The problem of lust )a dad-son dialogue( – I

According to the teachings Islam, the desires and lusts play a vital
part in the makeup of every human being; they cannot be ignored.
Humans, unlike the angels, have to face the challenge in this life of
mastering these forces within us. If we fail to do so, then we become
enslaved by our desires and thus fall below the level of the animal
kingdom.
The keys to a happy and fulfilled life are to be found in the guidance
contained in the Quran and in the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammadwhose
lifestyle embodieda perfect balance between permissible enjoyment and
abstention from what is forbidden.
In this article, we will talkabout the dangers of yielding to the
unrestrained cravings of the soul through highlighting the problemof
lust. Although man could be afflicted by lust at any age, young men
are more susceptible. That is because between adulthood and
childhoodis adolescence, where a person undergoes great physical and
psychological changes. During this stage, one's decisions and
experiences determine, to a great extent, the type of adult one will
become. So, if a person succeeded in curbing his desires during this
period, it would be easier for him to curb it for the rest of his
life.
Sometimes, our children who are on the thresholdof adolescence receive
scant attention from parents regarding this matter; so, we preferred
to tackle the issue of lust in the form of dad-son dialogue:
Son:Dad! You've told me alot about the advantages and bright aspects
of the period of entering manhood. Can you tell me about its problems
and difficulties?
Dad:This is a crucial question. You know that Satan is eager to tempt
and seduce human beings. Allaah Says in the Noble Quran )what
means(:"]Satan[ said,"Because You have put me in error, I will surely
sit in wait for them on Your straight path. ThenI will come to them
from before them and from behind them and on their right and on their
left, and You will not find most of them grateful ]to You[."
]Quran 7: 16-17[
Therefore, the fight between Satan and a young man reaches its climax
when the young man reaches the age of religious obligation.
Allaah made the way to His Paradise hard and difficult, and the way to
the Hell full of desires for a certain wisdom, namely, to test people.
In other words, the road to Hell is closer than that toParadise. The
Prophetis reported to have said:"Hellfire is surrounded by all kinds
of desires and passions, whileParadiseis surrounded by all kinds of
disliked undesirable things."]Al-Bukhaari[
Thus, desires and lust start to appear in this stage of someone's life
inorder to distinguish those who can resist the temptation from those
who cannot. If the ways toParadisewere furnished with flowers,
everybody would take it.
Son:Can you tell me more about these desires, Dad?
Dad:Well! They are so many, varying in strengthand scope. Allaah
Says)what means(:"Beautified for people is the love of that which they
desire – of women and sons,heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine
branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of
worldly life, but Allaah has with Him the best return."]Quran 3: 14[
As for their varying nature, they differ from one person to another
and from one environment to another. However, the influence of sexual
desire on youngpeople is the strongest and most dangerous, especially
in the present time. The Prophetwarned us against that when hesaid: "I
am not leaving behind a more harmful trial)cause of mischief(for men
than women."The Prophetalso said:"A person who gives surety to
)safeguard( what is between his jaws )tongue( and what is between his
two legs)private organs(, I guarantee his entrance into
Paradise."]Al-Bukhaari[
Abu Hurayrahnarrated that the Prophetwas asked about the things which
cause most people to enterParadise. Heanswered: "Being carefulabout
one's obligations to Allaah, and good behavior". Then, hewas asked:
"What are these things which would lead a person into Hellfire?"
Heanswered:"His mouth and genitals )i.e., misusing
them(."]Al-Bukhaari[
Son:You have come close to home when you spokeabout this desire. May I
ask more questions about it?
Dad:Go ahead, son.
Son:Some young people say that Allaah is All-Knowledgeable and
All-Wise, so they wonder if there is any apparent wisdom that a Muslim
can see behind afflicting people with such a strong desire?
Dad:You should know, myson, that a Muslim is not allowed to question
or object to the commandments of Allaah.He must submit to whatever
comes from his Lord and believe in it whether or not he knowsthe
wisdom behind it. However, if he knows thewisdom, his Faith will
become more firm.
One wisdom behind sexual desire is to sustainthe human race by meansof
reproduction. Therefore, the two sexes are attracted to each other in
order to achieve this end. Again, as mentioned earlier, one ofthe
greatest pieces of wisdom is affliction and trial. If the way of
obedience is hard, it will not be taken except by honest and pious
people who are characterized bypatience and fortitude, or else it will
be open to everybody.
Son:I think the first step a wise young man should take is to know the
temptations that may enkindle such a desire so that he may avoid them.
Am I correct, Dad?
Dad:Certainly. One should avoid the things that maystir up desires and lust.
To be followed…

The problem of lust )a dad-son dialogue( – II

Son:What are the most dangerous of such temptations?
Dad:On top of such temptations is looking boldly at a woman as an
object of sexual desire. This serves as a stimulus that may lead to an
unlawful response. Also, it is the first step towardsmajor sins.
Allaah warns us against such a forbidden look; He Almighty Says )what
means(:"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their
private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allaah is Acquainted
with what they do."]Quran 24: 30[
Because of its dangerous consequences, the Prophetwarned his
companions against looking at forbidden things. Hesaid:"Refrain from
sitting on the sidewalks of the streets."The companionssubmitted: 'O
Messenger of Allaah, we have no other alternative, there isno other
place where we can sit and discuss things.' Hesaid:"If that is so,
then observe your responsibilities due to the street."The
companionsasked as to what was due to the street? Hesaid:"lower your
gaze, clear thestreet off obstacles, reply to greetings, and enjoin
virtuous deeds and forbid evil ones."
Son:I can gather from thisthat a Muslim should be on his guard and
keep away from places where he would look at forbidden things. Is that
right?
Dad:Yes, my son, in the previous saying, the Prophetordered them not
only to avoid lookingat forbidden things, but also to avoid sitting on
the sidewalks. The Prophetsaid so although the streets of Madeenah
then were different from the streetsnowadays. Nowadays, the streets
are full of unveiled women, who tend to display their charm. The women
then were veiled and showed signs of modesty; and so they would stick
themselves to the walls while walking without a legal escort as
bashful as they were.
Son:Why is looking at a woman so dangerous?
Dad:This is because it is oftentimes followed by serious consequences.
When someone looks at awoman, he pictures her as an object of sexual
desire. And the image develops in his mind. Satan, then, beautifies
this image and brings it back in his mind with all sorts of desirable
animation. When this is repeated, it develops intoan obsession; and
one may be haunted by such an image in his prayers.
When someone is obsessed by a certain idea, there is always the
possibility that such an idea might materialize into tangible action.
The whole thing starts with an intention perceived, then the intention
develops into determination, followed by vicious scheming, which
eventually results in committing adultery. Ifthis were not the
outcome, thinking wouldlead to masturbation which is forbidden.
Son:Dad, I have an important question about masturbation, but Iwill
put it off until later. For now, I have another important question
about looking at women.What would you say to those young men who watch
actresses in moviesor view pictures of women in magazines or on the
Internet; and theirexcuse is that there is no harm in just doing that
since they are not looking at the real woman body but rather an image
of her?
Dad:This is the same as looking at women in person; there is no
difference, since both actions will lead to the same result.
Son:What if the whole matter is confined to a mere thought, I mean no
action is taken. Would you say something like 'it's the thought that
counts'?
Dad:One of the Attributes of Allaah is "The Merciful"; and so He
Almighty does not punishHis slaves except for the sins that they
actually commit. The Prophetisreported to have said: "Allaah forgives
my followers for evil deeds their ownselves may suggest to them as
long as they do not act upon them." But, thinking about women in a
persistent way may lead to the unlawful act of adultery. I would
advise you and every young man to engage yourselves in things that
will benefit you in this world and in the Hereafter. Be careful when
such thoughts cross your mind; try to stop them right away and replace
them with better thoughts.
Son:Dad, how can I put a curb on my desires?
Dad:The best thing to do is to maintain a strong Faith in Allaah. This
is the most effective weapon against desires. I am telling you this
because the Prophetis reported to have said that there would come a
time when Faith would become dear and rare to found. Mu'aathused to
call one of his friends and say to him: "Let's sit and spend some time
increasing our Faith!"
Son:Dad! What are some of the things that one does to increase his faith?
Dad:Faith increases with submission to Allaah. Good deeds, like
reading the Noble Quran and reflecting on its meanings, remembering
Allaah, and contemplating His creation, also increase faith.
Then you have to fear Allaah in the most appropriate manner,
andobserve your duties to Him wherever you are. That is because a true
believer should know that Allaah encompasses everything and that
nothing is hidden from Him. Not even an atom escapes His knowledge.
Allaah Says of Himself in the Noble Quran )what means(:"And with Him
are thekeys of the unseen; none knows them except Him. And He knows
what is on the land and in the sea. Not a leaf falls but that He knows
it. And no grain is there within the darknesses of the earth and no
moist or dry ]thing[ but that it is ]written[ in a clear
record."]Quran 6: 59[
Allaah Almighty also Says)what means(: "Allaah knows what every female
carries and what the wombs lose]prematurely[ or exceed. And everything
with Him is by due measure. ]He is[ Knower of the unseen and the
witnessed, the Grand, the Exalted."]Quran 13: 8-10[
Allaah knows whoever commits unlawful acts in broad daylight and
whoever commits them behind closed doors. If a believer is well-aware
of this fact, he will fear Allaah. Do you remember that Hadeeth in
which the Prophetnamed the types of believers that will be under the
Shade of the Throne of Allaah on the Day of Judgement? One of them is
a man who was seduced by a beautiful woman, but he said: "I fear
Allaah."
To be concluded…

The problem of lust )a dad-son dialogue( – III

Son:Dad,were there more things that help increase one's faith?
Dad:One has to remember that he will stand before Allaah on theDay of
Reckoning when all secretsare disclosed. Nothing will be hidden from
Him, and the mouths of the disbelievers will besealed and their limbs
will testify against them. Allaah Aays )what means(:"Until, when they
reach it, their hearing and their eyes and their skins will testify
againstthem of what they used to do."]Quran 41: 20[
Now, let me ask you if it is possible for a person todo wrong without
his limbs being present with him? Allaah answers this question in the
Noble Quran )what means(:"And you were not covering yourselves, lest
your hearing testify against you or your sight or your skins, but you
assumed that Allaah does not know much of what you do."]Quran 41: 22[
Son:Is there any thing else?
Dad:Yes, son, a believer has to remember what Allaah has in store on
the Day of Resurrection for those who obey His commandments and keep
away from what He has forbidden.
Son:You mean the maidens ofParadise?
Dad:Exactly! These are thechaste women of Paradise whom Allaah
describes in the Noble Quran )what means(:"Indeed, We have produced
the women of Paradise in a ]new[ creation, and made them virgins,
devoted ]to their husbands[ and of equal age, for the companions of
the right ]who are[."]Quran 56: 35-38[
The Prophetis reported to have described them saying:"The first group
)of people( who will enterParadisewill be)glittering( like a
full-moon. They will neither spit therein nor blow their noses nor
relieve nature. Their utensils therein will be ofgold and their combs
of gold and silver; in their censers the aloes wood will be used, and
their sweat will smell like musk. Everyone of them will have two
wives; the marrow of the bones of the wives' legs will be seen through
the flesh out of excessive beauty. They )i.e. the people ofParadise(
will neither have differences nor hatred amongst themselves; their
hearts will be as if one heart, and they will be glorifying Allaah in
the morning and in the afternoon."]Al-Bukhaari[
Son:What else, dad?
Dad:You have to turn to Allaah, following the example of the Prophet
Yoosuf )Joseph(whenthe woman whom he worked for tried to seduce him.
The Noble Quran gives an account of him, saying:"He said, "My Lord,
prison is more to my liking than that to which they invite me. And if
You do not avert from me their plan, I might incline toward them and
]thus[ be of theignorant'."]Quran 12: 33[
My son! Turn to your Lord, raise your hands with humbleness to Allaah
in supplication, and realize that Allaah will not turn away those who
ask Him.
Besides, you have to strengthen your will. You have to train yourself
to bridle uncontrollable desires; you must never surrender to them.
But you have to know that this requires a tremendous amount of
training, because you arestruggling against your vicious instincts,
which are amplified and supported by the accursed Satan.
Son:Is that all?
Dad:No, son, there remains an important issue that was always
highlighted by the Prophet.
Son:You mean marriage, don't you?
Dad:Of course, son, may Allaah grant you success in your life.
Marriage enables one to enjoy what Allaah has made lawful for him.
This will surely prevent him from indulging in forbidden pleasures. If
a person of your age cannot afford to get married, he has to observe
fast on those days which were favoured by the Prophetsuch as Mondays
and Thursdays, or whatever ismost convenient. Fasting,as you know,
infuses piety in the heart. Allaah Says )what means(:"O you who have
believed, decreed uponyou is fasting as it was decreed upon those
before you that you may become righteous."]Quran 2: 183[
Moreover, fasting strengthens the will and determination, and
qualifies you to defeat your vicious instincts.
Son:Dad, what about masturbation?
Dad:O my son, it is a filthy and blameworthy habit. Moreover, it is
forbidden according to the Noble Quran and the authentic Sunnah.
Allaah Says)what means(:"And those who guard their private parts.
Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for
indeed, they are not to be blamed."]Quran 70: 29-30[
These two verses indicatethat true believers shouldguard their private
parts from illegal sexual activity. There are two permissible outlets
for satisfying sexual desire. These are one's wife and one's slave.
Therefore, noway besides these two is permissible.
Also, practicing this blameworthy habit adversely affects the health
and leads to health problems. Moreover, masturbation is a main cause
of psychological disturbances, like depression and anxiety.
Ejaculation of sperms dueto masturbation is usuallyfollowed by fits of
remorse, which develops later into a sense of indifference. What is
worse is that one may practice this habit in a place where he cannot
remove his ritual impurity by taking a shower, causing him to either
miss the prayers intheir appointed time, or perform them in a state of
ritual impurity; and in either case, he will be sinful.
Son:So dad, how can one quit this filthy habit?
Dad:In order to quit this habit, one has to practisea few things.
First, one should strengthen his belief in Allaah. Second, one should
lower his gaze and avoid thinking about lust. Third, one should avoid
being alone. Fourth, one shouldkeep himself busy with beneficial
activities such as reading, useful sports and the like.

Dought n clear, - Does expiation have to be offered for having intercourse when making up a missed Ramadaan fast?

My husband had intercourse with me oneday when I was making up a
missed fast. Do I have to do anything?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Making up missed Ramadaan fasts is obligatory, and it is not
permissible to break such a fast except in caseof necessity. Once a
person starts to observe a fast to make up a fast he missed, he is
obliged to complete it, and it is not permissible for him to break it
except for a legitimate shar'i excuse.
It was narrated that Umm Haani' (may Allaah be pleased with her) said:
"O Messenger of Allaah, I broke my fast when I was fasting." He said
to her: "Were you making up a missed fast?" She said: "No." He said:
"Then it does not matter if it was a voluntary fast." Narratedby Abu
Dawood, no. 2456; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani. This indicates that
it would matter if she broke her fast when observing an obligatory
fast. What is meant by "it would matter" is that it would be a sin.
With regard to what happened in your case, the expiation of
intercourse is only required if what is broken is a fast in Ramadaan
itself. Based on this, you do not have to do anything except make that
day up again, as well as repent to Allaah and resolve not todo such a
thing again.
Ibn Rushd said: The majority are agreed thatno expiation is required
for deliberately breaking a fast observedto make up a missed Ramadaan
fast, because it does not come under the same category with regard to
sanctity of time, i.e., Ramadaan.
Bidaayah al-Mujtahid, 2/80.
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about a
woman who broke a fast she was observing to make up for a missed
Ramadaan fast, to make her guests feel comfortable. He replied: If she
was making up a missed obligatory fast, such as making up a day of
Ramadaan, then it is not permissible for anyone to break such a fast
except in cases of necessity. With regard tobreaking the fast because
of the arrival of guests, this is haraam and is not permitted, because
the basic principle in sharee'ah is that "Everyone who starts an
obligatory duty is required to complete it, unless he has a legitimate
shar'i excuse."But if he is making up a voluntary fast then he does
not have to complete it, because it is not obligatory.
Based on this, if a personis observing a naafil (supererogatory) fast
and something happens that means he has to break his fast, he may
doso. This is what was narrated from the Prophet(peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him), that he came to the Mother of the Believers
'Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) and said: "Do you have
anything (to eat)?" She said: "We have been given somehays(a kind of
meal)." He said: "Show it to me, for I started fasting this morning."
And he(peaceand blessings of Allaah be upon him) ate some of it. This
has to do with a naafil fast, not one which is obligatory.
Majmoo' al-Fataawa, 20.