'' Our Lord ! grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter and save us from the torment of the Fire '' [Ameen]
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{in Arab} :->
Rabbanaa aatinaa fid-dunyaa hasanatan wafil aakhirati hasanatan waqinaa 'athaaban-naar/-
(Surah Al-Baqarah ,verse 201)
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Question
Me & my husband have been married for a year & 8 months. My husband wants divorce from me because of past mistakes like me being disobedient for example. I had since reformed myself & went 2 therapy for 2 months and returned back to obedience. He refuses to sleep in the bed with me because of all the arguments. He refuses to get help for himself. I went to a total of 4 imams &they can't do nothing 2 convince him 2not get divorce. Whenever he gets mad at me he will not help out with house chores. He refuses 2 treat me kindly when we disagree leading him 2 ignore me & sleep away. It's been like this for 4 months now. I pray & make dua all the time 2 Allah 2 soften his heart but its not working. I do so much for him. I cook and clean and compliment him for the hard work he does outside home but he doesn't appreciate a thing I do for him. I write down little tip & reminders for us to reflect but he ignores and refuses to follow. He brings up a lot of things from the past that are bad &I feel it is only making things worse. He prays and says he wants to be like prophetbut he doesn't help around the house. When I get emotional & cry he gets impatient and mean about it. He says he feels he has rushed marriage & feels he wasn't prepared. He is not willing to work things out at all &is being stubborn & thinks his reasons are legitimate for divorce. I try giving him kisses but he pushes me away. I say sweet words to him but he rolls his eyes & ignores me. I pray, wear hijab, obey him, fast, clean & cook but nothing works. Some ppl say I can't force him & and I'm not but he doesn't see the important of being a man and sacrificing for the marriage. Imams don't understand his reasonings &why he wants so much out of it. I mean I do make mistake &human¬ perfect but that's no reason to get divorce. He has divorced me 3times but the 1st 2 didn't count because I had sex &was on my period. B4 I thot it was only 1 but 2didnt count. What should I do?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
The wife has the right over her husband to treat her kindly; this is the commandment of Allaah and the guidance of the Prophetas previously explained in Fataawa88304and86618.
If your husband is as you mentioned, then he is opposing the above commandment and guidance.
On the other hand, if a wife is recalcitrant, then the Sharee’ah clarified how to discipline a recalcitrant wife and deserting one’s wife or divorcing her is not the primary solution. For more benefit on how to discipline a recalcitrant wife, please refer to Fatwa85402.
If the wife goes back to being obedient to her husband, then he is not permitted to hold her accountable for what happened in the past or discipline her because of it; Allaah says )what means(: }But if they obey you ]once more[, seek no means against them. Indeed, Allaah is ever Exalted and Grand.{]Quran 4:34[ This verse is a threat to the husbands. Moreover, a husband should not consider divorce as a sword in the face of his wife by which he threatens her. He should either keep her in kindness or divorce her in kindness.
In any case, we advise you to be patient with him. Patience is the best solution at times of affliction and difficulties. You should continue to pray and not despair as the hearts are in the Hands of Allaah and He changes them as He wishes. Indeed, Allaah commanded us to supplicate Him and whoever puts hope in Allaah will never despair; Allaah says )what means(: }And your Lord says, Call upon Me; I will respond to you.” Indeed, those who disdain My worship will enter Hell ]rendered[ contemptible.{]Quran 40:60[
It is alright to continue seeking the help of righteous and pious people for mediation. After all this, if he chooses divorce and initiates the process, then you should not stay attached to him: you should accept what Allaah has decreed. Allaah may bless you with a better husband by His Grace; Allaah says )what means(: }But if they separate ]by divorce[, Allaah will enrich each ]of them[ from His abundance. And ever is Allaah Encompassing and Wise.{]Quran 4:130[
Finally, if a husband divorces his wife while she is in her menstrual period or when he has had sexual intercourse with her before she gets her period, then this is Bid'ah divorce )does not conform with Sunnah(, and according to the strongest opinion of the scholars, it takes effect. This is the view of the majority of the scholars as clarified in Fatwa84647.
If a layman seeks Fatwa from a person whom he trusts and the latter issues Fatwa to him that divorce did not take place, and he follows his view, then he is not sinful. However, seeking out leniency according to whims and desires is not permissible.
Allaah Knows best.
Me & my husband have been married for a year & 8 months. My husband wants divorce from me because of past mistakes like me being disobedient for example. I had since reformed myself & went 2 therapy for 2 months and returned back to obedience. He refuses to sleep in the bed with me because of all the arguments. He refuses to get help for himself. I went to a total of 4 imams &they can't do nothing 2 convince him 2not get divorce. Whenever he gets mad at me he will not help out with house chores. He refuses 2 treat me kindly when we disagree leading him 2 ignore me & sleep away. It's been like this for 4 months now. I pray & make dua all the time 2 Allah 2 soften his heart but its not working. I do so much for him. I cook and clean and compliment him for the hard work he does outside home but he doesn't appreciate a thing I do for him. I write down little tip & reminders for us to reflect but he ignores and refuses to follow. He brings up a lot of things from the past that are bad &I feel it is only making things worse. He prays and says he wants to be like prophetbut he doesn't help around the house. When I get emotional & cry he gets impatient and mean about it. He says he feels he has rushed marriage & feels he wasn't prepared. He is not willing to work things out at all &is being stubborn & thinks his reasons are legitimate for divorce. I try giving him kisses but he pushes me away. I say sweet words to him but he rolls his eyes & ignores me. I pray, wear hijab, obey him, fast, clean & cook but nothing works. Some ppl say I can't force him & and I'm not but he doesn't see the important of being a man and sacrificing for the marriage. Imams don't understand his reasonings &why he wants so much out of it. I mean I do make mistake &human¬ perfect but that's no reason to get divorce. He has divorced me 3times but the 1st 2 didn't count because I had sex &was on my period. B4 I thot it was only 1 but 2didnt count. What should I do?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
The wife has the right over her husband to treat her kindly; this is the commandment of Allaah and the guidance of the Prophetas previously explained in Fataawa88304and86618.
If your husband is as you mentioned, then he is opposing the above commandment and guidance.
On the other hand, if a wife is recalcitrant, then the Sharee’ah clarified how to discipline a recalcitrant wife and deserting one’s wife or divorcing her is not the primary solution. For more benefit on how to discipline a recalcitrant wife, please refer to Fatwa85402.
If the wife goes back to being obedient to her husband, then he is not permitted to hold her accountable for what happened in the past or discipline her because of it; Allaah says )what means(: }But if they obey you ]once more[, seek no means against them. Indeed, Allaah is ever Exalted and Grand.{]Quran 4:34[ This verse is a threat to the husbands. Moreover, a husband should not consider divorce as a sword in the face of his wife by which he threatens her. He should either keep her in kindness or divorce her in kindness.
In any case, we advise you to be patient with him. Patience is the best solution at times of affliction and difficulties. You should continue to pray and not despair as the hearts are in the Hands of Allaah and He changes them as He wishes. Indeed, Allaah commanded us to supplicate Him and whoever puts hope in Allaah will never despair; Allaah says )what means(: }And your Lord says, Call upon Me; I will respond to you.” Indeed, those who disdain My worship will enter Hell ]rendered[ contemptible.{]Quran 40:60[
It is alright to continue seeking the help of righteous and pious people for mediation. After all this, if he chooses divorce and initiates the process, then you should not stay attached to him: you should accept what Allaah has decreed. Allaah may bless you with a better husband by His Grace; Allaah says )what means(: }But if they separate ]by divorce[, Allaah will enrich each ]of them[ from His abundance. And ever is Allaah Encompassing and Wise.{]Quran 4:130[
Finally, if a husband divorces his wife while she is in her menstrual period or when he has had sexual intercourse with her before she gets her period, then this is Bid'ah divorce )does not conform with Sunnah(, and according to the strongest opinion of the scholars, it takes effect. This is the view of the majority of the scholars as clarified in Fatwa84647.
If a layman seeks Fatwa from a person whom he trusts and the latter issues Fatwa to him that divorce did not take place, and he follows his view, then he is not sinful. However, seeking out leniency according to whims and desires is not permissible.
Allaah Knows best.
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