Family Issues, - Guidance for the Muslim Wife - Complete book. (Part 1)

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SAYINGS OF RASULULLAH (SALLALLAHU ALAIHI WASALLAM)
Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam was extremely merciful upon the ummah. He said "You all are about to fall into the fire and I am holding your backs and preventing you from falling into it". Rasulullah's Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam favour upon the ummat was that he showed men and women the way to lead their lives. Here are a few Ahaadith advising women:
HADEETH 1. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said that the woman who performed her five daily prayers and kept the fast of Ramadan and protected herself from evil acts i.e. adultery and obeyed her husband, has a choice to enter heaven from whichever door she pleases.(HULYA)
HADEETH 2. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "A woman has two veils: the first is the husband and the second is the grave. The one that conceals more is the grave." (TABRANI)
HADEETH 3. Nabi Kareem Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "A religious widow is addressed as a martyr in the heavens" i.e. she is remembered with the honourable title of a martyr in heaven for any act she performs.
HADEETH 4. Ibn Abbas Radhiallahu anhu narrates that a woman came to Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and said: "I have come as a representative of all women. We want to present a petition to you. Jihaad is fardh (compulsory) on men and only they obtain the reward of martyrdom. We women are deprived of it although we take responsibility for all their domestic affairs". Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "Convey this message on my behalf to all the women that they can achieve the reward of jihaad by obeying their husbands, but very few women consider this to be a reward."
HADEETH 5.It is reported from Hazrat Ibn Umar Radhiallahu Anhu that Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said that when a woman leaves her home without her husband's consent then all the angels of the skies and the entire universe curse her for this act until she returns home. (TABRANI).
HADEETH 6.Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said that the fragrance of heaven will be forbidden for a woman who asks her husband for divorce without any valid reason. (TIRMIZI)
HADEETH 7. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said that if a woman died and her husband was pleased with her during her life, undoubtedly she has entered heaven.
HADEETH 8. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "O woman, your heaven and hell is your husband" (i.e. a woman will enter heaven if the husband is pleased, and hell if he is displeased with her). (TARGEEB)
HADEETH 9. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said that the best woman is the one that pleases her husband. When he looks at her, she pleases him. When he commands her, she obeys him. When he absents himself (goes away on a journey etc.) she protects his wealth and his honour. (BAIHAQI)
HADEETH 10. The Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said that Shaytaan (the devil) sits on his throne daily and dispatches his agents to work among human beings. One of the agents returns and says that I made a certain person commit a sin, another says I got so and so involved in this offence. Upon listening to all this Shaytaan says that you have done nothing great. Eventually one representative comes and says that I saw a husband and wife extremely devoted to each other. I sowed the seeds of enmity between them. On hearing this Shaytaan becomes happy and embracing his agent says that you have achieved something great. (MISHKAT)
The love between husband and wife is the biggest blow to Shaytaan. From this it is apparent how meritorious this love is.
HADEETH 11. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: The woman who applies perfume and passes by men is an adulteress. (TIRMIZI).
Today the woman who applies perfume and goes to the shopping centres, alleys and cinemas should ponder how grave a sin she is committing.
HADEETH 12. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: Once I saw a ghair mahram (strange) man and a young woman together in a place. Consequently I had a strong fear that Shaytaan will make use of this opportunity i.e. he will besmirch their character and destroy the honour of the woman.
HADEETH 13. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: Keep yourselves away from strange women. One companion asked: "O Rasul of Allah, tell me, can the husband's brother mix freely with his sister-in-law." Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam replied : "He is like death for a woman." (Bukhari and Muslim)
i.e. just as partaking of poison leads to death in this world, similarly the brother-in-law's mixing with a woman is poison for their character and a cause of destruction of the life of the hereafter.
HADEETH 14. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "It is haram for the women of my Ummah to take a bath in the public baths". (HAKIM)
i.e. women should keep away from places which are frequented by ghair mahram (strange) males. What purpose do they have in a place frequented by males?
HADEETH 15. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: Whichever woman applies scent should not join us for the Esha prayers. (ABU DAWOOD)
During the early Islamic era, women used to perform salaat behind Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam in congregation. On that occasion Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "Those women who apply perfume should not come to the musjid for salaat," because there is a fear of instilling desire in the hearts of men due to the sweet fragrance of the perfume and this will be a cause of corruption. If Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam prevented women who applied perfume from attending the musjid during his noble era, there will be a greater need for precaution in this age of corruption.
HADEETH 16.Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "The woman who boastfully parades in front of males after adorning herself is like the darkness of Qiyamat."
HADEETH 17. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "A woman whose 3 children die in infancy or before reaching the age of puberty and who bears the loss with patience, hoping for reward will most certainly enter heaven. (MISHKAT)
Therefore if we are confronted with such a calamity, we should have patience and forbearance. To wail and mourn is not the habit of a Muslim wife. It (the child) was the property of Allah which He took back. However, it is not sinful to shed tears.
HADEETH 18. Nabi Kareem Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "The best women of my ummah are those that are beautiful and whose dowry is less". (Dailami)
What wisdom is there in unnecessarily burdening the husband with an extravagant dowry especially if he cannot afford it? The success of the marriage is the mutual love of the partners which cannot be purchased by wealth.
HADEETH 19. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: Whoever consoled a woman that lost her child will be given the clothes of Paradise to wear. (MISHKAT)
i.e. when you go to offer your condolences to a woman who lost her child, do not join her in wailing and crying. On the contrary, speak to her in such a manner so as to induce patience in her. Allah has promised a person who does this the garments of Jannah.
HADEETH 20. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said that Allah Subhanahu Taala says "Sight is a poisonous arrow of the devil. Whosoever, whether male or female protects himself or herself from evil glances will be granted a sweet Iman (faith) which will please his/her heart." (TABRANI)
The disease of glancing at men without regarding it as sinful is common among women. This can occur even though they (the woman) may be fully concealed. The arrow of Shaytaan works discreetly.
HADEETH 21. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "The worst person on the day of Qiyamah will be the one who reveals the private life of his wife to others." (Muslim)
Similarly some women have the habit of revealing their private matters to their friends. This is a major sin which should be abstained from.
HADEETH 22. Nabi Kareem Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "When a husband calls his wife at night to have relations with her and she refuses without a valid Shari reason, she is cursed throughout the night by the angels." (BUKHARI)
HADEETH 23. Nabi Kareem Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: There are 3 persons whose salaah is not accepted nor does any good act of theirs reach the sky. Firstly, a runaway slave until he returns to his master. Secondly, a woman whose husband is displeased with her and thirdly an intoxicated person as long as he does not repent from using intoxicants. (BAIHAQI)
Imagine how serious it is to displease the husband that the wife's salaah is not accepted nor any other good deed of hers.
HADEETH 24. Hadhrat Aisha Radhiallahu Anha says that Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam was sitting amongst the Muhajireen and Ansaar when a camel came and prostrated before him. Upon this the Sahaaba Radhiallahu Anhum said "O Prophet of Allah, if the animals and trees prostrate to you, then we have more rights to prostrate to you." On hearing this Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said "Worship your Sustainer and honour me. Had I given the command to anyone to prostrate, I would have commanded the wife to prostrate to her husband. The husband's right is so great that if he commands her to carry a stone from the yellow mountain to the black mountain and then from the black mountain to the white one, she has to fulfil this duty."
HADEETH 25. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said "No woman should ask her husband to divorce his second wife in order to achieve her rights because she will only receive what has been preordained for her." (BUKHARI and MUSLIM)
For example, a person who is married intends to marry a second woman. This woman tells him to divorce the first wife before she will marry him , or there are two women in one person's nikah and one says that she will only live with the husband on condition that he divorces the other. This has been prohibited by Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam because each one has her own destiny and should be thankful for that.
HADEETH 26. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "The rights of the husband on the wife are so great that if pus flows on the husband's body and the woman licks it clean, then too his rights will not be fully fulfilled." (TARGHEEB)
HADEETH 27. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "The world is a commodity and its best commodity is a pious woman who assists her husband in matters concerning the hereafter." (RAZEEN)
By being patient and enduring a life of poverty, women can grant their husbands more spare time for religious duties. However this is not prevalent today. If the husband intends to do religious work, the wife presents a whole list of requirements to him which forces him to become engrossed in secular matters.
HADEETH 28. Whenever a strange man and woman meet in seclusion Shaytaan definitely is the third one by joining them. (TIRMIZI) i.e. Shaytaan arouses their passions and incites them to commit evil.
HADEETH 29. Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: Make purdah (i.e. conceal yourselves) from a blind man. Ummul Mumineen Hadhrat Aisha Radhhiallahu Anha said "O Prophet of Allah, he is blind. How can he see us?" Rasulullah Sallallahu Wasallam replied: "He may be blind, but you are not blind". (AHMAD,TIRMIZI)
Some women do not make purdah from blind people because of their inability to see. From this hadeeth we can deduce that just as it is forbidden for a man to look at a woman, similarly it is forbidden for a woman to gaze at a strange man.
HADEETH 30.Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "A woman should be kept concealed. When she emerges from the home without necessity, Shaytaan makes her appealing in the sight of men." (TIRMIZI)
Evil persons are attracted to her and begin following her or mention her in the gathering of men. This implies that she should leave the house only out of dire necessity. Today it has become a fashion to adorn the burqa and to embroider the trousers so as to attract men. The burqa was originally made for the purpose of purdah, but we have made it an object of adornment.
HADEETH 31. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "The most blessed nikah is the one with the least expenses." (BAIHAQI- IN SHUABUL IMAN)
Today, many of the destitute destroy the youth of their daughters because of not being able to uphold petty customs. They do not possess anything to give nor do they want to have the nikah without an extravagant dowry in fear of being criticized by the other family members. In order to make our nikahs more blessed we should abandon these futile customs and on such occasions take a lesson from the simple nikah of Hadhrat Fatima al- Zahra Radhiallahu Anha whose dowry was one water-bag and one bed.
HADEETH 32. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "O women, after sitting in a gathering of women do not go home and explicitly describe any woman to your husbands." (MUSLIM)
This may incline your husband towards her and his affection for you may diminish. What noble advice has been given to us by our Rasul Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam.
HADEETH 33. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "May Allah curse those women who imitate men in appearance and those men who imitate women." (MISHKAT)
Women should not appear like men in their attire and physical appearance.
HADEETH 34. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said : "When heaven and hell were shown to me I saw that the majority of the inmates of hell were women." (MISHKAT)
The reason for this is that women are ungrateful and disobedient to their husbands. Although they will be leading a comfortable life but as soon as there is a minor problem, they will, on the slightest pretext show ingratitude.
HADEETH 35. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "Shall I inform you which woman will enter heaven?" The Sahaba replied: "Yes most certainly". Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said "The woman who has children, is lovable, when she becomes angry the husband consoles her and when the husband becomes angry she says that as long as you do not become pleased with me, I will not even apply surmah (antimony) to my eyes." (TABRANI)
HADEETH 36. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "It is not permissible for any woman to fast optionally without her husband's permission, and it is not permissible for her to allow anyone into his house without his consent." (BUKHARI)
HADEETH 37. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "When any woman troubles her husband, the celestial bride (hur) of heaven calls out "Woe to you. Do not trouble him. He is temporarily with you. He is going to leave you and be our guest. Why do you trouble our beloved?" (IBN MAJAH)
HADEETH 38. The Messenger of Allah said that women are married for their lineage, wealth, beauty and piety. You should marry one who is pious (BUKHARI).
HADEETH 39. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "It is extremely abominable for a woman's shoulder to touch a man. It is better to touch a pig that is all messed up than for a woman to touch the body of a strange man." (TABRANI)
HADEETH 40. Nabi Kareem Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said "A woman cannot fulfill the rights of Allah without fulfilling the rights of her husband. Even if a woman is busy at the stove and the husband calls her, in that busy period also she must leave all her work and answer his request." (TABRANI)
If Muslim wives mould their lives in the light of the above-mentioned 40 ahaadeeth, every Muslim house can become a model of Jannat. All kinds of quarrels will cease and the misfortune of divorce will not prevail. Children brought up in such an environment will be an example of piety, discipline, love and sympathy. May Allah make every Muslim house practice upon this.
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