Fathwa, - He pronounced explicit divorce out ..

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Aslamualaikum, I, my father, my wife and my father-in-law all sat together to discuss about strained behavior going on between me and my wife for the last many days, at my home on June 2, 2013. While discussing the matter, conversation between me and my wife suddenly got heated up. As a result, in anger I pronounced to her, “I did divorce you”. My father warned me, “This can’t be considered Talaak in Islam”. I responded, “I have done this by heart”. My father-in-law insisted, “This can’t be considered Talaak in Islam”. I replied, “Fine, if it is so, I would pronounce it second time after a month”. Since then my wife has been living with her parents. The very next day followed by this incident, realizing that I have made a terrible mistake, I approached to the persons who acted as mediators to finalize my Nikaah, for reconciliation between me and my wife. Now, according the mediators, my in laws along with my wife are ready for reconciliation. However, religious representatives here in my town, have declared it inappropriate according to Islam. I am writing it to you, being extremely hopeful that you guide me with the best possible solution in the light of Quran and Hadidh, Allah may bless you. I would be grateful to you. Thank you.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, is His Slave and Messenger.
The statement “I did divorce you” is an explicit divorce and divorce is thereby effective even without intent. The divorce is even more emphatic if the husband intended divorce.Ibn Qudaamahstates inAsh-Sharh Al-Kabeer:"In brief, explicit wording of divorce does not require intention; rather, it is effective without intention. Accordingly, whenever he says 'you are divorced' or 'I have divorced you', then it will be effective without intention and there is no disagreement among scholars regarding that." Thus, there is no need for pronouncing it a second time after a month.
If this is not the third divorce, then you are permitted to take your wife back without a new contract as long as she is still in her 'Iddah )waiting period(, as Allaah Almighty says )what means(: }And their husbands have more right to take them back in this ]period[ if they want reconciliation.{]Quran 2:228[ This indicates that her consent is not required.
In fact, we do not know what the religious representatives mean by declaring it "inappropriate according to Islam." The fact of the matter is you are allowed to take her back, as stated, as long as she is still in her waiting period. If her waiting period has expired, then you cannot take her back except with a new marriage contract. For more information on the kinds of divorce, please refer to Fatwa 82541.
There are two important notes:
First, anger is not an impediment of divorce unless the angry person is not aware of what he is saying. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 121374.
Second, spouses should be keen on seeking the stability of the family. Something that brings it about is mutual respect. Each should know his/her rights and duties and fulfill them in the best way.
Allaah Knows best.

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Fathwa, - Her husband insists on divorcing he..

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Me & my husband have been married for a year & 8 months. My husband wants divorce from me because of past mistakes like me being disobedient for example. I had since reformed myself & went 2 therapy for 2 months and returned back to obedience. He refuses to sleep in the bed with me because of all the arguments. He refuses to get help for himself. I went to a total of 4 imams &they can't do nothing 2 convince him 2not get divorce. Whenever he gets mad at me he will not help out with house chores. He refuses 2 treat me kindly when we disagree leading him 2 ignore me & sleep away. It's been like this for 4 months now. I pray & make dua all the time 2 Allah 2 soften his heart but its not working. I do so much for him. I cook and clean and compliment him for the hard work he does outside home but he doesn't appreciate a thing I do for him. I write down little tip & reminders for us to reflect but he ignores and refuses to follow. He brings up a lot of things from the past that are bad &I feel it is only making things worse. He prays and says he wants to be like prophetbut he doesn't help around the house. When I get emotional & cry he gets impatient and mean about it. He says he feels he has rushed marriage & feels he wasn't prepared. He is not willing to work things out at all &is being stubborn & thinks his reasons are legitimate for divorce. I try giving him kisses but he pushes me away. I say sweet words to him but he rolls his eyes & ignores me. I pray, wear hijab, obey him, fast, clean & cook but nothing works. Some ppl say I can't force him & and I'm not but he doesn't see the important of being a man and sacrificing for the marriage. Imams don't understand his reasonings &why he wants so much out of it. I mean I do make mistake &human¬ perfect but that's no reason to get divorce. He has divorced me 3times but the 1st 2 didn't count because I had sex &was on my period. B4 I thot it was only 1 but 2didnt count. What should I do?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
The wife has the right over her husband to treat her kindly; this is the commandment of Allaah and the guidance of the Prophetas previously explained in Fataawa88304and86618.
If your husband is as you mentioned, then he is opposing the above commandment and guidance.
On the other hand, if a wife is recalcitrant, then the Sharee’ah clarified how to discipline a recalcitrant wife and deserting one’s wife or divorcing her is not the primary solution. For more benefit on how to discipline a recalcitrant wife, please refer to Fatwa85402.
If the wife goes back to being obedient to her husband, then he is not permitted to hold her accountable for what happened in the past or discipline her because of it; Allaah says )what means(: }But if they obey you ]once more[, seek no means against them. Indeed, Allaah is ever Exalted and Grand.{]Quran 4:34[ This verse is a threat to the husbands. Moreover, a husband should not consider divorce as a sword in the face of his wife by which he threatens her. He should either keep her in kindness or divorce her in kindness.
In any case, we advise you to be patient with him. Patience is the best solution at times of affliction and difficulties. You should continue to pray and not despair as the hearts are in the Hands of Allaah and He changes them as He wishes. Indeed, Allaah commanded us to supplicate Him and whoever puts hope in Allaah will never despair; Allaah says )what means(: }And your Lord says, Call upon Me; I will respond to you.” Indeed, those who disdain My worship will enter Hell ]rendered[ contemptible.{]Quran 40:60[
It is alright to continue seeking the help of righteous and pious people for mediation. After all this, if he chooses divorce and initiates the process, then you should not stay attached to him: you should accept what Allaah has decreed. Allaah may bless you with a better husband by His Grace; Allaah says )what means(: }But if they separate ]by divorce[, Allaah will enrich each ]of them[ from His abundance. And ever is Allaah Encompassing and Wise.{]Quran 4:130[
Finally, if a husband divorces his wife while she is in her menstrual period or when he has had sexual intercourse with her before she gets her period, then this is Bid'ah divorce )does not conform with Sunnah(, and according to the strongest opinion of the scholars, it takes effect. This is the view of the majority of the scholars as clarified in Fatwa84647.
If a layman seeks Fatwa from a person whom he trusts and the latter issues Fatwa to him that divorce did not take place, and he follows his view, then he is not sinful. However, seeking out leniency according to whims and desires is not permissible.
Allaah Knows best.

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Fathwa, - What a woman should seek in a would..

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assalamu alikum.i have problem in choosing a spouse that for me.i'm 30 in age. i have 2 married elder sisters and a younger sister.i expect my spouse must be religious,educated with proper job .but we have some other problems.1- father retired from job because of illness.so sister spend for us.she tells only she can't spend.2-younger sister has to marry. 3- we are facing some problems here in searching spouse matching in age.because men) not all but many( expect women should be below 25 in age,pretty even they are not religious.religious men also expect like this even women are religious.many women in our country,srilanka,are educated,doing job.so they are late to get marry and they expect educated spouse.because to mutual understanding,their respect.4- our parents are innocent so they are not hard working in searching spouse.that;s their weakness.in my case i'm in 30,i'm a teacher and doing post graduates.our family is very religious.for above mentioned problems our family members try to give marry me to who ever it is even i don't like.i don't like materialistic life .i never did wrong things and never went in wrong way.i always pray isthihara ,haja,ask du'a.but i can't take a decision.aii are forcing me.i never like this.why i can't choose as i like without go out from islam.islam have given rights to women in this case.if i refuse they scold and hurt badly.and tell other relatives about me.all have bad view on me.i may have weakness .i faced all these patiently.but now my mentality is very bad. i can't control my mind.i don't know what i will do myself.in this situation are my expectations and likes wrong or right?i think it's better if i can search some one my own.so give me a reply based on qur'an and sunnah .and rights of women in choosing spouse.why can't expect educated,good earning,smart guy with first choice as religious. jazakumullah
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His Slave and Messenger.
We have already clarified with evidence the permissibility for a woman to look for a righteous husband to marry provided the Islamic limits are observed, and this is in Fatwa 82471. The most important thing a woman should look for in the men who propose to marry her is religion and moral conduct. However, it is permissible for her to wish for other good traits.
Nonetheless, she should not be so stubborn about such traits that the marriage ends up being delayed and she stays unmarried and has regrets. For more benefit on the qualities of a pious husband, please refer to Fatwa 84221.
The parents – let alone other people – have no right to force an adult daughter to marry someone she does not like, as this is a matter pertaining to her life. She is the one who will taste the sweetness or bitterness of marriage, especially as married life is a long journey and not a temporary matter.
Allaah Knows best.

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