Riding the Waves of Life

"When the seas of life arerough, grab a surfboard and ride the waves."
That's something my old friend Samayya used to say. Actually she used
to say that she was "boogie boarding on the waves of life."
So what does it really mean to ride the waves of life? Does it mean
that the problems of life are irrelevant and we can just surf over
them and have fun?
Not at all. If you know Samayya, then you know that life has never
been easy for her. She was married to an abusive man, got divorced and
raised a child on her ownwhile working multiple jobs, and yet she
always found a way to move forward. She never stopped seeking truth
and growth. She struggled to provide for her children, not only
financially but Islamically as well. Nothing was everhanded to her.
She has had to work hard for every single step forward. So when she
says she's boogie boarding on the waves of life, you can be sure that
it's not the whimsical statement of some spoiled trust fund kid.
1. Don't panic: Everyone Experiences Hardship
To me, Samayya's statement is first of all an acknowledgement that
life is hard – sometimes extremely so. Allah says,
"And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a
loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the
patient, who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeedwe belong to
Allah , and indeed to Him we will return. Those are the ones upon whom
are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is thosewho are the
[rightly] guided." - Quran 2:155-157
The philosopher Philo of Alexandria said, "Be kind,for everyone you
meet is fighting a great battle." But we often don't see into the
depths of affliction that other people are experiencing. We pass
people on the street, or we see them in the masjid, and we don't
realize that one person has a parent dying of cancer; another is
caring for an aunt who suffers from dementia; another has a disabled
or mentally ill child; anotheris living in an abusive relationship and
cannot find a way out; another isfacing the loss of his home; another
has experienced divorce and is feeling the anguish of heartbreak and
loneliness. (These are all examples from people I know in my own
life).
We don't see these thingson the faces of strangers, and even the
people we work with often keep such things to themselves. Maybe they
don't want to burden us, or maybe they don't feel close enough to tell
us, ormaybe they don't want to be seen as complainers. So we sometimes
imagine that we are the only ones suffering.
When we know that every single person on this planet experiences pain
and loss, we will notpanic or despair when it happens to us. We will
recognize that such trials are a part of life, and we can survive and
come through the other side.
2. Trust in Allah's Plan for You
People often ask, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" The
problem is that we human beings have narrow vision. Compared to Allah,
we know nothing. A thing may seem bad, when in reality it is good for
our souls or our futures. If you can permit me a clichéd example, you
might miss an important flight and think that it's adisaster, then the
plane crashes and you realize your life was saved. In reality the
consequences will not always be so obvious. You might be engaged to
someone andso excited, then the engagement falls through and you are
heartbroken and asking, "Why did this happen?" And what you don't see
isthat maybe the person was unfaithful, or has a drug problem, or is
violent, and Allah has saved you from a life of misery.
As Allah says,
But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you
love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows,while you know
not. – Quran 2:216
So trust in Allah's plan foryou. This is why belief in Qadar (Divine
predestination) is one our pillars of imaan (faith). Because we
believe that Allah loves us, and is caring for us and guiding us, even
in times of misfortune.
3. Don't Think That You are Being Punished
In the same vein, so manypeople seem to think thathardships are a
punishment from Allah. They write to IslamicAnswers.com – another of
my websites – and they say, "Why is Allah angry with me? When will
Allah stop punishing me?"
SubhanAllah, the truth is just the opposite. Allah attaches no value
to the things of this world. That's why you see so many of the corrupt
and powerful living in material luxury. They are being given rope with
which to hang themselves. Material comforts are meaninglessto Allah.
If Allah wants good for you, He tests you. Allah causes us to suffer
in this life so that we can be purified, so we can grow and be ready
for Jannah.
Doesn't He say in the Quran:
Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and
they will not be tried? But We have certainly tried thosebefore them,
and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will
surely make evident the liars. – Quran 29:2-3
The waves of life run roughshod over everyone . If you read about the
lives of the Prophets, they all suffered in one way or another, some
to an extreme degree.
Our Noble Messenger Muhammad (pbuh) neverknew his father, then losthis
mother at a young age, then his grandfather. He had garbage dumped on
his back in Makkah, and stones thrown at him in Ta'if until his shoes
filled with blood. He lost his wife Khadijah (ra) because of the
hardship of the boycott against the Muslims. He lost his son. He
suffered .
Look at the lives of the Sahabah; many were tortured, and some were
tortured to death . Do youthink that Allah was punishing them? No, He
was martyring them! They were heroes!
4. Check Yourself
Even if your misfortune isa punishment, it's still a blessing because
it means that Allah has chosen to punish you in this dunya (earthly
life) for your sins, rather than subject you to the much worse
punishment of the aakhirah (hereafter). That is a kindness from Allah,
and He would not do it if He did not love you.
The other reason we are punished is so that we can learn and do
better. When we punish our children, it's not because we hate them,
but because we love them and we want them to learn and become better
human beings. Allah also loves us, and wants us to be purified, and to
fulfill our potential. That is a blessing from Allah.
So if you seem to be going through constant hardships, check
yourself.Be brutally honest as you assess your life. Ask yourself, "Am
I still on thestraight path, or have I wandered? Am I living my life
according to the Quran? Am I taking the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) as
my example? Am I sincere with people and myself?"
Recognize that if the misfortune you have experienced causes you to
analyze your life honestly and make positive changes, then there was a
purpose behind the pain. That toois a blessing.
5. Find Solace in the Simple Joys
We have established that no one is exempt from misfortune in this
life. The question is how to handle it. How do we deal with pain and
loss so that it does not overwhelm us? How do we continue to find
happiness in life?
To continue the waves metaphor, I was once knocked down by a largewave
when I was twelve years old. I lived in Tripoli, Libya at the time and
used to spend much of my free time at the beach. I was in water up to
my waist or so, when ahuge wave slammed into me and dragged me along
the bottom, under water, tumbling me over and over. I was panicked and
frightened and swallowed a lot of water.When I recovered, my skin was
scraped raw from the sand, and I knelton the beach, coughing up sea
water.
Other times I'd time the wave's entry and body surf on top. That was
so much fun.
Surfing atop the waves means that your troubles don't totally grind
you upand scrape your spirit raw like that wave did to me. Instead you
find solace in your relationship with Allah, and in the simple joys
of life. Sit down with your child on a cold evening and have a cup of
hot chocolate, and savor the rich taste. Pray Fajr then watch the sun
rise, and listen as the birds begin to wake and sing. Buy a camera and
take photographs of beautifulthings in nature, or anything that you
find appealing. Read the Quran, go for a hike, playfrisbee with your
friends.Devote some attention toyour hobbies, whether it be writing
poetry, knitting, running, or any other productive past time.
6. Be Grateful
Whatever blows hit you, you have been given the greatest gift and
blessingof all: Islam. It was not done because of any special merit
on your part. You are not more worthy of Islam than a poor herdsman
from Ethiopia, or a Japanese fisherman. It's only the grace of Allah.
Be grateful for your ability to see and hear, and for the food on your
table, and the roof over your head. You can't imagine living without
any of these things, but so many people do not have them! Focus on
what you have been given, rather than what you have been denied.
7. Keep a Sense of Wonder
Going back to my friend Samayya for a moment, I think one of the
reasons she has come through life's hardships so well is that she
continues to cultivate a sense of wonder. She is in awe of Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala. She goes outside with her children to gazeat the
full moon. She can be inspired by an ayah from Quran, and moved by a
poem. Her sense of wonder keeps her spirit young, and her innocence
alive. She knows how to laugh. I won't say that she doesn't struggle
with anger, bitterness and fear, but don't we all? The trick is to not
let those negative emotions consume us. Experience them, then let them
go, and return to the sense of awe and wonder that makes us tremble
before Allah.
Read my recent poem, Fillit With Al-Fatihah , which deals with this
process of finding joy amid pain.
8. Reach Out to Others
When you are suffering, reach out in two ways. First, go to someone
you can trust and tell him or her about your problems.There is value
in sharing your pain. You may not want to burden someoneelse, but a
true friend willbe there for you, and willbe happy to listen. There is
a proverb: Happiness shared is happiness doubled; sadness shared is
sadness halved.
Second, reach out to others who are in pain and comfort them. You may
think you have nothing to offer, but you'd be surprised what a little
bit of gentleness can do. A kind word and a pat on the shoulder cando
wonders, and in the process you will experience a human moment, a
connection, that will help you with your own problems as well.
9. Accept Change
It's been said that chaos brings growth and liberty; while order
brings habit and stagnation. From the most difficult periods of your
life will come change. Continuing the waves metaphor, ocean waves keep
the beach clean by carrying away dead matter and debris; and they
bring in fresh water and food for the tide pools. At the same time the
waves leave behind beautiful sea shells and driftwood for collectors.
Think about a beach and how popular it is. Would anyone go to a beach
if ithad no ocean, or no waves? People go there to experience the
motionof the waves rushing in and out. The sea shore is a place of
constant change and renewal, andthat is its beauty.
I mentioned that I once got knocked down by a wave, and that sometimes
I would surf atop the waves. Well, other times I would dive straight
into the large waves. By diving into the center of the wave, you
negate its power and youcome out on the other side unharmed.
Diving into the wave means that you accept the hardship that has come
into your life. You approach it with sabr (patience) and
determination, trusting Allah, knowing that He will bring you through.
You embrace the lesson that it brings, for every single hardship in
life – big or small -carries a lesson.
To use an example from my own life, I went through a divorce in 2008,
then I was engagedto be married in 2009 and that relationship failed
as well. I went through a period when I was deeply depressed and
confused. I could notunderstand why Allah had led me down such a
lonely path. But I persevered. I kept my faith in Allah, and I tried
to be a good father to mydaughter. I continued working, writing, and
practicing martial arts. I also looked deeply into my own actions, and
questioned my own sincerity. I concluded thatregardless of what
mistakes other people may have made, I bore a share of responsibility
formy misfortunes. In my marriage, I was not fully present. For
various reasons, I held back someof my love. In the relationship that
followed, I was not 100% patient and trusting. I allowed my
insecurities and fears to get the best of me at times.
Coming to these realizations allows me the opportunity to do better
next time. I have pledged to hold nothing back with my future wife,
Insha'Allah, whoever that may be; to release all the immense love that
I have; and to be patient and trusting atthe times when I am mostfull
of fear. I have also become a better father, abetter writer, and a
better martial artist.
My pain was not wasted because I learned from it.I dived into the wave
andcame out the other side, confident that I am a better human being,
and that I will do better next time, Insha'Allah.
10. Ponder True Victory
There are two kinds of true victory. Neither one includes material
wealth, which is fleeting and ultimately meaningless:
"Whatever you have will end, but what Allah has islasting. And We will
surely give those who were patient their reward according to the best
of what they used todo." - Quran 16:96
The first true victory is spiritual success. That is recognizing
Allah's guidance, following it, sticking to it, and being grateful for
it. It's a victory because it helps us to live lives of meaning and
purpose, and to be peaceful and patient.

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And Allah knows best./