Dought & clear, - Arguments with her husband – she is asking how to become a righteous wife.

I am a new muslimah and am fromthe U.S. I have been raised not to let
a man controll me. Now the problem is thatmy husband is not from here
and we tend to argue alot.I know more of the laws and commoneveryday
things more than he does.His englishis not that great, so, I have to
explain to him sometimes and he is used to how his country and culture
are, so, in public I tend to do the talking alot.This makes him mad
sometimes but I feel it is the only way to get things done right most
of the time. Now we argue alot and I don't know how to be the "wife"
that I am supposed to be Islamically. I am still in the learning
process, but that is were I have my biggest problem.How can I change
that or try to make the problem better.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We praise Allaah for guiding you to Islam, which is the greatest
blessing that Allaah can bestow upon His slaves.
We would like to tell youthat Allaah has given yourights over your
husband, and has enjoined upon you duties towards him. You can read
question no. 10680to find out more about this.
You have to do the duties towards your husband which Allaah has
enjoined upon you. Islam regards the husband's rights as greatbecause
of the husband's great importance in building the Muslim household,
and because Allaah has enjoined him (the husband) to look after his
family's interests and take care of them.
The Muslim woman should be wise in her dealings with her husband,
because man – usually – is pleased with kind words and appreciates
kind treatment. So if that comes from his life-partner, that will
have a greater effect. The wise woman must also keep away from all
kinds of behaviour that will offend her husband,and rid herself of
every kind of action that annoys him, and try not to control him. The
man has the role ofqawwaam(protector and maintainer), and
theresponsibility is his. Making him feel that he is falling short in
certain situations may make himangry and not treat his wife well. One
of them said: "The best wife is the one who knows howto create harmony
in hermarriage and strikes a balance between obeying and respecting
her husband and expressing her own strong personality."
Your speaking to people on his behalf – because he does not speak your
people's language well –is permissible according to sharee'ah, but as
stated above, you have to be wise in doing this. When doing these
thingsyou should not make him feel that he is lacking or that he is
not important. Rather you should refer to him when speaking to the
people, and consult withhim, and do not make decisions in his
presencewithout asking his permission. You should do that in front of
the people to whom you arespeaking so that he will feel that he is
important.Try to make him feel thathe speaks his own language better
than you do, and that you complement one another; and you can help him
to learn your language, and he can help you to learn his language.
This is what we advise you to do, and this is what may reduce his
anger and stop him frombehaving in this manner.It seems that it is
only a matter of time, and you have to be careful in handling this
situation until he becomes more fluent in your language and is able to
do things himself, on his own.
Secondly:
In order to become a good wife, you have to learn what Allaah has
enjoined upon you, so that you can do it. You have to know how
righteous women behave, their attitude and the way they interact with
their husbands. You will need to strive hard until you get used to it,
but it is not impossible. The Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Knowledge comes by learning, and patience comes by
trying to be patient. Whoever seeks goodness will be given it, and
whoever fears evil will be protected from it." Narrated by
al-Daaraqutni inal-Afraad; this is a hasan hadeet, as was stated by
al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Jaami', 2328.
Some of these characteristics and attitudes are those of which a wise
mother advised her daughter before marriage, which is comprehensive
advice.We ask Allaah to help you to achieve this. That mother said to
her daughter:
"O my daughter, you are leaving your house in which you grew up, and
going to live with a man whom you do not know,a companion whom you are
unfamiliar with. Be like a slave woman to him and he will be like a
slave to you. Remember ten characteristics whichwill be a stored
treasure for you:
The first and second are to be devoted to him and be content, listen
to him and obey.
The third and the fourth are to consider his nose and eyes; do not let
him see anything ugly of you, or let him smell anything but a good
fragrance.
The fifth and the sixth are consider the time of his sleeping and
eating, for hunger burns and disturbance of sleep causes anger.
The seventh and the eighth are to look after his wealth and to take
care of his family and hisdependents.
The ninth and the tenth are to look after his wealth and take care of
his dependents."
Thirdly:
The husband has to fear Allaah his Lord, and not transgress the rights
of his wife. He should give her her rights as Allaah has enjoined upon
him. He should realize that people vary, and that what he knows, many
people are ignorant of, and what he is ignorant of, many people know.
For him to have a wife who will translate for him and show him what
will benefit him and how things are done is better for him than having
someone with him whom he cannot trust. Knowledge can only be acquired
by learning, and the way tolearn is by striving and working hard.
Advise him to try to control himself at times of anger, and not to get
angry unless you have transgressed one of the sacred limits of Allaah.
This is the kind of anger that is regarded as praiseworthy.
And Allaah knows best.

Dought & clear, - Is it permissible for thefather of the man to see his son’s fiancée?

Is it permissible for the father of the man to see his son's fiancée?
Praise be to Allah.
It is not permissible for the father to see his son's fiancée, because
she is a non-mahram to him. It is only permissible for his son tosee
her with special permission from sharee'ah, in order to create harmony
and affection after marriage.But no exception has been narrated with
regard to the man's father; in that case the original prohibition on
seeing her remains in effect, and she is like anyother woman who is a
non-mahram to him. So he is enjoined to avert his gaze from her, not
tobe alone with her and not to shake hands with her.
But when his son does the marriage contract with his fiancée, she
becomes his wife, even if he has not consummated the marriage with
her, and even if in your country she is still called a fiancée after
doing the marriage contract. This customary naming of thematter does
not affect anything, so long as the son's marriage contract has been
done. In that case it becomes permissible for the father to look at
his son's wife, because she has become a mahram to him, as Allah, may
He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):"Forbidden toyou
(for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters... the wives ofyour
sons who (spring) from your own loins" [an-Nisa' 4:23].
And Allah knows best.

Dought & clear - Does the soul come outof the body during sleep?

Does the soul come out of the person when he is asleep, because
sometimes just before I go to sleep, I feel that my soul is coming out
ofmy body; I do not hear anything or see anything or feel anything at
all for a few seconds, then it comes back and I wake up and am aware
of everything.
Praise be to Allah.
There is clear evidence in the Qur'an and Sunnah which indicates that
the soul is taken when one falls asleep, and that sleep is a kind of
death. This evidence includes the following:
1.
Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
"It is Allah Who takes away the souls at the time of their death, and
those that die not during their sleep. He keeps those (souls) for
which He has ordained death and sends the rest for a term appointed.
Verily, in this are signs for a people who think deeply"
[az-Zumar 39:42].
2.
And He, may He be glorified, says (interpretation of the meaning):
"It is He, Who takes your souls by night (when you are asleep), and
has knowledge of all that you have done by day"
[al-An'aam 6:60].
3.
It was narrated from AbuQataadah (may Allah be pleased with him) that
when they slept and missed the prayer, the Prophet (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) said: "Verily Allah took your souls when
Hewilled, and He returned them when He willed."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari,7474
4.
It was narrated that Abu Juhayfah (may Allah be pleased with him)
said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon
him) was on a journey during which they slept until the sun rose. He
said: "Verily you were dead and Allah returned your souls to you;
whoever sleeps and misses a prayer, let him offer it when he wakes up,
and whoever forgets a prayer, let him offer it when he remembers."
Narrated by Abu Ya'la inal-Musnad, 2/192; classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani inIrwa' al-Ghaleel, 1/293
5.
It was narrated from Hudhayfah (may Allah bepleased with him) that
when the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) wokeup, he
would say: "Al-hamdu Lillahi alladhi ahyaana ba'da ma amaatanaa wa
ilayhi an-nushoor(Praise be to Allah Who has given us life after He
caused us to die, and to Him will be the resurrection)."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari,6312. It was also narrated by Muslim in
hisSaheeh, 2711, from al-Bara' (may Allah be pleased with him).
This evidence was quoted by al-Haafiz Ibn Rajab (may Allah have mercy
on him), who then said:
The verse indicates that sleep is a death, and the hadeeth indicates
when a person sleeps his soul is taken. They both indicate that the
soul that is taken in death is the soul that is taken during sleep.
End quote fromFath al-Baariby Ibn Rajab, 3/325
But the taking of the soul in sleep does not necessarily mean that it
is completely separated from the body, as happens in death; ratherthe
fact that the life remains in the body during sleep indicates that the
soul is still connected to the body during sleep, but the connection
is less than the connection when it is awake. Not every departure of
the soul from the body implies death; rather what happens to the body
differs according to the type of separation.
Ibn Rajab (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The taking of the soul from the body does not necessarily mean that it
has departed from the body altogether; rather it may be taken whilst
some kind of connectionis still present, as in the case of one who is
sleeping.
End quote fromFath al-Baari, by Ibn Rajab, 3/326
For other scholarly opinions on this issue, please seeal-Jaami' li
Ahkaam al-Qur'an, by al-Qurtubi, 15/261;Fath al-Baariby Ibn Hajar,
11/114
However what appears to us to be the case is that what you mentioned
in your question does not have anything to do with this issue at all;
the departure of the soul during sleep only happens when one is
actually sleeping, and it does not happen before sleeping as you
mention.
Perhaps what is happening to you is a psychological matter or
excessive preoccupation with death and the like.
We ask Allah to keep yousafe and sound and to put your affairs straight.
And Allah knows best.

14 Cities in the Garden: [Jannah: The Garden from the Qur'an and Hadith ]

There is a river known as "Rayyan" in the Garden. A city of coral has
been built upon it. It has seventy thousand gates of gold and silver.
(Ahmad Diya ad-Din al-Kamushkhanawi, Ramuz al-Ahadith, vol. 2, p.
326/4)
In the above hadith, our Prophet tells of gold andsilver, the symbols
of splendid wealth and art. Because both these metals are brilliant,
resilient, easy to shape and difficult to find they have held an
important place throughout history. There is only as much as 0.004
grams of gold in a ton of earth; the amount per ton obtained in gold
mines, however, varies between 6 and 12 grams. Therefore, to obtain a
gold plate, tons of rocks must be refined.The fact that gold is hardto
obtain and is rarer than other metals in the world increases its value
greatly. And this shiny, resilient and easy to shape metal has also a
strong aesthetic appeal to people.
There is solace and sweetness and a Garden of Delight. (Surat al-Waqi'a: 89)
The aesthetic and artisticvalue of gold makes it the metal of choice
in the production of fine works of art. Many of thethings we find rich
and extravagant are either made of gold or decorated with it. In the
adornment of objects, inbookbinding, calligraphy, miniatures and
illumination, gold is indispensable. The lavishuse of gold in the
dwellings described in the hadith is a blessing that people find
pleasing. In this world, people see gold often in the form of ingots;
once in a while they come across a few gold-plated objects and
accessories and perhaps even palaces with excessive use of gold such
as in gilt columns. All these things are amazing to those of us who
are accustomed to seeing only a few pieces of jewellery made of gold.
This being the case, we cannot easily imagine a skyscraper or a
mansion,a villa or a summer house made purely of gold. Just the idea
that there may be such thingsgives pleasure and excitement to the
human spirit. The hadithwe have quoted previously tells us that the
buildings in the Garden are made of goldand silver bricks. This
increases the beauty of the already splendid houses in the Garden and
makes them even more magnificent.
[It is built of] one brick of gold and one brick of silver, its
mortaris of strongly scented musk, its stones are pearls and emeralds,
and its soil is of saffron… (Narrated by Abu Hurayra, at-Tirmidhi)
In the hadith below, another aspect of the splendour of the Garden is
emphasised by reference to a gold pillar:
In the Garden there isa gold pillar with cities of beryl [a bright,
green precious stone resembling emerald] on it, and these shine like
stars in the Garden… (Ahmad Diya ad-Din al-Kamushkhanawi, Ramuz
al-Ahadith, vol. 1, p. 125/6)
Another interesting aspect of the above hadith is the high elevation
of the cities. Certainly in this world a highly elevated city is to be
preferred because of the view and refreshing climate. When we consider
that these citiesare in the splendid setting of the Garden, we can
better understand to what extent these dwellings will be pleasing to
the human spirit. These dwellings spoken of in the hadith – cities on
pillars – have a parallel in the verses of the Qur'an that tell us
about high-ceilinged halls builtone above the other:
But those who have taqwa of their Lord will have high-ceilinged Halls,
and more such Halls built one above theother, and rivers flowingunder
them. That is Allah's promise. Allah does not break His promise.
(Surat az-Zumar: 20)
When we think of life in a city, first of all, many problems come to
mind. Traffic, health, communication, air pollution,
infrastructure,water, electricity, telephones and security have become
matters that people have to struggle with. Many professions have even
come into existence to mitigate these problems and help people lead
more untroubled and ordered lives. The reasons for such problems will
be eradicated in the Gardenand there is no possibility that such
conditions could ever exist in the cities there.
He will forgive you your wrong actions and admit you into Gardens with
rivers flowing under them, and gine dwellings in the Garden of Eden.
That is the Great Victory. (Surat as-Saff: 12)
The Qur'an tells us that the climate of the Garden will be the most
pleasant and comfortable for the human spirit: "…they will experience
there neither burning sun nor bitter cold." (Surat al-Insan: 13)For
this reason, there will be no need for heating systems or air
conditioning. As we will see in the following chapters, communication
will be no problem in the Garden. Allah knows the truth.
When the buildings of the Garden are mentioned in the hadith,the
Prophet says that their mortar will be a sweet-smelling material
called musk. We can see that all the blessings thatAllah has created
in the Garden appeal to all our senses. A sweet aroma is a wonderful
blessing for human beings. The scentof roses, carnations, lilies,
hyacinths, lilacs, acacia and pine trees areall gifts of Allah to
human beings. In addition, these wonderful smells have a pleasing
effect on the human spirit. Nothing in this world will be able
tocompare with the aromas of the Garden and people will enjoy all
their unexpected subtleties. The fact that the mortar of the buildings
is composed ofmusk is one of the best examples of this. This is only
one of the wonderful things that Allah has created for believers in
the Garden.
... and make me one ofthe inheritors of the Garden of Delight; (Surat
Ash-Shu'ara': 85)