Question:
I was 14 when i decided to wear the niqaab and I moved to another
country at 15 and now at 16, I'm starting to feel doubts about wearing
it. To start off with, I'm mixed race and for some reason or the other
i don't feel fully accepted by my father's family (who are all
Pakistani) and we don't have a lot of contact with my maternal side,
although they're wary of us as they're not Muslim. Anyway, I've been
bothered by a sense of alienation for quite some time now. Having
spent the last two years in loneliness(being an introverted person i
find it hard to establish new friendship .... So, with no friends and
no family who I can rely on, I'm quite lonely... Although Allah should
be enough for me.
I started wearing the niqaab when my brother, who was in Jordan, told
me that the ladies in his area all wear niqaab, so i said i would wear
niqaab too and i didn'ttake it off after that. I returned to England
and i continued to wear it. Alhumdulillah,I've never
encounteredanything other than verbal abuse - Allah has protected me
Alhumdulillah.
But this feeling of alienation has been bothering me increasingly as
of late.... I'm so confused and this confusion is emotionally
exhausting. What do i do?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
I pray you are in good health and iman.
Thank you for your message. I apologize for the delay in responding.
Dear sister,
Wearing niqab is a good thing to do if it gives youpeace of mind.
However, please keep in mind that you are not shirking your obligation
to Allah Ta'ala if you remove yourniqab. I understand that you were
inspired by theexample of the women in Jordan.
However, if you allow me, I suggest that not every woman has the same
experience wearing niqab. A woman's ability to wear niqab is often
contingentupon her environment. Some environments are very welcoming.
Others are not. I'm not sure what your environment is like in
Pakistan. However, I do know that wearing niqab in the West is very
difficult. Some of the scholars on SunniPath, most notably Shaykh Nuh
Keller, caution against wearing niqab in the West [generally]. Why?
Because women who wear niqab in places likeAmerica and Europe often
experience the very alienation and verbal abuse that you describe.
What is most important is establishing your own relationship with
Allah Ta'ala, not so much based on what other women do, but on your
own personal convictions. Your obligation is to wear hijab: to cover
your bodywith modest, loose-fitting clothing. You are allowed to show
your face, hands, and feet (according to the Hanafi School). Focus on
fulfilling this obligation first. At the same time, focus on your
relationship with Allah Ta'ala. Be constant in reading the Qur'an.
Makeremembrance of Allah. Ask Him for guidance and comfort. You should
definitely make salat al-istikhara, or the guidance prayer in this
situation.
_______________________________________________Dear Sister, please try
to find some friends. Don't think that wearing niqabis preventing you
from making friends. It soundslike the problem is more an issue of
cultural alienation. Learning something of the people's language and
customs probably wouldn't hurt and might help you to adjust better.
Last but not least, why not try to make some inroads with your family
in Pakistan and back in the West. Even some basic communication might
help, such as a letter, a card, or even a phone call. Whatever youdo,
please keep in mind that wearing niqab and having a good relationship
with your family are separate issues.
Don't feel guilty for wanting to take off your niqab. It's possible
that now is not the best time to wear niqab. It's completely natural
for you to feel lonely. The main point is to try to remedy your
loneliness while drawing closer to Allah Ta'ala.
Here's a beautiful Hadith Qudsi in that spirit:
Hadith Qudsi 25:
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who
said that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him) said:
"Allah (mighty and sublime be He) said:
'Whosoever shows enmity to someone devoted to Me, I shall be at war
with him. My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by
Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him,and My servant
continuesto draw near to Me with supererogatory works sothat I shall
love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his
seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot
with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely
give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant
him it. I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about
[seizing] the soul of My faithful servant: he hates death and I hate
hurting him.'"
May Allah Ta'ala facilitatea beneficial solution for you and give you
good friends.
And Allah knows best.
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Friday, August 16, 2013
Fathwa, - Niqab and loneliness
Fathwa, - Prayer> Istikhara: The Guidance Prayer
Question:
Several people I know are confused on the topic of salat ul-
Istikhara. Is it meant to be prayed several days in a row until a
decision is made, or only once? Is it meant to be prayed after one
has pretty much made up their mind, or whensomeone hasn't really
figured out what to do? Are their various valid opinions?
Answer:
Assalamu alaikum,
When one is not clear about the result of the istikhara, the fuqaha
mention that it is recommend to repeat it, upto 7 times if necessary
(usually done on separate occasions). [cf: Radd al-Muhtar]
It is not necessary that you get a dream or even a "feeling." Rather,
the istikhara is a prayer that Allah guide you towards that which is
best (khayr)for you. If you do the prayer of guidance (istikhara) with
the proper manners, the most important of which is to truly consign
the matter to Allah and suspend your own inclinations, then Allah will
make events unfold in the direction that is the best for your worldly
and next-worldly affairs.
In general, when it is notpossible to perform the istikhara prayer
itself (such as when one is out on the road, or in one's menstrual
period), it is recommended to simply read the dua itself. [Radd
al-Muhtar]
The istikhara prayer may be made for a specific matter or be made for
a general seeking of all that is best. Some scholars, including Imam
Abd al-Wahhab al-Sha`rani and Ibn `Arafah before him saw this kind of
istikhara prayer as being superior.Others, including Shaykh Ibn
al-Arabi, recommended performing a general istikhara prayer for all
that is good every day, ideally at the time of the Duha prayer (after
sunrise).
Imam al-Nawawi mentioned that before the istikhara prayer, one should
seek advice (istishara) from those whose knowledge, wisdom, and
concern one is confident. Ibn Hajar al-Haytami and others mentioned
that one of the benefits of this is to further distanceoneself from
the desires of one's own egotistic inclinations.
It is recommended to open the dua of istikhara[below], with praise of
Allah and sending blessings on the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him
peace), and to close it in this manner, too.
Like other duas, it is recommended that one face the qibla.
It is disliked to 'hasten' inseeking the answer to one's istikhara,
like otherduas, because the Prophet (Allah bless him& give him peace)
said,"Your prayers are answered, unless you hasten, saying, 'I prayed,
but no answer came.'"
One should be pleased with what Allah chooses for one, and not seek to
follow one's whims after the answer to one's supplication becomes
clear.
There is a pious lady in our community who has offered to pray
istikhara for me to help me make a decision for marriage.... [ .... ]
my question to you is if you know if this idea of relying on someone
else's istikhara is a good idea and compatible with the teachings of
Islam on how to make dua and decisions. should I follow her advice
(according to her dreams and feelings) to me on this issue or not?
This is one means you can take: to seek the istikhara of a pious
person. The permissibility of this was mentioned explicitly by the
Malikis and Shafi`is. The Hanafis do not appear to have discussedthis
issue [al-Mawsu`a al-Fiqhhiyya,Kuwait], butthere is nothing in it
thatwould indicate its impermissibility. Rather, it is merely the
taking of a means, which is permitted as long as one knows that the
one who gives and takes, benefits and harms is Allah alone.
In such cases, though, one should not leave doing the istikhara oneself...
Salat al-Istikhara
CONCERNING THE RITUAL PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE IN CHOOSING THE BEST OPTION
[SALAT AL-ISTIKHARA], AND THE PRAYER OF SUPPLICATION [DU'A']
APPROPRIATE TO IT.
According to a traditional report transmitted on the authority of
Muhammad ibn al-Munkadir, it was Jabir ibn 'Abdi'llah (may Allah be
well pleased with him and with his father) who said:
"Allah's Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to teach
us how to seek guidance in choosing the best optionavailable in a
practical enterprise [al-istikhara fi'l-amr], just as he would
sometimes teach us a Chapter [Sura] from the Qur'an. :
"'If one of you is concerned about some practical undertaking, orabout
making plans for ajourney, he should perform two cycles of ritual
prayer [rak'atain], not as an obligatory observance [farida], but
voluntarily. Then he should say:
'"O Allah, I ask You to show me what is best, through Your knowledge,
and I ask You to empower me, through Your power, and I beg You to
grant me Your tremendous favor, for You have power, while I am without
power, and You have knowledge, while I am without knowledge, and You
are the One whoknows all things invisible.
Allahumma inni astakhiru-ka bi-'ilmi-ka wa astaqdiru-ka bi-qudrati-ka
wa as'alu-ka min fadli-ka 'l-'azim fa-inna-ka taqdiru wa la aqdiru wa
ta'lamu wa la a'lamu wa Anta 'Allamu 'l-ghuyub :
O Allah, if You know that this undertaking is in thebest interests of
my religion, my life in this world, and my life in the Hereafter, and
can yield successful results in both the short term and the long term,
then make it possible for me and make it easy for me, and then bless
me in it.
Allahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna hadha 'l-amra khairun li fi dini wa
dunyaya wa akhirati wa 'aqibati amri wa 'ajili-hi wa
ajili-h:fa-'qdir-hu li wa yassir-hu li thumma barik li fi-h:
If not, then turn it away from me, and make it easy for me to do well,
wherever I may happen to be, and make me content with Your verdict, O
Most Merciful of the merciful.'"
wa illa fa-'srif-hu 'an-ni wa yassir liya 'l-khaira haithu kana ma
kuntu wa raddi-ni bi-qada'i-ka ya Arhama 'r-rahimin :
The information presented here is copyright of Al-Baz Publishing, Inc.
and may not be reproduced by any means for distribution or commercial
gain.
Copyright holder grants to reader license to print single copy for
personal use or study
only._______________________________________________The South African
Jamiatul Ulama Transvaalcollected this:
The Etiquette of Du'�
These etiquettes are narrated in the Hadith. For reasons of brevity,
only the following summary and reference of each Hadith is mentioned
instead of theentire Hadith.
To abstain from haraam food, clothing and earnings. (Muslim : Tirmidhi)
To make Duaa with sincerity. In other words,one should firmly
believethat nobody but Allah Ta'aala will fulfill his objectives.
(Haakim)
One should perform a good deed prior to making the Duaa & he should
mention this during the course of the Duaa. For e.g. He should say, O
Allah! I had performed so & so deed solely for Your pleasure. O Allah!
accept my Duaa due to the barkat of that deed. (Muslim, Tirmidhi, Abu
Dawud).
To make Duaa whilst oneis paak & clean. (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, Ibn
Majah, Nasai, Ibn Hibbaan, Mustadrak).
To make wudhu before the Duaa (All six major hadith collections)
To face the Qiblah (All six major hadith collections)
To sit as in the Tashahhud position (AbuAwanah)
To praise Allah Ta'aala at the beginning as well as at the end of Duaa
(All sixmajor hadith collections)
To convey Durood upon Rasulullah ( ) at the beginning as well as the
end. (Abu Dawud, Musnade-Ahmad)
To spread out both the hands. (Tirmidhi, Mustadrak)
To raise both the hands up to the shoulders (Abu Dawud, Musnade-Ahmad)
To sit with humility and respect. (Muslim, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud)
To mention ones helplessness and dependence. (Tirmidhi)
To abstain from raising the eyes towards the sky whilst making Duaa (Muslim)
To mention the Asmaal-Husnaa (the names of Allah Ta'aala ) and the
sublime qualities Of AllahTa'aala. (Ibn Hibbaan and Mustadrak)
To abstain from ceremonies rhyming of the Duaa phrases (Bukhari)
To abstain from saying the Duaa in a "sing-song" tone if the Duaa is
in a poetic form (Hisn)
One should make Duaa through the medium of the Ambiyaa
(alayhimus-salaam) and other Pious servants. (For e.g. He should say.
O Allah! Accepts my Duaa throughThe good offices of thesesaintly
people). (Bukhari,Bazzaar, Haakim)
To make the Duaa in a soft voice (All six major hadith collections on
the authority if Abu Musa )
To utter the Duaa phrases transcribed fromRasulullah Sallalahu Alayhi
Wasallam because Rasulullah Didn't leave out a single need of the Deen
nor of the dunya whilst teaching us how to make Duaa (Abu Dawud/Nasai)
To make a Duaa that encompasses most of theneeds of Deen and the
dunya. (Abu Dawud)
To make Duaa in favour of oneself first, thereafter ones parents and
to include the other Muslims in the Duaa as well (Muslims)
If the Imam is making Duaa, he should not make Duaa for himself only
but he should Include all the congregants in the Duaa (Abu Dawud,
Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)
Abu Dawud (R.A.) Narrates that Rasulullah Said that the Imam who makes
Duaa for himself only, has betrayed the people." In other words, the
Imam should not Make a Duaa that is restricted to him alone. For e.g.
He should not say, "O Allah! cure my son." or "O Allah! Return my lost
item." etc. but he should make a Duaa that includes all the
congregation for e.g. He may say "O Allah! Forgive us and have mercy
upon us."
To make Duaa with firm conviction (for e.g. he should not say: "O
Allah! If you wish fulfil so and so task of mine." (All six major
hadith collections)
To make Duaa with enthusiasm & yearning. (Ibn Hibbn & Abu Awana).
As far as possible endeavour to bring about a "presence of heart and
mind" and cherish a high hope of the Duaa being accepted.(Haakim)
To make Duaa repeatedly. (Bukhari, Muslim)
This repetition should beat least thrice (Abu Dawud)
Note One may repeat the Duaa thrice in none sitting or he may repeat
it on three different occasions. The"repetition of the Duaa" can be
interpreted in both ways."
To make Duaa earnestly and insistently. (Nasai, Hakim, Abu awanah)
To abstain from making Duaa of severing family ties or other sins.
(Muslim, Tirmidhi)
Avoid making Duaas of pre-determined and fixed things (for e.g. woman
should not make a duaa of being transformed into a man or a tall
person shouldn'tmake Duaa thus: "O Allah!Make me short ." etc)
(Nasai).
Don't Make Duaa for impossible things. (Bukhari)
Don't make a Duaa in which you ask Allah Ta'aala to confine His mercy
to yourself Only (Bukhari, Abu Dawud, Nasai, Ibn Majah)
Ask only Allah Ta'aala alone for all your needs. Do not depend upon
His creation. (Tirmidhi/Ibn Hibbaan)
The one making the Duaa as well as the person listening to it, both
should say Aameen at the end. (Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, Nasai)
Rub both hands over the face at the termination of the Duaa (Abu
Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibbaan, Majah, Hakim)
Don't be impatient over the acceptance of Duaas. In other words, don't
say: "I've made Duaa repeatedly but to no avail." (Bukhari, Muslim,
Abu Dawud, Nasai, Ibn Majah)
Wassalam,
Several people I know are confused on the topic of salat ul-
Istikhara. Is it meant to be prayed several days in a row until a
decision is made, or only once? Is it meant to be prayed after one
has pretty much made up their mind, or whensomeone hasn't really
figured out what to do? Are their various valid opinions?
Answer:
Assalamu alaikum,
When one is not clear about the result of the istikhara, the fuqaha
mention that it is recommend to repeat it, upto 7 times if necessary
(usually done on separate occasions). [cf: Radd al-Muhtar]
It is not necessary that you get a dream or even a "feeling." Rather,
the istikhara is a prayer that Allah guide you towards that which is
best (khayr)for you. If you do the prayer of guidance (istikhara) with
the proper manners, the most important of which is to truly consign
the matter to Allah and suspend your own inclinations, then Allah will
make events unfold in the direction that is the best for your worldly
and next-worldly affairs.
In general, when it is notpossible to perform the istikhara prayer
itself (such as when one is out on the road, or in one's menstrual
period), it is recommended to simply read the dua itself. [Radd
al-Muhtar]
The istikhara prayer may be made for a specific matter or be made for
a general seeking of all that is best. Some scholars, including Imam
Abd al-Wahhab al-Sha`rani and Ibn `Arafah before him saw this kind of
istikhara prayer as being superior.Others, including Shaykh Ibn
al-Arabi, recommended performing a general istikhara prayer for all
that is good every day, ideally at the time of the Duha prayer (after
sunrise).
Imam al-Nawawi mentioned that before the istikhara prayer, one should
seek advice (istishara) from those whose knowledge, wisdom, and
concern one is confident. Ibn Hajar al-Haytami and others mentioned
that one of the benefits of this is to further distanceoneself from
the desires of one's own egotistic inclinations.
It is recommended to open the dua of istikhara[below], with praise of
Allah and sending blessings on the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him
peace), and to close it in this manner, too.
Like other duas, it is recommended that one face the qibla.
It is disliked to 'hasten' inseeking the answer to one's istikhara,
like otherduas, because the Prophet (Allah bless him& give him peace)
said,"Your prayers are answered, unless you hasten, saying, 'I prayed,
but no answer came.'"
One should be pleased with what Allah chooses for one, and not seek to
follow one's whims after the answer to one's supplication becomes
clear.
There is a pious lady in our community who has offered to pray
istikhara for me to help me make a decision for marriage.... [ .... ]
my question to you is if you know if this idea of relying on someone
else's istikhara is a good idea and compatible with the teachings of
Islam on how to make dua and decisions. should I follow her advice
(according to her dreams and feelings) to me on this issue or not?
This is one means you can take: to seek the istikhara of a pious
person. The permissibility of this was mentioned explicitly by the
Malikis and Shafi`is. The Hanafis do not appear to have discussedthis
issue [al-Mawsu`a al-Fiqhhiyya,Kuwait], butthere is nothing in it
thatwould indicate its impermissibility. Rather, it is merely the
taking of a means, which is permitted as long as one knows that the
one who gives and takes, benefits and harms is Allah alone.
In such cases, though, one should not leave doing the istikhara oneself...
Salat al-Istikhara
CONCERNING THE RITUAL PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE IN CHOOSING THE BEST OPTION
[SALAT AL-ISTIKHARA], AND THE PRAYER OF SUPPLICATION [DU'A']
APPROPRIATE TO IT.
According to a traditional report transmitted on the authority of
Muhammad ibn al-Munkadir, it was Jabir ibn 'Abdi'llah (may Allah be
well pleased with him and with his father) who said:
"Allah's Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to teach
us how to seek guidance in choosing the best optionavailable in a
practical enterprise [al-istikhara fi'l-amr], just as he would
sometimes teach us a Chapter [Sura] from the Qur'an. :
"'If one of you is concerned about some practical undertaking, orabout
making plans for ajourney, he should perform two cycles of ritual
prayer [rak'atain], not as an obligatory observance [farida], but
voluntarily. Then he should say:
'"O Allah, I ask You to show me what is best, through Your knowledge,
and I ask You to empower me, through Your power, and I beg You to
grant me Your tremendous favor, for You have power, while I am without
power, and You have knowledge, while I am without knowledge, and You
are the One whoknows all things invisible.
Allahumma inni astakhiru-ka bi-'ilmi-ka wa astaqdiru-ka bi-qudrati-ka
wa as'alu-ka min fadli-ka 'l-'azim fa-inna-ka taqdiru wa la aqdiru wa
ta'lamu wa la a'lamu wa Anta 'Allamu 'l-ghuyub :
O Allah, if You know that this undertaking is in thebest interests of
my religion, my life in this world, and my life in the Hereafter, and
can yield successful results in both the short term and the long term,
then make it possible for me and make it easy for me, and then bless
me in it.
Allahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna hadha 'l-amra khairun li fi dini wa
dunyaya wa akhirati wa 'aqibati amri wa 'ajili-hi wa
ajili-h:fa-'qdir-hu li wa yassir-hu li thumma barik li fi-h:
If not, then turn it away from me, and make it easy for me to do well,
wherever I may happen to be, and make me content with Your verdict, O
Most Merciful of the merciful.'"
wa illa fa-'srif-hu 'an-ni wa yassir liya 'l-khaira haithu kana ma
kuntu wa raddi-ni bi-qada'i-ka ya Arhama 'r-rahimin :
The information presented here is copyright of Al-Baz Publishing, Inc.
and may not be reproduced by any means for distribution or commercial
gain.
Copyright holder grants to reader license to print single copy for
personal use or study
only._______________________________________________The South African
Jamiatul Ulama Transvaalcollected this:
The Etiquette of Du'�
These etiquettes are narrated in the Hadith. For reasons of brevity,
only the following summary and reference of each Hadith is mentioned
instead of theentire Hadith.
To abstain from haraam food, clothing and earnings. (Muslim : Tirmidhi)
To make Duaa with sincerity. In other words,one should firmly
believethat nobody but Allah Ta'aala will fulfill his objectives.
(Haakim)
One should perform a good deed prior to making the Duaa & he should
mention this during the course of the Duaa. For e.g. He should say, O
Allah! I had performed so & so deed solely for Your pleasure. O Allah!
accept my Duaa due to the barkat of that deed. (Muslim, Tirmidhi, Abu
Dawud).
To make Duaa whilst oneis paak & clean. (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, Ibn
Majah, Nasai, Ibn Hibbaan, Mustadrak).
To make wudhu before the Duaa (All six major hadith collections)
To face the Qiblah (All six major hadith collections)
To sit as in the Tashahhud position (AbuAwanah)
To praise Allah Ta'aala at the beginning as well as at the end of Duaa
(All sixmajor hadith collections)
To convey Durood upon Rasulullah ( ) at the beginning as well as the
end. (Abu Dawud, Musnade-Ahmad)
To spread out both the hands. (Tirmidhi, Mustadrak)
To raise both the hands up to the shoulders (Abu Dawud, Musnade-Ahmad)
To sit with humility and respect. (Muslim, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud)
To mention ones helplessness and dependence. (Tirmidhi)
To abstain from raising the eyes towards the sky whilst making Duaa (Muslim)
To mention the Asmaal-Husnaa (the names of Allah Ta'aala ) and the
sublime qualities Of AllahTa'aala. (Ibn Hibbaan and Mustadrak)
To abstain from ceremonies rhyming of the Duaa phrases (Bukhari)
To abstain from saying the Duaa in a "sing-song" tone if the Duaa is
in a poetic form (Hisn)
One should make Duaa through the medium of the Ambiyaa
(alayhimus-salaam) and other Pious servants. (For e.g. He should say.
O Allah! Accepts my Duaa throughThe good offices of thesesaintly
people). (Bukhari,Bazzaar, Haakim)
To make the Duaa in a soft voice (All six major hadith collections on
the authority if Abu Musa )
To utter the Duaa phrases transcribed fromRasulullah Sallalahu Alayhi
Wasallam because Rasulullah Didn't leave out a single need of the Deen
nor of the dunya whilst teaching us how to make Duaa (Abu Dawud/Nasai)
To make a Duaa that encompasses most of theneeds of Deen and the
dunya. (Abu Dawud)
To make Duaa in favour of oneself first, thereafter ones parents and
to include the other Muslims in the Duaa as well (Muslims)
If the Imam is making Duaa, he should not make Duaa for himself only
but he should Include all the congregants in the Duaa (Abu Dawud,
Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)
Abu Dawud (R.A.) Narrates that Rasulullah Said that the Imam who makes
Duaa for himself only, has betrayed the people." In other words, the
Imam should not Make a Duaa that is restricted to him alone. For e.g.
He should not say, "O Allah! cure my son." or "O Allah! Return my lost
item." etc. but he should make a Duaa that includes all the
congregation for e.g. He may say "O Allah! Forgive us and have mercy
upon us."
To make Duaa with firm conviction (for e.g. he should not say: "O
Allah! If you wish fulfil so and so task of mine." (All six major
hadith collections)
To make Duaa with enthusiasm & yearning. (Ibn Hibbn & Abu Awana).
As far as possible endeavour to bring about a "presence of heart and
mind" and cherish a high hope of the Duaa being accepted.(Haakim)
To make Duaa repeatedly. (Bukhari, Muslim)
This repetition should beat least thrice (Abu Dawud)
Note One may repeat the Duaa thrice in none sitting or he may repeat
it on three different occasions. The"repetition of the Duaa" can be
interpreted in both ways."
To make Duaa earnestly and insistently. (Nasai, Hakim, Abu awanah)
To abstain from making Duaa of severing family ties or other sins.
(Muslim, Tirmidhi)
Avoid making Duaas of pre-determined and fixed things (for e.g. woman
should not make a duaa of being transformed into a man or a tall
person shouldn'tmake Duaa thus: "O Allah!Make me short ." etc)
(Nasai).
Don't Make Duaa for impossible things. (Bukhari)
Don't make a Duaa in which you ask Allah Ta'aala to confine His mercy
to yourself Only (Bukhari, Abu Dawud, Nasai, Ibn Majah)
Ask only Allah Ta'aala alone for all your needs. Do not depend upon
His creation. (Tirmidhi/Ibn Hibbaan)
The one making the Duaa as well as the person listening to it, both
should say Aameen at the end. (Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, Nasai)
Rub both hands over the face at the termination of the Duaa (Abu
Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibbaan, Majah, Hakim)
Don't be impatient over the acceptance of Duaas. In other words, don't
say: "I've made Duaa repeatedly but to no avail." (Bukhari, Muslim,
Abu Dawud, Nasai, Ibn Majah)
Wassalam,
Fathwa, - Marriage and islamic teachings about living with in-laws
Question:
I have received a marriage proposal from an excellent practicing and
knowledgable muslim brother, Alhamdullillah. The only hinderance in
making any decision isthat he and his family (including his younger
brother) want to live together in one house, meaning everyone living
on the same floor, sharing one bathroom and so forth.This is going to
be a very difficult situation for me regarding privacy and parda. i
will have to be in hijaband proper outfit while performing house
chores around the house. This brother agreed earlier that they
understand this situation and are planning to move into a different
house where this won't be a problem (maybe makeseparate portions).
However, now this brother and his family have changed their plan and
have decided to live the way they are living now (everybody living
together and i will only have a bedroom) and will live the same way
anywhere they move. I would like to know what is the Islamic teaching
on this. The brother is really nice and religious , mashallah but
living together is the only problem that is hindering me from making
any decision.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
I apologize for taking so long to reply.
Choosing a spouse is one of the most important decisions you'll ever
make. Looking for someone with good religion and character is
foremost. However, this is not the only consideration. Women should
also look for men with stable and lawful incomes, and the ability to
support them adequately.
Please see Ustadha Hedaya Hartford'sIslamicMarriageat a lmuhajabat.com
for more details on choosinga spouse.
At the very least, a man has to provide his wife with her own separate
apartment, even if it's within the confines of his family's home. The
wife should have her own living area, bedroom, bathroom, andkitchen.
Please think long and hard before you put yourself in a situation
where you have no privacy. You deserve your own space. This is not a
luxury, but a religious obligation upon your husband.
And Allah knows best.
-
I have received a marriage proposal from an excellent practicing and
knowledgable muslim brother, Alhamdullillah. The only hinderance in
making any decision isthat he and his family (including his younger
brother) want to live together in one house, meaning everyone living
on the same floor, sharing one bathroom and so forth.This is going to
be a very difficult situation for me regarding privacy and parda. i
will have to be in hijaband proper outfit while performing house
chores around the house. This brother agreed earlier that they
understand this situation and are planning to move into a different
house where this won't be a problem (maybe makeseparate portions).
However, now this brother and his family have changed their plan and
have decided to live the way they are living now (everybody living
together and i will only have a bedroom) and will live the same way
anywhere they move. I would like to know what is the Islamic teaching
on this. The brother is really nice and religious , mashallah but
living together is the only problem that is hindering me from making
any decision.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
I apologize for taking so long to reply.
Choosing a spouse is one of the most important decisions you'll ever
make. Looking for someone with good religion and character is
foremost. However, this is not the only consideration. Women should
also look for men with stable and lawful incomes, and the ability to
support them adequately.
Please see Ustadha Hedaya Hartford'sIslamicMarriageat a lmuhajabat.com
for more details on choosinga spouse.
At the very least, a man has to provide his wife with her own separate
apartment, even if it's within the confines of his family's home. The
wife should have her own living area, bedroom, bathroom, andkitchen.
Please think long and hard before you put yourself in a situation
where you have no privacy. You deserve your own space. This is not a
luxury, but a religious obligation upon your husband.
And Allah knows best.
-
The problem of lust )a dad-son dialogue( – I
According to the teachings Islam, the desires and lusts play a vital
part in the makeup of every human being; they cannot be ignored.
Humans, unlike the angels, have to face the challenge in this life of
mastering these forces within us. If we fail to do so, then we become
enslaved by our desires and thus fall below the level of the animal
kingdom.
The keys to a happy and fulfilled life are to be found in the guidance
contained in the Quran and in the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammadwhose
lifestyle embodieda perfect balance between permissible enjoyment and
abstention from what is forbidden.
In this article, we will talkabout the dangers of yielding to the
unrestrained cravings of the soul through highlighting the problemof
lust. Although man could be afflicted by lust at any age, young men
are more susceptible. That is because between adulthood and
childhoodis adolescence, where a person undergoes great physical and
psychological changes. During this stage, one's decisions and
experiences determine, to a great extent, the type of adult one will
become. So, if a person succeeded in curbing his desires during this
period, it would be easier for him to curb it for the rest of his
life.
Sometimes, our children who are on the thresholdof adolescence receive
scant attention from parents regarding this matter; so, we preferred
to tackle the issue of lust in the form of dad-son dialogue:
Son:Dad! You've told me alot about the advantages and bright aspects
of the period of entering manhood. Can you tell me about its problems
and difficulties?
Dad:This is a crucial question. You know that Satan is eager to tempt
and seduce human beings. Allaah Says in the Noble Quran )what
means(:"]Satan[ said,"Because You have put me in error, I will surely
sit in wait for them on Your straight path. ThenI will come to them
from before them and from behind them and on their right and on their
left, and You will not find most of them grateful ]to You[."
]Quran 7: 16-17[
Therefore, the fight between Satan and a young man reaches its climax
when the young man reaches the age of religious obligation.
Allaah made the way to His Paradise hard and difficult, and the way to
the Hell full of desires for a certain wisdom, namely, to test people.
In other words, the road to Hell is closer than that toParadise. The
Prophetis reported to have said:"Hellfire is surrounded by all kinds
of desires and passions, whileParadiseis surrounded by all kinds of
disliked undesirable things."]Al-Bukhaari[
Thus, desires and lust start to appear in this stage of someone's life
inorder to distinguish those who can resist the temptation from those
who cannot. If the ways toParadisewere furnished with flowers,
everybody would take it.
Son:Can you tell me more about these desires, Dad?
Dad:Well! They are so many, varying in strengthand scope. Allaah
Says)what means(:"Beautified for people is the love of that which they
desire – of women and sons,heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine
branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of
worldly life, but Allaah has with Him the best return."]Quran 3: 14[
As for their varying nature, they differ from one person to another
and from one environment to another. However, the influence of sexual
desire on youngpeople is the strongest and most dangerous, especially
in the present time. The Prophetwarned us against that when hesaid: "I
am not leaving behind a more harmful trial)cause of mischief(for men
than women."The Prophetalso said:"A person who gives surety to
)safeguard( what is between his jaws )tongue( and what is between his
two legs)private organs(, I guarantee his entrance into
Paradise."]Al-Bukhaari[
Abu Hurayrahnarrated that the Prophetwas asked about the things which
cause most people to enterParadise. Heanswered: "Being carefulabout
one's obligations to Allaah, and good behavior". Then, hewas asked:
"What are these things which would lead a person into Hellfire?"
Heanswered:"His mouth and genitals )i.e., misusing
them(."]Al-Bukhaari[
Son:You have come close to home when you spokeabout this desire. May I
ask more questions about it?
Dad:Go ahead, son.
Son:Some young people say that Allaah is All-Knowledgeable and
All-Wise, so they wonder if there is any apparent wisdom that a Muslim
can see behind afflicting people with such a strong desire?
Dad:You should know, myson, that a Muslim is not allowed to question
or object to the commandments of Allaah.He must submit to whatever
comes from his Lord and believe in it whether or not he knowsthe
wisdom behind it. However, if he knows thewisdom, his Faith will
become more firm.
One wisdom behind sexual desire is to sustainthe human race by meansof
reproduction. Therefore, the two sexes are attracted to each other in
order to achieve this end. Again, as mentioned earlier, one ofthe
greatest pieces of wisdom is affliction and trial. If the way of
obedience is hard, it will not be taken except by honest and pious
people who are characterized bypatience and fortitude, or else it will
be open to everybody.
Son:I think the first step a wise young man should take is to know the
temptations that may enkindle such a desire so that he may avoid them.
Am I correct, Dad?
Dad:Certainly. One should avoid the things that maystir up desires and lust.
To be followed…
part in the makeup of every human being; they cannot be ignored.
Humans, unlike the angels, have to face the challenge in this life of
mastering these forces within us. If we fail to do so, then we become
enslaved by our desires and thus fall below the level of the animal
kingdom.
The keys to a happy and fulfilled life are to be found in the guidance
contained in the Quran and in the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammadwhose
lifestyle embodieda perfect balance between permissible enjoyment and
abstention from what is forbidden.
In this article, we will talkabout the dangers of yielding to the
unrestrained cravings of the soul through highlighting the problemof
lust. Although man could be afflicted by lust at any age, young men
are more susceptible. That is because between adulthood and
childhoodis adolescence, where a person undergoes great physical and
psychological changes. During this stage, one's decisions and
experiences determine, to a great extent, the type of adult one will
become. So, if a person succeeded in curbing his desires during this
period, it would be easier for him to curb it for the rest of his
life.
Sometimes, our children who are on the thresholdof adolescence receive
scant attention from parents regarding this matter; so, we preferred
to tackle the issue of lust in the form of dad-son dialogue:
Son:Dad! You've told me alot about the advantages and bright aspects
of the period of entering manhood. Can you tell me about its problems
and difficulties?
Dad:This is a crucial question. You know that Satan is eager to tempt
and seduce human beings. Allaah Says in the Noble Quran )what
means(:"]Satan[ said,"Because You have put me in error, I will surely
sit in wait for them on Your straight path. ThenI will come to them
from before them and from behind them and on their right and on their
left, and You will not find most of them grateful ]to You[."
]Quran 7: 16-17[
Therefore, the fight between Satan and a young man reaches its climax
when the young man reaches the age of religious obligation.
Allaah made the way to His Paradise hard and difficult, and the way to
the Hell full of desires for a certain wisdom, namely, to test people.
In other words, the road to Hell is closer than that toParadise. The
Prophetis reported to have said:"Hellfire is surrounded by all kinds
of desires and passions, whileParadiseis surrounded by all kinds of
disliked undesirable things."]Al-Bukhaari[
Thus, desires and lust start to appear in this stage of someone's life
inorder to distinguish those who can resist the temptation from those
who cannot. If the ways toParadisewere furnished with flowers,
everybody would take it.
Son:Can you tell me more about these desires, Dad?
Dad:Well! They are so many, varying in strengthand scope. Allaah
Says)what means(:"Beautified for people is the love of that which they
desire – of women and sons,heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine
branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of
worldly life, but Allaah has with Him the best return."]Quran 3: 14[
As for their varying nature, they differ from one person to another
and from one environment to another. However, the influence of sexual
desire on youngpeople is the strongest and most dangerous, especially
in the present time. The Prophetwarned us against that when hesaid: "I
am not leaving behind a more harmful trial)cause of mischief(for men
than women."The Prophetalso said:"A person who gives surety to
)safeguard( what is between his jaws )tongue( and what is between his
two legs)private organs(, I guarantee his entrance into
Paradise."]Al-Bukhaari[
Abu Hurayrahnarrated that the Prophetwas asked about the things which
cause most people to enterParadise. Heanswered: "Being carefulabout
one's obligations to Allaah, and good behavior". Then, hewas asked:
"What are these things which would lead a person into Hellfire?"
Heanswered:"His mouth and genitals )i.e., misusing
them(."]Al-Bukhaari[
Son:You have come close to home when you spokeabout this desire. May I
ask more questions about it?
Dad:Go ahead, son.
Son:Some young people say that Allaah is All-Knowledgeable and
All-Wise, so they wonder if there is any apparent wisdom that a Muslim
can see behind afflicting people with such a strong desire?
Dad:You should know, myson, that a Muslim is not allowed to question
or object to the commandments of Allaah.He must submit to whatever
comes from his Lord and believe in it whether or not he knowsthe
wisdom behind it. However, if he knows thewisdom, his Faith will
become more firm.
One wisdom behind sexual desire is to sustainthe human race by meansof
reproduction. Therefore, the two sexes are attracted to each other in
order to achieve this end. Again, as mentioned earlier, one ofthe
greatest pieces of wisdom is affliction and trial. If the way of
obedience is hard, it will not be taken except by honest and pious
people who are characterized bypatience and fortitude, or else it will
be open to everybody.
Son:I think the first step a wise young man should take is to know the
temptations that may enkindle such a desire so that he may avoid them.
Am I correct, Dad?
Dad:Certainly. One should avoid the things that maystir up desires and lust.
To be followed…
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