Seeing the Woman before Marriage

It is permissible for a Muslim man to see the woman to whom he intends
to propose marriage before taking further steps so that he can enter
into the marriage knowing what is ahead for him. Otherwise, if he has
not seen her before marriage, he may not find her looks to his liking
and may have regrets after he is married to her. The eye is the
messenger of the heart; when the eyes meet, the hearts and the souls
of man and woman may meet as well.
Muslim reported Abu Hurairah as saying that a man came to the Prophet
(peace be on him) and told him that he had contracted to marry a woman
of the Ansar.
"Did you look at her?" the Prophet (peace be on him) asked.
"No," he said,
"Then go and look at her," said the Prophet (peace be on him),
"For there is something in the eyes of the Ansar,' meaning that some
of them have a defect of their eyes Al-Mughira ibn Shu'bah said, I
asked for a woman in marriage and Allah's Messenger (peace be on him)
asked me whether I had looked at her. When I replied that I had not,
he said'Then look at her, for it may produce love between you.'
I went to her parents and informed them of the Prophet's advice. They
seemed to disapprove of the idea. Their daughter heard the
conversation from her room and said, 'If the Prophet (peace be on him)
has told you to look at me, then look.' I looked at her, and
subsequently I married her. (Reported by Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah,
Ibn Hibban, and Darimi).
The Prophet (peace be on him) did not specify either to Mughirah or to
the other manhow muchof the woman they were permitted to see. Some
scholars are of the opinion that looking is limited to seeing theface
and hands. However, it is permissible for anyone to see the face and
hands as long asno desire is involved; therefore, if asking for woman
in marriage is an exemption, obviously the man making the proposal
should be able to see much more of the woman than that.
The Prophet (peace be on him) said, "When one of you asks for woman in
marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her,
he should do so." (Reported by Abu Daoud).
Some scholars have gone to one extreme or another in relation to this
permission, but thebest course seems to be the middle one. One
researcher considers it quite appropriate in our time that the man who
is proposing be allowed to see the woman asshe normally appears before
her father, brother, and other muharramah.
He says: In the context of the above hadith, he may even accompany
her, together with her father or some other mahrem as chaperone, on
her usual visits to relatives or to public places, while clad in full
hijab. (Hijab denotes the proper Islamic dress. (Trans.))
In this way he will have the opportunity to get an insight into her
reasoning, behavior, and personality. This is a part of the meaning of
the hadith, "...to look at what will induce him to marry her."
(Al-Bahee al-Khooly, Al-Mar'ah Bain al-bayn al-bait wal-Mujtamah').
If the man's intention of marriage is sincere, he is permitted to see
the woman with or without her and her family's knowledge. Jarir ibn
'Abdullah said concerning his wife, "(Before marriage) I used to hide
under a tree to see her."
From the hadith concerning al-Mughira we understand that thefather of
a girl cannot, out of deference to custom and tradition,prevent a
suitorwho is in earnest from seeing her, forcustoms and traditions
must be governed by the Shari'ah. How is it possible that the Divine
Law should subjected to the whims of human beings?
On the other hand, however,neither the father, the suitor, or the
fiancee can stretchthis permission to such an extent that the young
man and woman, under the pretext of betrothal or engagement, go to
movie theaters, clubs, and shopping places together without being
accompanied by a mahrem of hers, apractice which has become common
today among Muslimswho are fond of imitating Western civilization and
its customs.

Rights of Relatives

Besides parents' rights, a great emphasis is also laid on the rights
of other relatives. In Islamic terms, 'Silah-Rahimi' is used to denote
good treatment towards the relatives'.
In the Qur'an, where the Muslims are enjoined to showkindness to
parents,they are also required to treat the other relatives with love
and sympathy and to pay due regard to their rights as well.
Allah has declared, "I am Allah, I am Ar-Rahman (The Merciful), I have
created the bond of kinship and named it Rahim,-which I have derived
from the root of my name of Rahman. Thus, whoever, shall join it tie.
Rahim, I shall join him, and whoever will break it, I shall break
him."
The Almighty has designed the system of birth in such a way, that
whoever is born, is tied to the bonds of kinship-and these bonds carry
certain claims and rights. Thus, whoever fulfils these claims, by
being kind to his relatives and treating them well, Allah will "join
him" i.e. He will make him His own and bestow His favor and mercy on
him. And whosoever will violate these claims, Allah will "break him"
i.e. He will have nothing to do with him.
Fulfilling The Rights Of Relatives
It is related by Anas (R.A.) that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said
"Whoever wants an increase in his sustenance and that the marks of his
feet remain for a long time in the world (i.e. to live long) - he
should be kind and helpful to his relatives."
Basically, there aretwo ways of being kindand considerate to
relatives. One is by giving themmonetary assistance, when needed, and
the other is bydevoting a part of one's time and energyat their
service.
Family quarrels, which generally arise from the disregard of the
relatives' rights, affect a man's health and make it difficult for him
to concentrate in his work. Those who treat their relatives well and
are helpful to them, arefree from tensionsof this kind and they are
happier and more peaceful.
Violation Of Relatives Rights
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has said "Whoever violates the rights of
relatives, shall not go to Paradise.
This Hadith, alone, should be enough to make us realize the importance
of Silah-Rahimi'. It shows that the violation of the relatives' rights
is so detested by Allah, that with its filthiness, no one can enter
Paradise. It is only when a person (believer) has received his
punishment or has been forgiven, that the gates of Paradise will be
opened for him.
Showing Kindness To Those Who So Ever Relations
Often, there are people who care little for the bonds of relationship
and are ruin and unjust in this respect. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has
enjoined to continue to treat them well and fulfill the obligations,
irrespective of what they do and how they behave.
Abdullah ibn Umar (R.A.) relates from the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), "He
does not fulfill the claim of Silah-Rahimi who shows no kindness in
return for the kindness shown to him.. The person who really fulfils
the claim is he who treats his relatives well even when they are mean
and unjust to him.
When the violation of the rights of relatives is returned in a similar
manner, the evil will spread in the society -- while if it is returned
with kindness, it may lead to their correction and it will assist in
the promotion of Silah-Rahimi, in the life of the community.

In Allah’s Hands alone - I

The true nature of might and power
In an ultimate way, the answer to these and other similar questions is
simple: Allah Almighty has willed it. This is so because nothing can
happen in this world except by the permission of its mighty Creator
and wise Lord, Allah, The Most High.
All of this happens because Allah Almighty, in His infinite wisdom,
created laws and means )including evil( which allow certain outcomes,
regardless of whether He loves it or not. This does not absolve people
from their intentions and deeds, but quite the opposite. It forms the
crucible and volitional test of human faith. This is known as Allah's
Creative Will or Al-Iraadah Al-Kawniyah.
Allah Almighty also has what is known as the Prescriptive Will,
Al-Iraadah Ash-Shar'iyah—or the Sharee`ah—which prescribes for us what
Allah Almighty requires us to avoid and loves for us to do. Here Allah
Almighty sets forth unambiguously what He detests as evil and what He
loves and aides; namely, good, the righteous, and the good deeds they
do.
Consequently, everything, good or bad, occurs under Allah's knowledge
and happens only by His permission and creation. Making wars,
conquests and the defeat of the weak by the physically strong, all
take place by His permission because that is His Creative Will but at
the intention and choice of man. Thus Allah Almighty Says in the Quran
)what means(:"In the victory of Allah. He gives victory to whom He
wills, and He is the Exalted in Might, the Merciful. ]It is[ the
promise of Allah. Allah does not fail in His promise, but most of the
people do not know .They know what is apparent of the worldly life,
but they, of the Hereafter, are unaware."]Quran 30:5-7[
Reflecting upon history and reality shows us that Allah Almighty has
made us into various competing communities and nations, who vie with
one another for glory. Allah Almighty gives and takes from whom He
pleases, even according strength to those He despises. Yet, as the
preceding verses indicate, material displays of strength are
deceiving. Allah Almighty has created them as an illusion for the
disbelievers and those who have disregarded His signs. Strength in
this world is meaningless in the next, because it cannot be truly
substantial unless it occurs under God's favor.
So it might be a fair question to ask ourselves what do might and
power mean for the Muslim—a person who declares: La hawla wa la
quwwata illa billah, or "There is neither might nor power save with
Allah?"
In the course of our answer to this, we will see that the root of the
oppression that Allah Almighty mentions time and again in the Quran
originates from a crucial misunderstanding of power, the illusion we
mentioned previously. All the oppressors in the world perceive
themselves as strong and the makers of their own destiny as well as
the destiny of others. But the Quran makes clear that everything is as
God wills, and that "indeed, Allah is powerful over all things" ]Quran
2:20[.
So our question develops. What is the nature of power and does Allah
wish us to view it? Then what sort of concepts about power may we have
to correct in ourselves when we answer our question?
Power and Devine knowledge
Consider Ibrahim, Father of Prophets, Friend of God. He approached
King Nimrod, calling him to submit to Allah Almighty. But Nimrod
doubted and disputed him, simply because Allah Almighty had granted
him kingship )2:258(. In arrogance, Nimrod saw his kingdom and control
over other people as a sign that his power made him responsible to no
one. But Ibrahim, peace be upon him, insisted: "My Lord is He Who
gives life and gives death." And Nimrod said: "I give life and give
death."And it was true in a sense. Nimrod could decree the execution
of whomever he wished in his kingdom.
But Ibrahim, peace be upon him, saw that Nimrod's argument was sheer
falsehood. "Then, indeed, it is Allah who brings the sun from the
East. So you bring from the West." Nimrod could not answer. Ibrahim,
peace be upon him, knew the flimsiness of Nimrod's arguments, how weak
a web of self-deception he had spun for himself. He recognized the
difference between the violent might and meaningless power of Nimrod,
and the wise and ultimate nature of true power from Allah. Prophet
Ibrahim, peace be upon him, knew true power comes only from complete
submission to God, not from physical outbursts and the compulsion of
others.
The same is evident from the Prophet Muhammadwho said:"A strong person
is not the one who throws his adversaries to the ground. A strong
person is the one who contains himself when he is angry."]Al-Bukhari[
The believer does not wish to extend his human limitations onto other
people through needless violence, harsh words, and spiteful thoughts.
Allah Almighty Says )what means(:"And do not turn your cheek ]in
contempt[ toward people and do not walk through the earth exultantly.
Indeed, Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful."]Quran
31:18[
This Quranic verse shows attributes, not of the strong, but the
spiritually weak. Instead, the strong man of God is in selfless
devotion to his Creator. The Prophet Muhammaddid not take his revenge
on the people of Makkah when he conquered it. He did not raise his
voice at those who disrespected him. Instead, he went against most of
the expectations of what the Arabs considered to be actions of the
strong and powerful at that time. In this was a sign of his real
strength.
When we desire to oppose oppression, we must remember that we serve
only the One who has created all things, and not the created things
themselves. We have all heard the expression: "Do not fall in love
with the things of this world." But it is equally true to say: "Do not
fall into hatred of the things of this world."
To succumb to either condition is to abandon our submission to Allah
for surrender to the world and its illusions, which become controlling
over us. It is to lose sight of ultimate purposes and ends, and out of
love or hate, to focus on the temporary and miss the eternal. We lose
ourselves to our own emotions instead of locating ourselves in the
refuge of the All-Merciful.
It is always better to seek to live by Allah's commands than to follow
our false desires. An example of this is the celebrated anecdote of
Ali ibn abi Talib, may Allah be pleased with him, on the battlefield.
His enemy fell beneath him, open to the deathblow. At that moment, he
spat in Ali's face. Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, held his
stroke and turned away, to the astonishment of his opponent, who asked
him why. His action would have emerged not from obedience to Allah,
but from personal anger, making it insincere.
Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, recognized that to strike at that
moment would be to transfer his submission from the Divine to the
dunya )world(, controlled by the actions of his enemy or his physical
emotions. If this story is true, it goes a long way to show the solid
character of Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, who wanted his heart
to be moved only by Allah Almighty and for His sake alone, not the
deception of this world.
He sacrificed a display of physical strength )at that moment(, so he
might observe the limits Allah had established )not to kill for one's
own whims or motives(. He knew that all power in this world comes from
Allah alone, and this power loses its meaning if it is not used in His
way. Through this type of action, Allah made him and many other
Companions of Prophet Muhammadof the strongest and wisest of His
servants.

In Allah’s Hands alone- II

The power of Allah
The prophets of Allah, peace be upon them, and those who possess
religious knowledge keep away from things which cloud their judgment
in any situation. First and foremost, they know that there are no
Asbab )means or ways( to anything except by the expressed Will of
Allah. It is following the commands and prohibitions that Allah
Almighty has prescribed for us that enables us recognize and see the
truth for truth and adhere to it, and to see falsehood as such and
avert it. Deception is the only other alternative. There is a striking
example of this in the Quran. When Talout, or Saul, set out to defeat
Goliath, he tested his men by prohibiting them during their force
march from drinking in a nearby river, saying: "He who drinks of it is
not of me" ]2:249[. Nearly all the men, perhaps thinking of the long
march ahead, and how they were going to need water for physical
strength, drank from the river—disobeying him! They calculated
strength and ability by physical means, instead of understanding that
God has power over all things and gives success to whom He wills.
By the time Saul crossed the river, those who had drunk from the water
said: "No strength have we today against Goliath and his forces," '
and they gave up! By disobeying God's messenger, they lost the true
power of faith in Allah!
But those who realized they would certainly meet Allah Almighty said:
How many a small company has prevailed over a more numerous company by
Allah's permission. And Allah is with those who are patient!" Those of
Saul's men who obeyed him, and knew that all might and power is with
Allah, were given deeper understanding and ability from Allah to
defeat the enemy."And when they went forth to ]face[ Goliath and his
soldiers, they said, 'Our Lord, pour upon us patience and plant firmly
our feet and give us victory over the disbelieving people.' So they
defeated them by permission of Allah, and David killed Goliath, and
Allah gave him the kingship and prophethood and taught him from that
which He willed. And if it were not for Allah checking ]some[ people
by means of others, the earth would have been corrupted, but Allah is
full of bounty to the worlds."]Quran 2:250-51[
The choice is ours
The believers know that Allah's supreme power is obvious in every
single thing that they see in this world, and that their own
capabilities are given to them only by Allah—and may be taken away
from them By Him Almighty at anytime. Sometimes the Companions of
Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, would shake out of
fear of not living from one moment to the next. Living with such
awareness is living with full knowledge of Allah's absolute Lordship
over His creation.
The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, referred to Allah Almighty
as "the One in Whose Hands is my soul." This underscores the
incredible sense of awe he felt toward his Creator, the Giver of Life,
and the Bringer of Death. Allah Almighty gave the Prophet Muhammad,
sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, and his Companions, may Allah be pleased
with them, ultimate strength and victory in this life. But why do most
of our peers have such a drastically different sense?
It contrasts so markedly with our own because the state of the
Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, came from a conscious
effort and deliberate choice. Believers constantly remind themselves
of Allah's absolute power over existence. Disbelievers, on the other
hand, do not see signs of Allah Almighty at all—anywhere. The reason
for this is quite simple: The Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhi wa
sallam, said Allah Says:"I am at the contemplation of My servants: I
am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me in himself, I
too, remember him in Myself."
Imagine that. The intimacy between Allah Almighty and the individual
human is dependant in the sense of spiritual favor on how often we
ourselves actually choose to open our hearts and turn to our Creator
in gratefulness and repentance, and for signs of guidance. If we do
not turn to Allah Almighty, we have no guarantee that He Almighty will
turn to us. But if we turn to Him, then Allah Almighty is the
Ever-Returning. He will turn to us, give us knowledge of Him,
strengthen our hearts, and open up doors for our advancement in the
real life to come.
He Almighty is the one who purifies His servants' intellect and gives
them a criterion for understanding the values of things in the life of
this world, till they meet Him in the next. Allah Almighty gives His
obedient servants a criterion for recognizing the true nature of power
and might, and the ultimate value of the things around them and the
actions they choose to do. There is a connection between these three
things—the Divine criterion, the true nature of power, and the
ultimate value of things and actions—which the human being
instinctively relies upon even in his daily interactions with others.
We must look to utilize this part of our human nature in our daily
interactions with Allah Almighty.
For there is no power nor might nor value to anything except through Him.