Moving Beyond Blame

I wrote the piece above over ten years ago. It has taken me almost
these entire ten years to learn to forgive myself. I still sometimes
see someone on the street who looks like Joe, and I have a moment of
excitement, then I remember that he is gone. But I don't blame myself
anymore. I made a mistake, but I'm not responsible for Joe putting a
needle in his arm. With everything he had to live for, he had no
excuse. If having a family, friends and freedom wasn't enough of a joy
for him, then it's unlikely that anything I said would havemade a
difference.
I don't want to blame Joe either. He lost the battle against his
internal demons, and that's enoughfor me to say. I still love him. I
guess I've gotten beyond blame, to a place of understanding or
acceptance. I'm able to think of Joe with gratitude,and with no
bitterness or regret to color it. I originally titled this piece,
"Trying to Remember the Good Times", but if I had written it today I
might callit, "Remembering a Kind Soul."
That's the miracle and glory of the human heart. That is one of the
countlessblessings of Allah. He gives us hearts that heal, and spirits
that forgive, and Time, our dear friend, who carries away all wounds
in the gentle sweep of its current.
"Allah said: 'Sons of Adam inveigh against [the vicissitudes of]
Time,but I am Time, in My hand is the night and theday.'" (hadith
qudsi, agreed upon)
If Allah is Time, and Allah isAr-Rahman ir-Raheem (TheMerciful and
Mercy-Giving), then time is a mercy and ablessing. The passage of
time is a balm and a cure.
I try to do better now in reaching out to anyone I care about who
might be in pain. I try to express something about the deen to the
non-Muslims in my life. I don't preach, but I share my enthusiasm for
Islam in small ways, and I offer a perspective that includes Allah.
If I could go back, what would I do differently? I have come to
realize that the question serves no purpose. The Polk Street festival
is a memory, a day in history, an image on a fading photo. Agonizing
over it does not help.
A better question is, what will I do differently today? What will I do
differently tomorrow, when the California sun comes up blazing, and
the world is new again, and I am blessed beyond belief with another
opportunity to redeem my soul, and to love my family and friends,and
to prostrate to Allah, and to change the world?