Islamic Marriage Articles, - Sex Roles in Muslim Families in the U.S.

The first half of this article is a highly scientific analysis of
gender and sex roles. In the second half, the article uses the
scientific discussion as a springboard to explain gender and sex roles
within the Muslim family.
ORIGIN OF THE FAMILY : BIOLOGICAL FACTOR
Unless sex education addresses "values, morality, deferment of
gratification, and goals, it is incomplete and potentially dangerous."
Donald Ian Macdonald.
An Approach to the Prevention of
Teenage Pregnancy,
Public Health Report,
July/August 1987
Sociologists give different definitions of the family institution to
which we shall refer later. However, and for the purpose of this
essay, we shall consider that the basic biological coupling of a male
and a female is an essential element to constitute a family, as
homosexuality does not exist in nature.
THE CELL
Biologically speaking, all living things are made of just two kinds of
cells: eukaryotes and prokaryotes. The first ones are those cells
which have nuclei and multiply by mating or marriage. The second, the
prokaryotes, are those which have no nuclei and accordingly are
unicellular, multiplying by division. Each cell has its hereditary
traits and carries its information in DNA (deoxyribonucleic acid). ".
. . two extremely long strands of it, wrapped around each other in a
double helix."' It is of fascinating interest to know that only the
eukaryotes are "capable of making up the bodies of the marvels of
creation-those with hearts, lungs, kidneys and brains.112 The
prokaryotes are parasitic by nature and are deadly enemies of the
eukaryotes who eat them up or destroy them with their enzymatic
secretions. Human organisms are no more than the sum of their cells
functioning together.
Sex, a word for the exchange of genetic material, requires two
organisms to come together and reproduce. Though there are some
organisms that can reproduce without sex, such as some bacteria, their
progeny are doomed to be identical to the parent without variation or
susceptibility to evolution. Evolution needs genetic variety which can
only be realized by means of ever new combinations of genes of
heterosexual cells-the eukaryotes.
Before exploring the functioning of cells as constituents of human
males and females, it is of great interest to know that cells
themselves are the product of atoms. Atoms follow an eternal strict
code of behavior as if they had some sort of consciousness that brings
them together in a highly organized manner. They form molecules in
extraordinarily geometric forms; molecules make "tissues that become
the organs that inexorably build the organism.. Every molecule has its
own distinct properties by virtue of the atoms that make it up and...
life has its properties by virtue of the molecule used in constructing
living organisms."113All living organisms, including bacteria, must
use nucleic acid organized into genes for reproduction. The genes are
the true carriers of all hereditary traits and properties of the
offspring.
Such established elementary knowledge reveals some basic facts of life
that concern us in this study. The first fact is that prokaryotes-the
unicellular organisms-are parasitic and destructive. They are not
capable of evolution and do not constitute any part of our functioning
organisms.
The second is that eukaryotes cannot continue to exist without
marriage as they multiply by means of coupling. Their union is the
basis of evolution to the better through a process of natural
selection. They are endowed with a gift to choose the fittest from
among themselves and thus genetically improve.
The third is that all molecules belong in their first origin to the
atom, which by virtue of its nature does not exist without union. The
components of the atom: the protons, the neutrons, and the electrons
are likewise bound to unite.
Thus, marriage is simply a law of existence, an inherent property
ingrained in our cells and constitution without which we cannot
continue to live or evolve. In each cellular marriage there must be
the male and the female, or the positive which gives in mating to the
negative which takes. In the world of the cell, which is our world,
everything goes on progressing in meticulous order. Order defines the
cell as the cell defines life- "Before there was life, there had to be
a system... there has to be order. . . it is life... Death is
disorder."
HUMAN BIOLOGY
Much has been discovered about the cell, its composition, its
functioning and its reproduction yet nobody has been able to guess how
the first cell came into being. The eukaryotes, as mentioned before,
are highly organized and highly specialized cells that build our body
and, in fact, bring us into life. Every cell is composed of several
layers above layers of molecules separated by membranes, and in its
middle there is the nucleus ringed by double membrane. The nucleus
holds the genes-the ultimate dictators of the cell-wound into the
coils of chromosomes.
Humans reproduce through the union of a male and a female cell,
exactly as any other offspring is reproduced. When fertilization
(union or mating) takes place, a new cell is formed and the sex,
together with the physical structure, including the brain, are
determined by the genes united in the new cell. Both males and females
have the same basis of a chromosome (X). But from the very beginning,
if this basis is coupled with one (X) chromosome or more, the
offspring is a female. If the basis is coupled with one chromosome (Y)
or more, it is a male.
Once the new cell is "born," it starts functioning on its own,
activated by its inherent power administered by the new set of genes,
and is called, in this early stage, a zygote. Soon after inception,
male embryos secrete a predominant hormone called androgen, while
female ones secrete estrogen, and later on the female hormones: the
progesterone and the prolactin. The growth of the embryo, whether male
or female, follows the same laws of growth: the reproduction of the
specialized cells continues building up our different organs, without
any deviation except for hormonal secretions. By the time the child is
born, he or she has already been influenced by the most active
hormones which affect the functioning of the brain.
The human brain is one of the greatest wonders of creation. In its
lower part, there is a small zone called the "limbic system," composed
of structures which are involved in both human emotion and motivation.
One of these structures, named amygdala, is among the major brain
parts responsible for our behavior, as it affects some endocrinal
secretions, especially those touching upon our sexual dispositions.
Moreover, "the cortex also feeds it (the limbic system) with condensed
indications of cortical activity, including categorized
representations of the state of the external world. It appraises and
evaluates the activities of (the upper brain -system)... and balances
current priorities with regard to short term and long-term needs of
the organism and the selection and evaluation of different integrative
activities."
It is well-established that the structure called "hypothalamus" of the
limbic system is prenatally formed and becomes indelibly 'sex-typed'
through the action of sex-hormones, thereby permanently pre-disposing
the animal to male or female physiological and behavioral responses.
In most animals this critical period of hormone action is thought to
occur prenatally and thereafter be immutable. "This irrevocable
hormonal sex- typing of the nervous system has the most far-reaching
implications for sex differences in human behavior."This means that
from the earliest days of conception the new fertilized cell or zygote
our brain starts its formation, disposition and mode of functioning.
When born, an infant carries within himself or herself its own
particular way of thinking, imagination, motivation and manner of
evaluation. Even among individuals of the same sex, there are genetic
inherent differences due to the differences in the rates of flow of
hormones into the brain. Chromosome (Y) is responsible for the male
hormones androgen, which are associated with what the psychologists
call the "aggressive" tendency, meaning that type of behavior which is
generally characterized by a direct and overt reaction, competitive
acumen, and long-term evaluation and perception. The term implies,
also some final and actual aggressive action which, unless well
disciplined, would cause destructive consequences. As a matter of
biological fact, such hormones in a male embryo rely on a hormone
called "gonadal" which accounts for the behavioral differences between
the two sexes and which is thought to influence the behavioral
decisions issued by the brain.
In the female, sex hormones are responsible for the menstrual flow
which is directly regulated by the key female hormones: estrogen and
progesterone. Less secretion of these hormones causes menstruation
usually accompanied by a state of discomfort, inhibition, and often
gloomy attitudes. It is believed that the hormonal input in this case
affects the functioning of the brain of the female, inhibiting or
reviving her emotional state. Biologists emphasize the fact that the
natural disposition in human is to a female system (X) unless broken
by the male chromosome (Y) causing production of the male hormone:
androgen.
Aggression - as previously defined - is the product of the testestrone
hormone, androgen, a hormone that exists in the supra-renal glands of
both sexes but, of course, in widely varied quantities. Aggression in
women is mostly due to an overdose of this hormone, unless the woman
is suffering from some societal trauma. A violently aggressive man is
like- wise greatly motivated by an extra dose of androgen. If such a
man is given estrogen, he would calm down in most cases and develop a
new more docile behavior. In transsexuality, the individual who
chooses to become a female undergoes surgical intervention and female
hormone therapy without which femininity cannot take its usual course.
Hormones, in such circumstances, are necessary to build up the breast,
to stimulate sexual desires, to eliminate profuse facial and body
hair, etc. Once the new female is given such hormonal treatment, her
limbic system functions accordingly: The maternal instinct becomes
greatly felt, the desire for talking more becomes more persistent, the
feminine emotionality supersedes rationality, and the lachrymatal
glands secrete more profuse tears during emotional stress. Nothing,
perhaps, can be more convincing of the biological dichotomy than
maternity. Weitz writes, "Animal evidence does support the concept of
the maternal instinct, in that female sex hormones such as estrogen,
progesterone and prolactin seem to be implicated in the ontogeny of
maternal behavior." The same author relates the experiment of the
monkey-mother who killed its newly born babies when given androgen and
the motherly monkey-father who cared for the babies after receiving
female hormones. Nowhere in the animal kingdom do fathers assume the
basic role of caring for the newly born offspring.
A female child is born with a maternal instinct: she distinctly feels
a strong interest in children and this explains why girls prefer to
play with dolls. It has been established that girls with an excess of
prenatal androgen "do seem to show less interest in infants than
normal girls," and obviously more than normal boys. The maternity
behavior is mainly characterized by tenderness, affective bonds,
self-preservation, protectiveness, and self-identification with the
child.
To conclude, one can safely say that, "Sexual behavior of an
individual, and thus gender role, are not neutral and without initial
direction at birth. Nevertheless, sexual predisposition is only a
potentiality setting limits to a pattern that is greatly modifiable by
ontogenetic experience."
In other words, the ontogeny (i.e. the biological development of the
individual organism) asserts that a female is born with a maternal
instinct carrying genetic predispositions different from those of a
male. It is of interest to note that there is differential treatment
of children by parents according to their sex. Mothers are more
inclined to tolerate boys and girls, while fathers are more tolerant
towards girls than towards boys. This phenomenon prevails among humans
and some primates and is quite conspicuous among monkeys.
SOCIALIZATION FACTORS
"Conspiracy theories of history, which seem to imply that men have
kept women down over the centuries through some collective act of
will, do not merit serious consideration." There is no doubt that our
physiological functioning is affected by our psychological and
societal conditions and that biology, psychology and society have
contributed to the present sex roles in their different grades and
limits. It is rather impossible to separate the biological factor from
the societal. Yet, one has to take into serious consideration that
there is a definite predisposition in each sex that takes place in the
embryo and the fetus. This prenatal conditioning cannot be due to any
societal agent, but most probably can be a major cause of societal
differential treatment of the sexes. When parents give a doll to their
daughter, they are aware of her instinctive motherly feeling and they
are responding to her instinctive desires. Instinctive urges can be
mollified, re-oriented and mitigated, but never nullified or totally
wiped out. To suppress such urges is to cause more harm than good to
the individual and to ignore them is to push the child in a wrong way
where he or she tries to fulfill the desires by any means, legitimate
or illegitimate, socially acceptable or unacceptable.
Socialization agents, namely: the parents, the school, the peers and
the social symbols of the sexes, are supposed to be, and in fact
should be, factors of disciplining the instinctive behavior. Our basic
sexual desires should be satisfied by marriage and not by adultery and
fornication. Our instinctive need for security should be met by
honorable work and lawful gain and not by theft and violence. Even our
innate instinct implanted in the eukaryotes for evolving to the better
must be encouraged through a proper education leading to a feeling of
self-esteem and elation. Failing this, the individual would resort to
unhealthy and even anti-social practices to feel the importance of his
ego he or she may develop the bad habits of lying, boasting, or even
killing. Any infringement upon instincts is a violation of a natural
law of life that conduces to masochism, narcissism, schizophrenia and
the rest of the psychotic ailments.
The family has a lasting effect on sex roles as most of the
individual's latent behavior is basically formulated in the first
seven or eight years of childhood. The major role of parents relates
to the child's identification where affective bonds, mechanism of
modeling and cognitive categorization should be carefully observed.
Here the question generally raised by the "libs" is whether parents
should or should not differentiate in their treatment between males
and females. Many of them believe that they should not heed the sex
and thus should treat both the boy and the girl as if they were of the
same sex. They allege that any differentiation at this early stage
leads to some category of inferiority complex in the girl and to a
bias in favor of the boy. There is enough evidence in everyday life
that supports such allegations. However, any fair mind can easily see
that it is not the differentiation, per se, that causes such
inhibition in the girl, if only because differentiation occurs in
families which have girls and no boys. Every individual child is
different from others and should accordingly be treated differently.
What hurts a child is the way parents associate differentiation with
sex. If a doll is given to a grid it is not because she is inferior to
a boy who was presented with a horse or a gun. Girls would only suffer
inhibition and inferiority if the parents treat them as inferior, or
if when differentiating between both of them, parents explain the act
in preferential language.
Another important factor in socialization is the school infants in
nurseries, children in kindergarten and boys and girls in higher age
brackets are treated differently in one way or another, in accordance
with their sex. In pictures for the very young, in all books and
prints, there is always a "he" and a "she." He is tough, daring,
exterior-oriented, and somehow aggressive, while she is kind, caring,
child-loving, interior oriented, and somehow self preservative. Then,
there are the great differentiation in students' activities: the boys
compete in physically rough and hard sports, participate in political
and social discussions, and are expected to excel girls in empirical
sciences. On the other hand, girls practice dancing and singing, fight
and non-violent sports, domestic arts, and are expected to excel boys
in artistic sciences.
Here again differentiation is undeniably conspicuous and while it is
in essence compatible with human biology, it is condemned by the
"libs." Their plea is always the same: such treatment leads to the
development of a feeling of inferiority in the female. It
indoctrinates the subconscious mind of the girl with a view to
convince her of the conspired falsehood, i.e., the superiority of the
male. The "libs" believe that keeping the "traditional roles" of sexes
in the school gives an edge to the boy over the girl: he is depicted
as the hero, the protector, the leader and even the mastery. This
seems to be an exaggeration which has its roots in feminine emotion.
In many cases, the slave-mind prevails over the "libs" and is
manifested in irrational and perverted behavior.
The staunchest proponent of liberalism cannot deny that the male is
created with more muscular strength, that biologically speaking, he is
more "aggressive '" that his mind is more outwardly inclined, and that
he is more free from physiological cyclical effects. The female is
created with other exceliencies anti-distinctions by virtue of her
constitution. Her motherhood instincts, her feminine tenderness and
her physiologically receptive aptitude for procreation. These clear
facts should induce us to accept, at least, such differentiation that
confirm anti correspond with the distinct natural characteristics of
each sex. It follows that there must be differentiation in all schools
to respond to these basic biological divergent requirements.
The so-called peer group effects and the symbolic agents of sex roles
are very akin to each other, especially among adults. Clubs of men and
women, the distinction in public behavior and the discriminatory
treatment of the sexes in many public and social functions do exist in
all present societies. One has to admit that some of this
differentiation is due to societal factors and/or obsolete inherited
tradition. But one cannot also deny that there are genuine irrefutable
reasons for differentiation in this field. Despite the equal
opportunities open to both sexes in education and public life, women
have been active in fields that do not require much "aggressiveness,"
and where there is a concurrence of biological effect and societal
functioning. In such activities there is no reason whatsoever for a
woman not to succeed and even excel any man.
SOCIALIZATION VERSUS BIOLOGY
There is evidence that socialization factors, when carried out
extensively at an early age, affect the biological functioning of the
child. That is how we notice the 'sissy' boy and the 'tomboyish' girl.
Also, oversecretion of female hormones in a male would produce the
same effect, despite any socialization effort to the contrary. In both
cases, the situation becomes unhealthy and the individual suffers from
some perversion and could develop trans-sexualism. The correct
attitude is obvious: we have to adapt our socialization processes in
such a manner that they correspond to our biological functioning. The
indelible male and female characteristics installed in our limbic
systems as a result of the prenatal hormonal secretions must be the
basis of our socialization process. There must be harmony between the
act of creation (natural state) and the willful human action. Failing
this, a grave imbalance takes place, shaking the personality of the
individual to its very roots. Thus, the "libs" claim for identical
treatment of males and females in every domain denies the biological
constitution of the human mind and body and nullifies masculinity and
femininity. Homosexuality, which at present is assuming some
prominence in industrialized Western societies, is the product of
lopsided thinking and is bound to fail. It is a revolt against the law
of creation and will not be allowed to prevail, whatever price
humanity may pay for it.
A female must be brought up in a manner that makes her feel proud of
her femininity and not ashamed of it. She must be treated with equity
but she must not be equated to the male. They are different and can
never be equals, as each of them has a domain predestined from his or
her conception.
STRUCTURE AND FUNCTION OF THE FAMILY
We have seen that there is no continuity of life without marriage-a
union between male and female -a nd that life is order. Death is
entropy or disorder. In Cadmure's words: "Life is mainly to reproduce
and to feel." The marriage of cells which constitute our body, brain,
and nerves is a highly organized "institution" administered by
sophisticated laws and geared by strict discipline. Humans are no more
than their cells, and the rule of order and discipline is the essence
of their existence. Any violation of this rule is a step towards
entropy or self-destruction.
As we live, we reproduce - we marry. Humans learn to live in
heterogeneous couples and reproduce within a certain orderly social
framework called the "family institution." The word "social" here is
not a mere fabrication by man. It is necessarily biological in the
sense that one human cell cannot alienate itself from other similar
cells. Whenever a group of cells (families) comes together, the
necessity for order and discipline becomes incumbent. Hence those who
believe that there should be-or even could be-a society of human cells
(families) without rules administering the relationships between its
individuals, are asking for the impossible, the anti-natural. Such a
chaotic grouping does not exist in nature.
Oparin, a Russian biologist, proved that if a collection of molecules
(he calls them coacervates) is given a chance to act, they have order.
He set a chemical reaction in the solution where these coacervates
were floating and found that they formed an inexplicable and
unpredicted order: heads outward and tails inward. There was a
mystifying difference between the rate of reaction outside and inside
the coacervates. According to Oparin, "This difference accounts for
the formation of the cell."
Sociologically speaking, a family is operationally defined as "...a
special kind of structure whose principals are related to one another
through blood ties and/or marital relationships, and whose relatedness
is of such a nature as to entail 'mutual expectations' that are
prescribed by religion, reinforced by law, and internalized by the
individual." This definition takes into account the general aspect of
any family and the Islamic point of view. Dr. Abd al-Ati, accordingly
specifies the purposes of marriage as:
-a means of emotional and sexual gratification,
-a mechanism of tension reduction,
-a means of legitimate procreation,
-social placement,
-an approach to inter-family alliance and group solidarity, and
-above all, an act of piety.
Both above definitions and purposes are quite elaborate and comprise
many views about the functions of the family. Nevertheless, there is
the intricate cause and effect relationship between the family and
society.
The culture of any society comprises many traditions installed in its
individuals' minds and which are passed on from one generation to
another. As man is conservative by instinct, he does not try to change
such traditions except under the great pressure of evolutionary
requirements. This perpetual struggle between the two instincts:
conservatism and evolution plays an important role in delimiting the
functions of the family institution in every society. Both instincts
are dynamic and must be kept in good balance for any sane society to
develop. Traditions constitute a part of the established ideology of a
people, whilst evolution is the active element that steers the present
status towards a future one, and as such, it formulates another part
of the ideology. Amidst this continuous process the family exists,
caught between the two parts. The family is there to conserve what is
best and most appropriate in tradition, and to adopt and practice what
is best and most appropriate in the new evolution.
To apply the above philosophy, functions, and definitions to the
Muslim family in the States, we come immediately to a host of
variegated and intertwined problems. Islam is integral and Muslims are
supposed to adopt it in its entirety."Believe ye in part of the
Scripture and disbelieve ye in part thereof? And what is the reward of
those who do so save ignominy in the life of this world, and on the
Day of Resurrection they will be consigned to the most grievous
doom."(2:85)
Accordingly, they are required to apply Islamic laws concerning all
matrimonial matters. Yet, being residents in a non-Muslim country
which does not follow the Islamic Shariah, they are bound to meet with
a complex of contradictory situations. Such complication is
exacerbated by the lack of consolidated Muslim communities and the
absence of any Islamic order that could help solve their problems.
To start with, there is the problem of the marriage contract. Muslims
who intend to live here for a protracted length of time or forever are
obliged to register their marriage in accordance with the laws of the
state in which they wed. Once this is done, the rights and obligations
of both spouses are defined by what these laws stipulate and not by
Islamic injunctions. This applies, in fact, to all subsequent familial
issues. The husband's financial obligation towards his wife and
household, the wife's duties towards her husband and household, and
the social code which should be observed by both-all these important
issues become subject to local American jurisprudence. In case of
divorce, it is again the state laws that adjudge the final separation
act irrespective of the Islamic injunctions.
Another important issue that affects the Muslim family in the States
is the economic status. In many cases, both spouses are obliged to
work and gain more income to make ends meet and to save something as a
security for the future. This economic aspect is very common to most
American families and is taken for granted by them, with its good and
bad effects. It does not constitute a major problem to them as it is
consistent with their material civilization and ideology. Westerners
have developed a certain philosophy of life in regard to the status of
women as a result of their past heritage and present industrialized
societies. It is common knowledge that Athenians treated women as a
commodity which could be bought and sold. The Romans considered women
to be the property of the father and/or the husband until the days of
Justinian (5th century) when some separate identity of women was
legally acknowledged. Judaism looks down upon women as a curse worse
than death and considers them essentially evil. The Christian views on
women varied from considering them to be living beings without souls
to humans without identity. The British law until 1801 allowed the
husband to sell his wife. The list of historical abuses of women in
the West is too long to be enumerated in this paper.
It is only very recently that non-Muslim societies agreed to give
women some independent status. Even today, the renowned liberal
American wife cannot buy property without the consent of her husband
nor is she allowed to stick to her maiden name without adding that of
her husbands. In Switzerland, she cannot enter into any contractual
transaction without her husband's written consent, and if she earns
any money from her work, he is legally entitled to half her income.
All over the West, the husband can deprive his wife of his legacy
after death.
No wonder, then, we hear women claiming "equality" with man and
justice in treatment. The present culture, predominantly influenced by
the economic or materialistic agent, gave justice, equality and
liberation a material implications pecuniary value. In their
industrial age where money is power, where rich is good and poor is
bad, where dog eat dog are accepted premises of individuals'
interrelations, and where moral values have been dumped into the
garbage bin, women are contending for economic independence as a basis
for their claim for equal human rights.
To achieve this end, they did not mind the commercialization of their
femininity, the loss of their chastity, the destruction of their
family and the perturbation of their emotions. This yearning for
liberation pushed the Western woman into deep waters. Her desire for
independence dragged her into competition and aggression, and her
pride alienated her from the affectionate society. In her solitude,
she accepted permissiveness and along with her struggle for survival,
she nurtured bitterness and rancor. In the midst of her secular
preoccupation, she suppressed her spiritual values and trod on her
motherly instincts.
The American concept of family and marriage has undergone radical
change in the last few decades. Originally, as Edward Westermack puts
it, "Marriage is rooted in the family and not the family in marriage."
The family in turn was the foundation of society. Hence, the
regulation of all family relations was considered a necessity called
for by two fundamental exigencies: wholesome human procreation and
preservation of society.
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to be continued..