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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

This is Who I Am

I can only come as I am to you, Allah
You're not the only thing inmy heart
But can't I still give it, full of everything as it is, back to you?
You're not the only thing on my mind
But can't I still ask you to help me with my random, sinful thoughts?
I'm not perfect, and You even said You wouldn't want this
You want those who can be forgiven
And I need forgiveness Yousee, because
I sometimes am fine with having more than just You in my life
I sometimes am fine with thinking things I shouldn't
I sometimes am fine with skipping a prayer or two
I sometimes am fine with eating a haraam burger
I sometimes am fine with saying a bad word
This is who I am Allah, a girl who is sometimes fine with sin in my life
But I don't forget You, everywhere I look I see You
And I'm just tired of being told to be someone else, just to come to You
I am who I am Allah, and while I am making my bad choices
I am also hating that people are being hurt
Whether it's by me or someone else
I am hating that people aremistreating one another
Whether in the name of Islam or any other cause
Allah I am who I am, and I am someone who loves goodness
I love fairness and compassion
My favorite thing is to see people come into a blessing of any kind
And find their heart's desire, to see them really find You
So this is who I am Allah, I am a contradiction
I am a lover of Your attributes even while I am rejecting them in my own life
By means of my own actions
I am messed up and hurt and scared, all while hopeful and trusting and strong
I cry that things don't go my way, and I cry at the story of Muhammad (saws)
I argue for the fun of it, yetsometimes Your words take the fight
right out of me
You are ultimate and real and deep and pricelessly complex
And I am whimsical, moody, emotional, nafsy and greedy
And all I want is to be able to come to You and be who I really am
While You make me who I was always meant to be.

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