nisa' 4:135]
(c)The verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Verily, Allaah commandsthat you should render back the trusts to
those, to whom they are due; and that when you judge between men,
youjudge with justice. Verily, how excellent is the teaching which He
(Allaah) gives you! Truly, Allaah is Ever All-Hearer, All-Seer"
[al-Nisa' 4:58]
2 - The Muslim who believes in the promises and warnings of Allaah
will be motivated by thatbelief to do that which isbeloved to Allaah,
and tokeep away from everything that is hated by Him.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah(peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The most perfect of the
believers in faith is the one who is best in attitude." Narrated by
al-Tirmidhi (1162) and he said: it is hasan saheeh. Also narrated by
Abu Dawood (4682).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
It is well known that the most beloved of His creation to Him are the
believers, and if the most perfect of them in faith are those who are
best in attitude, then themost beloved to him are those who are best
in attitude, andkhuluq(character, attitude) is religion as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):"And verily, you (O Muhammad) are on
an exalted (standard of) character" [al-Qalam 68:4]. Ibn 'Abbaas said:
On a high standard of religion. It was also interpreted thus by
Sufyaan ibn 'Uyaynah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and others, as we have
explained elsewhere.Al-Istiqaamah(p. 442).
Al-Mubaarakfoori (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: He said, "The
most perfect of the believers in faith is the one who is best in
attitude" because perfection of faith implies a good characterand good
treatment towards all people.
Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi(4/273).
3 - Strength of faith motivates one to do righteous deeds, and
prevents one from indulging in sin.
This is indicated by the following:
(a)It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet(peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No adulterer is a believer at
the time when he is committing adultery; no thief is a believer at the
time when he is stealing;no drinker of wine is a believer at the time
when he is drinking it." Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2334) and Muslim
(57).
(b)It was narrated from Abu Shurayh that the Prophet(peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "By Allaah he does not believe,
by Allaah he does not believe, by Allaah he does not believe." It was
said: Who, O Messenger of Allaah? He said: "The onefrom whose harm his
neighbour is not safe." Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5670).
(c)It was narrated from 'Abd-Allaah ibn 'Umar that the Messenger of
Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed by an Ansaari
man who was exhorting his brother to be modest. The Messenger of
Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Let him be,
for modesty is part of faith."Narrated by al-Bukhaari (24) and Muslim
(36).
Maalik ibn Dinar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Faith starts in
the heart weak and feeble like a plant. If its owner takes care of it
and nourishes it with beneficial knowledge and righteous deeds, and
keeps away from it weeds and things that will make it weak, then soon
it will grow and increase and will develop roots and branches, and
will bear fruit and provide shade endlessly, until it becomes like a
mountain. But if its owner neglects it and does not take care of it, a
goat will come and eatit, or a child will come and take it, and the
weeds will grow and overshadow it and destroy it. The same applies to
faith.
Khaythamah ibn 'Abd al-Rahmaan said: Faith grows strong in fertile
soil and grows weak in arid soil. Its fertile soil is righteous deeds
and its arid soil is sin and disobedience. Quoted byIbn Taymiyah
inal-Eemaan, p. 213.
4 - By the will and decree of Allaah, faith prevents many bad
attitudes and sins against which Islam issues stern warnings, such as
getting angry, rending one's garment, tearing out one's hair and
wailing. Faith also calls a person to acquire the best of attitudes,
such as patience, acceptance and seeking reward. It was narrated that
Suhayb al-Roomi (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger
of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "How
wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are
good. If something good happens to him, he givesthanks for it and that
is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with
patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but
the believer." Narrated by Muslim (2999).
InSunan Abi Dawood(4700) it says: 'Ubaadah ibn al-Saamit said to his
son: You will never taste the reality of faith until you understand
that whatever befalls you would never have missed you, and whatever
misses you would never have befallen you. I heard the Messenger of
Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: "The first
thing that Allaah created was the Pen, and he said to it: 'Write.'
It said: 'O Lord, what should I write?'
He said: 'Write the decrees of all things until the Hour begins.'"
O my son, I heard the Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) say: "Whoever dies believing in something other
than this does not belong to me." Classed as saheeh (authentic) by
al-Albaani.
5 - Islam urges us to do agreat deal of good deeds, confirming their
connection to belief in Allaah and the Last Day, and it forbids sins
and deeds that incur punishment by reminding us of belief inAllaah and
the Last Day.
This is indicated by the following:
(a)It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of
Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever
believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him honour his neighbour;
whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him honour his guest;
whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him speak good or
else remain silent." Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5672) and Muslim (47).
(b)It was narrated from 'Abd-Allah ibn 'Umar thatthe Prophet(peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "It is notpermissible for a
womanwho believes in Allaah and the Last Day to travel for a distance
of three nights, unless she has a mahram (close male relative whom she
can never marry) with her." Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1036)and Muslim
(1338).
(c)It was narrated that Umm Habeebah said: I heard the Messenger of
Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: "It is not
permissible for a womenwho believes in Allaah and the Last Day to
mourn for more than three days for anyone who dies, except for a
husband, four months and ten days." Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1221) and
Muslim (1486).
6 -The Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained in
his Sunnah (propheticteachings) that false belief, such as
hypocrisy,leads to bad attitudes and bad deeds.
It was narrated from AbuHurayrah that the Prophet(peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "The signs of the hypocrite are three:
when he speaks he lies, when he makes a promise he breaks it, and when
he isentrusted with something he betrays that trust." Narrated by
al-Bukhaari (33) and Muslim (59).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:Those
who go against the people of hadeeth (ahl al-sunnah-followers of the
Prophet) are those who are likely to have bad deeds, either because of
corrupt beliefs and hypocrisy, or because of a sickness in the heart
and weakness of faith. Among them arethose who neglect obligatory
duties, transgress the limits, take rights and duties lightly and are
hard hearted, as is clear to everyone. Most of their Shaykhs are
accused of major sins even if there are among them some who are known
for asceticism and worship. The asceticism and worship of some of the
common folk of Ahl al-Sunnah are better than what they do.
It is well known that knowledge is the basis of action, and sound
roots produce sound branches. A man does not do evil actions except
for two reasons, either need or ignorance. The one who is aware of the
abhorrence of a thing that he has no need of will not do it, unless
his whims and desires have overpowered his reason and led him to
commit sin, which is another matter altogether.Majmoo'
al-Fataawa(4/53).
We ask Allaah to set all our affairs straight and to guide us to the
best ofwords, deeds and attitudes.
And Allaah knows best.

Dought and clear, - She is confused about the answer to a questionconcerning women talking to men.

regarding gender relations, you said: [[[" Conversation – whether
verbally or in writing – between men and women is permissible inand of
itself, but it may be a way of falling into the traps of the Shaytaan.
Whoever knows that he is somewhat weak, and is afraid that he may fall
into the traps of the Shaytaan, has to refrain from such
conversations, in order to save himself. Whoever is sure that he will
be able to remain steadfast, then we thinkthat it is permissible in
his case, but there are certain conditions: "]]] And Alhamdulillah, I
understand up until this part, but I became a little confused at the
next part: [[[" 1. The conversation should notbe allowed to wander too
far from the topic being discussed; or it should be for the purposes
of calling others to Islam. "]]] So my question regarding this is: In
Sharee'ah, what can be considered a permissable topic to discuss in
the first place?For example, we know that Islaam is a permissable
topic, but what other things can we discuss, if anything?.
Praise be to Allaah.
This has been discussed in the answer to question no. 1497where it says:
Speaking with a woman to whom one is not related (i.e., not mahram)
should only be for a specific need, such as asking a question, buying
or selling, asking about the head of the household, and so on. Such
conversations should be brief, with nothing doubtful in either what is
said or how it is said.
The idea of limiting speech with women to the five instances mentioned
in the question – which are: to ask how her family is, for medical
purposes, forfinancial purposes (e.g. in a shop), to find out about
her personality for marriage suitability and to give her dawah
(Islamic knowledge) – needs to be approached with caution, because
they could be taken as examples instead of limits. One must also
adhere to the conditionsset out by the Sharee'ah even in instances
where such conversations are necessary, such as in da'wah, giving
fatwas, buying or selling, etc. And Allaah knows best.
In the answer to question no. 1121it says:
Women are not prevented from talking to non-mahram men when it is
necessary to do so, such as dealing directly with them whenbuying
things or conducting any other financial transaction, because in such
cases it is necessary for both parties to speak. A woman may also ask
a scholar about some legalIslamic matter, or a man may ask a woman
such questions, as is proven in various texts of the Qur'aan and
Sunnah. Within the guidelines described above, there isnothing wrong
with a woman speaking to a non-mahram man. It is also permissible for
men to greet women with salaam and vice versa, according to the most
correct opinion, but this greeting must be free of anything that may
provoke desire in the person in whose heart isa disease, so as to be
safe from fitnah and payattention to the regulations outlined above.
If there is fear of fitnah being provoked by this greeting, then the
woman should refrain from either initiating or returning the greeting,
because warding off fitnah by neglecting the greeting is warding off
mischief, and warding off mischief takes precedence over doing
something useful. (See al-Mufassal fi Ahkaam al-Mar'ah by 'Abd
al-Kareem Zaydaan, vol. 3/276). And Allaah knows best.
Thus it is known that we do not mean general talk for no need, or a
great deal of private talk. Rather it should be just as much as is
needed in order to reply.
Going into detail in permissible talk or in shar'i matters when there
is no need for that leads to removal of barriers between the two
parties, which may lead to negative consequences.
And Allaah knows best.

Dought and clear, - Ruling on upholding ties with one’s mother and siblings through breastfeeding.

I have a mother and siblings through breastfeeding (radaa'ah). Do I
have to uphold ties with them and visit them as I visit my mother and
siblings through blood ties? I used to visit them, then it was said to
me that I do not have to do that, and I am confused about that.
Praise be to Allaah.
The shar'i rulings concerning relationshipsthrough breastfeeding are
not the same as the rulings concerning relationships through blood
ties. Breastfeeding(radaa'ah) does not mean that one is obligedto
spend on those relatives, or that one is entitled to inherit from
them, or that one may be a guardian for the purpose of marriage –
unlike the case with ties of blood.
What they have in common is that people related in either way
areforbidden to marry, and may look at one anotherand be alone with
one another, and are regarded as mahrams for the purpose of travel.
This is the wisdom of sharee'ah, because Islamcannot give a mother who
breastfed a child five times the same rights as the mother who carried
him, gave birth to him, breastfed him and brought him up, and is the
reason for the child's existence. Canthe love, compassion and devotion
in the heart of the blood mother be likened to that in the heart of
the mother through breastfeeding?
There are verses of the Qur'aan which refer to that. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents.
His mother borehim in weakness and hardship upon weaknessand hardship,
and his weaning is in two years"
[Luqmaan 31:14]
And Allaah says, after commanding the child totreat his parents well
and forbidding him to do the slightest act of disobedience towards
them (interpretation of the meaning):
"and say: 'My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up
when I was young'"
[al-Isra' 17:24]
Hence some of the scholars said that a son through breastfeeding has
to respect and honour his mother and his parents through
breastfeeding, but he does not have to honourthem and uphold ties with
them in the same way as a son is obliged to honour his parents and
relatives by blood.
There are several da'eef (weak) ahaadeeth on this topic, which we will
mention here so that people may be aware of them.
1 – It was narrated that al-Tufayl (may Allaah be pleased with him)
said: I saw the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
sharing out some meat in al-Ji'raanah, when a woman came up to the
Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and he spread out
her cloak for her, and she sat down on it. I said, "Who is she?" They
said, "This is his mother who breastfed him."
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 5144; classed asda'eef by al-Albaani inDa'eef
Abi Dawood, 1102.
Ibn Hibbaan (10/44) included this hadeeth in a chapter which he
called, "Ways in which it is recommended for a person to honour the
one who breastfed him when he was small."
2 – It was narrated from 'Umar ibn al-Saa'ib that he heard that the
Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
wassitting when his father through breastfeeding came to him; he
spread part of his cloak for him and he sat on it. Then hismother
through breastfeeding came to him and he spread part of his cloak on
the other side and she sat on it. Then his brother through
breastfeeding came and the Messengerof Allaah(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) stood up for him and made him sit in front of him.
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 5145; classed asda'eef by al-Albaani
inal-Silsilah al-Da'eefah, 1120.
3 – It was narrated from Hajjaaj ibn Hajjaaj al-Aslami that his father
asked the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): "O
Messenger of Allaah, how can I repay the favour of breastfeeding?" He
said: "(By giving) a male or female slave."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1153; al-Nasaa'i, 3329; Abu Dawood, 2064.
Classed as da'eef by al-Albaani inDa'eef Abi Dawood, 445.
Al-Suyooti said inSharh al-Nasaa'i, 6/108.
What is meant by repaying the favour of breastfeeding is the duties
that are owed as a result of having been breastfed. It is as if he is
asking, How can I waive the duties I owe as a result of having been
breastfed so that I will have paid them off in full? They used to
regardit as something good to give a gift to the wet nurse once the
child hadbeen weaned, other the wages that had be agreed upon. End
quote.
4 – The biographers said that when the captive woman of Hawaazin
hadbeen gathered together,their spokesman Zuhayr ibn Sard came and
said: "O Messenger of Allaah, inside the enclosure are your mothers,
your maternal aunts and yournursemaids. Do us a favour (and free us),
may Allaah bless you."
These ahaadeeth speak of honouring and respecting, which are Islamic
manners that are encouraged with regardto all Muslims. This is the
reason why the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) set
them all free.
Al-Bidaayah wa'l-Nihaayah, 4/419
And Allaah knows best.