Family disintegration – III

Neglecting one's family and failing to give them enough to suffice
their needs results in them leaving their homes in order to find a
source of income, and in many cases it leads to women committing
adultery; there are many real life stories proving this, and in these
cases itis not sexual desire that pushed the woman to indulge in this
immorality as much as her need for money.
'Aa'ishahnarrated that Hind bint 'Utbahcame to the Prophetand said: "O
Messenger of Allaah! My husband Abu Sufyaan is tight fisted and does
not give me and my son what suffices us, so I take from his wealth
without him knowing.Is this permissible?' Hereplied:"Take from his
wealth what suffices you and your son without exaggeration."
Allaah the All-Knowing, knows that if there is insufficient money in a
home, it could lead to something evil, so He allows the woman to take
from her husband's wealth secretly without his permission if he is
stingy and does not provide themwith what suffices them; but at the
same time, Islam does not oppress the husband, hence the condition was
set that she takes without exaggeration and not whenever it takes her
fancy.
Disclosing the wife's secrets is another cause of family
disintegration. Some people go as far as to reveal the very intimate
secrets of their wives, which not only causes this problem to occur,
but also reflects malicious manners and a lack of protective jealousy.
The Prophetonce asked his companions:"Is there any of you who, when
wishing to have sexual intercourse with his wife, goes into the room,
closes the door, and covers himself?"They replied, "Yes." Then
heasked:"Is there any of you who later sits with his friends and
informs them about what went on between him and his wife?"His
companions remained silent. After this heturned towards his female
companions and askedthe same questions, and so one of them stood up
and said: "O Messenger of Allaah! I swear by Allaah that both the men
and thewomen disclose what takes placein their bedrooms to others."
Upon hearing this, the Prophetsaid:"The similitude of those who do
this is like that of a male and female devil, who meet on the road and
have sexual intercourse publicly, while othersare watching them."
Undutifulness to parents is another reason behind family
disintegration, because it either causes the child to be expelled from
the house, which breaks thefamily bond, or, the son continues to
oppress one or bothof his parents, causing them to live a humiliated
and oppressed existence in their own home, which deprives them from
living a normal life. This is a common thing in families nowadays;
families suffer grief and anxiety due to the undutifulness of their
children, who may eventually expel their parents from their home.
A real life story and a good example of what we are saying is: …A son
kicked his parents out from their home which they owned, but Allaah
never neglects or overlooks anything - This son'sown daughters began
beating him when he grew old, because he was trying to sexually
assault them.
Bad manners, which lead to immorality and wife beating - these are
more reasons behind the disintegration of families. A man beats his
wife and mother, curses his daughter and supplicates that she becomes
sick with cancer … he neither prays nor fasts … he enters his home
shouting and cursing … he blames his wife for having delivered a
daughter for him, which made her worthless in his sight … he hits his
daughter viciously with an electric wire … this is a true story … this
is a standard result of shunning the path of Allaah … the marks
remained on his daughter's back,even when she got married.
Again, this is normal for people who are not upon the straight path …
when religion is removed from people's hearts and souls they become
worse than beasts, because it is only Islam that makes people behave
correctly and maintain noble manners.
Sinning is another factor behind this phenomenon; a man gambles and
travels for the sole purpose of gambling; when he receives his salary
he squanders itin less than ten days because of his gambling … he does
not worry about his wife or children … he does not attend to their
needs.
Many family problems result fromalcohol consumption, which is one of
the major great sins … when a person is drunk he has nocontrol over
his brain - and families easily break up after this loss of control.
Many families face problems due to the shortage of money, as wellas
the great attachment that they have to this life; this usually leads
to people becoming stingy and selfish.
A western newspaper published an article regarding a couple whohad to
make a choice between keeping their car or their newborn baby girl as
they could not financially afford to keep both. So, they chose to keep
the car and handed the baby over to a foster home, when the father was
asked about this, he commented: "She might find a family who would
take her in for adoption and give her a better life than what we can
offer her." The mother also assured that they made the right choice!
Many parents sell their children in the west … What type of family
bond do these people have? Where is mercy? Where is the love? Where is
the compassion?
Greed and fighting over money adversely affects the family, and that
is why you find men who wish to confiscate their wife's salary, and
fathers who deprive their daughters from marriage due to them wishing
to continue receiving her salary; others convince their sisters to
loan them money which they do not intend to repay while the
Prophetruled doing this as one of thegreat major sins - to borrow
money with the intention of not returning it … this is how money
becomes a cause of family disintegration.
Undoubtedly, another of the major causes of this phenomenon is the
possession ofdrivers and maids in the home, especially when the maid
is not a Muslim, people surrender to them their valuables such as the
car and the house, but the most important thing they surrender are
their children, which they give them to look after.
These people represent a great danger, but people do not take lessons
from what afflicts others,the maids seduce the father and young men of
the house, and likewise the drivers seduce the females. With such a
setup disasters are likely to happen - especially if the household is
not brought up Islamically.
Fear Allaah with regards to your families … fear Allaah in your
households … beware of the wrath of Allaah which He sends upon the
oppressors. We are not only responsible for our own homes, but rather
we have to advise others.
It is true that we have many good families who mix with some of these
bad ones, so they should advise and instruct them, because otherwise
we may be affected by their evil if we are notworking on correcting
it, since we do not live in isolation from one another. We must enjoin
what is good and forbid what is evil, or our families may eventually
become like those in the West.

Family disintegration – II

Furthermore, drugs are one of the reasons behind family
disintegration. This is a dangerous disease that has affected a lot of
the youth nowadays. Our enemies have spread drugs and on account of
our youth not being brought up Islamically, this explosion of drugs is
but a natural result.
Also, unemployment forces young men to deal with drugs to make money
and so do their family problems drive them to use it. Fathers do not
care who their sons befriend, as well, and in this way, they might
make friends with evil people who introduce drugs to them whilst the
parent is heedless.
Family breakdown also results from lack of compassion and benevolence
in the house, on the parents' part. The father returns from work,
eats, drinks, sleeps and then wakes up and spends the night with his
friends; meanwhile, the mother is busy with the new fashions surfacing
in the market and with visiting her friends, and has no time to attend
to her children, who are being looked after by a maid.
As regards working mothers, who become exhausted due to their nature
of possessing weak bodies, work problems affect them physically and
emotionally; therefore, they do not have the time or mind to check on
their children before going to work.
Some mothers admit that they have gotten fed up with their children
and husbands. Furthermore, the father claims that he provides them
with the best food, drinks, toys, computers as well as school
necessities, and that they lack nothing. What a poor man, though! In
truth, they lack something which is very essential– love and
compassion and a good model. These men are only spending to suffice
their children's bodies, whereas they need them to sit and play with
them.
Listen to what Allaah Says regarding Prophet Yahyaa (i.e., John) what
means:"…And We gave him judgment while yet a boy."[Quran 19: 12]
Hence, Allaah bestowed on him prophethood, knowledge and, as Allaah
Says (what means):"And affection from Us and purity, and he was
fearing of Allaah."[Quran 19: 13] It is indeed a bounty from Allaah
that He made him, peace be upon him, an affectionate, merciful, kind
and caring person.
Allaah, then, made this compassion and mercy give rise to something
great, as He Says, referring to himwhat means:"And dutiful to his
parents, and he was not a disobedient tyrant."[Quran 19: 14]
Another of the causes of the collapse of the family is the use of
magic, for people take revengefrom each other by means of it, which
has resulted in Islamic monotheism fading away from people's
practices. Magic is certainly a reality and it does have effects on
people. Allaah Says (what means):"…And [yet] they learn from them
(i.e., the two angels as a test for people) that by which they cause
separation between a man and his wife. But do not harm anyonethrough
it except by permission of Allaah…."[Quran: 2 102]
Surely, no harm can be done except with the leave of Allaah and unless
He has already decreed that it would cause detriment. Allaah continues
to Say (what means):"…And they [i.e. people] learn what harm them and
do not benefit them. But they [i.e. the Children ofIsrael] certainly
knew that whoever purchased it [i.e. magic] would not have in the
Hereafter any share…."[Quran: 2 102]
Accordingly, he who deals with magic will have no share in the
Hereafter, meaning no reward. The penal law for the magician is to be
killed because magicians are really disbelievers. Allaah concludes
this verse, Saying (what means):"…And wretched isthat for which they
sold themselves, if they only knew."
Nonetheless, in the present day, people are confused and unaware of
the reality of magic; they believe that a magician can kill them and
do not rely on Allaah, Who Says (what means):"And whoever relies upon
Allaah — then He is sufficient for him…."[Quran: 65: 3]
Putting one's faith in Allaah stopsthe effect of magic, whilst weak
souls who are not obedient and whose conviction is wavering
willdefinitely be affected. It is they who do not maintain their daily
remembrance of Allaah and the designated Thikr (i.e., remembrance of
Allaah) and supplications at bed time or afterprayers, such as the
recitation of Chapters Al-Falaq, An-Naas and Al-Ikhlaas three times
after the prayer and before going to bed, for these chapters are the
best cure for magic and for preventingit.
Additionally, one needs to be careful concerning who enters the house
and allow only righteous people to come inside, since otherwise, evil
people who might place magic in the house would enter and then people
willhave to start looking for someone to cure them from the spell.
The Prophetwas affected by magic which was done over him by a Jewish
magician; what curedhim from it? It was by means of these three
aforementioned chapters and with the permissionof Allaah, together
with the blessings of the Quran, which hasa great effect on the souls
and heals, provided that people believe in its effect.
Video and television are also amongst the causes of the disintegration
of the family, for these two devices disseminate poison and
immorality. Some people think that it brings the family closer when
they gather towatch a movie on video or television, although the fact
is that they do not talk to each other whilst the film is playing and
if one does try to make a comment, everybody silences him. In some
houses, there is a television set in each room, plus the satellite
dish that you would spot everywhere.
Statistics have proved that television deprives a person from enjoying
his social life and from reading; it helps in isolating him from
others and reduces the levelof understanding between spouses besides
distracting students from their studies. It has also been confirmed
that kidsdo not spend the required amount of time with the rest of the
family after the television hascrossed the doorstep of people's homes.
This is in addition to the types of corruption they are exposed to
because of it.
Continuing the talk about the reasons of breakdown, one of which is
allowing the girls to talkon the phone with just about anybody. A
young man might talkto her, praising and flirting with her, making her
feel like she is floating in the sky; as soon as shereturns from
school, she sits nextto the phone awaiting his call to hear more of
his flirting. Afterwards, he falsely promises to marry her, requests
to meet her and then, this leads to her committing adultery; the
disastertakes places, whereby she loses the most precious thing she
possesses, then he walks out on her and what happens? When people come
to ask for her hand, what can she say? This is all due to the lack of
supervision and thewrong way of upbringing by the parents.
If we do not return to Allaah withsincerity, more collapse will
occurand we will fall to the same level as the disbelievers'
societies, where elders are humiliated and placed in foster homes, and
daughters become rebellious andgo out on the streets; thereupon,we
will be sitting, watching whathappens helplessly.
Are we wise enough to truly return to Allaah and put an end to the
state our families have reached?
You will be held accountable concerning what you are entrusted with,
for these childrenare a trust which Allaah has placed in your hands
and will ask you about on a Day when wealth and offspring will be
futile and only he who meets Allaah with a sound heart will benefit
from his heart that is full of faith.
Each person will be concerned only about his own self and people will
pay no attention to their fathers, mothers, brothers or sisters. This
will be the Day of Judgment, the great, horrible Daywhich is fifty
thousand years long. We honestly need to keep the remembrance of this
day alive in our hearts and minds andstart rectifying our situation.

Family disintegration – I

Allaah has bestowed upon His slaves many bounties and favors which
they cannot count. He has decreed that true Muslim communities can
only be established with the existence of families that are obedient
to Allaah and are nurtured in accordance with His commandments.
Therefore, He has provided Muslims with the elements by which the
family is created, as He Almighty Says (what means):"And of His signs
is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find
tranquility in them; and He placedbetween you affection and
mercy...."[Quran 30: 21]
Observe how Allaah constructs the family – He created companions for
men from withinthemselves so that they may attain harmony. He made the
wife the source of spiritual tranquility, but the family still needs a
tangible sort of tranquility, which Allaah describes saying (what
means):"And Allaah has made for you from your homes a place of
rest...."[Quran 16: 80] Hence, the spiritual serenity is found in the
wife and the physical serenity in one's house; together, both of these
shape the family, which forms communities.
Muslims are commanded to manage the family according to Islam and
Allaah has legislated such rules for us whereby we may acquire
prosperity and bond the family closely. This is so that the resulting
society will be righteous and one which performs Jihaad, or struggle,
for the sake of Allaah, as a result of which Islam will spread
throughout the world.
Undoubtedly, when we neglectedthe family, our communities became
corrupt and Muslim countries undeveloped, anxiety overwhelmed people
and life became intolerable.
Today, if we study the situation of Muslim families, we will see that
most of them live a miserable life, in consequence of being distant
from Islamic laws and disregarding them. I will givesome examples of
things that result in the breakdown or disintegration of families.
However, let us first cite an example of a happy, Islamic family,
which lived according to the way Allaah has prescribed. Allaah Says
(what means):"And [mention] Zechariah, when he called to his Lord, "My
Lord, do not leave me alone [with no heir],while You are the best of
inheritors."[Quran 21: 89]
Hesupplicated to Allaah and sought His help, as Allaah Says (what
means):"Kaaf, Haa, Yaa, 'Ayn, Saad. This is a mention of the mercy of
your Lord to His servant Zechariahwhen he called to his Lord a private
call [i.e. supplication]. He said, "My Lord, indeed my bones have
weakened,and my head has filled with white hair, and never have I been
in my supplication to You, my Lord, unhappy [i.e. disappointed].And
indeed, I fear the successors after me, and my wife has been
barren…."[Quran 19: 1-5]
The story goes that Zakariyyaprayed to his Lord with sincerity,
complaining that he became old and weak; he went on to acknowledge
that Allaah always responded to his invocations and never failed him.
Hethen expressed his concern that those whom he will leave behind
after his demise willnot be able to carry out the mission of conveying
Allaah's message and that his wife can nolonger give birth. At this
point, hecommenced his supplication, uttering, as Allaah Says (what
means):"…So give me from Yourself a heir. Who will inherit me and
inherit from the family ofJacob…"[Quran 19: 5-6], not to inherit
wealth, rather, prophethood.
Zakariyyacontinued in his prayer, imploring Allaah to make him (i.e.,
the child) pleasing to Himself. The angels, soon after, came to him
with glad tidings from Allaah about a boy whom Allaah named as Yahyaa
(i.e., John). So, Zakariyyawas not the one naming him or even his
mother, but it was Allaah, The One, who gave the child a name which no
human before him had.Allaah Says (what means):"And [mention]
Zechariah, when he called to his Lord, "My Lord, do not leave me alone
[with no heir],while You are the best of inheritors.So We responded to
him, and We gave to him Yahyaa (i.e., John), and amended for him his
wife. Indeed, they used to hasten to good deeds and supplicate Us in
hope and fear."[Quran 21: 89-90]
Thus, this pious family was obedient to Allaah – the father and son
were Prophets, and the wife was devout because Allaah made her so. The
entire family would rush to please Allaah, bothduring times of
prosperity and adversity; they supplicated submissively and were not
heedless nor indulged unnecessarily in this life. This is how families
used to be.
Let us examine the case of miserable families which are prevalent
amongst our societies today. There is a great danger threatening our
community, namely, the phenomenon of family disintegration, which has
become our trademark, as a natural result of shunning
Islamiclegislations and abandoning the religion.
Many families are collapsing fromthe inside even if they appear to be
cohesive, for, in reality, each individual among them lives his own
life and is in his own world. Everyone has his own concerns and
problems, which no one else shares with him, and nobody senses any
commitment towardsthe others or that he is obliged to do anything for
someone else.
Sometimes, two people within the same household may not even talk to
each other and you would find that the father sleeps in one room and
the mother in another. This is just a plain example and there are many
others of its kind, reflecting the breakdown of families within
ourcommunities.
There are reasons leading to this disintegration of families, such
aswhat the Prophetmentioned:"It is enough a sin that one neglects his
dependents (i.e., those under his care)."There are many fathers who
pay no heed totheir children and households, and do not fulfill their
due obligations towards them.
The following is an example of such negligence: a man divorced his
wife, whilst having children from her, and married another. Later, the
second wife convinced him that his sons are aiming to separate them
and are using magic to achieve this; things thenbuilt up to the extent
of accusingthem of trying to poison him, so he expelled them from the
house. After this, she gave him a choice, saying: 'Either I stay or
your daughter'; thus, he got rid of his daughter and placed her with
her other sister who was married, and although she felt very disturbed
about having to live in a house as a stranger, she had nowhere else to
go.
The father did not spend on the children whom he threw out; some lived
with their maternal grandmother and others with their maternal uncles.
As for the girl, she stayed with her sister and if she were asked
about her brothers, she would reply: 'I do not know, for my father
kicked them out a long time ago and I have no idea where they are
now'.
There is another account of one who was influenced by evil friends,
who made him spend hissalary on prohibitions. He kicked out his wife
and children and hardly ever does he go home. Some of his children are
sick and need special care; school is aboutto start and the kids need
certainthings, yet he is away. The rent is nine months past its due
and the landlord protested to the wife who is helpless and alone; he
knocked at the door requesting the payment, so some virtuous people
helped her out with somemoney, but the husband, acting like criminals,
comes once a month to seize from her whatever donations people have
offered her and leaves. He comes for a few moments each month and
never checks on his children or family.
Indeed, what the Prophetsaid is true:"It is enough a sin that one
neglects his dependents(i.e., those under his care)."
Rushing into divorcing the wife isanother cause of the collapse of the
family. These days, divorce is a widespread occurrence and for
senseless reasons. Neither the husband nor the wife are brought up
Islamically to begin with, and consequently, they fight for the
simplest of reasons and then, divorce happens on silly grounds.
The outcome is that the family falls apart, the children stay with one
of the two parents and are deprived from seeing the other, or are
incited by each of the parents against the other, and soon.
A man divorced his wife when hisdaughter was two months old; she is
now twenty-eight years and she has not seen her father except once. He
never asked about her or sustained her, yet whenever someone comes
askingfor her hand, he refuses and sets down difficult conditions.
Before one divorces, he must think about his children: how willhe deal
with them? Will he visit and watch over them or will he become busy
with his new houseand life and neglect them?

Dought & clear - She saw menstrual blood after breaking thefast, but she is not sure whether it came before or after breaking the fast.

One day during Ramadan, shortly after breaking the fast, I saw
menstrual blood, but I do not know whether my period began before
breaking the fast or after. Do I have to make up the fast of that day
ornot?
Praise be to Allah.
One of the basic principles of fiqh that were mentioned by the
scholars (may Allah have mercy on them) is the principle that every
incident is presumed to have begun at the closest time.
What this principle means is that if something happens, andit may have
happened ata time that is closer or a time that is further, and there
is nothing to suggest which of the two times is most likely, then we
assume that it happened that the closerof the two times, because this
is the time at which we may be certain that it happened,whereas the
other is the subject of some doubt.
One of the applications of this principle is that if a person sees
maniy (semen) on his garment, and he knows that it is the result of a
wet dream, but he does not remember any wet dream, in that case he may
attribute it to the latest time that he slept and repeat any prayer
that he offered after that sleep.
This principle was statedby az-Zarkashi in his book al-Manthoor
fi'l-Qawaa'id and as-Suyooti in al-Ashbaah wa'l-Nadhaa'ir; they
alsodiscussed some minor issues connected to it, which you may read in
either of the two sourcesmentioned for further information.
Based on that, if a woman saw menstrual blood and does not know when
it began, was it before Maghrib orafter, then in this case she should
assume that the bleeding began at the closer of the two times. The
closer of the two times in your case leads to the conclusion that it
began after Maghrib.
It says in al-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah (26/194): Under this heading
comes the idea that was narrated from the fuqaha': if a woman
seesmenstrual blood and does not know when it began, she comes under
the same ruling as a manwho sees maniy (semen) on his garment and
doesnot know when it happened. That is, he has to do ghusl and repeat
the prayers from when he last slept. This is the least complicated and
the clearest of the scholarly opinions. End quote.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-Mukhtaar ash-Shanqeeti (may Allah
preserve him) was asked about a woman who saw some menstrual blood
after Maghrib prayer, and she does not know whether it came before
Maghrib or after – what is the ruling on her prayer andfasting?
He replied: If she saw theblood and thinks it most likely that it came
beforeMaghrib, then there is no doubt that the fast of that day is
invalid and she has to make it up.
But if she thinks it most likely that the blood is fresh and that it
happened after Maghrib,then there is no doubt that her fast is valid
and she has to pray Maghrib when she becomes pure (i.e., her period
ends and she does ghusl); she should make it up and offer that prayer.
But if she is uncertain, then the basic principle according to the
scholars(may Allah have mercy on them) is that it shouldbe attributed
to the closest time. The basic principle is that the fast remains
valid unless there is evidence to prove that it is not valid, and the
basic principle isthat she has fasted a whole day and has done what is
required of her, unless we are certain that there is any evidence to
the contrary.So in this case her fast is deemed to be valid. As for
the blood, it does notaffect that day. On the other hand, if you say
that her fast is valid, she has to make up Maghrib,and if you say that
her fast is not valid, she doesnot have to make up Maghrib, so if her
fast is valid she has to make upMaghrib, because the time of Maghrib
began when she was not menstruating, and her menses began after
that,so she has to make up Maghrib, because what matters is the
beginning of the time (for Maghrib), not the end.
End quote from Sharh Zaad al-Mustaqni' by Shaykh ash-Shanqeeti
To sum up: your fast is valid so long as you are not certain that the
bleeding started before Maghrib.
And Allah knows best.