Marital Life, - Use Your Intelligence andWisdom to Bring Happiness to Your Husband and Family

Share ::-

:->










There is no place in the entire world like a happy home in its beauty and the comfort that it radiates. Wherever we are, we will find no better place than a happy home.
How can the woman, with her intelligence, wisdom and good treatment, make a home happy and thus, make her family happy?
Dr. Hassaan Shamsi Basha is a cardiac consultant who has written many books about family life and is a prominent personality who is interested in the field of marital relations and family psychological health. He says,
Remember that you are responsible for making your husband and children happy and that the satisfaction of your husband leads you to Paradise. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Any woman who dies while her husband is satisfied with her will enter Paradise.”
Do not overburden your husband with something that is beyond his ability and do not accumulate your desires and requests and present them all at the same time so that your husband will feel exhausted and cease to be close to you. If you insist on having all that you need, your husband might refuse them all
Do not overburden him by wishing that he would adopt all the qualities and virtues that you like all at one time as it is rare to find one person who is characterized by every good quality.
When a man marries a woman, he usually keeps her good image in mind as he saw it in reality. Thus, do not distort the image that he has of you in his mind and try to preserve your beauty, elegance, health, activity and good speech. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, described the righteous woman,
Preserve your religiousness. Adhere toHijaaband do not let any non-Mahram)marriageable( man see any part of your body, even for the blink of an eye, as your husband would feel jealous and is careful that you are not be seen by any non-Mahramman.
Do not be preoccupied with housework and leave your husband neglected. Finish your tasks before your husband returns home.
Arrange your home in the best possible way and try to change the arrangement of the living room every now and then. Add your touches in choosing the places of paintings and decorations.
Do not lament the absence of the passion and love you used to daydream about before marriage. All these feelings calm down after marriage and turn into a balanced and calm love and way of life.
If the man is the one who has the decisive word in the marital relation, you are the one who is responsible for achieving success and harmony in marriage. Regardless of your culture, knowledge, status or position, you should submit to your husband and resort to him and not clash with his opinion. In
Let your husband always feel that you share his feelings, happiness, sorrows and distress. Let him feel that he is living in a calm and peaceful paradise so that he would be devoted to working, and being innovative and productive.
Speak nice words, smile brightly, make refreshing jokes and be cheerful. Avoid sadness, distress, ill speech, frowning, and desperation.
Do not waste your time chatting on the phone with your friends or reading unimportant magazines. Choose the type of magazines that would be useful to your mind and heart and that would enrich your culture and help you solve the problems of your family. Also, choose useful television programs to watch.
Encourage your husband to play physical sports outdoors. Try to go out for a walk with him, if that is possible, and enjoy the fresh air together during the weekend or whenever there is a chance.
Choose the right time for discussing family problems as it would be difficult to solve these problems before your husband goes to work as there would not be enough time. Do not discuss any problem with him when he returns from work feeling tired and exhausted. Perhaps the evening is the best time for
Do not ask your husband to play the role of police officer with your children and punish the one who is accused.
Do not criticize your husband’s behavior in the presence of the children and do not use bad phrases that would be repeated by your children like, “Here comes the monster.”
Beware of being excessively jealous or rebuking your husband too much, and avoid doing the things that make your husband jealous and distract his thoughts. ‘Abdullaah ibn Ja‘far ibn Abu Taalib, may Allaah be pleased with him, advised his daughter once, saying,“Beware of jealousy as it is the key to divorce, and
Never feel jealous because of your husband’s love for his parents as this is an inherent love that does not affect his love for you in any way.
Do not narrate your problems to your family, as this will make them hate your husband. Try to solve these problems with your husband.
Do not make your husband feel that you are superior to him if you are richer, of a higher status or more knowledgeable than him, as it is impermissible to underestimate your husband.
Do not refrain from having sexual intercourse with your husband if he wants to. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“If a man Invites his wife to have sexual intercourse with him and she refuses and he sleeps while being angry with her, the angels will continue cursing her until morning.”
Remember that obedience is the husband’s first right over his wife. Thus, you should not fast any voluntary fasts until you have his permission. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“No woman is permitted to fast ]voluntarily[ when her husband is present ]in the house[ except with his
Do not forget the favors your husband has done for you. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said that being ungrateful to the husband is a reason for entering Hell and called this denial of favors 'disbelief'. In aHadeethon the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, the
Save your husband's money and do not spend any of it without his permission and without making sure that he agrees. If your husband is poor, you can give him some of your money and if you do not have money, you should endure this difficulty patiently with him until Allaah The Almighty drives away all your
If you are a working woman do not think that your husband and children only need money. How far is the natural milk that which the child suckles from the artificial one? Is the love of the maid equal to the love and passion of the mother? Will the food of the maid be the same as the food of the wife? Will the
Do not grumble about your husband’s work as this is one of the worst things that some women do. This usually causes troubles and unhappiness. Many wives complain excessively and accuse the husband of being negligent. This may also lead the wife to resort to her mother’s house because she is angry.
Remember that your husband would see his mother everyday as the first one who woke up and then woke up all the family and prepared breakfast. She is the one who helped all the young children get dressed. He will thus not be satisfied with a woman who wakes up late.
Remember that the house that is filled with love, peace and mutual respect with little food and water is better than a house that is full of meat and the best types of food but also full of troubles and conflict.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Marital Life, - A Word to the Bride and Groom

Share ::-

:->










Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He Placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.{]Quran 30:21[
The affection and mercy mentioned in the previous verse can only be attained through certain factors, like saying a gentle word, spending generously, forming close ties, possessing a dignified manner and performing good deeds. But, none of that can happen unless the spouses cooperate to create mutual understanding, take a positive step on the path of love and exchange affectionate feelings.
While this is useful knowledge for spouses, regardless of whether they are newlyweds or old couples, the words to follow are intended for those who have just embarked on conjugal life, as that is a very delicate stage in life that will have a significant effect on their future. Many young men and women may have a vague idea of reality and limited experiences of people’s conditions and ways of dealing with them. It is to them I direct my words, to enjoin them to live with each other in an atmosphere of affection and mercy, as per the aforementioned noble verse.
O brides and their grooms! Many of our people, men and women, have wrong notions about newly-married life that may destroy the peaceful, happy and pleasant life that every bride and bridegroom looks forward to. One of such false concepts that is fairly popular among common people, is that aggressiveness, perhaps to the point of violence, should be practiced in the first days of marriage. Further, excessive and blatant affectation, pretending to be what one is not and overburdening one’s self with massive marriage expenses, are clear mistakes and dangers that threaten domestic bliss and marital life.
My dear sons and daughters! Affection in marriage does not descend on us from the sky or spring from beneath our feet. If we do not exert effort and pursue the means to attain it, we never will. So, learn and benefit from the knowledge of scholars and those who experienced it after spending decades studying human conflict and resolution.
In every country, there are mottos that reflect local culture; some of them may be correct, while others are not. One of such proverbs detrimental to marital bliss in our country, for instance, is the one that says, “Cut the cat’s head on the wedding night.” This originates from the myth of a man who placed a cat in his new wife’s room and hid a knife under the pillow. When his newlywed bride entered, he used the knife to decapitate the cat, which scared her so much, that she took to becoming a meek slave of his, fearing that she could be punished with similar ferocity if she disobeyed her merciless husband.
This erroneous idea can only result in alienation between the spouses at a time when they are especially in dire need of intimacy, affection and harmony. Undoubtedly, starting a marital life in an atmosphere of terrorism, bloodshed and threats eliminates any and all possibility of enjoying any concord in the future. And if the marriage still holds somehow, it will be based on fear, grudge, hatred and deceit.
The first days of marriage form the most crucial phase of one’s life. It is of dire importance that both spouses be able to adjust themselves to their new life. Sure, some potentially damaging mistakes may be committed by either spouse due to misunderstandings, but this is a time of accustoming to each others’ habits, morals and traditions, with love and understanding. However, a stick, whip, knife and obstinacy in a man are negative and useless tools that cannot do any good, even if they are claimed to work for some rare, psychotic people. The truly successful husband is the one who wins the heart of his wife in the first days of marriage; and a successful wife is she who wins the admiration and love of her husband during this happy period, for, indeed, nothing begets goodness as goodness itself. Such a mutual attitude helps them create feelings of love, kindness, affection, appreciation and respect. With the passage of time and the emergence of new factors that tie the spouses together, we find these emotions enhanced and strengthened.
If we consider the rulings of the noble Sharee’ah, we will find rules that support this sound logic, as it is recommended in our religion for the bridegroom, even if he may already be married, to devote the whole first seven days after his wedding, to his new bride, particularly if she is a virgin. Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that“]i[t is the Sunnah that if someone marries a virgin and he already has a non-virgin wife, he should stay for seven days with her )the virgin( and then take turns ]in spending nights with all his wives[; and if someone marries a matron, then he should stay with her three days, and then take turns.”]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
Islam also urgesholding a marriage banquet in order to make the bride comfortable and let her feel important; this is even applicable in times of poverty and scarcity of resources.
Moreover, whoever contemplates the life of the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, with his family and wives, will certainly realize that violence, whether in the first days of or later in marital life, is unthinkable. The Messenger of Allaah,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, advised:“The best among you are the kindest to their wives and I am the kindest to my wives.”The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to cuddle his spouses, show affection to them and would joke with them.
Indeed, it is no less than an act of chivalry to honor a girl, who leaves her family to come to an unfamiliar house and a man she has never freely mingled with, until her feeling of strangeness disappears and she feels welcomed in surroundings that are full of love, kindness, intimacy and respect. Her husband, who has chosen her to be his partner and the mother of his children, should make her feel that her new house is neither a cage nor a jail, but an oasis of care and bliss, where she will live in continuous happiness, not in the heat of battles. The wife should also return these feelings with their like and make an effort to adapt to her new life. It would do both husband and wife good to abandon some inappropriate pre-marriage habits.
Hence, indeed, as a Hadeeth states, leniency is not found in anything but that it adds to its beauty and is not absent from anything but is thereby made defective. Violence, whether on the part of one or both spouses, creates grudges and constant glares and may lead them to suffer from psychological stress that will adversely affect their life and that of their children. In extreme cases, it may lead to mental illness or criminal behavior and their new life would become damaged and they will end up separated.
Furthermore, excessive pretension and overwhelming one’s self with debt in the first days of marriage is a kind of deception that has a negative effect on marital life. In fact, it is a kind of foolishness that harms the interest of the new family. Therefore, let us fear Allaah The Almighty in our homes, adopt Islamic morals, abandon all foolish customs, whether old or new, and adhere to our religious teachings — for real happiness lies in them — and try to achieve affection and mercy through actually pursuing it. In doing so, we may be able to establish merciful and loving families that our Ummah needs in its coming renaissance, Allaah willing.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Personal, - Fashion - II

Share ::-

:->









Effects of Trabarruj:
There are many effects of Tabarruj:
Indecency becomes widespread, desires prevail, immoral behaviors emerge, families are corrupted, divorce becomes common and the chastity of women is abused. Then, after all this, comes a complete collapse of all moral values.
Hijab Is Freedom:
Allah The Exalted ordained women to wear the Hijab which is to wear what veils their bodies and adornments from the eyes of foreign men )non Mahram men(. She, who thinks that Allah The Almighty is restricting her with Hijab, has a soul that has not yet fully embraced faith nor has her heart yet been saturated with the truth of Islam. Otherwise, she would have understood that her freedom lies in veiling her body from the eyes of the wicked.
Islam aims at establishing a chaste society where sexual instincts and lusts are not provoked or disturbed lest they end up as a lustful maniacal society that is never satisfied. There is no place in a Muslim society for a treacherous glance, a seducing movement or a naked body. That is why Allah The Almighty ordered women to wear Hijab to protect them from harm and abuses and to preserve men from falling into temptations.
Wisdom of Hijab:
Hijab or the Islamic dress code is an individual obligation upon every woman which cannot be abandoned. There are various texts that support this meaning. Allah The Almighty Says )what means(:}O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves ]part[ of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known and not be abused. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.{]Quran 33:59[.
Allah The Exalted also Says )what means(:}And tell the believing women to reduce ]some[ of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which ]necessarily[ appears thereof and to wrap ]a portion of[ their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands{]Quran 24:31[.
Conditions of Hijab:
The Islamic dress code has some conditions, including:
- It should cover the entire body according to the opinion of some jurists. Others excluded the face and the hands as Allah The Almighty Says )what means(:}to bring down over themselves ]part[ of their outer garments.{]Quran 33:59[. The garment is the lengthy dress that veils the body and to bring down denotes to lower and loosen.
- It should be thick, neither thin nor transparent because the purpose of Hijab is to veil and cover.
- It may not be an adornment in itself or with attractive, eye catching colors for Allah The Almighty Says )what means(:}and not expose their adornment except that which ]necessarily[ appears thereof{]Quran 24:31[ Meaning without intent and not purposely. If a dress is an adornment in itself, then it may not be worn because Hijab prevents displaying adornment to foreign men )other than immediate relatives(.
- It shall be loose and not tight so that it does not expose the shape of the body, the 'Awrah )private parts of the body( or display the parts that arouse temptation.
- It should not be perfumed in order not to arouse the desires of men and attract their attention. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Every eye is adulterous and when a woman perfumes herself and passes a company )of men( she is such and such )meaning adulterous(."]At-Tirmidhi[
- It should not resemble the dress of men as Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that the Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, cursed the man who wears the dress of a woman and the woman who wears the dress of a man. ]Abu Dawood[
In addition, Ibn Abbas, may Allaah be pleased with them,, reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Allah cursed the men who imitate the feminine traits of women and the women who imitate the masculine traits of men."]Al Bukhari[. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, meant those women who wear the dress of men like some of the women of this age.
The Importance of Hijab:
Hijab is one of the strongest and most useful means to prevent indecency. It helps men and women avoid the paths of temptation and sin. The philosophy of Sharee'ah rules concerning the dress code of women in the Islamic perspective is based upon setting her feminism aside in her social movements and emphasizing her humanity and faith in dealing with foreign men )other than immediate relatives(. This applies in respect to all her movements outside her house.
Western Perspective:
These Sharee'ah rulings are completely contradicted by the western perspective. Women became a commodity subject to supply and demand, exposed to humiliation, even sexual harassment, assault and rape became widespread.
Adornment:
Islam gave due attention to the issue of adornment and ordered its followers to adorn themselves in the Noble Quran. Allah The Exalted Says )what means(:}O children of Adam, take your adornment at every masjid.{]Quran 7:31[.
Adornment is a name comprehensive of all that one is adorned with including jewelry, applying eyeliner, henna )a natural hair coloring( and such other permissible adornments.
Permissible Adornment:
- Wearing gold and silver and other similar )adornments such as( pearls, rubies, emeralds and gems was clearly explained in practice when the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, took gold in his right hand and silk in his left, then said his famous saying:"These two are forbidden for the males of my ummah and permissible for its women."]Ibn Majah[
- Dying one's hair: altering the color of gray hair using henna, Sufra )yellowness( and katam )a plant that gives a dark color( and avoiding black as mentioned in the Hadeeth reported on the authority of Abu Tharr, may Allaah be pleased with him, in which the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“The best things to use to change grey hair are henna and katam.”]Abu Dawood, al-Tirmithi and An Nasaa'i[ Furthermore, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Change this )grey hair( with something but avoid black."]Abu Daawood and Ahmad[
Concerning beautifying and adorning the face with powder, colors and the like; there are no texts that prohibit this. In addition, this does not change the creation of Allah The Almighty as it is a temporary change that is removed by washing with water. It is permissible for a woman in her house, exclusively for her husband and it is not permissible for her to go out with it.
- Henna: ‘Aaishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, narrated that a woman made a sign from behind a curtain to indicate that she had a message for the Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, closed his hand, saying:"I cannot tell if this is the hand of a man or a woman". She said: “No, it is of a woman.” He said: "If you were a difference to your nails.")meaning with henna( ]Abu Daawood and An Nasaa'i[
- Wearing perfume: when there are no foreign men )other than immediate relatives( present. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Whoever is given Rayhaan )Basil(, he should not refuse it, because it is light to carry and it has a good scent."]Muslim and Abu Daawood[ It is also permissible for women to apply Kuhl )eyeliner(, to comb their hair, apply cream to it and cleanse it. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Whoever has hair should honor it."]Abu Dawood[
Impermissible Adornment:
- Tabarruj: Allah The Exalted Says )what means(:}do not display yourselves as ]was[ the display of the former times of ignorance. And establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger.{]Quran 33:33[ Allah The Exalted also Says )what means(:}They call upon instead of Him none but female ]deities[, and they ]actually[ call upon none but a rebellious Satan. Whom Allah has cursed. For he had said, "I will surely take from among Your servants a specific portion. And I will mislead them, and I will arouse in them ]sinful[ desires, and I will command them so they will slit the ears of cattle, and I will command them so they will change the creation of Allah." And whoever takes Satan as an ally instead of Allah has certainly sustained a clear loss.{]Quran 4:117 -119[.
A woman who restricts her femininity to the rules of Sharee'ah is characterized by decency, chastity and modesty. On the other hand, the woman who freed herself from the rules of Sharee'ah and transgressed them is characterized by tabarruj and temptation.
The manifestations of Tabarruj in this day and age reached the extent that women go out )as if( naked and display their natural and acquired adornment which includes changing the creation of Allah The Exalted.
- Using false hair: Asmaa, may Allaah be pleased with her, narrated that a woman asked the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, saying,"O Messenger of Allah, my daughter was inflicted with the measles and her hair fell out. Now that I had her marry, may I let her use false hair?" He said )to her(, "Allah has cursed the lady who artificially lengthens her hair and the one who lengthens it for her."]Al Bukhari and Muslim[
Cursing is of course the strongest proof of prohibition. Using false hair constitutes changing the creation of Allah The Exalted. This was developed in the modern age – through using what is called a wig – the hair used is the hair previously cut from this woman, or natural hair of another woman or the hair of an animal or artificial hair. The same ruling applies to using artificial eyelashes. In conclusion, it is forbidden for a woman to use false hair in cases of health or illness and whether she is married or not and whether with the permission and knowledge of her husband or without.
- Tattooing: the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Allah has cursed such a lady who artificially lengthens )her or someone else's( hair or gets it lengthened and also a lady who tattoos )herself or someone else( or gets herself tattooed."]Al Bukhari and Muslim[
Tattooing involves instilling a needle or the like in the skin until blood seeps then it is filled with kuhl or another substance until it becomes green. Tattooing has various other names that differ in different lands such as )Ad Daqq(. The one who tattoo artist or tattooed draws different shapes on the skin mostly on the face, hands and arms. These drawings remain fixed and are immovable. This indicates changing the creation of Allah The Exalted therefore, it is forbidden. The tattooed person is the one who requests that this be done to her.
- Plucking eyebrows: this involves plucking the edges of eyebrows in particular to make them look thinner or finer. The naamisah )mentioned in the text of the Hadeeth( is the one who takes hair from eyebrows other her own, and thins them. The mutanamisah is the one who this act is performed upon. This is forbidden as the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Allah curses women who practice tattooing and the tattooed. And the women who remove the hair from their faces and those who make artificial spaces between their teeth in order to look more beautiful whereby they change the creation of Allah."]Muslim[
At-Tabari said: a woman may not alter the way Allah The Exalted created her. This is so whether by addition or removal, seeking beauty for the husband or another by doing things such as removing the hair between the eyebrows. Imam An-Nawawi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said that if hair grows in a woman's beard or above her lips, it is not forbidden to remove it, rather, it is recommended.
- Spacing between the teeth: is forbidden as the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Allah has cursed… those ladies who make artificial spaces between their teeth in order to look more beautiful whereby they change the creation of Allah."]Muslim[
- Going out wearing perfume: the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"If a woman uses perfume and passes the people so that they may notice its scent, she is an adulterous"]Abu Daawood, At Tirmithi and An Nasaa'i[ for this causes temptation. However, wearing perfume for the husband at home is permissible. Rather, it is considered obligatory if the husband requests it to preserve his chastity and to help maintain affection between them.
- Adornment with what includes imitating the non-Muslim women: the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"whoever imitates a people is one of them."]Abu Dawood and Ahmad[. Moreover, the Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, cursed"the men who imitate the feminine traits of women and the women who imitate the masculine traits of men."]Al Bukhari[
Then to whom may women display their adornment?
Allah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And tell the believing women to reduce ]some[ of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which ]necessarily[ appears thereof and to wrap ]a portion of[ their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.{]Quran 24:31[. Allah, The Exalted, excluded twelve categories of people to which a woman may display her adornment. She may not display it to anyone else.
Woman's adornment for her husband: it is a duty of the woman to adorn herself for her husband by using perfumes, applying Kuhl )eyeliner( and wearing attractive clothes in order to make him happy and increase his desire for her. This is also a reason for maintaining love and affection between them. Islam does not permit a woman to adorn herself with whatever is forbidden or whatever contains a forbidden substance even if her husband orders her to do so. No creature may be obeyed in what constitutes disobedience to the Creator. In addition, she may not intend to adorn herself for anyone other than her husband.
Coiffeur:
Among the bad habits that spread in many Muslim lands is that women go to what is called coiffeurs or salons to have their hair styled or for beautification. It is no secret to anyone about violations of Sharee'ah rulings that transpire in these places. A Muslim woman should beware of taking part in these issues when she is keen on adorning herself for her husband. There is no problem in having tools at home for use such as creams, powders and hair styling equipment.
The Islamic Vision:
Islam granted the woman a distinguished status, respected her mind and valued her faith, piety and humanity. If a woman appears in society, Islam wants her to be treated according to her faith, piety and correct behavior and not according to her appearance, attractiveness and her tempting seductiveness.
Thus, Islam has a clear vision about the adornment of a woman outside her house. It prohibits that the feminine traits of women be viewed outside their homes,adorning themselves with what attracts the eyes of their surroundings because this turns them into commodities for temptation and merchandise for play and amusement. Thus, making them lose the most important things that make them proud, namely religion, morals, mind and even humanity.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M