Fathwa, - Her husband's uncle triedto sexually abuse her

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Question
Assalamu Alaikum. I need some guidance and advices in sexual abuse by a family member. My husband's maternal uncle tried to sexually abuse me )like trying to hug me, kiss on my cheek, trying to touch me in inappropriate places(. When he touched me first I didn't mind it as he is my husband's maternal uncle and he is a mahram to me. But after this went bit far as I mentioned before I told him clearly I don't like he is touching me but he insisted and I told him I consider equally to my father and after that he left. Again he called and asked me to forgive for sake of Allah. Through I confirmed his intention was wrongful. Now should I tell this my husband or keep quite since he asked me to forgive. One more thing this uncle is my husband's favorite uncle so I'm worried that if I tell my husband about this it will create unwanted problems in the family and I'm afraid that whether my husband would believe me or not. At the same time I have studied if we conceals someone's wrongs then allah would conceal our sins as well. What am I suppose to do right now. Please advise me. Jazzakallah!
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
It is indeed a great calamity that evil comes from a person whom one feels safe and secure about. What happened from the maternal uncle of your husband is most likely due to being lenient about non-Mahram men entering upon women especially the relatives of the husband about whom there was a special warning from the Prophetand this is clarified in Fataawa 154373and 127911.
The fact that this man is a maternal uncle to your husband does not mean that he is a Mahram to you if there is no other relation that makes him a Mahram; in this regard please refer to Fatwa 128305.
If we presume that he is a Mahram, then this happening from him is even more evil and more sinful.Anyway, he did well by asking your forgiveness, but he is obliged to sincerely repent to Allaah; the conditions of a sincere repentance are clarified in Fatwa 86527.
Also, you did well by forgiving him, so you should not inform your husband about the matter as it is an obligation to conceal the sins of a Muslim according to the view of some scholars. The prominent scholar ShaykhIbn ‘Uthaymeensaid while explaining Riyaadh As-Saaliheen: “It is an obligation upon a Muslim to conceal the faults of another Muslim and he should not spread it unless there is a necessity.”
Even if we presume that this is not an obligation, it is not wise to inform your husband about the issue to make him have hard feelings towards his uncle over a matter about which he had already sought your forgiveness and he might have repented from it.As-San’aanisaid in the book Subul As-Salaam: “If it is known that he has repented and gave up his sin, it is forbidden to disclose what he had done and it is an obligation to conceal his sin; this applies to the person who is not known to be corrupt or persistent in exceeding the limits of Sharee'ah.”
Allaah Knows best.

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From: "M.Farouk Radwan" <farouk@2knowmyself.com>
Date: Fri, 27 Dec 2013 06:25:41 -0500
Subject: Want to develop Super powers M. NajimudeeN. Bsc-INDIA?
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Soul Purification, - Preserving chastity

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Allaah The Almighty praises those who preserve their chastity and make this a means of success in the Hereafter; He Almighty Says )what means(:}Certainly will the believers have succeeded: They who are during their prayer humbly submissive. And they who turn away from ill speech. And they who are observant of Zakaah ]obligatory charity[. And they who guard their private parts except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed - But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors.{]Quran 23:1-7[
Allaah The Almighty promises such successful believers Paradise, as He Says )what means(:}Those are the inheritors. Who will inherit Al-Firdaws. They will abide therein eternally.{]Quran 23:10-11[
This meaning was further confirmed by the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, in manyHadeeths. He,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“If a woman prays the five obligatory prayers, fasts the month of Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she will be told: ‘Enter Paradise from whichever door you wish.’”]Ahmad, Al-Albaani -Saheeh[
The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Guarantee six things for me and I will guarantee Paradise for you: tell the truth when you speak, keep your promises, discharge your trusts, preserve your chastity, lower your gaze, and restrain your hands.”]Ahmad, Ibn Hibbaan, and Al-Haakim, Al-Haakim -Saheeh[
In aHadeethon the authority of ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“O youth of the Quraysh! Do not commit adultery. Whoever preserves his chastity will enter Paradise.”]Al-Haakim, Al-Haakim -Saheeh[
On the other hand, the one who does not preserve his chastity will enter Hell. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was asked about the most common causes that lead people to Hell and he answered:“The mouth and the private parts.”]Ibn Hibbaan[
The effect of preserving one’s chastity on the individual and on society is immense as it is a means of avoiding the miseries associated with adultery. Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, referred to some of these woes when he said,“Adultery combines all evils: it weakens faith, uproots religious prudence, corrupts nobility and wipes out jealousy. One would never find an adulterer who is religiously prudent, keeps his promises, tells the truth or retains a friend. This is because treachery, lying, lack of bashfulness and jealousy and not disdaining from committing what is prohibited are all required of the person who commits this awful sin.”He who preserves his chastity protects himself from all these evil qualities.
Means of preserving chastity
The noble IslamicSharee‘ahcommands us to preserve our chastity. It points out clear ways to protect the individual and the society in this regard. It encourages us to preserve our chastity and purity and raises us on the desire to protect our womenfolk. It orders us to lower our gaze, ordainsHijaabfor women and forbids them from exposing their beauty. Moreover, it sets a severe punishment for adultery and encourages the youth to get married at an early age if they can afford to do so, while those who cannot afford marriage are encouraged to fast. All this was legislated in order to protect the Muslims from having uncontrollable desires and overwhelming instincts and in order to preserve lineage.
When the IslamicSharee‘ahcalls for marriage and encourages people to do so, it thereby makes the preservation of chastity as one of its most important goals. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“O Youth! Whoever of you can afford marriage then let him get married as it lowers gaze and ]protects[ the private parts…”]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
One of the benefits of a Muslim preserving his chastity through marriage is that whenever he sees something and his inner self whispers evil to him, he would find that he has something lawful that could replace what is prohibited. Hence, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“If any of you likes a woman and this feeling reaches his heart, he should go and have sexual intercourse with his wife as this would remove what is in his heart.”]Muslim[
Preserving chastity is a cause of supplications being answered
In aHadeethon the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:Ibraaheem ]Abraham[, may Allaah exalt his mention, emigrated with Sarah and went to a town that had a tyrannical king. He was told that Ibraaheem had arrived with an extremely beautiful woman. Thus, the tyrant sent for him and asked, ‘Who is that woman with you?’ Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, said, ‘She is my sister.’ Then he went back to her and said, ‘Do not say something different from what I have said as I have told them that you are my sister. By Allaah, there are no believers on earth except you and I ]explaining that he had meant that she was his sister in Islam[.’
She was sent to the king and he got up. So, she performed ablution and prayed. She supplicated to Allaah The Almighty saying, ‘O Allaah, if I have believed in You and in Your Messenger, and have guarded my private parts except for my husband, then do not give this disbeliever power over me.’ The man ]king[ fell as if he was suffocating and fled. This happened three times and every time she supplicated to Allaah The Almighty to drive the tyrant away.
Finally, the king said, ‘By Allaah, you have brought me a devil. Send her back to Ibraaheem and give her a servant.’ When she went back to Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, she said, ‘Look how Allaah suppressed the disbeliever and blessed me with a servant!’
Therefore, Allaah The Almighty answered her supplication when she asked Him by virtue of her faith and chastity.
Preserving chastity is a cause for attaining forgiveness and a great reward
Because man is born with an innate desire, Allaah The Almighty orders mankind to preserve their chastity and promises them a great reward in return. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Tell the believing men to reduce ]some[ of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allaah is Acquainted with what they do. And tell the believing women to reduce ]some[ of their vision and guard their private parts{. ]Quran 24:30-31[
Allaah The Almighty promises those who guard their private parts a great reward and forgiveness. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}The men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allaah often and the women who do so - for them Allaah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.{]Quran 33:35[
We ask Allaah The Almighty to avert from us all evil and immorality, forHe is the Almighty and is capable of doing so.

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Soul Purification, - Self-help and recovery

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Acknowledge what is wrong:
Acknowledging a problem is the first step towards finding a solution or a cure for it. Sometimes a bad habit is like a black mark on one's face, it is apparent to everybody except oneself.
Assess yourself:
How often do you catch yourself using abusive words? Are there particular times when you use bad language more than others )for example if you are with friends, when you are angry with someone or frustrated over something(. Has anyone ever pointed out or taken offense at the language you use?
If you are honest with yourself and not in self-denial, you will soon realize if you have a bad language habit or not. If you do, acknowledge that it is a sin for you to abuse the gift of speech given to you by Allaah in a manner that is unbecoming for a Muslim. Muslims are seen as representative of their faith, and to use foul language even as a joke or to keep up with the crowd that you hang out with, will lead to the conclusion that Muslims swear – even if you are just one person.
If you don't use bad language but have friends or family members who do, try to make them aware of their habit in a gentle manner.
Accept responsibility and repent:
It may sound strange to repent for the use of a few stray words uttered in jest, but think about what the Quran Says which means:"Have we not made for him a pair of eyes? A tongue, and a pair of lips? And guided him towards the two paths )of success("]Quran 90: 8-10[
Allaah the Exalted has informed us that we are responsible for whatever we say and do, and we will be asked about how we used the faculties that He gave us on the Day of Judgment. We will be rewarded if we use our organs and faculties in the best way and for the sake of Allaah. We will be penalized if we abuse them and use them to do wrong actions which are displeasing to Allaah.
We have to remember that on the Day of Judgment, our physical organs will stand as witnesses for and against us. Allaah Says what means:"On the Day their tongues, their hands, and their feet will bear witness against them as to their actions."]Quran 24: 24[
If we truly believe in the words of the Quran and in the Day of Judgment, we would not hesitate to repent now -- while there is time -- from all our sins and shortcomings, in order to avoid eternal punishment and humiliation.
Discourage others
Muslims have an enormous responsibility to enjoin good and forbid evil in all circumstances and in all its forms – especially if the evil is a common failing which has the potential to spread to others. People seen as being active and practicing in the community have a great responsibility to show their disapproval of bad language and not let it pass if it happens in their presence. If Muslims allow foul language in their homes and communities to pass unnoticed, it is almost the equivalent of giving it their tacit approval, so that it slowly spreads and becomes socially acceptable. On the authority ofAbu Sa`eed, may Allaah be pleased with him, the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:"Whoever sees something evil should change it with his hand )i.e. physically(. If he cannot, then with his tongue )verbally(; and if he cannot do even that, then in his heart )by detesting it(. That is the weakest degree of faith."]Muslim[
Also on the authority ofIbn Mas`ood, may Allaah be pleased with him, the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam,said,"There was not a single Prophet among those who were sent before me who did not have apostles and companions and followed his way and obeyed his commands. But afterwards other generations came whose words belied their deeds, and whose deeds were not in accordance with what they commanded others to do. Whoever struggles against them with his hand is a believer. Whoever struggles against them with his tongue is a believer. And whoever struggles against them with his heart is a believer. But when none of these things are done, then not a single mustard's seed weight of faith is present."]Muslim[

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