Are gifts for weddings and other occasions like a debt that must be given to the giver on a subsequent special occasion?

One of the customs that are widespread in the region in which I live
is that on certain occasions –giving birth and weddingsand so on –
women give asmall amount of money – such as five dinars – when their
comes to congratulate a relative or neighbour, and the woman who
receives the money is expected, on a subsequent happy occasion, to
visit her (the giver) and either give her the same amount of money as
she received – which means that they do not want to raise the levelof
friendship with her – or they give more – which is what usually
happens. Andit sometimes happens thatthe woman who gave the money
criticises the other woman if she does not visit her and give back the
money, and she may say that she has consumed herwealth unlawfully –
there is no power and no strength except with Allah.What is the ruling
on this interaction? Is the extra amount that I spoke of considered to
be riba? For my part, I do not give this extra amount unless the woman
is in need or is of high character. Please advise us, may Allah have
mercy on you.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
There is nothing wrong with the custom followed by people in many
countries, whereby they give gifts of money on such happy occasions,
to one who is getting married or who has just had a baby, and so on,
on the basis that the recipientwill return the favour, giving the same
amount or more, on another similar occasion. In fact this is a good
thing, because it is helping with money and supporting others on such
occasions when there is usually a need for money because of the
expenses involved.
This money, which in many countries is known as nuqoot, is a kind of
loanthat must be repaid on similar occasions, as customarily happens.
In fact if the one who gave it needs it and asks for it, it is
obligatory to give it back to him when he asks for it. Hence the one
who gave it will always remember it and will keepa record of it in his
private papers, in a separate section in his notebook that has to do
with this type of loan.
More than one of the fuqaha' have stated that the nuqoot is a loan
that must be repaid to the one who gave it, according to custom.
The Shaafa'i faqeeh Ibn Hajar al-Haytami was asked about the ruling on
nuqoot, and replied:
With regard to nuqoot, al-Azraqi and an-Najm al-Baalisi issued fatwas
stating that it is a loan, so it must be returned to the one who gave
it. Al-Balqeeni disagreed withthem. The prevalent custom dictates that
no one gives anything of this nature except with the aim that
something similar should be given back to him, if he has a similar
happy occasion. And the fact that this custom is clear and well
established supports the first view. And Allah knows best. End quote.
Al-Fataawa al-Fiqhiyyah al-Kubra, 3/265
Al-Mardaawi (a Hanbali scholar) said:
Note: al-Kamaal ad-Dameeri said in his commentary on
al-Minhaajconcerning the nuqoot which is customary at weddings:
an-Najm al-Baalisi said: It is like a debt and the one who gave it may
ask for it, and custom has nothing to do with that, because it is
notconsistent.
End quote. al-Insaaf, 8/315
The point of quoting this text is that it rules that thenuqoot is a
debt and it must be returned to the giver, even if custom is
notconsistent in this regard. But if custom is consistent and dictates
that it should be returned or may be asked for, then undoubtedly the
argument is stronger that it should be repaid and regarded as a debt.
This is the basis on which al-Haytami reached his conclusion, as
referred to above.
Shaykh 'Ulaysh al-Maaliki (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked
about a man who held a wedding, and another man gave him a sum of
money equivalent to the value of a sack of wheat, then two years later
the giver askedfor repayment. Should it be ruled that the recipient
has to give back the value of this sack of wheat to the giver?
He said in his response:
Yes, it should be ruled thatthe recipient should pay back the
equivalent of what was given to the giver, if it was stipulated or it
is customary to do so.What matters is the value on the day he gives it
back, not the day he askedfor it, as it says in al-Kharashi and
elsewhere.
Ibn al-'Attaar said: Whatever is given of a ram or similar gifts at
the time of the wedding party,it should be given back to the giver if
he asks to be rewarded later on, as is customary. It is an implicit
deal that everyone should do that on the basis that he will be given
something similar when he has a wedding …
It may be understood from the phrase "when he has a wedding" that the
giver is required to be patient until he has a wedding or similar
event. And it says something similar in al-Burzuli.

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