Islamic Articles, - 7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You

Share ::-

Ever wish you could read your husband’s mind? Western culture encourages husbands and wives to talk to each other and discuss things.
However, in many Muslim cultures, men are raised to be stoic and tight-lipped. Muslim husbands are very often (not always) reluctant to talk about certain things with their wives.
Part of the problem is also that sometimes it is hard to actually formulate our thoughts into the right words.
The only thing more difficult than translating thoughts to words is translating feelings to words.
1. Above All, He Desires Your Respect
It’s important that Muslim women understand the value of respect for men, especially Muslim men. In Islam, men are taught from a young age that they are supposed to be the bread-winners and caretakers of their families.
You can imagine how frustrating it would be for a man, who tries his best to care for his family, to be married to a woman who doesn’t respect him. She may declare that she loves him, but without her respect, he will quickly fall out of love with her.
This idea is put forward in the Quran where Allah says:
Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard.
Chapter 4, Verse 34
2. He Desires Your Loyalty
This goes hand in hand with respect.
There’s nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea that your spouse is not loyal. The idea, that he or she is not going to stick by you.
I’m not talking about infidelity. This is what usually comes to mind when people talk about loyalty in a marriage.
What I’m talking about is knowing that the person whom you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with is going to be there for you when you really need them.
Most men won’t admit it, but we do need women. And we do need your support.
And it’s very troubling to be married to a woman who may not be around when the going gets tough.
If you are constantly threatening divorce or separation or Khula (Islamic divorce initiated by the wife), you can expect your marriage to fizzle out very quickly.
Your husband needs to know that you’re going to be by his side if:
*.He loses his job and the money gets tight.
*.He tries to do something (like start a business or go back to school) but fails at it.
*.His reputation is tarnished or his honor is attacked.
You should be loyal to your husband before everything else except Allah and His Messenger (pbuh).
If you’re loyal to your husband, than rest assured he’ll be loyal to you.
3. He Wants To Have Sex More Often
Let’s get this right out into the open.
Some women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but it’s the truth.
Men desire sex. Men really desire sex.
So when you give him the following excuses:
“I’ve got a headache.”
“I’m not feeling good.”
“Can’t it wait till the weekend? I’m really not in the mood.”
Know that your husband is going to go to sleep a little upset with you, even if he doesn’t show it.
And do this often enough, he’s going to start resenting you. And that resentment will build up and may lead to him being unnecessarily mean to you or losing some love.
Please keep the following hadith in mind:
When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.
Bukhari and Muslim.
Something to think about.
4. He Thinks About Other Women
Okay, first of all, calm down. Let me explain this.
Most men think about other women.
It doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat on you.
It doesn’t mean he’s thinking about taking a second wife.
It doesn’t mean he’s fantasizing about another woman.
It just means that all (straight) men do, at some point in their lives, consider having another woman (i.e. wife).
You’re better off coming to terms with this and accepting it than having false, purile notions about men.
The best way to combat these thoughts are to apply the advice given in the first three secrets:
Respect him.
Be loyal to him.
Give him physical love when he wants it.
Does this mean he’ll never take a second wife if you do these three things? Of course not.
But it will raise your value in his mind relative to other woman and he’ll be all the more reluctant to look for those three things (respect, loyalty, and sex) elsewhere.
5. He Wants To Make You Happy
Why do you think men work so hard to make money?
Why do you think men are willing to leave their jobs and risk starting a business?
Why do you think men like buying women gifts?
Because deep down, we really just want to make you happy. :)
Sometimes we screw it up and forget our anniversary. But we really would prefer to remember because we know it would make you happy.
So when your husband buys you a gift, accept it, rejoice over it, thank him profusely, and use it as often as possible.
If he buys you some jewelry, wear it.
If he buys you a new smartphone, use it.
If he buys you perfume, put on for him in the confines of your home.
And don’t be so quick to nag him about the things he doesn’t do right. Because then he’ll start feeling that you don’t respect (there’s that word again) the things he does do for you.
6. If You Gently Nudge Him, He Can Be A Better Muslim
Nobody’s perfect.
Perhaps your husband isn’t a Muslim scholar. Perhaps he’s not the best Muslim in the world.
You can nudge him to make him better. But you can’t force him.
Do little things to get him to improve his Islam.
Offer to wake him up for Salaatul Fajr.
Encourage him to make Salaah at the Masjid.
Tell him how much nicer he’d look if he grew his beard.
This takes deliberate words, a soft touch, and careful action. No one likes to be preached to.
But if you do this right, you’ll be getting a double reward:
The reward that comes with living with a righteous husband. And the reward in the next life for encouraging your husband to the truth.
Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.
Chapter 103, Verse 3
7. He Loves You, Even If He Doesn’t Always Show It
I know, this one may be kinda hard to swallow. But it’s true (usually).
Men are just not that good at showing emotion (unless we’re talking sports or politics).
We don’t tell our wives “I love you” often enough.
We’re not perfect. And constantly comparing us to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) ain’t helping.
Of course, we are supposed to emulate him (pbuh) as much as we can. And for most of us, we are doing the best we can.
But we just can’t treat you the same way he (pbuh) treated his wives. Similarly, it’s unfair for men to expect their wives to behave like Aisha (RA) and his other wives (RA) did.
Just because your husband doesn’t treat you in the way (you think) the Prophet (pbuh) treated his wives, doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t love you.
It just means he’s human.
It is very important that you understand this.
If he’s doing his best to take care of you.
If he doesn’t abuse you or sleep around.
If he sincerely tries to solve your problems and helps you in the best way he can.
Then chances are he loves you. A lot.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Dought & clear, - Should she testify to something that she has not been asked for but that may benefit the person against whom she is testifying?.

Share ::-

I work in a department and it so happened that one of the men insulted the head of the department. I was present with a group of other people, so they asked us to testify. I will testify and – in sha Allah – I will tell the truth which is that he – may Allaah guide him – insulted her openly and in front of her; he cursed her father and her. After he went out, when they dragged him out, she said: “I’ll show you, O So and so,” i.e., a threat – but he did not hear her, so he did not say that she had said, “I’ll show you,” because he was nowhere near the desk then. I was the one who was nearby and heard it. Should I say that when the matter is investigated? I hope to receive a reply.
Praise be to Allaah.
This phrase (“I’ll show you”) is a threat but what may be meant by it is to make an official complaint, which is in fact what happened. We do not think that it matters if you tell them or not when the matter is investigated.
If she added any other words to it, such as insults or condemnation of the one who insulted her, then you should mention that, because she may have taken her rights by saying these words or more, and it is not right to punish him when the other person has already settled the score. Responding to an insult in kind is a kind of taking one's rights or settling the score, as al-Nawawi said in his commentary on the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “When two people trade insults, the sin will be on the one who started it, unless the one who has been wronged went too far in returning the insults.” Muslim 4688. Al-Nawawi said: They said: If the one who has been insulted return the insult then the matter is settled, and the first one owes nothing to the second one, but the sin of initiating the insults remains on him. And it was said: He will be free from any sin if the other person returns the insult but the blame will still be on the initiator, but not the sin.
If what was said in response is not as bad as what was said, then the matter is not settled, however by responding, part of the matter is settled. This may remove or reduce the punishment for the one who insulted the other first.
Islam commands us to be just with all people. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“and let not the enmity and hatred of others make you avoid justice. Be just: that is nearer to piety; and fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is Well‑Acquainted with what you do”
[al-Maa'idah 5:8]
And Allaah knows best.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Dought & clear, - He gave false witness – what should he do?.

Share ::-

In 1408 AH there was an accident when the car which my brother was driving overturned. There were four people with him, two of whom died. All were unmarried. The family of the first forfeited the diyah (blood money) and did not take it. The father of the second took the full amount of diyah. The mother of the dead boy had died giving birth to him, and he was young, He had a paternal grandmother and a maternal grandmother. They were not given the diyah, because when the court ruled that diyah should be paid, they asked for witnesses to state whether he had heirs other than his father, and I was one of the witnesses. We testified that he had no heir apart from his father, because we were afraid that the court might demand that the grandmothers, who were very old, attend court, and because we were unaware of the rights of inheritance.
What do I have to do, knowing that the father of the one who died is poor and has nothing?
Praise be to Allaah.
Undoubtedly you have dome something which is a major sin, namely giving false testimony or bearing false witness, especially since it has caused the loss of rights of some of the heirs of the deceased.
It was narrated that Abu Bakrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shall I not tell you of the greatest of major sins?” We said, “Yes indeed, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said, “Associating others with Allaah (shirk) and disobedience towards parents.” He was reclining, but then he sat up and said, “And false speech and false witness, and false speech and false witness,” and he kept on saying it until I thought he would never stop.
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5631; Muslim, 87).
So we say to the brother who asked this question: if the father has given the two grandmothers their share of the inheritance, then you have to repent and seek forgiveness from Allaah for having given false witness, but you do not have to go to the court and announce that. You have to conceal that which Allaah has concealed.
But if the father took all the money himself and did not give the grandmothers their rightful share, then you must try to convince him to give them what is their due. If he does that, then all well and good, otherwise you have to go to the court, tell them that you lied, and suffer the consequences of your sin. In this way you will restore to people what is rightfully theirs.
There is no expiation for false witness apart from repentance and restoring people’s rights, if that false testimony resulted in depriving others of what was rightfully theirs.
The judge or qaadi has the right to impose whatever ta’zeer punishment he sees fit for the one who bore false witness.
And Allaah knows best.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M