Fathwa, - My Future sister-in-law has removed her Hijab

Question:
I am a practising muslimah who comes from a conservative and educated
practising sunni muslim family (Mashallah). My sisters and I all
observe hijaab and we all try tobetter ourselves as muslims each day.
Last year while at university my brother met a muslimah and they
developed an understanding - through this understanding this Muslimah
started to observe hijaab and also started to pray salah. By the tail
end oflast year they got engaged with my father's blessing.
Earlier this year I heard rumours that my brothers fiancee had removed
her hijaab. Naturally I didn't want to believe it because I hadn't
seen it for myself. Eventually I saw it for myself. As a result other
girls at university started to question myself and my sisters about
the actions of my brother'sfiancee. Given the situation, there is not
a lot we can say since she refuses to speak tous about it.
At this moment in time I am absolutely furious about what this girl
has done. She has not only hurt my brother's feelings but she didn't
stop to thinkwhat consequences her actions would have on others around
her (Firstly displeasingAllah (swt) by withdrawing from a compulsory
Fard and secondly hurting my family's feelings - especially my
parents).At this moment in time I have lost all respect for this girl.
I feel she is unsuitable for my brother and I feel that she would
never fit into our family. We are inclinedto believe that her decision
to wear hijaab in the first instance was to merelygain approval for
engagement, following which she removed it, hence deceiving us - may I
stress that we made absolutely no indication that we required her to
wear the hijaab in the first place but naturally we were very pleased
with her decision to do so and built respectfor her. For her to
voluntarily take on a fard and then withdraw from it is wrong.
The question I would like to raise is therefore - as future in-laws to
this muslimah, are my parents entitled to question her actions and
request that she re-adorn her hijaab before marriage?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
I pray this message finds you and your family well.
If your parents want to talk to your brother's fiancee about her
hijab, they need to do so with the utmost caution and discretion. I
can understand how everyone has been upsetby this, but there are
several points to keep in mind:
1. Your brother met this young woman and became attracted to her even
though she did not cover. It's possible that her motivation in
covering may have been to please your brother. The problem with
speculating about her motivation is, firstly, she is not here to tell
us. Secondly, only Allah Ta'ala knows what is in her heart. And,
thirdly, we need to learn to deal with people as we find them, and not
how we want them to be. If your brother wanted someone who was strong
about her hijab, then choosing this particular sister may not have
been ideal to beginwith.
2. The decision to wear hijab may be one of the most important
decisionsa woman ever makes. Consequently, this decision should come
about as a result of reflection, remembrance of Allah, and one's own
personal volition. Unfortunately, when sisters cover under pressure,
the desire to please Allah is submerged under the desire to make
everyone else happy. The bottom line is: we don't cover to please
people. We cover to please Allah.
3. Your parents can certainly discuss their expectations with this
young woman. But this brings me back to my original point: we don't
bring people into our lives, determined to change them. Change has to
be from within. It is very possible that this sister may decide to
wear hijab again. And it's also quite possible that she may never do
so. All you can do is pray for her, wish the best for her, and
continue to encourage her. Being judgmental or harsh will not help.
4. Finally, this is really a decision your brother will have to make.
Is he willing to have a wife that is uncovered? Men are responsible
for the wellbeing of their families, and part of this includes making
sure that everyone is carryingout his or her religious duty. This will
have to be approached with sensitivity.
I pray that Allah Ta'ala gives this young woman the conviction to do
what is most pleasing to Him.
And Allah knows best.

Fathwa, - What a loving muslim wife should do when herhusband shakes hands with non-muslim women?

Question:
What a loving Muslim wife should do when her husband shakes hands with
non-Muslim women ?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most MercifulDear Sister,
Assalamu alaikum,
The solution is clear. Explain to your husband that it is not
permissible to shake hands with unrelated members of the opposite sex.
If he fears embarrassment, then offer to shake the women's hands for
him. And explain to the women in a nice way that Muslim culture does
not permit men and women, who are not related, to shake hands.
Nevertheless, if your husband persists, then leave this between him
and Allah. He may have to figure out this issue for himself.
Just advise him to be cautious and fear Allah inhis dealings, and then
goon with your life.
And Allah knows best.

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Directions on giving advice - II

Manners of giving advice
·Seeking the Pleasure of Allaah bygiving Naseehah )advice(
It is necessary that a person has the intention of seeking the
pleasure of Allaah Almighty whengiving Naseehah. Only such an
intention deserves reward from Allaah and acceptance from His slaves.
If the intention is other than that, then that person deserves the
anger and wrath of Allaah as well as the hatred and rejection of the
people - including the one being advised.
·Not slandering the one being advised
This is an affliction that has befallen many Muslims. Many times,
after taking a closer look, we find that the person giving Naseehah
actually wants to slander the person he is advising because of
personal hatred. This does not befit the one being advised and may
lead to a worse situation with no benefit resulting from the Naseehah.
·Naseehah is to be given in secret
Naseehah is most likely to bear its fruit when given to a person when
he is by himself, for in sucha situation the person is less likely to
be affected by the thoughts of others. The sincere advisor should not
aid the devil over his brother by publicly rebuking him and letting
Shaitaan )Satan( beguile his brother into not taking the Naseehah.
This closes the doors of goodness and acceptance, and reduces the
chances of the Naseehah from being accepted.
This is why our pious predecessors used to give Naseehah in secret.
Ibn Rajabwrote, "When the righteous predecessors intended to give
Naseehah to someone, they admonished him privately, to the point that
some of them said, 'The one who exhorts his brotherbetween him and
himself, then itis Naseehah. The one who exhorts him in front of
people, then it is merely scolding!'"
Al-Fudhail Ibn 'Iyyadhone of the pious scholars from our predecessors,
said, "A believer covers up and gives Naseehah, whereas an evildoer
exposes and humiliates." Ibn Rajab commented on this statement saying,
"It is Naseehah if it is witha cover, while it is humiliation with
broadcasting".
·Naseehah is to be given with kindness, gentleness and softness
A sincere advisor must be kind, soft and well-mannered in giving
Naseehah to others, as this mightget the desired response from the one
he is advising. One must understand that accepting Naseehah is like
opening a door, and that the door will not open without the proper
key. The one who is given Naseehah has a heart that has a lock in some
matter - for he has abandoned something that Allaah has demanded from
him, or has committed something that Allaah had forbidden him from.
There is no better key to unlock the heart than kindness in giving
advice, gentleness in exhortation and softness in speech as the
Prophetsaid,"Kindness is notto be found in anything but that it adds
to its beauty, and it is not withdrawn from anything but it makes it
defective."]Muslim[
·Do not compel others to follow one's Naseehah
It is Waajib )obligatory( on the advisor to render sincere advice to
others, but it is not his right tocompel others to follow his advice
as well. That is the right ofthe Muslim ruler upon his subjects, or a
Muslim Judge in his jurisdiction. A sincere advisor is one who guides
toward goodness, but he is not to command others to act upon it.
·Choosing the proper time to give Naseehah
The one giving Naseehah must choose the right time to give his advice,
since a person is not always ready to receive Naseehah. A person may
be angryabout something, upset about not getting what he wanted,
grieved for something he may have lost, or there may be some other
reason that might prevent him from responding to the Naseehah.
·Naseehah that is against Islam isnot to be followed
Giving Naseehah is part of Sharee'ah )Islamic Law(. Therefore, if
someone gives advice to act against Sharee'ah orto perform a forbidden
deed, then it is not called Naseehah. The one giving such should quit
doing that and the one being advised should not accept it.
Factors affecting the acceptance of Naseehah
I( Naseehah must be given according to the proper mannerswhich have
been described above.
II( One of the most important factors that contribute in one's
rejecting a fellow Muslim's Naseehah is arrogance. Arrogance prevents
one from accepting Naseehah and acting upon it; whereas, the one who
continuously strives to remove arrogance from his heart, finds it easy
to accept Naseehah. This is because the Prophetsaid,"Arrogance is to
reject the truth and despise the people".
Benefits of Naseehah
I( It purifies the one being advised from some weakness. When one sees
a fellow Muslim negligent in performing a good deed, or committing
some wrong, he should take it upon himself to mend the shortcoming.
The shortcoming may pertain to the rights of Allaah or to the rights
of His slaves.
II( When a believer gives Naseehah to his brother in Islam, he helps
him in a matter in whichhis brother has erred because thebeliever
loves for his brother what he loves for himself.
III( When a believer gives Naseehah to his brother, he is disposing of
the right that his brother has upon him. Just as you would not like to
see a fault in yourself, and would work to remove it, likewise, you
should not like to see that fault in your brother. You must hate to
see in him what you hate to see in yourself, hence, you should give
him Naseehah to remove that fault as you would have liked to receive
Naseehah to have that fault removed from you. Give your brother
Naseehah and guidehim toward goodness, and take him away from harm.
Giving Naseehah is a sign of true brotherhood, a way of bringing the
hearts closer, and of closing the doors of hatred and suspicion. This
is why 'Umar Ibn Abdul-Azeezsaid, "The one who grants Naseehah to his
brother in matters of his religion and concerns himself with mending
the affairs of this life; then, he has granted an excellentgift and
fulfilled a Waajib that was due on him .." If someone were to ask,
"How is Naseehah a right of brotherhood, when one'sfaults are
mentioned?" the answer is not to feel apprehension when your brother
informs you of your faults. He may know something that perhaps you are
unaware of, and is compelled to tell you about it out of sheer
compassion. It is a way of winning over the hearts ofthose who are
endowed with insight.
Shaitaan has declared war on all of humanity, and Allaah Almighty has
given the believers the tools necessary to win this war. Informing
each other of ugly deeds we perform or about loathsome characteristics
that we may have is like pointing out where the land mines are on a
battlefield. By pointing out these hidden dangers, we help to keep
each other from destruction. In this war of conquering the self, the
help, aid and guidance of our brothers and sisters is needed to assure
the ultimate victory, insha-Allaah )Allaah willing(, of true success
in this life and in theHereafter.

Directions on giving advice -I

Among the essential obligations Islam enjoins Muslims to do is to
offer sincere advice to people, whether fellow Muslims or others, in
the best manner, so as to spread good and eliminate evilin society.
How many of us have looked to our brothers and sisters in Islam and
have seen them straying from the path of Allaah, and haveturned our
faces away? How many of us have seen our brothers erring and said to
ourselves, it is none of my business? Well, it is our business, for
the Prophethas made it our business.
In the Hadeeth )narration( relatedby Tameem Ad-Daarithe
Prophetsaid,"The religion is )built on( advice."The people listening
asked,"To whom?"The Prophetreplied,"To Allaah, toHis Book, to His
Messenger, to theleaders of the Muslims, and the common
folk."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
The Prophetequated the entire religion to giving Naseehah, but what
exactly is Naseehah? Naseehah is an Arabic word that is usually
translated tomean "sincerity" or "sincere advice", but actually
embodies every type of virtue. As believers, this statement of the
Prophetmust be taken to heart. By learning what Naseehah is, we can
then act on it and bring about positive changes in ourselves and each
other. Naseehah is a wonderful weapon,but like most weapons, if the
user does not know how to use itproperly, it can cause more harm than
good.
How is Naseehah given to Allaah?
I( By establishing His worship by offering the obligatory deeds with perfection.
II( By believing in Him; negating partners from Him; not denying any
of His qualities; describing Him with all the qualities of beauty and
perfection; and declaring Him to be far removed from faults and
qualities of imperfection.
III( By establishing His obedience and turning away from His disobedience.
IV( By loving and hating for His sake; befriending and making
allegiance to those who obey Himand taking as enemies those whodisobey
Him; and turning toward what He loves and distancing oneself from
displeasing Him.
V( By appreciating His blessings, bounties and thanking Him for them
by obeying Him out of love and drawing closer to Him through the
heart.
VI( By calling to all of the above, teaching it and being sincere in
itfor His sake.
How is Naseehah given to the Book of Allaah?
I( By firmly heartily believing that it is the Speech of Allaah and
His revelation; it is not like the wordsof the creation; and none of
His creation is capable of producing something similar to it.
II( By respecting it.
III( By learning and teaching it; reading, reciting, and writing it
properly; understanding its meaning; staying within its bounds; acting
upon what is contained in it.
How is Naseehah to the Prophet,given?
I( By affirming his prophethood.
II( By firmly believing everything he came with; obeying him in what
he commanded and what he forbade.
III( By aiding himwhile he was alive and after his death; taking his
enemies as one's enemies, and befriending those who take him as a
friend.
IV( By realizing the greatness of his right upon us, honoring himand
reviving his Sunnah )tradition/practice(.
V( By practicing his Sunnah, spreading and affirming it; refuting
those who cast doubts upon it; spreading its knowledge and its
understanding; not arguing about it without knowledge; calling others
towardit; teaching it with gentleness; showing its greatness and the
greatness of those who adhere to it by attaching oneself to them; and
showing it its due respect when studying it.
VI( By loving Ahl-ul-Bait )his family( and his companions; turning
away from those who belittle his family or revile his companions.
Naseehah to the leaders of the Muslims
It is Waajib )obligatory( to give Naseehah to the leaders of the
Muslims, since they have faults and are not protected from committing
errors, but who are the leaders of the Muslims? They are:
I( The caliphs and others responsible for the affairs of the Muslims.
II( The religious scholars.
As for giving Naseehah to the rulers of the Muslims, it includes:
I( Assisting and obeying them in the right.
II( Reminding them if they err or forget.
III( Fighting Jihaad with them.
Giving Naseehah to the scholars includes:
I( Spreading their knowledge.
II( Spreading their virtues.
III( Having good opinion about them.
IV( Accepting their rulings if they give sound proofs for their decisions.
V( Giving them the benefit of the doubt, or making excuses for them if
they make mistakes.
VI( Honoring and respecting them.
Naseehah to the common Muslims
The following includes giving Naseehah to all Muslims, be they black,
white, Arab or non-Arab; be they sinful, ignorant or heedless. It also
includes giving Naseehah to Muslims, no matter which organization or
group theybelong to or if one likes them or dislikes them.
How is Naseehah given to the common Muslims?
I( By guiding them to what will bring them benefit in this life andin
the Hereafter.
II( By removing harm from them and bringing them benefit.
III( By teaching them what one loves for oneself and hating for them
what one hates for oneself.
IV( By teaching them what will benefit them.
V( By commanding them what is right and forbidding them what is wrong
with gentleness and sincerity.
VI( By being soft with them, honoring the elderly, loving and being
merciful towards the youth.
VII( By not being deceptive and jealous toward them.
VIII( Protecting their honor and wealth.