Marital Life, - Push Your Husband Towards Success

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It is said that behind every great man there is a great woman. Have you ever thought of being that great woman who makes a great man of her husband? Many women wish to do so, but only a few of them endeavor to fulfill that precious wish in a practical way. In the following lines, we shall try to help you and your husband on to the way of success. We shall offer you the secrets of success and tell you what you are expected to do to make these possible and easy for your husband. The relevant source is a book written by Mr. ‘Aadil Fat’hi ‘Abdullaah about how the wife can push her husband towards success.
- Always remind your husband to have a righteous intention in every deed. Do not drive him into doing something that is beyond his capacity. If you do so, he might resort to unlawful or doubtful means to fulfill your requests. Let your constant advice to your husband be that of the righteous woman who said to her husband, "Fear Allaah in treating us, and do not feed us except lawfully earned sustenance, for we can endure hunger in life, but we cannot endure Hell in the Hereafter."
- Be realistic in setting your goals. If you find your husband setting imaginary goals, draw him gently back to reality. Follow the gradual approach in setting and achieving goals. A great goal can be divided into smaller ones, and whenever a minor goal is achieved, help your husband with the following one, and so on. Do not be hasty in achieving these goals, and do not hesitate to give up some of the things that you want for yourself for the sake of your family’s welfare.
- As long as the goals are set, there should be sound and disciplined planning to achieve them. The success of this rests on complete knowledge of the nature of work. Thereby, you should provide your husband with the suitable environment to help him achieve the task of planning for work with peace of mind. Help him to count all that he needs to achieve the task that he is working on, and help him set a five-year plan to achieve something important for the family every five years.
- AllaahThe Almighty orders us to do our work well and with perfection in all conditions and under all circumstances. Also, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Indeed, Allaah loves that when any one of you does something, he does it perfectly.”Hence, help your husband and encourage him to attain perfection.
- Help your husband to have self-confidence by praising his good qualities, reminding him of his successful achievements either during or before your marriage and by discovering his talents. Many people are quite unaware of their talents, and know them by virtue of others. As you are the closest person to him, you can help him discover his negative qualities and try to discuss and treat them. Do not forget to offer your advice in a beautiful and gentle manner.
- Always remember that life is made up of time, and that good utilization of time is one of the tasks that lead to success. To have well-managed time, you should prepare visits to your relatives and friends far in advance, and do not use such visits as a chance to waste time. Internal family problems, like the children's simple troubles, should be settled without wasting your husband's time. You can relieve him of some burdens by buying the household needs, so that you can save him time to resume his work or to rest. You may utilize the time wasted in chatting on the phone and watching television in helping your husband as much as you can.
- Any success in life is devoid of blessing unless it is associated with good deeds. We are not talking here about the obligations that Allaah The Almighty enjoins upon us, for the necessity to observe them is obvious. We mean the voluntary acts of worship, charity and acts of kindness done by Muslims as they seek to be close to Allaah The Almighty. Psychologists, even those who are Western, acknowledge the great effects of doing good deeds on the souls, pushing them towards success. Good deeds give peace of mind and great happiness. Therefore, you should kindly push your husband towards doing all sorts of good deeds.
- Many people work in many different fields and do many things which end up being worthless. Their time is wasted because of one simple reason, they never complete a task. There are many tasks which are either completed or left incomplete. Hence, help your husband to adopt an attitude of perseverance to achieve his tasks by not insisting that he fulfills your demands that are beyond his capacity. Such insistence might cause him to move to another kind of work without achieving anything in his previous one thus, losing success in both.
- Life is never free of difficulties and obstacles. However, the sound mind that proceeds on the way of success is always driven by high aspirations to overcome the obstacles and deal patiently with misfortunes. Allaah The Almighty addresses the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, Saying )what means(:}O you who covers himself ]with a garment[, Arise and warn, And your Lord glorify, And your clothing purify, And uncleanliness avoid, and do not confer favor to acquire more.{]Quran 74:1-7[
It is a divine call to wake up and struggle to construct life. To make your husband highly motivated, you should be highly motivated yourself.
- You should know that man needs nothing more in his life than patience. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship.”
Thus, patience is the way to achieve the pursued goal. To be patient is not only to endure adversities, but also to make no complaints except to Allaah The Almighty. With this sort of patience, one should neither be restless nor discontented. Patience should always be joined with being content with the divine decree and confidence in what is with Allaah The Almighty. This is always better and more lasting.
Futile Success
- In conclusion, you should be certain of the fact that not all successful people are happy. There are successful people whom we believe to be very happy, when in reality they are miserable and wish to get rid of all of their success, in exchange of a moment’s happiness. Success that is achieved at the expense of one's physical, psychological and moral health is indeed destructive. Failure is better than this kind of success. Therefore, be careful not to push your husband to succeed in something that will cost him more than failure does.
Life is a balance between many things, and any disturbance in this balance will lead to troubles, failure and loss. This balance can never be illustrated better than by the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, who said:“Your Lord has a right on you, and your family has a right on you, and your self has a right on you; so give each his due right.”

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Marital Life, - Negligence of AdornmentAfter Marriage and Its Effects

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At the beginning of marital life, the wife cares about adorning herself for her husband. However, as time passes, she might think that there is no formality between them so she ignores this. Painfully, her negligence of adornment is limited to her husband, as the wife does care about it when she visits her female friends or relatives.
The wife is not required to spend most of her day in front of the mirror to adorn herself for her husband. Adornment basically lies in observing cleanliness with simple touches that every woman knows. That the wife adorns herself for her husband is one of the rights he has upon her, and it is also binding upon her. In aHadeeth, the Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"Let me inform you about the best thing a man hoards: it is a righteous woman who pleases him when he looks at her, maintains her chastity and guards his interests when he is away from her, and obeys him when he gives her a command."
In the past, Umaamah bint Al-Haarith, may Allaah have mercy upon her, gave some well-known advice to her daughter before her wedding, saying,"Be careful of what your husband smells and sees. He should not see anything ugly on you or smell anything except a fine fragrance from you. Kohl is the best makeup available and water is the most pleasant of the rare perfumes."Adorning oneself for her husband does not mean exhausting him financially through buying a lot of new means of beautification.
Love of adornment is innate
Though love of adornment is part of the woman's innate disposition, and Allaah The Almighty confirms this in the Quran, Saying )what means(:}So is one brought up in ornaments and unable to give a clear account in a dispute]attributed to Allaah[?{]Quran 43:18[ a woman's care about adornment is often affected by her age. In the stage after the marriage contract, the girl cares about being the best and most beautiful in the eyes of her groom, but the importance of this care decreases after the )consummation of( marriage and bearing many responsibilities.
Three years after his marriage, a youth says, "This is not the beautiful girl whom I married." The wife replies by listing the daily work that she has to do and explains that she finds herself extremely tired and exhausted by the end of the day and has no time for adorning herself.
However, another woman points the finger at the wife and considers her negligent of her own right as well as of the right of her husband. The current cosmetics that are available make the woman take only half an hour to look her best. Moreover, love of adornment is innate in the woman and should not be abandoned because of her being busy.
The role of the husband
The husband can play an important role in his wife's care for or negligence of adornment. He may ignore her adornment or criticize it, so he frustrates her. Perhaps he neglects his adornment while she cares about hers. Such a husband forgets the guidance of the Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, when he said:"Of the things of this world, women and perfume have been made dear to me, and my comfort lies in performing prayer."]An-Nasaa'i[ It is narrated on the authority of‘Aa'ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, that she said,“While in my menses, I used to comb the hair and massage ]the head[ of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam.” It is narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: “A person who has hair should take care of it.”
The responsibility of the wife's negligence of adornment cannot fully rest on the husband, for wives often justify their negligence of their adornment on being busy. Thus, Noorah Sulaymaan, a social professional, calls for training girls before marriage in bearing various responsibilities, so that every girl will be responsible for taking care of children, a husband, a house and her adornment without prejudice to any of these. She adds,“Regretfully, we do not raise our children to make good use of time and divide it between different responsibilities. Hence, the wife often fails to distribute her time between her house, husband and children.”
Too old to adorn
Some women neglect adorning themselves after marriage under the pretext of a misconception about the function of beautification. Some girls think that only the periods of their engagement and the first days and years of marriage are the time for adornment, and when informed that adornment is part of their being a good wife, they reply that they are too old to do that.
These women forget that nothing should prevent the wife from adorning herself for her husband except what theSharee‘ahapproved, such as the mourning for the death of a close relative. Umm Sulaym, may Allaah be pleased with her, adorned herself for her husband on a distressful day. It is narrated on the authority of Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him, that he said,
A son of Abu Talhah from Umm Sulaym, may Allaah be pleased with them, died, and Umm Sulaym said to her family, ‘Do not inform Abu Talhah of the death of his son until I do it myself.’ Abu Talhah arrived home and she brought him his meal and he ate dinner and drank. Then, she got up, applied perfume to her body, and adorned herself, making herself more beautiful than she had ever been before. He then had intercourse with her. When she was sure that he was satisfied and had enjoyed the intercourse with her, she said, ‘O Abu Talhah, do you think that if some people lent something to others, then asked for it back, that they ]i.e., the indebted[ have the right not to give it back?’ He replied, ‘No.’ She said, ‘Seek the reward of Allaah The Almighty regarding your son ]i.e. he has died[.’ Thereupon, Abu Talhah went to the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and related to him the story. The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: ‘May Allaah bless what happened last night )i.e. the resulting child(.’

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Soul Purification, - Contentment is Bliss

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Sa‘d ibn Abi Waqqaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, traveled to Makkah after he had become blind. Upon his arrival the people hastened to him and kept on asking him to make supplication for them, and he did, as Allaah always accepted his supplication. ‘Abdullaah ibn As-Saa’ib, may Allaah be pleased with him, said, “I came to him when I was still a young boy and became acquainted with him, so he knew me and said to me, ‘Are you the one who recites the Quran for the people of Makkah?’ I replied, ‘Yes.’ Then I asked him, ‘You supplicate to Allaah for all the people, so why do you not supplicate to Allaah for yourself so that He would cure you?’ He smiled, and said, ‘O son! The decree of Allaah is better for me than my sight.’”
This is the satisfaction that the Companions, may Allaah be pleased with them, adjusted themselves to, and the decree of Allaah The Almighty became more beloved to them than their desires, and so they loved nothing more than what Allaah the Almighty had decreed. ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd Al-‘Azeez, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, “I do not want anything except what Allaah The Almighty decrees.” What confirms the importance of this satisfaction is that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would ask Allaah The Almighty to grant him satisfaction with His decree, and it is well-known that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, only asked Allaah The Almighty for the highest ranks. Satisfaction is sincerely giving precedence to all that Allaah The Almighty has ordained, without being hesitant or objecting.
This is exactly what the righteous predecessors sought and strived for. They were fully content in matters pertaining to their fate and what Allaah The Almighty had inscribed in the Preserved Slate and never desired anything contrary to what He had decreed for them. However, as for matters of religion that pertain to His orders or prohibitions, one must always progress and aspire to what is better.
The righteous predecessors, may Allaah be pleased with them, would advise each other to be satisfied and get used to it as they knew its high rank. ‘Umar )Al-Faarooq(, may Allaah be pleased with him, wrote to Abu Moosa Al-Ash‘ari, may Allaah be pleased with him, saying, “All that is good lies in satisfaction. If you are able to be satisfied, please do so, otherwise, be patient.” Luqmaan, may Allaah exalt his mention, would advise his son, saying, “I advise you to be endowed with certain characteristics that would bring you closer to Allaah The Almighty and would keep you away from His dissatisfaction: to worship Allaah The Almighty Alone without associating any other deity with Him, and to be satisfied with His decree in anything that you like or dislike.” The one who adjusts himself to this would lead a good life as distress and worries would not reach his heart. Indeed, how could that be when Allaah The Almighty has become pleased with him, and he with Allaah? Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer - We will surely cause him to live a good life,{]Quran 16:97[ Some of the righteous predecessors, may Allaah have mercy upon them, interpreted “good life” as a life of satisfaction and contentment.
Once, ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, may Allaah be pleased with him, became angry with his wife ‘Aatikah, may Allaah be pleased with her, and said to her, “By Allaah, I will upset you.” She said, “Can you drive me away from Islam after Allaah The Almighty has guided me to it?” He replied, “No.” She then said, “Then how can you upset me?” She meant by that that she was satisfied with the decree of Allaah The Almighty, and that nothing could have brought her distress except being driven away from Islam, and there is no way ‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, could ever have done that.
There are three conditions for being truly satisfied with Allaah The Almighty:
First: Being content at times of both blessings and afflictions alike, as one believes that Allaah the Almighty chooses what is best for him. This is what happened with some of the righteous predecessors, may Allaah have mercy upon them, as they were patient and satisfied when they were afflicted with hardship. When Sulaymaan ibn Al-Ghaazi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, went to condole ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd Al-‘Azeez, may Allaah have mercy upon him, upon the death of his son, ‘Abd Al-Malik, ‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, said to him, “I seek Allaah’s refuge from wanting something that is contrary to what He likes, as this does not change the affliction and His good treatment of me.” It was narrated on the authority of Ibraaheem An-Nakhaa‘i, may Allaah have mercy upon him, that Umm Al-Aswad was paralyzed and her daughter grieved, so she told her “Do not be sad. O Allaah, if this is something good then please increase it.”
Second: Abandoning disputes unless they are related to any of the rights of Allaah The Almighty or His Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Having conflict with others for the sake of one's desires drives satisfaction away, disturbs its purity and alters its sweetness.
Third: Refraining from continually asking of people. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}An ignorant ]person[ would think them self-sufficient because of their restraint, but you will know them by their ]characteristic[ sign. They do not ask people persistently ]or at all[. And whatever you spend of good - indeed, Allah is Knowing of it.{]Quran 2:273[
Regarding this trait, Thawbaan, may Allaah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Who will guarantee me this trait so that I will guarantee him Paradise?”Thawbaan said, “I.” The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied:“Do not ask people for anything.”After that, he never asked anyone for anything, even if his whip fell while riding, he would get off and pick it up himself without asking anyone to hand it to him. ]Ahmad[
Satisfaction is the Peak of Faith
Abu Ad-Dardaa’, may Allaah be pleased with him, said, “There are four traits at the peak of faith: patience, satisfaction with destiny, sincerity in reliance, and submission to Allaah The Almighty.” Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said: “Satisfaction is one of the deeds of the heart that is the equivalent of Jihaad, which is one of the deeds of the limbs ]body[, for each one of them is the peak of Faith.”
Deprivation is in fact a Blessing from Allaah The Almighty
Sufyaan Ath-Thawri, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said that if Allaah The Almighty deprives His servant of something, it is in fact a blessing; when Allaah The Almighty deprives His slave, it is not because He is miserly or unable to give, but because He chooses what is best for His believing slave, and for a certain wisdom. Allaah The Almighty never decrees anything bad for His believing slave, whether that decree brings happiness or misery to the slave. Thus, even when Allaah The Almighty deprives His believing slave, it is in fact a blessing, and the affliction is for his well-being, even if it is in the form of an affliction. Due to the ignorance of the slave and his injustice, he considers that bliss is the only thing to give him pleasure in the worldly life. If man was truly knowledgeable, he would have considered all that Allaah The Almighty decreed as a blessing. This was the state of the righteous predecessors, may Allaah have mercy upon them. The slave will never find the sweetness of faith except through this. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Whoever is content with Allaah as a God, Islam as a religion and Muhammad as a messenger, has certainly felt the sweetness of faith.”
O Allaah! Make us satisfied with Your decree and bless our destiny so that we would not wish to hasten something that You have delayed or delay something that You have hastened.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M