Entering the marital bond – III: The Waleemah)wedding feast(

The swank of Waleemah festivities today has become more of an attempt
to out-spendone another rather than a gathering to offer gratitude to
Allaah.
The following is a scenario of a Waleemah for a Muslim couple who
recently entered the martial bond. Read through this situation and see
if you can pick out anything that may not be acceptable from an
Islamic perspective.
Abdullaah and Maysoona are a very happy couple due to their marriage
and beginning a new life together. They are planning their Waleemah
and are excited about the event. They are having a lavish dinner with
all the trimmings at a fancy hotel, spending close to 20,000 US
dollars. Fifty sheep have been slaughtered and there will be rice,
fruits, sweets, gifts, etc. for all of the guests. 500 of their
relatives and friends will be in attendance, all of them from wealthy
families. A musical band will be performing and the men and women will
have ample opportunity to sing alone and dance on the dance floor
provided. It is such a joyous event… or, is it? This event does not
seem so unusual and, in fact, it has become a rather common occurrence
in Muslim communities worldwide.
Unfortunately, as we look at the matter, we realize that much of what
is taking place here is un-Islamic and displeasing to Allaah,
Almighty. With an ideal opportunity to thank Allaah and be grateful
for His blessings, Muslims instead are ignoring the guidelines set by
Allaah and incurring His wrath. The following are some important
points to consider regarding the Waleemah.
"Be not Excessive"
Allaah warns the believers many times in the Quran not to be
extravagant. He, Almighty, Says)what means(:"And ]they are[ those who,
when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly but are ever,
between that,]justly[ moderate."]Quran 25: 67[ He, Almighty, also Says
)what means(:"O children of Adam, takeyour adornment ]i.e., wear your
clothing[ at every mosque, and eat and drink, but be not excessive.
Indeed, He likes not those who commit excess."]Quran 7: 31[
There are many Prophetic narrations that also encourage moderation and
warn against extravagance. People may assume that such a joyful
occasion as a wedding would be an exception to this rule, but thisis
not the case. Islam applies to all areas of life and, therefore,
should be adhered to. Muslims are actually competing with each other
in the amount of spending and often, there is a significant amount of
waste. Young men areavoiding marriage because they cannot afford the
expenses involved in both the large dowries and the lavish wedding
parties. All of this is very unacceptable, especially since we know
the importance of marriage in Islam. We should all be heedful of this
aspect since weare all inclined to enjoy the fancy and elegant items
of this life.
Invite the poor:
Abu Hurayrahnarrated that the Prophetsaid:"The worst food is the food
of a wedding feast to which the rich are invitedand the poor are left
out. If anyone rejects an invitation, he has rebelled against Allaah
and His Messenger."]Muslim, Ibn Maajah and At-Tabaraani[
Ibn Mas'oodalso said: "If onlythe rich are invited and the poor are
left out, we have been ordered not to respond to such an invitation."
An attempt should be made to invite both wealthy and poor people, and
some of the food should be given to the poor as a way of thanking
Allaah, Almighty,for His blessings. This is something that is easily
forgotten, but is significant in its meaning and intention.
Stick tothe limits of Allaah:
The limits of Allaah are set and clear. In relation to the Waleemah,
it is completely unacceptable to have a party in which there is open
mixing of men and women, dancing and singing together or lack of
Hijaab,music etc. This leads to all types of evil and temptation and
is an imitation of the non-Muslims. It is permissible, however, to
have the women and young girls sing and beat ONLY upon the
Duff)tambourine( as part of the wedding feast. The Messenger of
Allaahsaid:"Proclaim the marriage, solemnize it in the mosque, and
beat the Duff upon its occasion )for women(."]At-Tirmithi and Ibn
Hibbaan[ 'Aa'ishahreported that a woman was given in marriage to a
man of the Ansaar )supporters of the Prophet(. The Prophetsaid:"O
'Aa'ishah, was there no entertainment? The Ansaar are )people who(
enjoy entertainment."]Al-Bukhaari[ In another narration, the text
indicates that the Prophetsaid to 'Aa'ishah:"Did you send a young girl
with the bride to beat upon the Duff and to sing?"'Aa'ishahreplied,
'What should she say in her song?' Hereplied:"Let her say, 'to you we
have come, to you we have come! So welcome us, as we welcome
you!'"]At-Tabaraani[
It should be mentioned that singing and playing upon the Duffis only
reserved for women and young girls and is not meant for the men. Ibn
Taymiyyahsaid regarding this matter: "The Prophetallowed certain forms
of amusement at the wedding festivity and similar occasions, just as
he permitted women to beat upon the Duff during wedding celebrations.
During the Prophet'sera, none of the men used to beat upon the Duff or
clap his hands. Rather, it has been authentically related that the
Prophetsaid:"Clapping is for women…"]Al-Bukhaari[ Hecursed"women who
resemble men and men who resemble women."]Ahmad[
It is also important to mention that it is forbidden to have music
accompanied with singing, since musical instruments are prohibited in
Islam.
A Waleemah should be a time of happiness and celebration, but it is
also important to remember that true happiness only comes through
submission and obedience to Allaah and His commandments. This is
particularly important for such anevent as a wedding feast, since it
is a social event and an event thatcelebrates the beginnings of a
family. The practices that are carried out at one time and place may
spread to other times and places and also from generation to
generation. Unfortunately, in our day and age, many of these customs
have deviated from the path of Islam. Muslims need to ignore personal
desires and in place, return to the honorable guidelines given in the
Quran andthe Sunnah. Sisters can take the lead in this with regard to
the Waleemah since they often possess strong influence in the decision
making and planning of it.
By taking hold of the steering wheel and veering towards Islamic
practices you are choosing the right road to travel; and it will not
only be a wonderful start of your new life as a wife and later on
)Allaah willing( as a mother, but you will also be benefiting the
Muslim nation as a whole by your example.
Your Waleemah is the celebrationof your new life and a new journey for
you and your spouse – take the time to map out your life course with
the direction of Islam and you will never have to stop and ask for
directions.