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Monday, September 3, 2012

1a] How to be successful in life

1a]
In this way a person may forget about the things that are making him
worried and distressed, and he may become happy and more energetic.
This is another means that believers and others have in common, but
the believer is distinguished by his faith, sincerity and hope of
reward when he occupies himself with that knowledge which he is
learning or teaching, or with the good deeds that he is doing.
The work with which he occupies himself should be something that he
likes and enjoys, for that is more likely to produce the desired
results. And Allaah knows best.
4 – Another thing that may ward off worry and anxiety is focusing all
one's thoughts of the present day, and not worrying about the futureor
grieving about the past. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) sought refuge with Allaahfrom worry and regret,
from regret for things in the past which one cannot put right or
change, and worry which may come because of fearfor the future. So one
should focus only on the present day, and focus one's efforts on
getting things right today. For if aperson is focused on that, this
means that he will dothings properly and forgetabout worry and regret.
When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said a
du'aa' ortaught a du'aa' to his ummah, as well as urging them to seek
the help of Allaah and hope for His bounty, he was also urging them to
strive to attain the thing they werepraying for through their own
efforts and to forget about the thing which they were praying would be
warded off from them. Because du'aa' (supplication) must be
accompanied by action. Soa person must strive to attain that which
will benefit him in worldly and spiritual terms, and ask his Lord to
make his efforts successful, and he should seek His help in that, as
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Strive
for that which will benefit you and seek the help of Allaah, and do
not be helpless. If anything (bad) happens to you, do not say, 'If
only I had done such-and-such, then such-and-such would have
happened.' Rather you should say, 'Qaddara Allaah wa ma sha'a fa'ala
(Allaah decrees, and what He wills He does),' for (thewords) 'If only'
open the door to the Shaytaan." (Narrated by Muslim). The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) connected the matter of
striving to achieve good things with the matter of seeking the help of
Allaah and not giving in to feelings of helplessness which are a
harmful kind of laziness, and with the matter of accepting things in
the past which are over and done with, and acknowledging that the will
and decree of Allaah will inevitably come to pass. He described
matters as being of two types:
1 – Matters which a person may strive to achieve or to achieve
whatever he can of them, or to ward them off or alleviate them. In
such cases a person must striveand make the effort, and also seek the
help of Allaah.
2 – Matters where such is not possible, so he must have peace of mind,
accept them and submit to Allaah's will.
Undoubtedly paying attention to this principle will bring happiness
and relieve worry and distress.
5 – One of the greatest means of feeling content and relaxed and of
acquiring peace of mind isto remember Allaah a great deal (dhikr).
That has a great effect in bringing contentment andpeace of mind, and
relieving worry and distress. Allaah says:
"verily, in the remembrance of Allaah dohearts find rest"
[al-Ra'd 13:28]
Remembering Allaah (dhikr) has a great effect in achieving this aim
because it has a special influence and because of the hope that it
brings of reward.
6 – Another of the means of bringing happiness andrelieving worry and
distress is striving to eliminate the things that cause worry and to
achieve the things that bring happiness. That maybe done by forgetting
about bad things in the past which cannot be changed, and realizing
that dwelling on them is awaste of time. So a personmust strive to
stop himself from thinking of that, and also strive to stop himself
from feeling anxious about the future and the things that he may
imagine of poverty, fear and other bad things that he thinks may
happen to him in the future. He should realize that the future is
something unknown, he cannot know what good or bad things are going
tohappen to him. That is in the hand of the Almighty, the Most Wise,
and all that His slaves can do is tostrive to attain the good things
and to ward off thebad things. A person should realize that if he
diverts his thoughts from worrying about his future and puts his trust
in his Lord to take care of his situation, and puts his mind at rest
concerning that, if he does that, then his heart will be at peace and
his situation will improve and he will be relieved of worry and
anxiety.

1] How to be successful in life

1]
How to obtain success and prosperity in this world and
hereafter.Whatkind of success or prosperity that islam want the ummah
islam gain in this world.
Praise be to Allaah.
Peace of mind, contentment, happiness and freedom from worriesand
anxiety… these are what everyone wants, and these are the ways in
which people can have a good life and find complete happiness and joy.
There are religious means of achieving that, and natural and practical
means, but no one can combine all of them except the believers;
although other people may achieve some of them, they will miss out on
others.
There follows a summary of the means of achieving this aim for which
everyone is striving. In some cases, those who achieve many of them
will live a joyful life and a good life; in other cases, those who
fail to achieve all of them will live a life of misery and hardship.
And there are others which are in between, according to what the means
he is able to attain.These means include the following:
1 – Faith and righteous deeds:
This is the greatest and most fundamental of means. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Whoever works righteousness — whethermale or female — while he (or
she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will
give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful
provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to
the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise inthe Hereafter)"
[al-Nahl 16:97]
Allaah tells us and promises us that whoevercombines faith with
righteous deeds will have a good life and a good reward in this world
and in the Hereafter.
The reason for that is clear: those who believe in Allaah – with
sincere faith that motivates them to do righteous deeds that change
hearts and attitudes and guides themto the straight path in thisworld
and the Hereafter – follow principles and guidelines by means of which
they deal with everything that happens to them, be it the causes of
happiness and excitement or the causes of anxiety, worry and grief.
They deal with the things that they like by accepting them and giving
thanks for them, and using them in good ways. When they deal with them
in this manner,that creates in them a sense of excitement and the hope
that it will continue and that they will be rewarded for their
gratitude, which is more important than the good things that happen to
them. And they deal with bad things, worries and distress by resisting
those that they can resist, alleviating those that theycan alleviate,
and bearing with goodly patience those that they cannot avoid. Thus as
a result of the bad things they gain alot of benefits,
experience,strength, patience and hope of reward, which aremore
important and which diminish the hardships they have undergone and
replace them with happiness and hope for the bounty and reward of
Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
expressed this in a saheeh hadeeth in which he said: "How wonderful is
the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If
something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good
for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience,
and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the
believer." (Narrated by Muslim, no. 2999).
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us that
thebeliever is always gaining and the reward for his deeds is always
multiplying, no matter what happens to him, good or bad.
2 – Being kind to people in word and deed, and all kinds of doing
good. This is one of the means of removing worry, distress and
anxiety. By this means Allaah wards off worries and distress from
righteous and immoral like, but the believer has the greater share of
that, and is distinguished by the fact that his kindness to others
stems from sincerity and the hope of reward, so Allaah makes iteasy
for him to be kind to others because of the hope that this will bring
good things and ward off bad things, by means of his sincerity and
hope of reward. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"There is no good in most of their secret talks save (in) him who
orders Sadaqah (charity in Allaah's Cause), or Ma'roof (Islamic
Monotheism and all the good and righteous deeds which Allaah has
ordained), or conciliation between mankind; and he who does this,
seeking the good Pleasure of Allaah, We shall give him a great reward"
[al-Nisa' 4:114]
Part of that great reward is relief from worry, distress, troubles, etc.
3 – Another of the means of warding off anxiety that stems from
nervous tension and being preoccupied with disturbing thoughts is to
occupy oneself with good deeds or seeking beneficial knowledge, for
that will distract one fromdwelling on the matters that are causing
anxiety.
:->

His father chose a wife for him who he does not want

After being convinced for years by my parents to marry my cousin, I
finally agreed last year and got engaged. I would however admit that I
had no special liking for her and before I took the finaldecision, I
also performed Istikharah but didnt seem to get a proper answer or
direction and remained confused. I finally thoughtthat since my
parents are happy with this marriage I would go for it. I study in
another country and after we got engaged I started talking to her on
phone and among other things got to know that she has a problem of
falling hair and due to that her hair has thinned a lot. I asked her
to visit some doctors and she has started to take medications but not
of any great help as of now. After knowing all this I am very upset
with myself and also with her although I have not told anything like
that to her that might hurt her in anyway. I really feel very upset
all the time now as you would understand that I also have some
feelings and wishes abouthow my future wife should look like. Right
now I am always in distress and feel like that this is my destiny to
marry her which cannot be changed as doing that would severly damage
the relations in our family.I don't know what to do and can't stop
thinking about this. This has now started to affect my studies also. I
can't talk about this to anyone not my parents or friends. Thinking
about this is always keeping me disturbed. I have agreed to marry her
next year after my parents told me so. I don't know what to do now or
how things would go after that. I would like to have your suggestions
and guidancein this regard.
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
Istikhaarah is mustahabb and is prescribed in Islam, but one does not
necessarily see a dream after it or get an answer as you described.
Rather its effects appear in the matter being made easy. If the matter
is made easyand goes ahead, this is an indication that it is good, in
sha Allah.
Secondly:
The son is not obliged to obey his parents with regard to marrying a
particular woman, but if he does that to please his parents and make
them happy, he will be rewarded for that, so longas the woman is
religiously committed andof good character.
If he gives the matter some thought and decides that the woman isnot
appropriate for him, and is afraid that he will develop resentment
towards her or that he will later be forced to divorce her, then it is
better for him to tell his parents frankly about what he feels and to
apologise to them for cancelling his engagement. This is better than
going ahead with something he does not really want.
We advise you to think long and hard and to examine your fiancée's
characteristics, both positive and negative, before taking the
decisionto cancel the engagement. If she is religiously committed
andof good character, and hasno faults other than what you mention
about her hair, then this can be dealt with. And a woman may be
beautiful or acceptable despite that problem.
But we also think that you should delay going ahead with the marriage
until you have put your mind at rest about that decision.
You should offer a lot of du'aa' (supplication) and ask Allah to guide
you to that which is best in this world and in the Hereafter.

And Allah knows best.

Should he allow his daughter to sleep over at her non-Muslim friend’s house?

Is it permissible/advisablefor my 16year old daughter to sleep over at
her non muslim friends house (there will be no males present, only her
friend and her friends mother)
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
It is not permissible for the Muslim to take a non-Muslim as a close
friend, because Allah, mayHe be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"O you who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians as Auliya
(friends, protectors, helpers, etc.), they are but Auliya to one
another. And if any amongst you takes them as Auliya, thensurely he is
one of them. Verily, Allah guides not those people who are the
Zalimoon (polytheists andwrongdoers and unjust)"
[al-Maa'idah 5:51]
"O you who believe! Take not as (your) Bitanah (advisors, consultants,
protectors, helpers, friends, etc.) those outsideyour religion
(pagans, Jews, Christians, and hypocrites) since they willnot fail to
do their best to corrupt you. They desire to harm you severely. Hatred
has already appeared from their mouths, but what their hearts conceal
is far worse. Indeed We have made plain to you the Ayat (proofs,
evidences, verses) if you understand"
[Aal 'Imraan 3:118].
And there are other versesthat forbid loving the disbelievers and
taking them as confidantes and close friends.
Abu Dawood (4832) and at-Tirmidhi (2395) narrated from Abu Sa'eed that
the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: "Do not
keep company with anyone but a believer and do not let anyone eat your
food but one who is pious."
Classed as saheeh by Ibn Hibbaan; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in
Saheeh Abi Dawood.
Friendship and keeping company leads to love and approval, and it is
notpermissible to show that towards the kaafir.
This does not mean that there should be a complete cutting off of ties
between Muslims andnon-Muslims; rather she can visit her socially and
when she is sick, and give her gifts, without loving her or taking
part in her festivals, and her intention in visiting her and giving
her gifts should be to call her to Islam. This is what our Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) did. See question no. 23325
Based on that, you shouldexplain to your daughter the guidelines on
interacting with non-Muslims and help herto develop a feeling of pride
in her religion and adhering to its commands, even if that goes
against one's whims and desires. You should also discourage her from
thinking of spending the night outside her home, because sleeping over
in someone else's house is indicative of very close friendship, and we
have stated above that it is not permissible for the Muslimto form
such a close friendship with a non-Muslim. Perhaps she may be
attracted to some of their ways and influenced by that without
realising. The negative consequences of mixing too much with people
who are not religiously committed are many, so how about mixing with
people who are not of the same religion?
And Allah knows best.