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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Dought & clear, - What are the differences between theMaturidi school of thought and Ahl as-Sunnah?












please clarify me diffeence between the aqeedah of Salad and maturidi. and more the person following aqeeqah of maturidi will not enter jannah.
Praise be to Allah
Firstly:
The Maturidis are a kalaami (philosophical group) based on innovation (bid‘ah); they are named after Abu Mansoor al-Maturidi. In the beginning their main focus was on using rational and philosophical proof in disputing with their opponents, the Mu‘tazilah, Jahmis and others, in order to prove the fundamentals of Islam and Islamic beliefs.
The Maturidis went through several stages. They were not known by this name until after the death of their founder, just as the Ash‘aris were not known and did not spread until after the death of Abu’l-Hasan al-Ash‘ari. We can sum up the stages of development in the following four main stages:
Origin:
The main focus at this stage was intense debates with the Mu‘tazilah. The prominent figure at this stage was Abu Mansoor al-Maturidi, whose full name was Muhammad ibn Muhammad ibn Mahmoud al-Maturidi as-Samarqandi; he was named after Maturid, which is a place near Samarkand in Transoxiana, where he was born.
He is regarded as one of the pioneers of the rational school; he did not acquire a great deal of knowledge of Islamic texts and the science of hadeeth, which is the case with the majority of scholars in the fields of kalaam and usool.
Abu Mansoor al-Maturidi was influenced by Jahmi beliefs in many ways, the most significant of which was: the interpretation of texts that speak of some of the divine attributes that are classed assifaat khabariyyah(attributes that are based on texts and cannot be proven by rational thought, such as the divine Countenance, Hand and so on) in a manner other than the apparent meaning. He also came under the influence of the innovation (bid‘ah) and ideas of the Murji’ah.
He was also influenced by Ibn Kullaab (d. 240 AH) and his innovation of the concept of divine “self-talk” (al-kalaam an-nafsi)
Development:
This is the stage during which the students of al-Maturidi and those who were influenced by him developed his ideas further, and formed an independent kalaami (philosophical) group. The group first appeared in Samarkand, and worked to spread and defend the thought of their shaykh and leader, and wrote books. They followed the madhhab of Imam Abu Haneefah with regard to minor issues of Islam. Thus Maturidi beliefs became more widespread in Samarkand than elsewhere.
Among the most well-known figures during this stage were: Abu’l-Qaasim Ishaaq ibn Muhammad ibn Ismaa‘eel al-Hakeem as-Samarqandi and Abu Muhammad ‘Abd al-Kareem ibn Moosa ibn ‘Eesa al-Bazdawi.
Consolidation of Maturidi beliefs:
The main feature of this stage was prolific writing of books and compiling of evidence on which the Maturidi beliefs were based. Therefore it was the most important stage in terms of consolidating this school of thought.
Among the most important figures during this stage were: Abu’l-Ma‘een an-Nasafi and Najm ad-Deen ‘Umar an-Nasafi.
Expansion and spread:
This is regarded as one of the most important stages, in which the Maturidis reached the peak of their expansion and spread. That was due to the support of the Ottoman sultans. Maturidi dominance spread wherever Ottoman dominance reached. So they spread eastwards and westwards in the Arab lands, India, and the lands of the Turks, Persians and Byzantines.
There were many prominent scholars among them, such as al-Kamaal ibn Humaam.
The Maturidis spread and the number of followers increased in India and neighbouring Eastern countries, such as China, Bangladesh, Pakistan and Afghanistan. They also spread in Turkey, the Byzantine lands, Persia and Transoxiana; they still have a strong presence in these countries.
Secondly:
The differences between them and Ahl as-Sunnah:
The Maturidis divided the fundamentals of Islam as follows:
“Rational theology (al-ilaahiyyaat al-‘aqliyyat)” – this refers to what can be proven by reason, and the texts are secondary to that; that includes Tawheed (the Oneness of Allah) and the divine attributes.
“Different issues of religion based on texts (sam‘iyyaatshar‘iyyaat)”– this refers to matters which, on the basis of reason, we may be certain that they are possible, but there is no rational proof to confirm them or otherwise; that includes Prophethood, the punishment of the grave, and matters pertaining to the hereafter. However it is worth noting that some of them included Prophethood under the previous heading (“rational theology”).
It is very clear that what is stated above is contrary to the way of Ahl as-Sunnah wa’l-Jamaa‘ah, for whom the Qur’an, Sunnah and consensus of the Sahaabah are the sources of knowledge, and that applies to all issues of religion. (That is, they do not divide them into two categories as the Maturidis did.)
Moreover, they differed from Ahl as-Sunnah wa’l-Jamaa‘ah in the innovation of dividing the fundamentals of Islam (usool ad-deen) into those that are based on rational evidence and those that are based on texts. This idea is based on a false notion, which is that matters of religion and belief may be divided into principles that may be proven by reason and could not be proven by only; rather the textual proof with regard to these matters may be regarded as additional evidence that supplements what is indicated by rational evidence concerning these fundamental issues.
The Maturidis, like other kalaami (philosophical) groups such as the Mu‘tazilah and Ash‘aris, discussed the necessity of knowing Allah, may He be exalted, on the basis of reason before studying the texts (of Qur’an and Sunnah); they regarded that as the foremost duty of any accountable person, and said that there was no excuse for not doing that. Rather they believe that a person would be punished for not doing it, even if that was before any Prophets or Messengers were sent. Thus they were in agreement with the view of the Mu‘tazilah. This is a view that is evidently wrong, as it contradicts what is proven in the Qur’an and Sunnah, which show that reward and punishment only come into effect after the sending of Revelation, as Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):“And We never punish until We have sent a Messenger (to give warning)” [al-Isra’ 17:15].
Moreover, the correct view is that the first and foremost duty of any human is to affirm the Oneness of Allah (Tawheed), may He be glorified and exalted, and to enter His religion, not to merely know that there is a Creator, because that is something which Allah has instilled in the innate nature of all creatures.
According to the Maturidis, the concept of Tawheed means affirming that Allah, may He be exalted, is One in His essence and indivisible; One in His attributes, and there is nothing like Him; and One in His actions and no one plays a part with Him in creation. Hence they did their utmost to prove this understanding of Tawheed, which is based on the idea that God, in their view, is the One Who is able to create, using the rational and philosophical arguments and analogies that were produced by the Mu‘tazilah and Jahmis. This is evidence that was refuted by the salaf and imams (leading scholars) and their followers, and by the prominent scholars of kalaam and philosophy, who pointed out that the proof presented in the Qur’an is more sound.
The Maturidis affirmed only eight attributes of Allah, may He be exalted, although they differed on some of the details thereof. These attributes are: life, power, knowledge, will, hearing, seeing, speech and being a Creator.
Other attributes that are indicated by the Qur’an and Sunnah, the sifaat khabariyyah (attributes that are based on texts and cannot be proven by rational thought, such as the divine Countenance, Hand and so on, that have to do with His Essence or His actions), cannot – in their view – be proven on the basis of rational thinking, therefore they denied all of them, and they misinterpreted the texts that refer to them.
Ahl as-Sunnah wa’l-Jamaa‘ah, on the other hand, believe in the divine names and also in the divine attributes, and they regard them all astawqeefi(i.e., they are to be learned solely from the texts and not through rational thought). They believe in them (the divine names and attributes) by affirming what is mentioned in the texts, without likening Him to any of His creation. They declare Allah to be above any shortcomings or any similarity to His creation in any way, without denying or misinterpreting any of His names or attributes, and they delegate knowledge of the nature of these attributes to Him, affirming His attributes in a manner that befits Allah, may He be exalted. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):“There is nothing like unto Him, and He is the All-Hearer, the All-Seer” [ash-Shoora 42:11].
Their (the Maturidis’) view that the true words of Allah are His “self-talk” that is ever present with Him, and that it is not heard, and that whatever is heard is nothing but an outward manifestation of His eternal self-talk led them to the conclusion that whatever Mushafs are in circulation among the people are to be regarded as created. Thus they ended up embracing the view of the Mu‘tazilah, which is contrary to scholarly consensus; there are abundant reports from the scholars that this view is wrong and, in fact, the one who says that the Qur’an is created is to be deemed a kaafir (disbeliever).
The Maturidis say concerning the definition of faith that it is belief in the heart only. Some of them added that it is verbal affirmation, but they do not believe that it may increase or decrease. They also said that it is haram to say “In sha Allah (if Allah wills)” with regard to being a believer, and that Islam and eemaan (faith) are synonymous, with no difference between them. Thus they are in agreement with the Murji’ah on that score, and they differed with Ahl as-Sunnah wa’l-Jamaa‘ah, because faith, according to the latter, is belief in the heart, words on the lips and physical actions; it increases when one does acts of obedience and decreases when one sins.
They affirmed that (the believers) will see Allah, may He be exalted, in the hereafter, but they denied any direction and any face to face meeting. This is a contradictory view as it affirms something and then goes back and denies its reality.
For more information on this topic, please see:
-al-Mawsoo‘ah al-Muyassarah fi’l-Adyaan wa’l-Madhaahib wa’l-Ahzaab al-Mu‘aasirah, 1/95-106
-al-Maatureediyyah– Master’s thesis, Ahmad ibn ‘Awad-Allah al-Luhaybi al-Harbi
-al-Maatureediyyah wa Mawqifuhum min Tawheed al-Asma’ wa’s-Sifaat, Master’s thesis, Shams al-Afghaani as-Salafi
-Manhaj al-Maatureediyyah fi’l-‘Aqeedah, Dr. Muhammad ibn ‘Abd ar-Rahmaan al-Khamees
-Al-Istiqaamahby Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah
-Majmoo‘ Fataawa wa Rasaa’il al-‘Uthaymeen, 3/307-308
Thirdly:
It cannot be said regarding the follower of Maturidi ‘aqeedah that he will go to Paradise or go to Hell; rather they are like other ordinary Muslims; even though they believe in some innovated views, their innovation (bid‘ah) does not constitute kufr. Hence they are, in general terms, like other Muslims:
“It will not be in accordance with your desires (Muslims), nor those of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians), whosoever works evil, will have the recompense thereof, and he will not find any protector or helper besides Allah.
And whoever does righteous good deeds, male or female, and is a true believer in the Oneness of Allah (Muslim), such will enter Paradise and not the least injustice, even to the size of a Naqeera (speck on the back of a datestone), will be done to them”
[an-Nisa’ 4:123-124].
With regard to their innovation (bid‘ah), that varies from one to another of them; some base their views on misinterpretation or conclusions reached after putting in a great deal of effort, so they may be excused; others are mistaken in their approach in such a way that they may be blamed for it, so they are ultimately subject to the will of Allah – if He wills He will punish them and if He wills He will forgive them.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said, after discussing a group of leading Ash‘ari scholars:
Moreover, there is not one of those scholars but he put praiseworthy efforts into serving Islam, doing good deeds, refuting the views of many heretics and innovators, and supporting many of those who follow the Sunnah and are religiously committed, as is clear to anyone who is aware of their situation and speaks of them on the basis of knowledge, truthfulness, justice and fair-mindedness.
But because they got confused when they embraced this principle that they originally adopted from the Mu‘tazilah, even though they are virtuous and wise people, they had no choice but to persist in it and accept its implications. Thus because of that they developed views that Muslims of knowledge and religious commitment had to object to. Because of that, people divided into two groups concerning them:
Some people respected them, because of their good qualities and virtues; others condemned them because of the views that they developed on the basis of innovation and falsehood.
But the best approach in all matters is the middle approach (i.e., being fair and acknowledging both good and bad).
The errors that they fell into are not limited to these people only; other people of knowledge and religious commitment also fell into similar errors. Allah, may He be exalted, accepts good deeds from all His believing slaves, and He overlooks their bad deeds:
“Our Lord! Forgive us and our brethren who have preceded us in Faith, and put not in our hearts any hatred against those who have believed. Our Lord! You are indeed full of kindness, Most Merciful”
[al-Hashr 59:10].
No doubt if a person tries hard to seek the truth and learn his religion on the basis of the teachings of the Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and makes some mistakes in that, Allah will forgive his mistakes, in fulfilment of the supplication that Allah answered for His Prophet and the believers, when they said:“Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error” [al-Baqarah 2:286].
If anyone follows his speculations and his whims and desires, then starts to condemn on that basis those who differ with him because of some matters that they got wrong, thinking that they were right after putting effort into it, and their mistake may constitute an innovation that is contrary to the Sunnah, then he should give the same treatment, or more or less, to those whom he respects and follows. It is very rare that any scholar amongst the later scholars is free of such mistakes, because there is a great deal of confusion and uncertainty, and because people are (chronologically) far removed from the source of Prophetic light by means of which one attains right guidance and dispels confusion and doubt from his heart. End quote.
Dar’ Ta‘aarud al-‘Aql wa’n-Naql, 2/102-103
And Allah knows best.







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For children, - Poverty and Pomp: Bohlool and Abbasid Caliph Harun Al-Rashid, Bohlool and Serious Advice
















Behlool liked to visit the graveyards. "People here are good friends", he used to say, "They do not backbite."
Once, he sat in a corner of a graveyard and with a long heavy stick started probing some of the old skulls which lay scattered about. Abbasid Caliph Harun Al-Rashid passed by, and saw him said: O Behlool, what are you doing?
Oh nothing very important, said Behlool. I am just trying to find out whether the skulls belong to Caliphs or paupers. They are all the same.
And what is the stick for, Abbasid Caliph Harun Al-Rashid asked.
Well, I am measuring the earth, Behlool replied.
Measuring the earth? What are your findings? Abbasid Caliph Harun Al-Rashid joked!
It is equal and the same, O Caliph! Behlool retorted. Three arm lengths for me, in spite of my poverty and three arm lengths for you, in spite your pomp and wealth.





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Monday, February 10, 2014

Fathwa, - His wife wants to take Khul' without letting him see his daughter

Question
Respected Scholar, This further to my question ref:-2357206, As my
case in Islamic Court, I had issued Khula with conditions that 3 hours
custody and weekly meeting with my daughter. But my wife & in laws are
not agree over that? I am stick to my conditions. If we both )me &
wife( are stubborn to the said situation. Apparently my question, Qazi
Sb. may go for nullify the marriage )Faske Nikah( as the purpose of
marriage is not being taking place for 8 months? In the above
situation, what should I do in light of Islam? Jazakallah Khair
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad,
is His slave and Messenger.
You have already sent to us many questions about your issue and we
have responded to you with what is in conformity with the rulings of
the Sharee'ah in our view.
Since your case is presented to an Islamic judge, then answering it in
a Fatwa would be of no avail. If the judge issues his ruling, you
should agree and accept it. In principle, the ruling of a just
knowledgeable judge cannot be rejected unless there is a valid reason
as mentioned by the scholars.
Based on this, if there is a ground for appeal, then one may take the
case to a higher court so that it would reconsider the ruling.
Moreover, if the issue is a matter of Ijtihaad )a juristic opinion on
matters which are not specified in the Quran and the Sunnah(, then the
judge rules according to what he believes to be the preponderant and
correct view.
Allaah Knows best.

Fathwa, - Her husband does not fulfill her rights and refuses to give her Khul'

Question
i have been married for 4 years and my husband is working in call
center and he is always having night duty. He is having problem with
sexual intercourse and he cannot produce children as he is suffering
from severe oligospermia and premature ejaculation and he is not at
all interested in me. And he does not want to do any treatments and he
has to give about 90% of his salary at home and other 10% he will
spend on himself. I am earning and spending my own money on my needs
since my marriage, and my husband clearly says that he does not have
money to spend on me or to his own treatment , even his parents says
that I am not having any right on my husband's salary. And I am
BEARING his treatment EXPENSES. He always spends his time with his
friends outside and does not give me his time either . He behaves with
me so rudely even his family members will treat me like a slave. I am
unable to bear this and I have decided to take Qulah from him but he
is too cunning to give me Talaq or accepts my Qulah because he is
afraid that his weaknesses will come out and he is telling me that i
should remain like this only how iam today. When I consulted our
senior person at Qazayat office they are telling that until and unless
my husband accepts my Qulah then only i will be free from being his
wife. My husband is taking advantage of this that I can't do anything
and I am in his hands only. In Shariyat office also they are telling
the same that husband should accept my Qulah. I have done every single
thing for him to have a peaceful married life inspite of all everybody
is torturing me and his behavior towards me is Very Very BAD. I can't
stay with him now. I want to ask you according to islam, can Head of
the authorities at the Qazayat office or any other head office of
Shariyat office can grant me Qulah, if my husband does not want to
accept it. Please issue me fatwa on this.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad,
is His slave and Messenger.
A husband is Islamically required to have good marital relationship
with his wife and fulfill her rights as we clarified in Fatwa 88304.
There are a number of matters which are considered as rights of the
wife among which are the following:
1- Sexual intercourse: The husband should have sexual intercourse with
his wife according to her wish and his ability.
2- Spending: The husband is obliged to spend on his wife even if she
is rich. Besides, she has the right to ask him to reimburse her for
all the expenses that she had spent on herself ]while being married to
him[; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 85012. However, the wife
has the right to ask her husband for her rights, but she has no right
to object to his spending on his family.
3- Having children: The husband has no right to prevent his wife from
having children without a Sharee'ah-compliant reason.
In any case, if your husband is as you mentioned, then he is having
bad marital relationship with you and he is negligent about a number
of your rights upon him. Hence, we advise you to be patient with him
and supplicate Allaah to rectify him. Also, you should advise him in a
gentle manner and clarify to him these rights and that he is obliged
to fulfill them. You should also urge him to find a way for his
treatment whether in regard to premature ejaculation or in regard to
oligospermia. If he accepts and repels the harm off you, praise be to
Allaah, and if he refuses, then you have the right to ask for divorce
or Khul' and he should accept it. Some scholars are even of the view
that the husband is obliged to accept divorce or Khul' if the marital
relationship between him and his wife is impossible as we clarified in
Fatwa 174941.
Based on this, if your husband refuses to accept, you should take your
case to the Sharee'ah court and the judge should remove the harm off
you. He may oblige the husband to accept your divorce or Khul' as the
Sharee'ah came to remove harm, and among its known rules is that "the
harm should be removed" and this is taken from the saying of the
Prophet: "There should be no harm nor reciprocal harm."
On the other hand, we do not know whether what you mentioned is what
is applied in the Sharee'ah court in your country. In any case, if we
presume that the situation is as you mentioned, then you should look
for another means like seeking the help of some rational people from
your relatives or the relatives of your husband so that they would try
to convince him either to keep you in kindness or to release you in
kindness.
Allaah Knows best.

Fathwa, - Khul' under compulsion

Question
I married the man I love 3 years back. I did and sacrificed a lot for
him. But he left me for an another married woman without fulfilling
his responsibilities. Now I'm hurt and heart broken. He forced me to
give him a divorce. I did what he said, but I never signed the paper.
Now my parents want me to get married. But that is impossible for me.
I've never thought of any other guy accept my husband. And I don't
want to think. He hurt me a lot. But still I want him to understand
his mistakes and get back in my life. Because he is my husband. Every
day, every moment I pray to Allah to show me the right path. What
Allah says for this situation? What shall I do?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad,
is His slave and Messenger.
Among the rights of the wife upon her husband is that he has a good
marital relationship with her, and fulfills her confirmed rights by
virtue of the marriage contract. Indeed, we have already issued
Fataawa 85308and 85167on the rights of spouses towards each other, so
please refer to them. Hence, if your husband was negligent regarding
any of your rights without having a sound reason, then he is sinful.
As regards Khul', the scholars defined it as the separation of the
husband from his wife in return for a compensation which he takes from
her or from anyone else ]like her guardian[ while he utters words such
as "I grant you Khul'" and the like. For more benefit, please refer
to Fatwa 89039.
If this is what happened, and you accepted it, then Khul' has taken
place. As regards your statement 'he forced me to give him a divorce',
then if you mean that Khul' had taken place under moral compulsion,
then this is not an impediment from it taking place unless it reaches
the state of extreme compulsion which the scholars restricted to it
being from someone who could execute what he says, and it is
predominantly thought that he would execute what he says while there
would be a great harm involved, like killing or severe beating and the
like. This is the kind of compulsion that prevents the act done under
compulsion from being effective.
On the other hand, Khul' is one irrevocable divorce )with minor
separation( according to the preponderant view of the jurists. When
Khul' takes place, then the husband cannot take back his wife, and she
cannot go back to him except with a new contract - if this is not the
third divorce. But if it were the third divorce, then she becomes
divorced an irrevocable divorce )with major separation( and she is not
lawful for him unless she marries another man ]a valid marriage and he
consummates the marriage with her and then he divorces her or dies[.
For more information about the kinds of divorce, please refer to Fatwa
82541.
Based on the above, it is permissible for you to try to get back to
your husband if there is a legitimate way to it. Nonetheless, if your
husband does not want you any more, then you should not be attached to
him, especially if he takes girlfriends as there is no good in such a
husband in that case. Rather, you should supplicate Allaah to bless
you with a better husband, as men are so many, and you should not
refuse to remarry on the pretext that you do not want anyone except
your first husband. As regards love sickness, its treatment has
already been clarified in a Fathwa.
Allaah Knows best.

Marital Life, - 'You' and 'I': The Art of Communication in MaritalLife – II












There is a huge difference between a positive statement such as:"I always look forward to you returning home in the evening to see you and talk to you", and a negative one such as:"You never care to listen to me even when we meet in the evening."
The use of the pronoun "I" in conversation is more influential and more effective than the use of the pronoun "you"; and "I" always reduces the severity of what you want to say. Try to compare the following two statements:
·"You don't care about the condition of the house"which is construed by the listener to be an accusation of negligence.
·"I feel lonely when I am doing the housework",which means the wife bears the responsibility for doing the housework even if she feels lonely, and she does the housework alone.
Dear brothers and sisters:
When the spouses use the subjective pronoun “I” more often in their dialogue, and include positive meanings in their words, their relationship will improve immediately and noticeably, and they may find solutions for their problems once they improve their manner of conversation and dialogue.
It is true that it is not easy to start using the subjective pronoun "I". This depends on the decision taken by each of the spouses to start bearing responsibility for their feelings and needs, and expressing themselves wisely. This requires the person to acquire a special skill in the ability to talk about oneself.
The use of the subjective pronoun "I" means that one will no longer use expressions such as:“You always…”, "You never…", "You make me feel…",which will be replaced with such expressions as:"I feel… ", “I wish…”, "I do not want to...".
Three important words that help one acquire the skills of listening and talking are: feelings, needs and wishes. These simple expressions:"I feel","I need", and"I wish"transmit to others what we like to say about ourselves, and what we need from others to help us. For example, we could say:
"I have been feeling so stressed out and tired lately."
"I need some rest."
"I wish you could understand what this means to me, so you could help me find a way to rest."
What is more important is that a person speaks subjectively, and talks about his own feelings briefly. It is difficult for some people to acquire this skill; and they may need a lot of encouragement and patience if they are slow in this respect.
In conclusion:
In this article, we have seen the means by which we can talk to each other more effectively. Thus, instead of blaming one another, by saying "you" more than "I", it is important that one should talk positively and subjectively, i.e. about himself, by using the subjective pronoun “I” more often. This helps us express our feelings, needs and wishes, especially when learning the skills of listening and talking, and keeping the channels of communication open with the other party.
Dear husband and wife,
The best way to practice the art of communication is not to blame the other by using "you", but instead, to try to use such positive words as "I" to express our feelings, needs and wishes. An earnest attempt to change what is said or done by the other party into something positive can help one appreciate or, at least, understand them better.
For example, you could say,"I am sorry that things have been tough and difficult for you lately",or you could interrupt the speech by saying:"I can't express how happy I am that you are listening to me like this! How comfortable this makes me feel!"
"I" is intended to express one's purpose:
We can express our purpose by using phrases starting with "I" such as: "I want", "I mean", "I would like to", and "I intend to". When we fail to express ourselves clearly, this failure leads to confusion and ambiguity, for the other party would not understand our wishes and purposes.
Choosing the right words:
Long-term relationships like marriage are characterized by habits that may cause each of the spouses to be heedless of what they says to their life partner, for each partner depends, in choosing words, on habit rather than on conscious selection. Hence, words of encouragement are lost and replaced with others that lead to tension and discontentment.
The following are some of the negative frustrating expressions that are often used:"You will never change","You're always cranky","You're wrong, and this is not the first time."We notice that "you" is most often used to express negative words and emotions.
Examples of encouraging words and expressions are:"I love you","I need you","I respect the way you handle matters. I like it","Can I help you?"We notice here that the word "I" is essential to all positive encouraging expressions.
Things to do:
1-Train yourself to use this manner of communication with your husband this week, and remember to use "I" instead of "you", and use your emotional intelligence in your reactions and dialogue with your husband.
2-The use of "I" instead of "you" is one of the ways you can keep communication open between you and your husband. It implies the concept of bearing responsibility, and carries positive meanings to encourage the other party to continue with the dialogue.







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