Common family problemsand solutions - I

·My husband buys drugs and takes them
The problem:
I am a married woman and I havefour children. My problem is thatmy
husband buys drugs and takes them. He has even allocateda room in the
house to these poisons and I fear that he may harm my children and me
when he is affected by these drugs. I advised him many times and
threatened to expose him, but he threatens me with divorce. How
should I deal with him knowing that he really frightensme?
The answer:
You should not remain with him as long as he is in such a state,
because he may harm you and your children. You have to expose him and
report him to the authorities concerned, after telling his family and
yours. If they see that he may respond toadvice or threats, then
there is noharm. However, if he continues using these poisons that
destroy reason and health, then, stayingwith him will be very
dangerous for you and your children as he may harm or even kill them.
He also spends his money in vain in order to have something that
destroys reason and health.
Consequently, exposing him is better because it will deter him and
his counterparts even if thisled him to prison.
His threat with divorce should not frighten you, because it is better
for you to be divorced than stay with him while he is an addict. In
addition, if he divorcesyou, he will be the loser as he will lose his
wife and no one willaccept him after being exposed.
Be sure that Allaah The Almighty will make a way out for you, so,
save yourself and your children from this great danger.
And Allaah knows best.
·My husband is kind but he is a drug addict
The problem:
I am a married woman and I havechildren. My husband is a good man and
respects me very much. However, he takes drugs and I advised him many
times but he did not respond to me. What should I do?
The answer:
He should be advised, censured, and informed about the harms and evil
consequences of taking these poisons, which cause insanity and makes
the addict worse than animals. He should beencouraged through telling
him that is it easy for him to come offthese drugs as long as he
seeks the help of Allaah The Almighty and has strong determination.
In such a case, he will succeed indefeating his evil desires and it
only requires a couple of days of patience to get rid of these drugs
permanently. He should seek the help of Allaah The Almighty and show
patience in the face of the withdrawal symptoms.
However, if he refuses to respondand continues taking these
prohibited drugs, then you have to ask for divorce. In such a case,
it is allowed for the woman to report him to the concerned
authorities so that hewill be punished. That is because this will
eventually lead him to insanity, which may harm her and her
children.
And Allaah knows best.
·My husband is extravagant
The problem:
My husband is generous to the extent of extravagance. When I discuss
this issue with him, he says that one will take nothing with him
after death except his coffin. However, we live in a leased house.
Is he right? How should I deal with him as he does not respond to my advice?
The answer:
This is foolish behavior, as it wastes money on unnecessary things.
Money is not available for all people and acquiringit requires
strenuous efforts. Hence,one should be wise and keep away from
extravagance, as Allaah The Almighty Says (whatmeans):{…But be not
excessive. Indeed, He likes not thosewho commit excess.}[Quran 7:31]
Allaah The Almighty also forbade extravagance; He Says (what
means):{And do not spend wastefully. * Indeed, thewasteful are
brothers of the devils, and ever has Satan been tohis Lord
ungrateful.}[Quran 17:26-27]
Allaah The Exalted does not love extravagant people who are the
brothers of the devils. One shouldkeep his money to secure housing
and other needs of his family. The fact that he will only take his
coffin when he leaves this world does not mean that he is allowed to
be extravagant when it comes to food, drink, clothes, and luxuries.
And Allaah knows best.
My stepmother levels ceaseless accusations at me
The problem:
I am an orphan girl, and my stepmother levels ceaseless accusations
at me and troubles me frequently. The real problemis that she
pretends that she is kind and good before my father,who believes her.
She threatens me that she will encourage my father to marry me off to
the firstone who proposes to me. What should I do?
Advise me, may Allaah reward you.
The answer:
This is one of the trials through which Allaah The Almighty tests
some people and it may be greatly rewarded by Allaah The Almighty if
you endure patiently.
You should advise her to stop this behavior and frighten her with the
punishment and torment of Allaah The Exalted, who is Exalted in Might
and the Owner of Retribution.
You have to treat her kindly to avoid her evil in addition to meeting
evil with goodness hoping that she would come to know that she is
wrong.
Be kind to her even if she wrongsyou, maintain ties with her evenif
she severes them, and be honest with her even if she betrays you. You
should also asksome sisters to advise her and remind her of the
punishment of Allaah The Almighty and the punishment of lying and
injustice, which will be darkness over darkness on the Day of
Judgment.
You should do the same with your father when you are alone with him.
You should inform him about everything politely andkindly along with
serving and obeying him. You should do your best to please him and
draw his attention to the evil consequences of unsupported
illthoughts and injustice.
It is good for you to ask some of your male or female relatives to
explain the reality to your fatherand warn him against believing the
lies he is told and having ill thoughts.
This may alleviate your suffering and you shouldhave good expectations
of AllaahThe Almighty and be sure that He will facilitate your
affairs. So, perform the acts of worship and draw closer to Allaah
The Almighty through obedience, seek refuge with Him against
worries, sorrows, evil morals, gloating of enemies and the oppression
of men, and He answers whoever supplicates Him.
·My son does not observe the prayers, should I order him to leave the house?
The problem:
My son does not observe the prayers. Should I order him to leave the house?
I fear that this may lead to what is worse. Please advise me.
The answer:
If you fear that expelling your sonfrom the house would pervert him
more and more such as becoming an addict, gay, an adulterer or so on,
then, you should not expel him, especially, if he is still young or
under the age of twenty. That is because the youth at this age easily
fall into evil given their naivety and heedlessness about potential
dangers.
However, you should beat him forneglecting the prayers, as the
Prophet,, said:"Command yourchildren to perform the prayers when they
are seven yearsold, and beat them for (not offering) it when they are
ten."[Ahmad, Al-Haakim and Abu Daawood]
If he does not respond, then, report him to the concerned authorities
to come to warn him and make him promise to observe the prayers. If
he did not respond, they will punish himby imprisoning him or so on.

He should accompany righteous youth, as they are more capable of
influencing him and dissuading him from evil and immorality.
You should also keep him away from bad friends hoping that hewill
follow the right path.

Characteristics of righteous women - II

·Tolerates harm for the sake of the religion: The wife of Qays ibn
Al-Khateem, who was named Hawwaa', converted to Islam, buthe used to
try to avert her from Islam and annoy her while she was prostrating by
pushing her and turning her over her head. While he was at Makkah
(Mecca) beforeHijrah,theProphet,was told the news of
theAnsaar(Helpers) and he was told about the wife of Qays and the harm
that she had been subjected to. During the pilgrimage season,
theProphet,met him and said:"Your wife converted to Islam and you harm
her and I would like you to stop doing this!"(Al-Isaabah fi Tamyeez
As-Sahaabahby Ibn Hajar 8/11064)
·Patient during times of afflictions: Silah ibn Ashyamparticipated in
a battle along with his son. He said to his son,"O son! Go ahead and
fight so that I seek the reward of Allaah for losing you!"His son
fought until he was killed, then Silah fought and he was killed as
well. Women gathered around his wife, Mu'aathah, so she said,"If you
have come to congratulate me, then you are welcome, but if you have
come for any other reason, then return!"(Siyar A'laam An-Nubalaa'by
Ath-Thahabi 3/498)
·Keen on the interest of her children: Umm Sulaymbelieved in the
Prophet,and her husband, Abu Anas, who had been away, returned and
asked her:"Have you apostatized?"She said,"I have simply believed in
this man!"She kept teaching their son, Anashow to profess the
testimony of faith. Once, as she was telling him to testify that'there
is none worthy of worship except Allaah and thatMuhammad is the
Messenger of Allaah!', his father admonished her,"Do not corrupt my
son!"Shesaid,"I am not corrupting him."(At-Tabaqaat Al-Kubraby Ibn
Sa'd 8/425)
·Respects her husband: The wife of Sa'eed ibn Al-Musayyibsaid,"We used
to speak to our husbands in the same manner in which you speak to your
commanders!"(Hilyat Al-Awliyaa'5/168)
·Endeavors to serve her husband: Asmaa' bint Abu Bakrsaid,"When
Az-Zubayr married me, he had no property nor did he have any slave. I
used to feed his horsewith fodder and draw water and sew the bucket
for drawing it, and prepare the dough, but I wasgood at baking bread.
I used to carry date stones on my head from Zubayr's land which was
two thirds a Farsakh (about two miles) from my house."[Al-Bukhaari
4926]
·Shares her husband's feelings: Once, 'Abdullaah ibn Rawaahahshed
tears and his wife shed tears as well, so he asked her, "Why do you
shed tears?"She said,"I shed tears because you shed tears!"He said,"I
know that I willpass by Hell (on the Siraat) and I did not know if I
would survive it or not."(Siyar A'laam An-Nubalaa'by Ath-Thahabi
1/236)
·Faithful to her husband after his death: Umm Ad-Dardaa'said to her
husband, Abu Ad-Dardaa':"You proposed to me in thislife and my parents
married me to you and I want you to be my husband in the Hereafter!"He
told her,"Then, do not get married after my death!"Mu'aawiyahproposed
to her after the death of her husband, but she refused. (Al-Isaabah Fi
Tamyeez As-Sahaabahby Ibn Hajar 8/74)
·Diligent to learn knowledge of theSharee'ah(Islamic legislation).
Faatimah, the daughter of Shaykh 'Alaa' Ad-Deen As-Samarqandiwas
brought up well by her father and she was a knowledgeable jurist who
memorized the book that her father wrote,Tuhfat Al-Fuqahaa'.Some kings
knew about what she had done; so they proposed to her, but her father
refused. After this, one of the students of her father, Al-Kaasaani
came and wroteBadaa'i' As-Sanaa'i', which is an explanation of the
book of hisShaykhtheTuhfah,and presentedit to his Shaykh
As-Samarqandi. HisShaykhwas very happy with this book, married him to
his daughter and made this book herdowry. Her husband would sometimes
make a mistake and she would correct it for him.Fatwaswere passed with
her approval and her father's. After her marriage,Fatwaswould have her
approval, as well as her father's, and her husband's approval.
(Al-Fawaa'id Al-Bahiyyahby Al-Laknawi)
·Seeks what is lawful and avoids what is prohibited: Maymoonah bint
Al-Aqra'wanted to sellthe spun yarn that she had made,so she gave to
the spinner and told him,"When you sell it tell the buyer that it may
not be tightly spun because I was fasting!"After that she went to the
spinner and asked him to give her the spun yarn back as she was afraid
that he might not tell people what she had told him. (A'laam
An-Nisaa'by Ridha Kahaalah 5/138)
·Calls to the way of Allaah The Almighty. Umm Shareekaccepted Islam
when she was in Makkah, then she started going to the women of
theQurayshsecretly calling them to embrace Islam until the people of
Makkah discovered what she was doing. Thus, they took her and told her
that they would have punished her severely, if it were not for
herfamily and kinfolk. They returned her to her people. (Sifat
As-Safwahby Ibn Al-Jawzi 2/53)

Characteristics of righteous women - I

Ziyaad ibn Abeehthe Umayyad statesman,asked those who were sitting
with him,"Who leads the most blissful life?"They replied,"The
Commander of the Believers does!"He said, "No. Theman who leads the
most blissful life is a Muslim man who is married to a Muslim woman
and they have enough sustenance, and each of them is happy and
satisfied with their partner! This man does not know us and we do not
know him!"
Who is this woman who was admired by the most eloquent and most shrewd
man among the Arabs? She is the woman who is chaste and virtuous. A
woman whose face is shining with purity, whose heart shines with the
glory of obedience to Allaah The Almighty and whose outer appearance
reflects dignity and arouses reverence. This is thewoman who is
faithful in dedicating her heart, emotions and thoughts to her
husband. Some of the characteristics of such woman are:
·She offers sound opinions and advice: Saffaanah bint Haatim
At-Taa'iwent to her brother after she met the Messenger of Allaahand
started to tell her brother about Islam. Her brother asked her,"What
do you think of this man?"She replied,"I think we should follow
him!"[Al-Isaabah8/108]
·She sacrifices family and homeland for the sake of supporting the
religion: Umm Kulthoom bint 'Uqbahemigrated from Makkah (Mecca) to
Madeenah for the sake of her religion while she was still a girl who
had never been married. Sheleft her father who was an evil man,
comparable to a devil in human form. After that, her brothers pursued
her, so she saidto the Prophet,,"Would you let them take me back [in
order to] turn me back from my religion, low as my endurance is and as
weak as you know womenare?'' [Al-Bukhaari 4/3945]
·Hastens to do good deeds: In the following story, the female
companion gave an excellent practical example of this.The Prophet,had
a guest and asked his wives if they had any food, but they all said
that they only had water. Hence, the Prophet,asked his Companions:"Who
can host this man?"One of theAnsaar(Helpers)said that he could do that
and took the guest home.
The man asked his wife to be generous with the guest of the Prophet,,
but she told him that they had nothing except a little food for their
children. The husband asked her to prepare the meal, light the lamp
and let the children sleep if they asked for dinner. The wife prepared
the meal, lit her lamp and made her children sleep. Then, she stood up
pretending to mend her lamp,but she put it off. Then both she and her
husband pretended to beeating before their guest, while in reality,
they really went to bed hungry.
In the morning, theAnsariman went to the Messenger of Allaah,who
said:"Tonight, Allaah laughed or wondered at your action." Allaah The
Almighty revealed the verse (which means):{But give [them] preference
over themselves, even though they are in privation. And whoever is
protected from the stinginess of his soul - it is those who will be
the successful.}[Quran 59:9] [Al-Bukhaari 3798]
·Her chastity is beyond what minds can conceive: Mu'aawiyah ibn Abu
Sufyaanwent to his wife, Maysoon bint Bahdal, accompanied by a
castrated servant. On seeing the slave, [the unveiled] wife became
very anxious and asked her husband disapprovingly,"Who is he?!"Her
husband comforted her by saying,"Do not worry; he is just acastrated
slave."The righteous wife replied,"Still, he is a non-Mahram
(marriageable man) to me; even castration does not allow for him what
Allaah The Exalted has made prohibited."She refused that the castrated
slave would enter the house [while she was not wearingHijaab(Islamic
covering)]. [Al-Bidaayah wa An-Nihaayahby Ibn Katheer 148/8]
·Honors the rites ordained by Allaah The Almighty: In the year
sixty-five afterHijrah, Jameelah, the daughter of the governor of
Mosul, performedHajjand had four hundred camels and manyHawdajsto the
extent that one could not know on which one she was staying. She
emancipated five hundred slaves and gave fifty thousand dresses to
charity. (Siyar A'laam An-Nubalaa'by Ath-Thahabi)
·Does what is right without fearing criticism: 'Eesa ibn 'Allaam
'Uthmaansaid,"I was at Faatimah bint 'Ali's houseboth, and a man came
praising her father. She took ash and threw it at his face."[Tabaqaat
ibn Sa'ad8/466]
·Devout worshipper:Al-Haytham ibn Jammaazsaid,"I was married to a
woman who does not sleep at night [as she would be praying all the
night]. I could not stay up late with her, but shewould sprinkle water
and nudge me with her foot while saying, 'Are you not shy of Allaah?
For how long would this snoring go on?' (He said), By Allaah! I would
be ashamed of myself considering what she did."(Ta'theem Qadr
As-Salaah2/ 835)
·Abstinent regarding worldly temptations. Al-Waaqidinarrated that once
it was the eve of`Eedand he had nothing, so he went to one of his
friends who was a merchant and borrowed one thousand dinars sealed in
a bag. When he returned home, one of his friends from Bani Haashim
from the family of theProphet,came to him and told him that he was in
need. Al-Waaqidiwent to his wife and told her about this. She asked,
"What will you do?"He replied,"I will give him half the money in the
bag!"She said,"Thisis nothing! One of the family of the Prophet,comes
to you and you give him half the bag!"Therefore, Al-Waqidi gave him
all the money. The merchant was a friend of this man and asked him to
lend him money. The Haashimiman gave him the same bag, so he
recognized it. When the ruler knew about their story, he rewarded
every one of their men one thousand dinars and gave the woman four
thousand dinars,and said,"She is the most generous one among
you!"(SiyarA'laam An-Nubalaa'by Ath-Thahabi 9/467

Dought & clear - ,- Times of Prayers - Which is the middle prayer?.

Which is the begining ofthe day- is it fajr or magrib. Please tell me.
Which is the middle prayer. If it is asr then, fajr is the beginning
of the day. Please clarify me in detail from the quran and the
hadeeth.
Praise be to Allaah.
Identifying the middle prayer which is mentioned in the verse
(interpretation of the meaning): "Guard strictly(five obligatory)
As-Salawaat (the prayers) especially the middle Salaah (i.e. the best
prayer). And stand before Allaah with obedience [and do not speak to
others during the Salaah (prayers)]" [al-Baqarah 2:238] is oneof the
matters concerning which there is a difference of opinion among the
scholars, and concerningwhich there are approximately 20 opinions, as
listed by al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) in Fath
al-Baari (8/197). Al-Haafiz 'Abd al-Mu'min al-Dimyaati (may Allah have
mercy on him) wrote a book concerning that entitled Kashf al-Mughatta
fi Tabyeen al-Salaat al-Wusta. The strongest of these opinions are
two:
1. That it is Fajr prayer
This is the view of Abu Umaamah, Anas, Jaabir, Abu'l-'Aaliyah,
'Ubaydah ibn 'Umayr, 'Ata', 'Ikrimah, Mujaahid and others, and it is
one of the two views of Ibn 'Umar and Ibn 'Abbaas.
It is also the view of Maalik and of al-Shaafa'ias stated in al-Umm.
End quote from Fath al-Baari (8/196).
2. That it is 'Asr prayer
This is the view of most of the scholars, and it is the correct and
reliable view, because of the evidence to that effect inthe Qur'aan
and the Sunnah.
This is the view of 'Ali ibn Abi Taalib. Al-Tirmidhi and al-Nasaa'i
narrated that Zurr ibn Hubaysh said: We said to 'Ubaydah: Ask'Ali
about the middle prayer. He asked him and he said: We used to think
that that was Fajr, until I heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings
and peace of Allah be upon him) say on the day of al-Ahzaab: "They
distracted us from the middle prayer, 'Asr prayer." This report states
that it is 'Asr in thewords of the Prophet (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him). The argument for it being Fajr is strong, but the
correct view is that it is 'Asr.
This is the view of Ibn Mas'ood and Abu Hurayrah, and it is the
correct view according to the madhhab of Abu Haneefah; it is also the
view of Ahmad and the view which most of the Shaafa'is adopted because
of the soundness of the hadeeth.
Al-Tirmidhi said: It is the view of most of the scholars among the Sahaabah.
Al-Mawardi said: This is the view of the majority of the Taabi'een.
Ibn 'Abd al-Barr said: It isthe view of most of scholars of hadeeth.
Among the Maalikis, this is the view of Ibn Habeeb, Ibn al-'Arabi and
Ibn 'Atiyyah. End quote from Fath al-Baari,8/196.
Al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
What is indicated by the saheeh hadeeths is that it is 'Asr, and this
is the favoured view. End quote.
Al-Majmoo', 3/61
Al-Haafiz al-Dimyaati mentioned some of the particular virtues that
are unique to 'Asr prayer:
· The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon
him) emphasised the calamity of missing it and described it as loss of
family and wealth, when he said: "Whoever misses 'Asr prayer, it is
asif he has lost his family and his wealth."
· The good deeds of the one who misses it are lost.
· It was dearer to them than their own selves and their
parents, children, families and wealth.
· It was the first prayer at the time of which the fear prayer
was prescribed.
· It was the first prayer in which the Prophet (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) turned to face the Ka'bah.
· The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
"A man tries to sell an item after 'Asr by swearing an oath by
Allah...". So Allaah showed the seriousness of an oath sworn after 'Asr
prayer.
· Sulaymaan (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)
destroyed a large number of horses because inspecting themdistracted
him from 'Asr prayer until the sun set.
· Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "By Al-'Asr (the
time). 2. Verily, man is in loss..." [al-'Asr 103:1-2]
· It was the middle prayer to be made obligatory, because the
first prayer to be made obligatory was Fajr and the last was 'Isha',
so it was the middle prayer inbeing made obligatory.
End quote. Kashf al-Mughta, p. 126-132
With regard to the question about the beginning of the day, and
whether it is during the night or the day, the answer is that the
night comes before the day. Sowhen the sun sets, the night belonging
to the following day has begun. Hence when the new moon of Ramadan is
sighted, the people pray Taraweeh that night because that nightis part
of Ramadan, and when they see the new moon of Eid, they do notpray
Taraweeh because that is part of Shawwaal.
But that does not imply that Fajr is the middle prayer, because what
is meant by middle here is the best, not the one that is in the middle
between two things.
See: al-Tahreer wa'l-Tanweer, 15/253; Tafseer Soorat al-Baqarah by Ibn
'Uthaymeen, 2/178.
And Allaah knows best.