Women site, - O Parents! You Cannot Build Without a Model - I

Dear educator, you cannot build without a model as your child imitates
you and follows your steps literally.
Hence, when we speak about building faith, we have to speak about a
faith-boosting example first. Likewise, when we speak about building
the child's morals, first we have to speak about the moral role model.
When we speak about sacrificing for the sake of Islam, then we have to
speak first about the example, because this is the only way to get
things right.
Allaah The Exalted Says )what means(:
•}There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allaah an
excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allaah and the Last Day
and ]who[ remembers Allaah often.{]Quran 33:21[
•}There has certainly been for you in them an excellent pattern for
anyone whose hope is in Allaah and the Last Day. And whoever turns
away - then indeed, Allaah Is The Free of need, The
Praiseworthy.{]Quran 60:6[
Scientists say that children learn through imitation, since their
ability to observe and imitate during this stage is wonderful.
Scientists even describe it as a formation process in accordance
with an example followed by the child. Children learn speech through
imitation, listening and observation. They also acquire their
tendencies in life and learn the values and the right to choose, as
well as their traditions. In other words, children learn from the
behavior of those who are around them. Therefore, we )educators and
parents( should be more careful about what we do and what we say
because we are the role models for our children.
If the children lose the role model represented in their parents or
educators, then teaching will be of no use and all our efforts to have
a righteous generation from those children will be in vain. The reason
is simple: they see that our words and actions are not the same.
Values cannot be imposed on children, but good example is the only
thing that can attract them to these values.
Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And the good land - its
vegetation emerges by permission of its Lord; but that which is bad -
nothing emerges except sparsely, with difficulty. Thus do We diversify
the signs for a people who are grateful.{]Quran 7:58[
Good example does not mean mere words; rather, it comprises good
behavior and actions. If you want to attach your child to the mosque
or the Quran, first you have to be attached to them.
If you want to make your child observe Thikr )remembrance(, then you
should make frequent Thikr yourself.
The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, attaches Ibn 'Abbaas to worship:
Ibn 'Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, said,
"I came to the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, at
the end of the night and prayed behind him. He took my hand and drew
me to stand in line with him, and when the Messenger of Allaah,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, turned back to his prayer, I took a
step backwards. The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, prayed, and when he had finished his prayer, he said to
me:'What is the matter? I made you stand in line with me, then you
took a step backwards!'I said, 'O Messenger of Allaah, is it right for
anyone to pray in line with you when you are the Messenger of Allaah
to whom Allaah The Almighty has given such a high status?' He was
pleased with me and supplicated Allaah The Almighty to bestow more
understanding and knowledge upon me."
He added, "I saw the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, sleeping
until he was breathing deeply. Then Bilaal, may Allaah be pleased with
him, came and told him that prayer had started. So, he went out and
prayed without making ablution again." ]Al-Albaani: Saheeh[
Ibn 'Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, said,
"One day, I was riding behind the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, when he said:'O boy! I will teach you some words. Be watchful
of Allaah )commandments of Allaah The Almighty(, He will preserve you.
Safeguard His rights and He will be ever with you. If you beg, beg of
Him alone; and if you need assistance, supplicate Allaah alone for
help. Remember that if all people gather to benefit you, they will not
be able to benefit you except with that which Allaah has written )for
you(; and if all of them gather to do harm to you, they will not be
able to afflict you with anything other than that which Allaah has
written against you. The pens have been lifted and the ink has dried
up."]Al-Albaani: Saheeh[
This is what the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, did with
'Abdullaah ibn 'Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him. He did not
tell him to wake up and pray, but he started praying and then took
'Abdullaah, may Allaah be pleased with him, beside him. In other
words, the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, provided the good
)and the greatest( example that taught the Habr ]Senior Scholar[ of
the Ummah )Muslim nation(, i. e., Ibn 'Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased
with him(.
The importance of the "theory of attaching":
We saw how the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, led his
Companions through good example and how this good example affected
their personalities magnificently until we saw many of them as good
memorizers of the Quran and brave fighters in the cause of Allaah The
Exalted.
This proves that we should adopt the theory of attaching in
upbringing, because this theory is the practical interpretation of
"upbringing through example".
The attaching theory means linking the child to a true role model who
applies the morals to which we want to accustom our child. That is why
the righteous educator is very important and precious.
The righteous predecessors and Muslim kings used to bring educators to
their children and they used to choose the educators who were fit to
be role models for their children.
In his Muqaddimah, Ibn Khuldoon, may Allaah have mercy upon him, reported,
Haaroon Ar-Rasheed said to the educator of his son, Muhammad Al-Ameen,
'O Ahmad, the Commander of the Believers is entrusting )his son( to
you, the life of his soul and the fruit of his heart. Take firm hold
of him and make him obey you. Occupy in relation to him the place that
the Commander of the Believers has given you. Teach him to recite the
Quran. Instruct him in history. Let him transmit poems and teach him
the Sunnah )tradition( of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam.
Give him insight into the proper occasions for speech and how to begin
)a speech(. Forbid him from laughing, except at times when it is
proper. Let no hour pass in which you do not seize the opportunity to
teach him something useful. However, do so without vexing him so as
not to kill his mind. Do not always be too lenient with him, or he
will get to like leisure and become used to it. As much as possible,
correct him kindly and gently. If he does not respond that way, you
must then use severity and harshness.'
'Abdul-Malik ibn Marwaan advised the educator of his children saying,
"Teach them to tell the truth just as you teach them the Quran and
accustom them to beautiful morals. Make them memorize poetry to be
brave and noble. Accompany them to the noble people and senior
scholars, but keep them away from the mean people and slaves, because
they are the most ill-mannered of all people. Respect them in public
and censure them in private. Beat them if they lie, because lying
leads to vice and vice leads to Hell."

Women site, - O Parents! You Cannot Build Without a Model - II

Dr. 'Ali Hassoon spoke about the upbringing of Sultan Muhammad Al-Faatih saying,
Since his succession to the throne of the Ottoman Empire in 855 A.H.
)1451 CE(, he was looking forward to the conquest of Constantinople
and thinking about it. He was raised by scholars who instilled love
for Islam in him and taught him how to adhere to the Quran and the
Sunnah )tradition(. So, he grew up with a strong love for Sharee'ah
)Islamic legislation(, adherence to piety, reverence for scholars and
affection for spreading knowledge. His sublime religiousness was due
to the religious upbringing that he received since his early childhood
in accordance with the directions of his father and with the help of a
number of senior scholars who supervised his education and upbringing.
Muhammad Al-Faatih was influenced by the righteous scholars since his
early childhood, particularly the senior righteous scholar, Ahmad ibn
Ismaa'eel Al-Kooraani, may Allaah have mercy upon him, who was known
for his virtue. This righteous man was the greatest teacher of
Muhammad Al-Faatih during his father's reign.
At that time, Muhammad Al-Faatih was the ruler of Magnesia, and his
father sent him a number of educators and teachers. However, he
disobeyed them and refused to let them teach him anything. He did not
even memorize the whole Quran. So, his father asked for a man with
gravity and seriousness and they told him about Al-Kooraani, may
Allaah have mercy upon him. Hence, he appointed him as the teacher of
his son and gave him a stick to beat Muhammad if he disobeyed him.
Al-Kooraani, may Allaah have mercy upon him, went to Muhammad with the
stick in his hand, and said, "Your father sent me to teach you and
beat you if you disobey me." Muhammad Al-Faatih laughed much when he
heard this, but Al-Koorani, may Allaah have mercy upon him, beat him
severely until he showed due respect for him and started memorizing
the Quran until he completed it within a short period.
This great leader was educated and brought up by scholars who provided
him with a true Islamic upbringing. Those revered educators used to
tear up the decrees of the Sultan if it contained anything that
contradicted the rulings of Sharee'ah )Islamic legislation(. They used
to address the rulers with their names. They never bowed before the
rulers or kissed their hands; on the contrary, the rulers used to kiss
their hands. Hence, it is not strange for such educators to graduate a
great leader like Muhammad Al-Faatih, who was a religious Muslim who
complied with the rulings of Sharee'ah and glorified it. He was a
righteous and pious ruler who consulted the scholars and asked them to
supplicate for him.
Dear educator, consider this extraordinary example Muhammad Al-Faatih,
who conquered Constantinople, and how his father brought him up in
accordance with this influential theory.
He attached him to the righteous scholar, who taught him the Quran.
Interestingly, Al-Kooraani, may Allaah have mercy upon him, was not
the only influential scholar in the life of Muhammad Al-Faatih, but
there was another scholar )Aaq Shams Ad-Deen, may Allaah have mercy
upon him( who drew the attention of Muhammad Al-Faatih to conquer
Constantinople.
Sahl ibn 'Abdullaah At-Tustari learns from his uncle:
Al-Ghazaali reported that Sahl, May Allaah Have mercy upon them both, said,
I was three years old when I used to wake up at night to watch the
prayer of my uncle Muhammad ibn Siwaar. One day, he said to me,
"Should not you remember Allaah The Almighty who created you?" I said,
"How should I remember Him?" He replied, "Say in your heart, whenever
you are alone at night in your bed rolling from side to side, three
times without moving your tongue: Allaah is with me, Allaah is
Looking at me, Allaah is Watching me."
I did that and informed my uncle.
"Say the words seven times each night," he said to me.
I did that and informed him.
"Say them eleven times." I did that and found sweetness in my heart
therefrom. A year passed. Then my uncle said, "Remember what I taught
you and continue that practice until you go to the grave. The fruits
thereof will be yours in this world and the Hereafter."
Years passed, and I used the same words until their sweetness
penetrated the depths of my heart.
"Sahl," said my uncle, "As long as Allaah is with you and Sees you,
how can you disobey Him? Beware of disobeying Him."
Through this good instruction, guidance, and continuous training as
well as this religious upbringing, Sahl, may Allaah have mercy upon
him, became one of the senior righteous worshippers in the history of
Islam.
Finally, dear educator, you must be sure that the child who sees his
father lying can never learn truthfulness, and the child who sees his
mother cheating his father or his brother, will never be honest. The
child, who sees that his mother is heedless, will not learn
cooperation or adhere to discipline.
The family is the incubator that sows the early seeds of morals and
behavior in the child and shapes his emotions and feelings through the
behavior of its members.

Dought & clear, - There is nothing wrong with using the expression “by chance”.

Is it permissible to use the expression "by chance", such as saying,
"I went to the market and I met So and so by chance"?
Is this phrase "by chance" haraam or does it constitute shirk
(associating others with Allaah)? What should I say instead of this?
Please advise me, may Allaah reward you with good.
Praise be to Allaah.
There is nothing wrong with using the phrase "by chance," because what
the speaker means is that he met that person without a prior agreement
to meet, and without intending to do so; he does not mean that this
meeting happened without the decree of Allaah.
The use of this expression (sudfatanin Arabic) is mentioned in some
ahaadeeth, such as that narrated by Muslim (2144) from Anas who said:
I set out with him (i.e., with 'Abd-Allaah ibn Abi Talhah) to go to
the Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him),
and we met him by chance and he was carrying a branding iron…
Abu Dawood (142) narrated that Laqeet ibn Sabrah said: I came among
the delegation of Banu'l-Muntafiq to the Messenger of Allaah(peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him). When we came to the Messenger of
Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) it so happened that
we did not find him in his house but by chance 'Aa'ishah the Mother of
the Believers was there…. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani inSaheeh Abi Dawood.
It says inFataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah(3/393):
The expression used by many people, "I met So and so by chance" etc is
not haraam and does not constitute shirk, because what is meant is
meeting him without a prior appointment or agreement to meet, for
example, and there is nothing wrong with this meaning.
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen was asked: What is your opinion on using the
expression "by chance"?
He replied:
We think that there is nothing wrong with this expression. This is a
customary expression which is mentioned in several ahaadeeth: We met
the Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) by
chance, etc.
With regard to people's actions, things do happen by chance, because
people have no knowledge of the Unseen and a thing may happen without
a person realizing it or doing the things that lead to it or expecting
it. But with regard to the actions of Allaah, this is not the case,
for everything is known to Allaah and everything is decreed by Him.
With regard to Him nothing ever happens by chance, but with regard to
you and me, we may meet without prior arrangement and without
realizing or planning it. This is what we call chance, and there is
nothing wrong with that. But with regard to the actions of Allaah,
this word cannot be used.

Dought & clear, - If the spouses have agreed on khula‘, can she allow her husband to have sex with her before pronouncing thekhula‘?

If the spouses have agreed on khula', can she allow her husband to
have sex with her before pronouncing the khula'?
Praise be to Allah.
It should be noted that one of the essential parts of khula', without
which it is not valid, is the pronouncing of the word khula' or words
that have the same meaning, whether that is explicit or implicit. It
is essential that the husband pronounce the word khula' or words that
carry the same meaning, so that the ruling may be applied and its
consequences follow on.
It says inal-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah(19/245): According to scholars
other than the Hanafis, there are five essential parts of khula':
moojib, qaabil, mu'awwad, 'iwad and seeghah.
The moojib (the one who issues the khula') is the husband.
The qaabil (the one who guarantees compensation) is the one who is
committed to pay compensation.
The mu'awwad (the thing for which compensation is given in return for
giving it up) is intimacy with the wife.
The 'iwad (what is agreed upon in return for foregoing the right to
intimacy) is the thing in return for which khula' is given
The seeghah is the wording by which khula' takes place.
With regard to the offer of khula' and acceptance thereof, these are
essential parts of khula' according to the Hanafis, if khula' is in
return for compensation. With regard to both, it is stipulated – as
was stated by the Shaafa'is – that the husband begins with an offer of
exchange, such as saying "I offer you khula' in return for such and
such." Acceptance is done by uttering words on the part of one who can
speak, or by gestures or writing in the case of one who cannot speak
(non-verbal). There should be no discussion of different matters, in
between the offer and acceptance, on the part of the one who is
expected to give an answer; however, a little general talk is allowed.
End quote.
See the answer to question no. 191484
Shaykh as-Sa'di (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If they have
agreed on khula' but have not done it yet – rather they only agreed
that he will give her khula' if she gives him compensation – this does
not count as an annulment of the marriage. Rather it is only a promise
from him to annul it. If he has not yet annulled it, he may change his
mind and not do it. End quote.
Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/785; fatwa from Shaykh 'Abd
ar-Rahmaan as-Sa'di.
Based on that:
If the conditions of khula' are fulfilled by both husband and wife,
and he has indeed uttered the word of khula', then it is not
permissible for the wife to let the husband be intimate with her
because she is completely divorced from him [and if they want to
remarry they must do a new marriage contract].
But if the conditions of khula' have not been met – rather it is only
an agreement and a promise, and the husband has not uttered the word
of khula', or the qaadi (judge) has not yet decreed it – then she is
still his wife and she may allow him to be intimate with her. Who
knows, perhaps that will lead to them wanting to stay together and
reconcile.
And Allah knows best.