Institution of marriage and social duties of Muslims

The foremost and fundamental institution of human society is the
family unit. A family is established by the coming together of a man
and a woman, and their contact brings into existence a new generation.
It then produces ties of kinship and community, which gradually
develop into a large society. The family is the institution through
which a generation prepares the succeeding generation for the service
of human civilization and for the discharge of its social obligations
with devotion, sincerity and enthusiasm.
This institution does not merely recruit cadets for the maintenance
and development of human culture but its guardians. They earnestly
desire thatthose who have to replace them in the future should be
better than themselves. In this respect the family can be truly
called the fountain-head of progress, development, prosperity and
strength of human civilization on Earth.
Hence, besides the social problems, Islam devotes much attention to
those relating to the family andstrives to establish this important
social unit on the healthiest and strongest foundations. According to
Islam, the correct form of relationship between a man and woman is
marriage, that is, the onein which full social responsibilities are
undertaken by them and which results in the emergence of a family.
Irresponsible behaviour are not condoned by Islam as innocent past
times or ordinary transgressions. Rather, they are acts that strike at
the very roots of human society.
Hence, Islam aims at purifying and purging the society of all
activitiesthat encourage such irresponsible action or provide
opportunities forthem. Regulations of Hijaab (an out fit women must
adhere to in Islam) , ban on free mixing of men and women,
restrictions on music and films and discouragement of the spread and
propagation of obscenities and aberrations, are all intended to guard
against this.
Their sole object is to protect and strengthen the institution of the
family. Islam does not merely regard the desirable form of social
contact as just permissible but holds andaffirms it as a good and
virtuous act. Indeed, it is seen as an act of worship. It does not
simply look upon celibacyof an adult person with disfavor, but calls
upon every young man and woman to take, in his turn, the social
responsibilities of married life just as his or her parents did in
their time.
Islam also strongly disapproves those rites, ceremonies or
restrictions that make marriage a difficult and tedious affair. The
intention of Islam is that marriage may become easy and fornication
(andadultery) the most difficult thing in society, and not vice versa
as it is in most of the societies today.
Hence, besides debarringa few specified relatives from entering into
matrimony with one another, it has legalized marital relations with
all other near and distant kith and kin. It has removed all
distinctions of caste and community and permitted matrimony of any
Muslimwith any other Muslim, although being equivalent in status is a
matter that is recognized when considering marriage. It has
enjoinedthat the amount of Mahr (dower) should be fixed at a low and
easy figure, the burden of which can be easily borne by the husband
and has dispensed with the necessity of clerics and offices of
compulsory registration.
In an Islamic society, marriage is such a plain and simple ceremony as
can be performed anywhere before two witnesses, and a Wali (woman's
guardian or one whom he authorizes), though it is essential that the
proceedings should know that the couple is now going to live a
matrimonial life.
Within the family itself, Islam has assigned to the man a position of
authority so that he may maintain order and discipline as the chief of
the household. Islam expects the wife to obey and look after the
comforts and well-being of her husband and expects the children to
behave accordingly with their parents. Islam doestnot favor a loose
and disjointed family system, which is devoid of any authority,
control and discipline and in which someone is not
pointedlyresponsible for the proper conduct and behaviour of its
members.
Discipline can only be maintained through a central authority and in
the view of Islam the position of father in the family is such that it
makes him the fittest person to take over this responsibility. But
this does not mean that the man has been made a tyrant and an
oppressor in the household and the woman has been handedover to him as
a helpless chattel. According to Islam, the real spirit of marital
life is love, understanding and mutual respect. If the woman has been
asked to obey the husband, the latter has been called upon to exercise
his privileges towards the welfare of the family andtreat his wife
with love, affection and sweetness.
Islam makes the marital bond strong but not unbreakable. It aims at
keeping the bond intact only so long as it is founded on sweetness of
love or for as long as at least the possibility of lasting
companionship exists. When this possibility of lasting companionship
exists. When this possibility diesout, it gives the man the right of
divorce and the woman the right of separation. Under
certainconditions, when married life has become a source of misery and
nuisance, it also gives theIslamic courts of justice the authority to
annul the marriage.

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Living in Kindness - III

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- The husband's right over his wife
The wise wife:
The wise wife is the one who helps her husband conquer his own
shortcomings by reminding him of Allaah The Almighty so that their
marital happiness lasts.The wives of the Companions used to tell their
husbands whenthey went out for work, "Fear Allaah The Almighty and
stay away from illicit gain."
• Mutual respect
It is a truly great blessing if mutual respect always prevails between
the spouses.
The wife should respect her husband, realize that he is in charge of
her, and must not try to change that fact. She should know that he is
the master of thefamily, its guardian, and the one in charge.
How great was the example of Umm Haani' . When the Prophet proposed to
her, she refused as she had children and was afraid that she might not
be able to fulfill her duties as a mother and a wife.
• Be an earth for him and he will be your sky:
Dear sister, read the advice that was given by Asmaa' bint Khaarijah,
the wife of 'Awf Ash-Shaybaani, to her daughter before her marriage.
This advice is comprehensive as it combines the basics of the marital
life and the morals that every girl should acquire before getting
married.
Asmaa' told her daughter,
"O daughter! If advice should not be offered to the well-mannered, I
would not advise you, but it is a reminder for the oblivious and anaid
to those who are sensible. O daughter! If any woman were to dispense
with having a husband, you would be the most worthy one of that, but
women were created for men and men were also created for women.
O daughter! You will leave the house where you grew up to live with a
man whom you do not know, so be an earth for him andhe will be your
sky. Be a resting place for him and he will be your pillar; be his
bondmaid and he will be your slave and apply the following ten tips so
that he would be a supportive husband:
• Be modest, contented and obedient.
• Be watchful of his nose and his eye so he will smell nothing fromyou
but that which is sweet and look at nothing but that which is
beautiful.
• Be careful of the timings of his sleep and food as being hungry or
sleepy makes him angry.
• Be careful with his money and take good care of your children.
• Do not disobey his orders or reveal his secrets as disobeying him
would arouse his anger and revealing his secrets would make him plot
against you.
• Avoid being happy when he is sad or being sad when he is happy.
• Respect him as much as you can so that he would honor you as much as he can.
• Agree with him as much as possible and he will accompany you
constantly and be sure that you will not attain what you aspire until
you have put his satisfaction before yours and his wishes before
yours, and Allaah The Almighty choose for you."
Every wise mother should advise her daughter in the same way and give
her the same valuable advice that includes all the rights of the
husband!
The rights of the husband over his wife
First: Obeying him according to what is reasonable
What is reasonable is what was approved by Sharee'ah (Islamic
legislation). The wife should obeyher husband in matters that Allaah
The Almighty does not forbid. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means):
• {And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them,
according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them
[in responsibility and authority]. And Allaah is exalted in Might and
Wise.} [Quran 2:228]
• {Men are in charge of women by[right of] what Allaah Has Given one
over the other and what theyspend [for maintenance] from their
wealth.} [Quran 4:34]
Disobeying the husband incurs the anger of Allaah The Almighty and His
curse. Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet said: "If a husband
calls his wife to his bed and she refuses causing him to sleep in
anger, the angels will curse her untill morning." [Al-Bukhaari and
Muslim]
Ibn Al-Jawzi said, "Any sensible wife should, when she finds a
suitable husband, endeavor to satisfy him and avoidanything that
annoys him. If she annoys him or does what he dislikes, he will be
bored and mayfind a good chance to leave her or prefer to be in anyone
else's company leaving her all alone. It is well-known that any person
can feel bored, so when a man is not that happy, it would be
moreprobable that he would feel bored."
Second: To stay at home and not go out without the husband's permission
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And abide in your houses and
do not display yourselves as [was] the display of the former times of
ignorance.} [Quran 33:33] This verse was for the wives of the Prophet
but it is considered guidance for the rest of the women of the Ummahto
follow their example.
Third: Preserving his honor and wealth
The Prophet said: "The wife is a caretaker at her husband's home and
she will be held responsible for what she is in charge of."
[Al-Bukhaari]
Fourth: Cooking and housekeeping
The proof that a wife is required to serve the husband is what
wasmentioned by Ibn Al-Qayyim in his book, Zaad Al-Ma'aad. He said,
"When 'Ali and Faatimah complained to the Prophet hedivided the
responsibilities between them. He assigned the housework to Faatimah
and the outdoor work to 'Ali ."
Fifth: Adornment for the husband
Jaabir said, "Once, we were with the Prophet coming back from one of
the battles. When we were about to enter Al-Madeenah, he said: 'Wait
so that you may enter at night so that the woman of unkempt hair may
comb her hair and the one whose husband has been absent may shave her
pubic hair." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Sixth: Respecting the husband's feelings
You should avoid any saying, deed, or act that may hurt your husband.
You should consider hissocial and financial status.
Seventh: Keeping the husband's secrets
This is one of the mutual rights for both the husband and wife.
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {So righteous women aredevoutly
obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allaah would have
them guard.} [Quran 4:34] Some scholars said that this verse means the
womenwho keep the secrets that shouldbe kept. The Prophet said: "The
most wicked of people on the Day of Judgment is a man who goes in unto
a woman (i.e. his wife) and she goes in unto him, and then he divulges
her secret." [Muslim]
A reminder
Dear sister, remember that the Prophet said: "I was shown Hell-fire
and the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It
was asked, 'Do they disbelieve in Allaah?' (or are they ungrateful to
Allaah?) He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are
ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to
them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and
then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I
have never received any good from you.'" [Al-Bukhaari]
Be tactful
Tactfulness simply means to say asuitable word and to react
intelligently. In other words, an articulate, tactful wife is one
whosays the proper words according to the situation and who has the
ability to win the situation.
Here is a famous incident where awoman acted tactfully:
Once, Khaalid ibn Yazeed ibn Mu'aawiyah, disputed with 'Abdullaah ibn
Az-Zubayr, the rivalof Banu Umayyah, and called him a 'miser'. His
wife, Ramlah Bint Az-Zubayr, the sister of 'Abdullaah ibn Az-Zubayr,
was sitting nearby, but she did not say a word. Khaalid asked her,
"Why do you not speak? Does thisindicate that you agree with what I
say or you disdain to reply?" She said, "Neither this northat, but
women were not created to interfere between men. Women are flowers who
can just be smelled and embraced." He admired her reply and was amazed
at her sensibility.
Dear sister,
Avoid characteristics that your husband hates and be keen on
respecting and revering him. In Ibn Al-Jawzi's interpretation of the
verse (what means): {But the men have a degree over them [in
responsibility and authority]}, he quoted Sa'eed ibn Al-Musayyib's
daughter who said, "We used to speak to our husbands inthe same manner
in which you speak to your princes."
Would you follow the example of the daughter of Sa'eed ibn Al-Musayyib ?
Ibn Al-Jawzi said, "A wife should be patient regarding the harm of her
husband just as a slave is patient with his master's harm."
Some of the Arabs said, "Do not marry any of these six types of women:
The oft-complaining, theoft-boasting about the favors shehas done, the
one who would wish to be married to another man, the one who desires
everything sees, the one who is fussy about her appearance, and the
one who is talkative."
'Abdullaah ibn Ja'far said to his daughter, "O daughter! Be wary of
jealousy as it is the key todivorce and avoid reproaching as it causes
hatred."
Three things can undermine a woman: love for money, selfishness, and
love for authority; whereas three matterscan elevate her: sacrificing,
loyalty and virtue.
Once, a man asked Al-Hasan "To whom would you marry your daughters?"
He said, "To the one who fears Allaah The Almighty; if he loves her,
he will honor her and if he hate her, he would not do her wrong."

Living in Kindness - II

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- • Helping the wife to preserve herchastity
This is an established right of the wife that was mentioned in the
Sunnah (tradition) of the Prophet . It was narrated on the authority
of 'Abdullaah ibn 'Amr ibn Al-'Aas that the Prophet said to him: "O
'Abdullah! Have I not been informed that you fast all the day and
stand in prayer all night?" I said, 'Yes, O Messenger of Allaah!' The
Prophet said: "Do not do that! Observefasting and break your fast;
standup for voluntary night prayer and sleep. Your body has a right
over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right
over you. Thus, give each its right." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
The Prophet said that the wife has a right over her husband.
Fulfilling this right is considered an act of worship for which the
man is rewarded. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Tharr
Al-Ghifaari that theProphet said: "…and in the sexual act of each of
you there is charity." They (the Companions) said, 'O Messenger of
Allaah, when one of us fulfils his sexual desire will he have some
reward for that?' He said: "Do you not think that were he to fulfill
it unlawfully he would bear a sin? Likewise, if he fulfills it
lawfully, he will have a reward." [Muslim]
• Keeping one's wife's secrets
This is one of the mutual rights for both the husband and wife.
It was narrated on the authority of Abu Sa'eed Al-Khudri that the
Prophet said: "The most wicked of people on the Day of Judgment is a
man who goes in to a woman (his wife) and she goes in to him, and then
he divulges her secret." [Muslim]
• Financial maintenance
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means):
• {Lodge them [in a section] of where you dwell out of your means and
do not harm them in order to oppress them. And if they should be
pregnant, then spend on them until they give birth.} [Quran 65:6]
• {Upon the father is the mothers'provision and their clothing
according to what is acceptable.} [Quran 2: 233]
These two verses deal with the financial maintenance of the woman
during her 'Iddah (waiting period), so maintenance is worthier for the
wife who is not divorced.
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {Men are in charge of women by
[right of] what Allaah Has Given one over the other and what they
spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.} [Quran 4:34]
Commenting on this verse, Imam Ibn Katheer said, "{And whatthey spend
[for maintenance] from their wealth.} refers to the dowry and the
financial maintenance that Allaah The Almighty ordained in the Quran
and the Sunnah of His Prophet ."
It was narrated by Abu Daawood that the Prophet was asked about the
rights of one's wife, and said: "Give her food when you eat, clothe
her when you clothe yourself, do not strike her on the face, and do
not desert her except in the bed." [Abu Daawood]
Here one remembers the Hadeeththat was narrated by Al-Bukhaari and
Muslim on the authority of 'Aa'ishah . She said, "Hind, the wife of
Abu Sufyaan, said, 'O Messenger of Allaah! Abu Sufyaan is a miser. Am
I allowed to take some of his money secretly?' The Prophet said to
her: "You and your child may take what is commonly [considered]
reasonably sufficient. "
It was narrated by Muslim that the Prophet said during the Farewell
Hajj: "Their provision(i.e. the wives') and clothing according to what
is commonly acceptable are their rights over you (i.e. the husbands)."
• Being patient with the wife's mistakes and disregarding them
Perfection is not one of the characteristics of humans, but, infact,
it is human to err. Thus, men are advised that they shoulddisregard
the minor faults of t wife. The Prophet said: "A believing man should
not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics,
he will be pleased with another." [Muslim]
Hence, a wise husband should not reproach his wife for every fault,
but he should look for excuses to justify what she did and advise her
as much as possible.
• Teaching her matters of the religion
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And enjoin prayer upon your
family [and people] and be steadfast therein. We ask you notfor
provision; We provide for you,and the [best] outcome is for [those of]
righteousness.} [Quran 20:132]
Commenting on this verse, Ibn Katheer said, "Save them from the
punishment of Allaah The Almighty by enjoining prayer upon them and be
patient."
It was narrated by Muslim that whenever the Prophet would get up for
Witr prayer, he used to say: "Get up, O 'Aa'ishah!"
Ibn 'Abbaas interpreted the verse in which Allaah The Almighty Says
(what means): {…protect yourselves and your families from a Fire}
[Quran 66:6] as to mean, "Obey Allaah, avoid sins and order your
families to remember Allaah The Almighty sothat He saves you from the
Fire."
The Prophet used to teach hiswives religious matters and approved of
one of his Companions who offered the memorized verses of the Quran as
dowry for the woman he wanted to marry.
• Treating wives equally and justly if the husband has more than one wife
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {Then marry those that please
you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you
will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand
possesses. That is more suitable that you may notincline [to
injustice].} [Quran 4:3]
'Abdullaah ibn 'Amr ibn Al-'Aas narrated that the Prophet said: "Just
people would be on pulpits of light to the right of The Most Merciful
- and both His Hands are right. Those are the ones who are just with
regard to their ruling, families, and whatever they are in charge of.
" [Al-Albaani: Al-Jaami' As-Sagheer]
It was narrated in At-Tabaqaat byIbn Sa'd that he said,
"During the illness of the Prophet he would be carried every dayand
night to stay with one of his wives. The Prophet would say: 'Where
will I be tomorrow?' One of his wives understood that he wanted to
know when was the day of 'Aa'ishah and she told his other wives about
that. Thus, the wives of the Prophet said, 'O Messenger of Allaah! We
permit you to stay at the house of 'Aa'ishah as it is hard foryou to
be carried every night." The Prophet asked them: "Do you all agree?"
His wives said, "Yes." He said: "Take me to 'Aa'ishah, then."
Remember the Hadeeth (narration) of the Prophet that says: "The
conditions that are most worthy of fulfillment are those by virtue of
which sexual relations are made lawful for you." [Al-Bukhaari and
Muslim]
The husband, as a role model, should respect his in-laws and honor
them, especially his parents-in-law; they should feel that he is a son
to them. He should also be dutiful to his family and parents. Allaah
The Almighty Says (what means): {Worship Allaah and associate nothing
with Him, and to parentsdo good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy,
the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your
side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess.} [Quran
4:36]
We must be careful not be one ofthose who are rough to their families
and gentle and agreeablewith strangers.

Living in Kindness - I

Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {O mankind, fear your Lord, Who
created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed
from both of themmany men and women. And fear Allaah, through whom you
ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allaah is ever, over you,
anObserver.} [Quran 4:1]
Islam encourages marriage and clarifies the wisdom behind it and its
rulings, benefits, and virtues. In this article, we will mention some
tips for men and women who are about to get married. These tips will
serve as reminders for those who already know them and enlightenment
for the ones who are ignorant of them.
The wife's rights over her husband:
Let us take a look at a bright image from the house of the Prophet :
Al-Aswad said, "I asked 'Aa'ishah 'What did the Prophet do at home?'
She said, 'He used to serve his family and when it was time for the
prayer, he would go out for prayer.'" [Al-Bukhaari]
• Happiness lies in the right choice:
Allaah The Almighty has made marriage one of the causes of happiness
in this life and has created in humans an instinct for marriage.
Marriage can be source of tranquility and happiness if harmony
prevails between the two spouses. Allaah The Almightyhas bestowed on
people the blessing of marriage. The Almighty Says (what means):
{Andof His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that
you may find tranquility in them; and He laced between you affection
and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.}
[Quran 30:21]
It was narrated on the authority of 'Abdullaah ibn 'Amr that the
Prophet said: "The worldly life is enjoyment and the best enjoyment of
life is a righteous wife."
• Marriage is the crown of virtue:
Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd said,
"Marriage is a legitimate relationship that is established bya
contract between a man and a woman with certain conditions and pillars
approved by the Sharee'ah (Islamic legislation). Because of its
importance, most jurists and scholars of Hadeeth (Prophetic narration)
gave it priority over Jihaad (struggle), since Jihaad can only
performed by men and marriage is the only way to beget children who
will grow up into men. Marriage has great value that is indispensable
for the stability and uprightness of life, thanks to its great
benefits and noble purposes…"
Allaah The Almighty highlights the greatness of marriage and refers to
it as 'the solemn covenant'. This means the covenant that is based on
the principle of keeping [one's wife and treating her] in a
[commonly]acceptable manner or releasing [her] with good treatment.
AllaahThe Almighty Says (what means): {But if you want to replace one
wife with another and you have given one of them a great amount [in
gifts], do not take [back] from it anything. Would you take it in
injustice and manifest sin? And how could you take it while you have
gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn
covenant?} [Quran 4:20, 21]
Muslim men should know that a wife is a trust for whom they willbe
held accountable on the Day ofJudgment. The Prophet said: "Be advised
to act kindly towardswomen." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
• Exchanging presents:
Exchanging presents especially between spouses is á means of
implanting love between them. The Prophet said: "Exchange presents so
that you would love one another." [Al-Albaani]
Wife's rights over her husband:
A quote from the book 'Fifty Counsels of the Prophet to Women' :
"Marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman for the sake of
bringingup a righteous generation who worship Allaah The Almighty and
develop and populate the earth. The bases of marriage in Islam are
love, affection and putting the other partner first. For a marriage to
last, Allaah The Almighty stipulated rights for thehusband and wife
that should be fulfilled."
First: Good treatment and living in kindness
The wife is a trust that is kept in the husband's house, so he should
treat her well and speak to her kindly. Allaah The AlmightySays (what
means): {...And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them --
perhaps you dislike a thing and Allaah makes therein much good.}
[Quran 4:19] The Prophet said: "A believingman is not to hate a
believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be
pleasedwith another." [Muslim]
Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet said: "Be advised to act kindly
to woman, for woman was created from a rib, and the most crooked part
of therib is its top. If you attempt to straighten it, you will break
it, and if you leave it, its crookedness will remain there. Sobe
advised (to be kind) regarding women." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
The Prophet said: "The best ofyou are the best of you to their wives
and I am the best of you tomy wives." [Al-Albaani]
Second: Protecting the wife, respecting her and feeling jealousfor her:
Protective jealousy for one's wife is instinctual. Sa'd ibn 'Ubaadah
said, "If I saw a man with mywife, I would strike him (behead him)
with the blade of my sword." The Prophet said: "You, people, are
astonished at Sa'd's jealousy. By Allaah, I am more jealous [for my
wives] than he is and Allaah is more Jealous [for His slaves] than I
am. It is because of this jealousy that Allaah has made both apparent
and concealed immorality unlawful." [Al-Bukhaari]
In his book 'Rawdhat Al-Muhibbeen', Imam ibn Al-Qayyim mentioned some
kinds of jealousy that are good and others that are dispraised.
Hesaid,
"There are different types of jealousy which can be explained as
religious zeal in the first and second case and as manly zeal in the
third case:
1. Jealousy of the slave when one of the prohibitions of Allaah The
Almighty are violated
2. Jealousy of the slave that his heart would rely on anyone otherthan
Allaah The Almighty or enjoycompany of someone more than he enjoys the
company of Allaah The Exalted.
3. Jealousy regarding one's womenfolk.
The abovementioned types are jealousy that Allaah The Almighty and His
Prophet like. Any other type of jealousy is one of the plots of a
devil or a trial from Allaah The Almighty, such as the wife's jealousy
when her husband gets remarried."

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Suggetions any time, below each Posts or Write to my Email -
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