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Thursday, November 14, 2013

Dought & clear, - If the spouses have agreed on khula‘, can she allow her husband to have sex with her before pronouncing thekhula‘?




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If the spouses have agreed on khula‘, can she allow her husband to have sex with her before pronouncing the khula‘?
Praise be to Allah.
It should be noted that one of the essential parts of khula‘, without which it is not valid, is the pronouncing of the word khula‘ or words that have the same meaning, whether that is explicit or implicit. It is essential that the husband pronounce the word khula‘ or words that carry the same meaning, so that the ruling may be applied and its consequences follow on.
It says inal-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah(19/245): According to scholars other than the Hanafis, there are five essential parts of khula‘: moojib, qaabil, mu‘awwad, ‘iwad and seeghah.
The moojib (the one who issues the khula‘) is the husband.
The qaabil (the one who guarantees compensation) is the one who is committed to pay compensation.
The mu‘awwad (the thing for which compensation is given in return for giving it up) is intimacy with the wife.
The ‘iwad (what is agreed upon in return for foregoing the right to intimacy) is the thing in return for which khula‘ is given
The seeghah is the wording by which khula‘ takes place.
With regard to the offer of khula‘ and acceptance thereof, these are essential parts of khula‘ according to the Hanafis, if khula‘ is in return for compensation. With regard to both, it is stipulated – as was stated by the Shaafa‘is – that the husband begins with an offer of exchange, such as saying “I offer you khula‘ in return for such and such.” Acceptance is done by uttering words on the part of one who can speak, or by gestures or writing in the case of one who cannot speak (non-verbal). There should be no discussion of different matters, in between the offer and acceptance, on the part of the one who is expected to give an answer; however, a little general talk is allowed. End quote.
See the answer to question no. 191484
Shaykh as-Sa‘di (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If they have agreed on khula‘ but have not done it yet – rather they only agreed that he will give her khula‘ if she gives him compensation – this does not count as an annulment of the marriage. Rather it is only a promise from him to annul it. If he has not yet annulled it, he may change his mind and not do it. End quote.
Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/785; fatwa from Shaykh ‘Abd ar-Rahmaan as-Sa‘di.
Based on that:
If the conditions of khula‘ are fulfilled by both husband and wife, and he has indeed uttered the word of khula‘, then it is not permissible for the wife to let the husband be intimate with her because she is completely divorced from him [and if they want to remarry they must do a new marriage contract].
But if the conditions of khula‘ have not been met – rather it is only an agreement and a promise, and the husband has not uttered the word of khula‘, or the qaadi (judge) has not yet decreed it – then she is still his wife and she may allow him to be intimate with her. Who knows, perhaps that will lead to them wanting to stay together and reconcile.
And Allah knows best.



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For children, - No Overpowering: Key to happiness and success




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Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another, or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.
Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a prosperous country. One day, he went for a trip to some distant areas of his country. When he was back to his palace, he complained that his feet were very painful, because it was the first time that he went for such a long trip, and the road that he went through was very rough and stony. He then ordered his people to cover every road of the entire country with leather.
Definitely, this would need thousands of cows' skin, and would cost a huge amount of money.
Then one of his wise servants dared himself to tell the king, "Why do you have to spend that unnecessary amount of money? Why don't you just cut a little piece of leather to cover your feet?"
The king was surprised, but he later agreed to his suggestion, to make a "shoe" for himself.
There is actually a valuable lesson of life in this story: to make this world a happy place to live, you better change yourself - your heart; and not the world.





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For children, - Right Speech: Key to happiness and success




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There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that 'a speech will either prosper or ruin a nation.' Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.
A women and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, 'Hi, Emily! Remember me? We were friends in the secondary school.' On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, 'Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker.' She answered, 'You should appreciate that you married me. Other wise, he will be the millionaire and not you.'
A little girl asked her father, 'How did the human race appear?' The father answered, 'Allah (SWT) made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.' Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.' The confused girl returned to her father and said, 'Daddy how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by Allah (SWT), and mother said they developed from monkeys?' The father answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your mother told you about hers.'
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.




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