Marital Life, - Obeying the Husband is the Key to Paradise

The IslamicSharee'ahstresses that the wife is under the obligation of
obeying her husband. This remains unless he commands her to disobey
Allaah The Exalted. She is required to obey him and exert her utmost
effort to fulfill his needs in a way that makes him satisfied and
thankful. This is supported by theHadeethwhere the Prophet,sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, said:"If the woman performs the five daily prayers,
fasts the month of Ramadan, maintains her chastity and obeys her
husband, she will enter the Paradise of her Lord."Likewise, Allaah The
Exalted Says )what means(:}But if they obey you ]once more[, seek no
means against them.{]Quran 4:34[ Moreover, the Prophet,sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, said:"Were I to order anyone to prostrate himself
before anyone else, I would have ordered the woman to prostrate
herself before her husband."
Obedience is the first right that Islam acknowledges for the husband
over his wife. She is required to obey him in everything unless he
commands her to do an act of disobedience. The Prophet,sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, said:"No creature should be obeyed when it comes to
disobeying the Creator."
Consequently, she is required to obey him when he commands, fulfill
his request when he orders, abstain when he forbids and respond when
he advises. If he commands her not to allow a certain person, whether
he is a relative or not, aMahramor non-Mahram, to enter his home when
he is absent, she is required to obey him. The Messenger of
Allaah,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"Indeed, you have a right
over your wives, and your wives have a right over you. As for the
right that you have over them, it is to disallow anyone whom you
dislike to enter your houses."
Obeying the Husband is Equal to Jihaad
There are manySharee'ahtexts indicating the greatness of the husband's
right over his wife. In aHadeethon the authority of Ibn 'Abbaas, may
Allaah be pleased with him, it was mentioned that a woman came to the
Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and said, "O Messenger of
Allaah, I am a delegate ]from a group of[ women and there are none of
them, whether she knows or does not know that I would come to you,
except she would want me to come to you. Allaah The Almighty is the
Lord of both men and women and their God, and you are the Messenger of
Allaah, for both men and women. Allaah has prescribed Jihaad for men
only; if they are victorious, their reward is great, and if they die
as martyrs, they are alive with their Lord, receiving sustenance. ]For
women[, which act of obedience is equal in reward to this?"The
Messenger of Allaah,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, replied:"Obeying
their husbands and )being aware of and( fulfilling their rights; and
few of you do that."]At-Tabaraani and 'Abdul-Raaziq[ Here, the
Messenger of Allaah,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, equated the reward
of makingJihaadto that of the wife obeying her husband.
Obedient Wives
The wife who knows her religious duties towards her husband is fully
aware of the importance of obeying her husband. Mrs. Maha Jaabir says,
"In order to provide the family with an atmosphere of security,
protection, stability and affection, the wife is required to obey her
husband in everything that is useful and beneficial. This would help
to create sound humans who would go through life far removed from
disturbances or imbalances. In return, Islam gave the woman her full
right and made it obligatory on the husband to honor his wife,
safeguard her rights and provide an honorable life for her in order to
be obedient and loving."
Mrs. Muna Al-Mu'aththin says,
If it is obligatory on the wife to obey her husband, this is only
because he bears the responsibility and she is subordinate to him. He
is a caretaker of his home and responsible for those who are under his
charge. Moreover, he is supposed to be more insightful and more
open-minded, and to know things that the wife does not know because of
his wide circle of acquaintances and his wide experience that enables
him to see what his wife does not. The wise wife is the one who obeys
her husband, fulfills his commands and responds to his opinions and
advice willingly and sincerely. If she finds something wrong in him,
from her point of view, she exchanges views with him and guides him to
his mistake with leniency, kindness and conviction. Calmness and soft
words work like magic.
The disease of conceit and arrogance may cripple a woman's heart. In
this respect, Mrs. 'Abeer Murshid says, "If such a disease reaches the
heart of the woman, it would be a great disaster. The marital
relationship would be threatened with the most dangerous type of
disputes and quarrels. The man is in charge of the family by virtue of
the role that Allaah The Almighty has granted him. If the wife tries
to change the Creation of Allaah and His norms, this would afflict her
with the most harmful consequences."
Describing the way that she treats her husband, Mrs. Leena Al-Ghadhbaan says,
If my husband calls me to obey Allaah The Exalted and the Messenger of
Allaah,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, I respond to his call without
annoyance because this is the way to salvation and forgiveness. If he
asks me to wear decent clothes and adhere toHijaab, I obey his command
because this is the way to attain success and the satisfaction of
Allaah The Almighty. I do not care about the customs of the community
as Allaah The Exalted Says )what means(:}And if you obey most of those
upon the earth, they will mislead you from the Way of Allaah.{]Quran
6:116[ If he asks me to be moderate regarding home expenses, I respond
with my heart and with love and faithfulness. These are the
foundations of marital life that Allaah The Exalted Has established on
affection and mercy. I know that when my husband gets angry at
anything I might have done after advising and directing me, this may
entails the Anger of Allaah The Exalted.
Mrs. Khadeejah Hijaazi says,
One may find obedience a heavy burden; however, the wife is rewarded
according to the extent of her readiness to be obedient and her
sincerity in fulfilling the obligations of such obedience. The
Messenger of Allaah,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, praised women and
clarified that the services they perform and the sacrifices they make
in terms of their emotions and energies can be made by no one else.
They were created to perform a sublime and important duty, and in
return Allaah The Exalted Has prepared a great reward for them. This
reward would not be completed except with the wife's obedience to her
husband, satisfying him and avoiding what he dislikes.
Mrs. Hanaa' As-Saalih says, "The man is in charge of the family. He
takes care of it and observes the morals of its members and its
affairs. Hence, all the members of the family are required to obey
him. He is charged with the burdens of the family and working to
provide for it and fulfill its needs. In this way, the family is
organized on the basis that there is a caretaker and a commander, on
one hand, and subjects who listen and obey on the other."
Limits of Obedience
However, the obedience that is obligatory on the wife to her husband
is not blind obedience or obedience without restrictions, conditions
or limits. Rather, it is the obedience of the righteous wife to the
righteous and pious husband whose personality she trusts and believes
in his sincerity and righteousness. Obedience that is based on
consultation and mutual understanding promotes the entity of the
family and its conditions and reinforces its foundations and strength.
The spouses are advised to consult each other with regard to all
family affairs. Indeed, there is no consultant better than a faithful
and truthful wife. She supports her husband, guides him with her
emotions, protects him with her instinct and provides him with her
opinion. The Messenger of Allaah,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, would
consult his wives and follow their opinion in important matters. He
consulted his wife, Umm Salamah, may Allaah be pleased with her, in a
most critical situation. Her consultation and wise opinion were
important in putting an end to that crisis and returning matters to
normality.
Finally, we find that Islam has organized the rights of spouses in
such a way that if each of them perfectly fulfills the other's rights,
he, as well as those around him, will live in a state of happiness.
However, if one of them misuses this right, the marital life will fail
as it is a partnership between the spouses. Islam acknowledges the
rights of the wife over her husband just as it acknowledges the
husband's rights over his wife. Additionally, it has clarified the
duties of each. If both of them follow the instructions and each of
them knows his Islamic rights and duties, the family will live happily
and will be encompassed by tranquility and the mercy of Allaah The
Almighty.

Soul Purification, - Indeed, It Was the First Night in My Life!

I was moving restlessly on my bed that night; I could not sleep as I
was extremely terrified for no obvious reason. It was four in the
morning and I was overwhelmed with fear and everything was dim and
dark in my eyes. I started reciting the Surahs of the Noble Quran that
I had to memorize. I have memorized many of them, yet I have forgotten
most of them as I did not revise them continually. I closed my eyes
and started recalling what I memorize from the verses of the Noble
Quran; I felt a little bit calm, yet fear was still in the air.
Strangely enough, I started seeing my whole life flash before my eyes.
I recalled my childhood, my sins while I was growing up, and the
prayers that I have often, and maybe always, performed lazily.
Moreover, I started remembering my friend and how we used to meet,
play, and have fun together, never thinking of death! I recalled how
my friend left her house one day, but never came back. She passed away
in a car accident! Then, I started thinking of what I would say to the
Angel of death when he comes to claim my soul; am I ready for death?
Am I ready to meet my Lord? Have I done enough good deeds to enter
Paradise? Would I be among the dwellers of Paradise or the residents
of Hellfire? No, I will definitely, be among the inhabitants of
Paradise, Allaah willing, but what did I do to earn that honor? Are my
deeds enough to get me into Paradise? What did I do to be among the
dwellers of Paradise? Would yelling and shouting at my mother get me
into Paradise? Are backbiting and tale-bearing the kind of deeds that
would get me into Paradise? Am I going to be granted Paradise for not
adhering to the due Hijaab or for my impermissible exposure of my
adornments and beauty? Is Paradise the abode of those who watch
impermissible films and listen to immoral songs? I have always felt
shy to let people sit with me while watching such immoral movies and
songs, yet I have never felt bashful of Allaah The Almighty!
I was silent for some seconds, and then continued my monologue. I
started thinking that I was still, certainly, better than many other
impious people. Then,I started recalling those devout young girls whom
I used to meet in the mosque and how each of them was willing to fight
the whole universe and sacrifice her life and not expose a single lock
of her hair before strangers! Who am I compared to them? Have I made
an agreement with Allaah The Exalted to grant me the chance to repent
before death? Have I made an accord with Allaah The Exalted that I
would not die now or tomorrow? Has Allaah The Almighty promised to
forgive me and admit me to Paradise?
Frightened as I was at these moments, I stood up, shaking out of fear
with frozen tears in my eyes. I headed towards the bathroom, preformed
ablution and stood to perform prayers. I was literally shivering and
shaking all over.
Strangely enough, I found myself shedding tears and crying out of fear
for the first time in my life. It was the first time in my life to cry
like that for something other than the usual worldly affairs and
insignificant trivialities. In fact, I used to cry my eyes out for
missing the chance to commit a sin! Moreover, I also used to cry my
heart out when hearing a love song that moves me, yet it is a mere
Satanic whispering. Alas, I have cried for the most trivial reasons,
yet I have never cried while pondering over the Noble Quran, being
moved with the Words of Allaah that He rendered a remedy and mercy for
us!
Indeed, I have gone astray; I have been inattentive, my feelings have
been numbed and I have been swimming against the tide, yet, here I am
sobbing ad crying my heart out, because of fear of Allaah The
Almighty, lamenting and bemoaning my past sins that I committed
carelessly thinking that they were not that grave. Allaah The Exalted
Says )what means(:}…and thought it was insignificant while it was, in
the Sight of Allaah, tremendous."{]Quran 24:15[
What a great difference between those tears!
No one would believe how much I was moved by the meanings of the
verses that I read that night. It was as if I was reciting them for
the first time in my life, although I used to recite them often in my
prayers! I prostrated myself before Allaah The Exalted for a very long
time. I did not feel the passage of time then, yet the only feeling
that was haunting and absorbing me was the sense of humbleness and
grandeur of being in the Presence of Allaah The Almighty, my Lord and
Creator. I kept supplicating, imploring Allaah The Exalted to forgive
my sins and pardon my misdeeds, thanking and praising Him that I
literally felt the grandeur of His presence. I could not believe what
I was saying back then; I was beseeching Him with supplications that I
never knew I had memorized. I felt as if my heart was imploring Allaah
The Exalted! I finished the prayer and then started remembering my
past sins; then, I started contemplating my own body; how do my hands
move? How does my heart throb? How do my eyes, ears and feet function?
Then, I started pondering over everything around me; how can a tiny
seed grow and become a huge tree? I started thinking; where I have
been all those past years? Have I been inattentive and heedless for
all this time? Have I not felt the grandeur of His presence, although
He was so close to me?
I really felt the Grandeur of Allaah The Exalted at that moment. How
could one overlook and fail to notice such Grandeur? How can a human
being be that ungrateful to his Lord? His Creator bestows upon him so
many blessings and grants him sustenance, in spite of man's continuous
misdeeds and sins, while the human neglects to be grateful, and praise
and pray to Him. In fact, Allaah The Exalted does not deprive the
sinners of sustenance and blessings because of their sins.
Moreover, Allaah The Exalted increases one's sustenance, while this
ungrateful creature increases his sins! How strange this is! Allaah
The Exalted asks His slaves to repent to Him, promising to Pardon all
their misdeeds, and replace them with good deeds, yet man would not
settle for that great deal! How is it that one refuses such a golden
opportunity? How can he say no to such a proposal? Does this creature
not know that he would die one day? Does he not remember that death is
his inescapable fate? How many years could he possibly live? Seventy,
eighty, even one hundred years; and then what? Indeed, he would die
and be buried beneath the ground ]in the dust[. Who would keep company
with him in the darkness of his grave? Who would reassure him and
relieve his worry and fear then? Who would be there for him? Who would
shield him against the punishment in the grave? Where will be his
formative actors and singers then? Where will be his friends with whom
he spent his good times in this life? Where will be his family who has
neglected him? Who would be with him on that day?
I heard the call for the Fajr Prayer; I performed the payer and sat
down to recite the Noble Quran for the first time after the last month
of Ramadan or the one before it! I kept reciting the verses of the
Noble Quran until sunrise of shortly after; and then, I went to bed.
My heart was filled with bliss and tranquility; I was happy and calm
as I wiped away my tears as if I was wiping away my sins. I felt that
my sins were washed with my tears; those tears were washing my heart
from all the stains, relieving my worries and fear. By Allaah, I have
never felt this way before; it was a unique bliss that I have never
experienced before in my entire life. I kept repeating the verse that
reads )what means(:}Those who have believed and whose hearts are
assured by the Remembrance of Allaah.
Unquestionably, by the Remembrance of Allaah hearts are assured.{]Quran 13:28[
At last, I closed my eyes, and fell into a deep sleep. I slept like a
baby and relished the sweetness of deep sleep for the first time in my
life; as if I had not slept for the past nineteen years of my life!

Soul Purification, - Justification is the Excuse of the Weak

Who among us does not make mistakes? Who among us can dare claim that
he is infallible? Every human is expected to make mistakes, and this
is not in itself a defect, for the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, said:"All the sons of Aadam constantly commit sins, but the
best of those who constantly commit sins are those who are constantly
repentant."]Ibn Maajah[ The real defect lies in insisting on making
the mistake and adhering to falsehood. The mistake becomes even graver
when its doer endeavors to justify it in order to make himself and
those around him believe that he did not make a mistake at all.
The Definition of Justification
Justification, in the false sense, is the process of fabricating
excuses for one's behavior, thoughts or views, in order to replace the
real motives and reasons. It is the process of concealing the reality
and truth with a justification that one would accept and approve of,
without any reaction or feeling any guilt.
The Evil End of Justification
Justification is an incurable disease that leads to a tragic end,
which results in bitter consequences for the doer, as his continuous
justification distracts him from correcting himself and reflecting on
his defects. Accordingly, he always thinks that he is doing well. If a
slave of Allaah The Almighty reaches this state, it becomes difficult
to reform him and he loses his self-harmony because he is living in a
state of internal psychological warfare in which he is both the
executioner and the victim. The one who suffers from this disease is a
curse on himself and others, as he is extreme in enmity and frequently
argues with others. At this point, he is the most detested of
creatures in the sight of Allaah The Almighty. In this respect the
Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"The most hated person in
the sight of Allaah is the extremely quarrelsome person."]Al-Bukhaari[
The Quran Vilifies such People
Such people have existed throughout history. The Quran relates to us
the stories of some of them; for instance, Allaah The Almighty Says
)what means(;}And among them is he who says: "Permit me ]to remain at
home[ and do not put me to Fitnah." Unquestionably, into Fitnah they
have fallen. And indeed, Hell will encompass the disbelievers.{]Quran
9:49[ Commenting on this verse, Al-Qurtubi, may Allaah have mercy upon
him, said,
Muhammad ibn Is'haaq, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said: "The
Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said to Al-Jadd
ibn Qays, when he wanted to set out for the Battle of Tabook:"O Jadd,
would you like to fight the yellow people ]the Romans[, so that you
could take female captives and servants from them?" Al-Jadd replied,
"My people know that I am besotted by women, and I fear that if I see
the women of the yellow people, I would fall into Fitnah. So, do not
put me in Fitnah but permit me to remain behind, and I will support
you with my money."Thereupon, the Messenger of Allaah turned away from
him, and said:"I permit you."Just look at this man, who, when knowing
the hardship of traveling to Tabook and the difficulty of confronting
and fighting the Romans, wanted to justify his situation and protect
himself! He therefore invented a fabricated excuse which was his
infatuation by women and his fear that he may be tempted upon seeing
them and would then be forced to leave the Muslim army because he
would not have the self-restraint to keep himself from them.
Shaykh-ul-Islam Ahmad ibn Taymiyyah, may Allaah have mercy upon him,
commented on this incident, saying, "Since enjoining good, forbidding
evil, and Jihaad are some of the tests and trials that subject a
person to Fitnah, some people began justifying their abandonment of
these obligations by seeking safety from Fitnah. Allaah The Almighty
Says )what means( with regard to the hypocrites:}And among them is he
who says: "Permit me ]to remain at home[ and do not put me to Fitnah."
Unquestionably, into Fitnah they have fallen. And indeed, Hell will
encompass the disbelievers.{]Quran 9:49["
Similarly, another group of people justified their abandonment of
Jihaad by saying that they could not set out for Jihaad in the heat.
Therefore, Allaah The Almighty Says about them )what means(:}And
]they[ said: "Do not go forth in the heat." Say: "The fire of Hell is
more intensive in heat" - if they would but understand.{]Quran 9:81[
Sayyid Qutb, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said in this regard, "It
is therefore either fighting in the cause of Allaah in the heat for a
limited period, or being cast into Hell for a duration that no one
knows the length of but Allaah."
Does a Believer Justify Himself?
In the previous examples there were some cases which might not be
stated by those who form the cream of Muslim society. However, reality
proves that even some truthful believers might be afflicted by
justification, as Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And We have
certainly diversified in this Quran for the people from every ]kind
of[ example; but man has ever been, most of anything, ]prone to[
dispute.{]Quran 18:54[ Some scholars of Tafseer )Quranic exegesis(
commented on this verse by mentioning what was narrated in Saheeh
Muslim, that 'Ali ibn Abi Taalib, may Allaah be pleased with him,
narrated that the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam,
came one night to him and his wife Faatimah and said:"Do you not
observe ]late-night Tahajjud[ prayer?"'Ali, may Allaah be pleased with
him, replied, "O Messenger of Allaah, indeed our souls are in the
Hands of Allaah and when He wants to awaken us, He does so." The
Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, set off when he
said this to him. He was slapping his hand on his thigh while going
while saying )what means(:}but man has ever been, most of anything,
]prone to[ dispute{.Ibn 'Aashoor, may Allaah have mercy upon him,
said,
What the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, meant here was that
it would have been more appropriate for 'Ali, may Allaah be pleased
with him, to praise Allaah The Almighty and thank the Messenger of
Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, for waking him up to pray
Tahajjud, be keen on repeating this act, be pleased with the rebuke of
the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and not counter these
words with others in order to justify his sleeping! This is the cause
of the Prophet's astonishment at the words of 'Ali, may Allaah be
pleased with him.
Some Causes of Justification
The main obstacle in justification is the absence of frankness with
one's self, as we fail to talk to ourselves about our own reality.
This is because, from a very early age, we were taught to elevate
ourselves to high moral levels and sublime traits that are often
difficult to attain. Therefore, we try to conceal our reality in a
framework of lies about oneself that were set by the methods of our
early upbringing. ]Qiraa'ah fi mushkilaat at-tufoolah[
Justification might also be due to arrogance that has affected the
heart, and this results in making it difficult to apologize or
appearing to be in a state of weakness according to the thoughts of
such an arrogant person. Love and inclination to this worldly life is
another cause of justification, and perhaps this reason specifically
is what leads many people to do what Allaah The Almighty has
prohibited, and people then justify their actions with false excuses.
For instance, the person who consumes Riba )interest(, claims that he
is compelled to do so; however, if one looks at his case, he would not
find him compelled at all. He might not even be in any kind of a need.
There are many similar violations of the Sharee'ah nowadays, and those
who commit such violations try to justify them.
Is There Treatment?
Undoubtedly, truthfulness with one's self is the clear and easy way in
order not to indulge in the confusion that comes about due to
justification. Reckoning one's self for negligence and acknowledging
its mistakes protects it from a foul final stage of life and leads us
to not accumulate our mistakes. In fact, being truthful with one's
self is one of the highest and hardest degrees of truthfulness.
Let us contemplate the story of the great Companion, Ka'b ibn Maalik,
may Allaah be pleased with him, when Allaah The Almighty saved him by
virtue of his truthfulness. He sat before the Prophet, sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, and said, "O Messenger of Allaah, if I had been in
front of anyone other than you of the people of the worldly life, I
would have thought of an excuse to avoid his dissatisfaction. But by
Allaah, I had no excuse." Consequently, Allaah The Almighty accepted
his repentance, excused him and turned to him. On the other hand,
those who lie and invent weak and false excuses, are exposed by Allaah
The Almighty.
One of the most important means of treatment is the reading of the
biographies of the people who fell into this malady. When
justification dominated the Children of Israa'eel, they used trickery
and various methods to violate the ruling of Allaah The Almighty and
caught fish on the Sabbath. Consequently, Allaah The Almighty
transformed them into apes and pigs. Allaah The Almighty Says )what
means(:}And you had already known about those who transgressed among
you concerning the Sabbath, and We said to them: "Be apes,
despised."{]Quran 2:65[ When one contemplates this punishment for the
one who dares to violate the limits that Allaah The Almighty has set,
undoubtedly, he will think many times before doing such an act when
knowing its evil end.
We supplicate to Allaah The Almighty to guide us to the best manners
and to ward off from us the worst of manners, as He is the most
Gracious and Noble.

Soul Purification, - Practical Steps to Help Lower the Gaze

Here are some practical steps to control your gaze:
1- First, let us agree upon an issue that greatly affects the way you
control your gaze, namely, the issue of the relativity of beauty.
The criteria of beauty vary from one person to another and from one
sensibility to another. For example, you may like certain clothes and
consider them the most attractive. On the other hand, other people may
see these clothes as not beautiful enough, or even ugly.
Hence, what you see as beautiful may not be so in others' eyes; or
rather, it may not be beautiful at all.
Let me give you an example to make this issue clearer; the drug addict
believes that drugs are the best thing in this world. However, you
know the reality of drugs and thus it is impossible for you to say
that drugs may be good just because there are some people who believe
that they are so.
Hence, the prohibited scenes that you see and believe to be beautiful,
like many others, are not so in reality; what is the beauty in a woman
who angers Allaah The Exalted publicly and defies His Commandments
openly?
Where is the beauty in a scene that many other people have enjoyed
before you and many others will enjoy after you?
Where is the beauty in a woman who offers herself as a tradable
commodity through showing her beauty to entice buyers?
What beauty is this when, in reality, it is the work of the devil?
The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, described the woman who
leaves her house while applying perfume and showing her adornment
saying:"The woman is 'Awrah )part of the body that must be concealed(.
Whenever she leaves her home, the Devil beautifies her in men's
eyes."]Al-Albaani: Saheeh[
Is the woman who is beautified by Satan himself in your eyes and the
eyes of many other men considered beautiful, no matter what the
reality of her appearance may be?
You should know the reality of what you see in order to disdain it and
dissuade yourself from looking at it.
2- Controlling the eye and its movement:
Some people – particularly those who are not habituated to lowering
their gaze – let their eyes lead them instead of leading their eyes.
Such people let their eyes wander all over without any form of
control. However, you can solve this problem by training yourself to
look at a certain place for a period of time and gradually lengthening
the duration until you reach the level of controlling your eyes and
preventing them from looking at anything without necessity.
3- If you lose control over your gaze once, then follow this look
immediately with an act of worship such as asking Allaah The Almighty
for forgiveness one hundred times or making Tasbeeh )saying
"Subhaan-Allaah"( one hundred times, or offering charity. This method
is one of most successful therapies, because you defy the devil
through it and make him regret making you commit that sin, as you
follow it up with repentance and additional good deeds.
4- Penalize yourself by some beneficial action that has a positive
outcome if you lose control over your gaze once. For example, give a
certain sum in charity, preferably a substantial amount, to serve as
sufficient deterrent.
5- Determine a target for yourself and pledge to achieve it. For
example, try to lower your gaze for two days or one week. If you
achieve this purpose, then reward yourself with something pleasant
even if it is something small. You can eat one of your favorite meals
for instance. After that, double this period and double the reward.
6- Always tell yourself that you have a dignified soul and it does not
befit you to pay attention to these lowly matters, as honorable souls
only accept the best things that lead to the best results. On the
other hand, the lowly souls hover about lowly things and land over
them like flies which gather around rubbish. Hence, the honorable soul
does not accept injustice, immorality, theft or treachery, because it
is too sublime to do this. ]Ibn Al-Qayyim in Al-Fawaa'id[
Furthermore, giving full rein to one's gaze is not among the
characteristics of magnanimous men.
The pre-Islamic poet, 'Antarah Al-'Absi, said in one of his poems that
he lowers his gaze if his female neighbor appears, until she enters
her house. If this was the attitude of a poet in pre-Islamic times,
then young Muslim men have even greater reason to do the same.
To conclude, let us go over the following anecdote that happened to
one of my friends. We will see how his realization of the triviality
of this issue in addition to his self-respect, after the support of
Allaah The Almighty, caused him to control his gaze.
Shortly after becoming more committed to his religion, my friend went
with his father to Britain.
We kept warning him strongly against the West, and we asked Allaah The
Almighty to support him in the face of the temptations there. In our
opinion, this young man was about to go through a very difficult test,
especially as he was an adolescent.
Indeed, my friend was accompanied on his travels by his brothers'
sincere supplications and great concern about his religiousness. When
he arrived in Britain, he was extremely scared, because he found
himself face to face with sights he was not used to and he feared that
his feet might slip and forsake chastity.
However, he conducted the following interesting dialogue with himself:
Do you want to look at some flesh? Ok then, let us go to the butcher
and buy some meat to look at! The result is the same in both cases,
and their fate is similar: both of them end in nothing.
Indeed, my friend found that this inner-dialogue was very effective
and whenever he thought about looking at the women who expose their
adornment, he repeated the same dialogue.
Thanks to Allaah The Almighty, he returned home with his chastity and
piety intact.
Hence, you should think about the petty nature of the sin and realize
that it does not deserve the consequent suffering.
7- Seek the help of Allaah The Almighty, supplicate as much as you
can, and ask Allaah The Almighty to provide you with adherence to
chastity and to protect your eyes from looking at what is prohibited.
Do not ever feel ashamed of asking Allaah The Almighty to help you
control your gaze.