Resisting a Grave Sin by Asif Iftikhar

Question: By God's grace, till this time I have resisted all the
temptations, but I am scared that I may succumb to them if they get
too great. What should I do to avoid temptation? My room-mate brings
drunk girls every weekend to the room. What should I do? I don't want
to tell him not to do that because it is his room too. The other day
he brought a drunk girl and they went to sleep.
I woke up for the Fajr prayer and saw her half hanging from my
room-mate's bunk bed. I pulled her down and carried her to my bed
which is on the ground and not bunked. She (being drunk and thinking
me to be my room-mate tried to do things with me). I left her on my
bed and went to sleep on the couch of the kitchen in the hall. Was I
in any way at fault?
Answer: The Prophet (sws) of Allah is reported to have said that on
the scorching Day of Judgment seven people shall be under a shade. One
of these will be a young man who had been tempted by a woman of beauty
and position and had said to her: I fear Allah. (Muslim: Kitab
al-Zakat)
I congratulate you from the depth of my heart on having achieved this
position. The question now is how to maintain it. Contrary to the
conception of Christians about morality, Islam wants us not only to
'rejoice in being persecuted for righteousness sake' when the occasion
so demands but also to try not to be persecuted. Your immense trial at
the moment is not only to refrain from succumbing to temptation but
also to avoid situations in which one may be tempted. This is a great
trial indeed. My heart goes out to you and my prayers are with you.
Trees and plants also serve our Lord. But He wants us to serve Him not
only with sincerity but also with wisdom. Careful planning is needed
to tackle your problem. The possible solutions can be divided into two
categories: short-term and long-term.
Short-term:
i. Try to avoid being in the room when something inappropriate is
going on. Try to get yourself busy in your work or in socializing.
ii. Try to find good company and have regular meetings with your good
and pious friends. Also, you might like to get in touch with your
local Islamic Centre and with the American Muslim Council. You can
write to them and explain your need for good friends. I am sure
they'll empathize.
iii. Also, you can promise yourself that when the temptation becomes
intense you will always get in touch with your close friends before
doing any thing to make your individual problem your collective
problem. If you have good and pious friends, I am sure they'll be able
to put their heads together to work out some solution.
iv. Keep praying to God and offering your salah. Also keep reading the
Qur'an regularly, especially the verses which remind us that
fornication is a great sin. Also, you might want to fast two or three
times a month on weekends or whenever you have the time. During
fasting, remind yourself that you are abstaining from food for His
sake, and after this manner pray to Him: 'Lord for you I have
abstained from this desire (for food). I could not have abstained
without the strength you gave me. My Lord I am your humble and frail
servant. Give me the strength to abstain from that desire as well, for
I fear your wrath and seek your mercy.'
v. One way of sublimating the urge to have sex with a woman is
masturbation. Although undesirable for many health reasons (both
physical and psychological), there is no Divine directive which
categorizes it as a sin.
vi. I know in that society people sometimes take offence on refusal.
At times, they can become quite vindictive. First of all, try not to
be alone with a girl, and try avoiding eye contact as much as
possible. If someone makes fun of this behaviour, explain gently and
solemnly that lowering your eyes is your way of showing respect to a
lady as recommended by your religion. If you find yourself alone with
a girl who invites you to sin, don't try to offend her by saying
anything bad. Instead, gently and firmly explain your reason and walk
away to a safer environment where there are other people.
Long-term:
i. First of all, without making a great fuss, you should try to have
your room changed. Ideally, a room with a like-minded fellow or,
perhaps, an independent room. Furthermore, you should try to get in
touch with your local Muslim organisation – you'll probably have one
in your college – and try to spend as much time as possible in the
company of pious and like-minded people.
Also, when darkness prevails, `the heart that has light sings of the
morn'. With wisdom and sagacity, and with courtesy and consideration,
keep calling others to your faith. In the fervour of that call, you'll
gain strength, for that fervour will not let the light in your own
heart fade away and shall make it brighter.
I know you realise that fornication is a grave sin. (See the Qur'an
3:24 and 17:32). Therefore, you must do everything possible to avoid
it. If nothing else works, then, in the longer-run, the most effective
thing in this regard would be marriage. Now, I know we are talking
about something very serious. But so is the Hereafter – a very, very
serious matter.
The most appropriate way, obviously, would be that you talk to your
parents frankly. You might even tell them that you have taken such and
such measures, but that you would not be able to hold on for very
long. You can tell them that you are grateful for whatever they have
done for you in life and for the excellent education they are giving
you, but you need their help most in securing your success in the life
Hereafter. You can tell them that your success in this regard will be
their success and your failure (God forbid) will be their failure, and
that there is nothing more important in life than that success.
If all this fails, that is if your parents do not listen, then I would
very frankly suggest you to defy them. In that case, you should get in
touch with one of these Muslim organisations in the U.S. (you'll
definitely have some organisation in your college as well) and marry a
girl with similar ideas and conviction.
Perhaps the organisation will help you in meeting a family that is
appreciative of your commitment to your religion and willing to
support you in your efforts and in your married life.
I know either step would be a big one for you. But, please remember
that life is a trial, and in the course of our life there comes a time
when it tests our commitment to our claim: 'I bear witness that there
is no god but God, and that Muhammad is His servant and His
Messenger'.
God has ordained that we be of service to our parents to the best of
our ability and treat them well. But when this service leads to
disobedience to God in matters as grave as fornication, we should
disobey them instead*. We should remain sincere to them, keep on
serving them and should continue to treat them well, but should remain
– first and foremost – servants of our Lord Allah. God be with you.
*. Although in this verse the sin under discussion is shirk
(associating someone with God) – the gravest of all sins –, yet by
analogy we can say that our attitude should be the same in other sins
of serious nature as fornication, adultery, murder, etc.