Marital Life, - Tips for a Happy Marriage

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:-> 1-Make your wife happy and you will be happy: You must give to take. This is one of the laws of life, and if you give happiness to your wife, you will receive happiness. You should know that the first one to benefit from your wife’s happiness is you. That is because if you succeed in making her happy, she will spare no effort to make you happy and return the favor. The woman is a delicate and sensitive creature who refuses to take without giving, because she inclines by nature to giving and sacrificing for the sake of those whom she loves. You can follow these steps to make your wife happy: ·Consult her in your affairs ·Be gentle with her ·Give her orders in a kind manner, without haughtiness and arrogance ·Provide her with enough money to meet her needs and the home appliances she needs. ·Joke and play with her from time to time ·Dedicate part of your time to her and never let your work distract you from entertaining her ·Let her know that you love her and feel protective about her ·Give her gifts ·Take into consideration her physical and psychological tensions and endeavor to solve her problems ·Overlook her simple faults and avoid overburdening her with demands 2-Pay attention toyour personalhygiene: Personal hygiene is one of the most important things that make both man and woman lead a happy life together. Neglecting this aspect makes each of the spouses repel the other. We have seen many marital disputes and problems that led to divorce because the husband is negligent regarding cleaning his mouth, body or armpits, or due to his insistence on smoking or leaving the bathroom unclean after using it, or other behavior that indicate that the man does not care much for his personal hygiene. Islam is the religion of cleanliness: Ibn Al-Jawzi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, I have noticed that many people neglect their personal cleanliness. Some of them do not clean their teeth after eating with a toothpick; some do not wash their hands thoroughly from the smell of meat and fats after eating; some almost never use the Siwaak )tooth stick(, apply Kohl, remove the armpit hair, and so on. This negligence has evil worldly and religious impacts. As for the religious evils, the believer is commanded to clean himself and take a bath on Fridays to prepare himself before the gathering of Friday Prayer. He is also forbidden from entering the mosque if he had eaten garlic, and the Sharee‘ah commanded us to clean the finger joints, trim the nails, use the Siwaak, shave the pubic hair, and so on. With regard to the worldly evils, some of those who neglect their personal cleanliness speak to me from a close distance, unaware of the harm they are causing. When they start speaking to me, I can not turn away from them because they wish to confide something to me and I therefore suffer greatly because of the smell of their mouths. This also may make one’s wife feel disgust; however, she may prefer not to tell her husband, but it ends up in her aversion towards him. Ibn‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, used to say, “I like to adorn myself for my wife, just as I like her to adorn herself for me.” The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the cleanest of all people and his smell was the best. No one ever smelled an unpleasant smell from him. The wise people said, “Whoever cleans his clothes, his worries diminish, and whoever maintains a good smell, his mind becomes sounder.” Moreover, people love the person who preserves his personal cleanliness for his cleanliness and good smell. Finally, such a man pleases his wife, since women are the counterparts of men and they dislike uncleanliness just as men dislike it. However, a man can show patience with what he dislikes, but the woman may fail to do so.]summarized fromSayd Al-Khaatir[ 3-Get rid of worries: Worry is the bitter enemy of happiness, and whoever lives while being captured with worries can never enjoy happiness. Some people may fear that their marriage would collapse, but they should know that worry is useless and will not solve the problem. On the contrary, worry worsens the problems and paralyzes the mind. In fact, worry is a problem in itself and we should treat it first before treating the other problems. Worry that is related to marriage is usually due to three causes: A-Fear of inability to provide for the family B-Fear of financial problems C-Fear of any change in the wife’s conduct in such a way the leads to separation D-Fear of inability to achieve sexual adjustment or satisfying the wife’s sexual needs E-Fear of a sudden death that may destroy the family This kind of worry is needless and it only obsesses the wavering people who rely on the means rather than Allaah The Almighty. One is only required to work and then leave the results to Allaah The Almighty along with absolute satisfaction with the Divine Decree and Judgment. Then, there is no harm in utilizing the available means along with complete reliance on Allaah The Almighty and asking Him to bestow safety and security upon one’s family. 4-Avoid irritability: Completely avoiding anger is very difficult; however, the wise man should not be irritable, or allow any act or behavior to provoke him. A reasonable man should not surrender to anger in such a way that turns it into one of his characteristics, because this will destroy his happiness and fill his life with misery and sorrow. If anger exceeds the proper limits, it will make one deal with others unjustly and cruelly. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“The strong man is not the one who is undefeatable in a fight , but the strong man is he who controls himself in a fit of rage”]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ The majority of divorce cases take place under the influence of anger. Then, when the man calms down, he regrets what he has done. However, this divorce may be irrevocable which means that regret will be of no use and the man will lose his beloved wife forever, unless another man marries and then divorces her. There is no doubt that this is very difficult for any man with dignity.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Marital Life, - 'Eed: A Time for Joy between Spouses

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:-> On the morning of the day of'Eed,mosques echo with the sounds ofTakbeer)the words'Allaahu Akbar'(,Tahleel)the words'Laa ilaaha illaa Allaah'(and tears flow expressing grief over the departure of the beloved month ofRamadan, the month of blessings, patience, generosity and bounties. Allaah The Almightygives us the gift of'Eed, which are days of happiness and joy thatenvelopall members of the family including the spouses. On that day, the souls of the spouses become purified and their hearts act as one, in accord with each other. Thus, we feel the spirit of happiness hovering over their house and the fragrance of love, cordiality, tolerance and fun is felt everywhere. This is the only way to actualize the meaning of'Eedin the true sense of the word. However, for some people,'Eedmay spark quarrels, particularly in the morning, due to the limited time and distracted minds when preparing to go out. Such quarrels fill the souls with anger, which transforms'Eedfrom a source of happiness into an occasion for fights. In this case, the result would be that the spouses would go to visit their relatives with angry faces and depressed souls. The happiness of'Eedhovers over the happy house: -The spouses should thank Allaah The Almighty for His blessings and bounty:}Say, "In the Bounty of Allaah and in His Mercy - in that let them rejoice; it is better than what they accumulate."{]Quran 10:58[ -They should repeatTakbeerand praise Allaah The Almighty on the days of'Eedas the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, urged us to do so. -They should ask Allaah The Almighty sincerely to accept their fasting, night prayer and all their sincere deeds and to lengthen their lives to witnessRamadanmany times. -They should ask Allaah The Almighty to join them both in His Paradise, the home of His Mercy. -They should overlook trivial issues and things that upset them. Allaah The Almighty legislated'Eedto be an occasion for joy and fun rather than sadness and quarreling. Preparations for a happier'Eed: Dear sister, here are some tips to have a happier'Eed: -Organize all that your family will need when going out two days before the day of'Eed. Prepare the clothes of your husband and children and all the items you will need and keep them in a suitable and easily accessible place. -Tidy your house before'Eedto save the time that you will spend in doing so before going out on the'Eedday. -You and your husband should sleep as early as possible on the night of'Eedto wake up early, active and in good spirits. -After theFajr)dawn( prayer, do not forget to makeIstighfaar)seek forgiveness( and recite the supplications of the morning, in addition to sayingTakbeerandTahleel.Raise your voice until all the members of your family hear you and feel the happy atmosphere of'Eed. -Keep some dates for your husband and children to eat before going out to attend the'Eedprayer as the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam,used to do. You should also prepare a dish of sweets and milk )or tea according to your preference(. Preparations on the morning of'Eed: -Wake your husband and children up early to perform theFajrprayer, then head to the place of'Eedprayer while makingTakbeerto attend the'Eedprayer and listen to theKhutbah)sermon(. -Spouses should visit their family and relatives and spend time with them. -Prepare some greeting cards that express your happiness and gratitude to your husband for his generosity and for helping you in doing good deeds. -Try to spend the second day of'Eedwith your husband and children by going on a picnic away from noise and people. You could prepare some surprise gifts, hold competitions and cook grilled food outdoors. -Make yourself and your husband happy so that you find its influence on your actions and behavior. Overlook all that might anger you, and remind yourself and your husband, whenever you see the ghost of anger approaching, that this is'Eedand that you should be happy and change your life for the better.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Islamic Article, - False Monasticism - II

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Shaykh Yoosuf said, “Mu‘aath, there are other proofs from the Quran and Sunnah )Prophetic tradition( which prove what I said. Allah The Almighty says )what means(:} Indeed, I will make upon the earth a successive authority.{]Quran 2:30[
Allah The Almighty enjoined the believers to be a successive authority on earth by inhabiting it in order to establish worship of Allah The Almighty. Man cannot succeed in this difficult mission unless he possesses the potential and capabilities that qualify him for that. Thus, Allah The Almighty granted man these capabilities and created him in the best stature. Allah The Almighty says )what means(:}We have certainly created man in the best of stature.{]Quran 95:4[ That is to enable man to accomplish this task in the best possible manner. The Companions of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, set the best example for this. How could they establish the greatest nation on earth in a very short period of time that amounts to nothing in the calculation of time? How did they build the world's finest civilization at their time which is considered the basis of the renaissance that occurred in the West?
In one of his famous books, called The Making of Humanity, Robert Briffault said,
The debt of our science to that of the Arabs does not consist in startling discoveries or revolutionary theories; science owes a great deal more to Arab culture; it owes its existence. The ancient world was, as we saw, pre-scientific. The astronomy and mathematics of the Greeks were a foreign importation never thoroughly acclimatized into Greek culture. The Greeks systematized, generalized and theorized, but the patient ways of investigation, the accumulation of positive knowledge, the minute methods of science, detailed and prolonged observation, experimental inquiry, were altogether alien to the Greek temperament. Only in Hellenistic Alexandria was any, approach to scientific work conducted in the ancient classical world. What we call science arose in Europe as a result of a new spirit of inquiry, of new methods of investigation, of the method of experimentation, observation, measurement, and of the development of mathematics into a form unknown to the Greeks. That spirit and those methods were introduced into the European world by the Arabs.
Therefore, it was not strange that the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, asked a Companion like Zayd bin Thaabit, may Allah be pleased with him, to master the Hebrew language in just two weeks. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was aware of his abilities, whom Allah The Almighty had honored by making him a successive authority on earth. Thus, the noble Companion learnt and mastered this language in only two weeks. Listen to these two wonderful Hadeeths:
1- It was narrated on the authority of Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Seven acts whose reward continues for the Muslim in his grave after his death: a person who taught knowledge, let a river run, dug a well, planted palm-trees, built a Masjid, bequeathed a Mus-haf, or left a child who would ask forgiveness for him after his death."]Al-Bazzaar )Al-Albaani: Hasan([
2- It was narrated on the authority of Jaabir bin ‘Abdullaah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Everything which does not belong to the remembrance of Allah is diversion and amusement except for four things: a man's playing with his wife, training his horse, shooting arrows, and learning to swim."]An-Nasaa’i )Al-Albaani: Hasan([
The Companions of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, set the best examples.
‘Abdur-Rahmaan bin ‘Awf
‘Abdur-Rahmaan bin ‘Awf, may Allah be pleased with him, sold a piece of land to ‘Uthmaan, may Allah be pleased with him, for forty thousand dinars and distributed it among the poor of Banu Zuhrah, the poor Muhaajiroon )Emigrants(, and the Mothers of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with them. Ibn ‘Abdul-Barr, may Allah have mercy upon him, said, "Abdur-Rahmaan bin ‘Awf, the one who said, 'Show me where the market of Madeenah is,' was fortunate in trade. He left one thousand camels, three thousand sheep, and one hundred horses, and he used to cultivate in Al-Jurf – a place located at a distance of three miles from Al-Madeenah in the direction of Ash-Shaam – using twenty horses to draw water for his land."
“Mu‘aath, are you now convinced that our religion encourages production and activity and never calls for false monasticism whose main motive is the inability to build up the earth?”
Mu‘aath nodded his head and firmly said, "Now I understand, Shaykh Yoosuf, and I realize that there must be proper understanding of religion so as not to mix proper and improper perceptions or misunderstand the reality of Islam, which always calls for the best for the individual and the society."

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M