Directions on giving advice - II

Manners of giving advice
·Seeking the Pleasure of Allaah bygiving Naseehah )advice(
It is necessary that a person has the intention of seeking the
pleasure of Allaah Almighty whengiving Naseehah. Only such an
intention deserves reward from Allaah and acceptance from His slaves.
If the intention is other than that, then that person deserves the
anger and wrath of Allaah as well as the hatred and rejection of the
people - including the one being advised.
·Not slandering the one being advised
This is an affliction that has befallen many Muslims. Many times,
after taking a closer look, we find that the person giving Naseehah
actually wants to slander the person he is advising because of
personal hatred. This does not befit the one being advised and may
lead to a worse situation with no benefit resulting from the Naseehah.
·Naseehah is to be given in secret
Naseehah is most likely to bear its fruit when given to a person when
he is by himself, for in sucha situation the person is less likely to
be affected by the thoughts of others. The sincere advisor should not
aid the devil over his brother by publicly rebuking him and letting
Shaitaan )Satan( beguile his brother into not taking the Naseehah.
This closes the doors of goodness and acceptance, and reduces the
chances of the Naseehah from being accepted.
This is why our pious predecessors used to give Naseehah in secret.
Ibn Rajabwrote, "When the righteous predecessors intended to give
Naseehah to someone, they admonished him privately, to the point that
some of them said, 'The one who exhorts his brotherbetween him and
himself, then itis Naseehah. The one who exhorts him in front of
people, then it is merely scolding!'"
Al-Fudhail Ibn 'Iyyadhone of the pious scholars from our predecessors,
said, "A believer covers up and gives Naseehah, whereas an evildoer
exposes and humiliates." Ibn Rajab commented on this statement saying,
"It is Naseehah if it is witha cover, while it is humiliation with
broadcasting".
·Naseehah is to be given with kindness, gentleness and softness
A sincere advisor must be kind, soft and well-mannered in giving
Naseehah to others, as this mightget the desired response from the one
he is advising. One must understand that accepting Naseehah is like
opening a door, and that the door will not open without the proper
key. The one who is given Naseehah has a heart that has a lock in some
matter - for he has abandoned something that Allaah has demanded from
him, or has committed something that Allaah had forbidden him from.
There is no better key to unlock the heart than kindness in giving
advice, gentleness in exhortation and softness in speech as the
Prophetsaid,"Kindness is notto be found in anything but that it adds
to its beauty, and it is not withdrawn from anything but it makes it
defective."]Muslim[
·Do not compel others to follow one's Naseehah
It is Waajib )obligatory( on the advisor to render sincere advice to
others, but it is not his right tocompel others to follow his advice
as well. That is the right ofthe Muslim ruler upon his subjects, or a
Muslim Judge in his jurisdiction. A sincere advisor is one who guides
toward goodness, but he is not to command others to act upon it.
·Choosing the proper time to give Naseehah
The one giving Naseehah must choose the right time to give his advice,
since a person is not always ready to receive Naseehah. A person may
be angryabout something, upset about not getting what he wanted,
grieved for something he may have lost, or there may be some other
reason that might prevent him from responding to the Naseehah.
·Naseehah that is against Islam isnot to be followed
Giving Naseehah is part of Sharee'ah )Islamic Law(. Therefore, if
someone gives advice to act against Sharee'ah orto perform a forbidden
deed, then it is not called Naseehah. The one giving such should quit
doing that and the one being advised should not accept it.
Factors affecting the acceptance of Naseehah
I( Naseehah must be given according to the proper mannerswhich have
been described above.
II( One of the most important factors that contribute in one's
rejecting a fellow Muslim's Naseehah is arrogance. Arrogance prevents
one from accepting Naseehah and acting upon it; whereas, the one who
continuously strives to remove arrogance from his heart, finds it easy
to accept Naseehah. This is because the Prophetsaid,"Arrogance is to
reject the truth and despise the people".
Benefits of Naseehah
I( It purifies the one being advised from some weakness. When one sees
a fellow Muslim negligent in performing a good deed, or committing
some wrong, he should take it upon himself to mend the shortcoming.
The shortcoming may pertain to the rights of Allaah or to the rights
of His slaves.
II( When a believer gives Naseehah to his brother in Islam, he helps
him in a matter in whichhis brother has erred because thebeliever
loves for his brother what he loves for himself.
III( When a believer gives Naseehah to his brother, he is disposing of
the right that his brother has upon him. Just as you would not like to
see a fault in yourself, and would work to remove it, likewise, you
should not like to see that fault in your brother. You must hate to
see in him what you hate to see in yourself, hence, you should give
him Naseehah to remove that fault as you would have liked to receive
Naseehah to have that fault removed from you. Give your brother
Naseehah and guidehim toward goodness, and take him away from harm.
Giving Naseehah is a sign of true brotherhood, a way of bringing the
hearts closer, and of closing the doors of hatred and suspicion. This
is why 'Umar Ibn Abdul-Azeezsaid, "The one who grants Naseehah to his
brother in matters of his religion and concerns himself with mending
the affairs of this life; then, he has granted an excellentgift and
fulfilled a Waajib that was due on him .." If someone were to ask,
"How is Naseehah a right of brotherhood, when one'sfaults are
mentioned?" the answer is not to feel apprehension when your brother
informs you of your faults. He may know something that perhaps you are
unaware of, and is compelled to tell you about it out of sheer
compassion. It is a way of winning over the hearts ofthose who are
endowed with insight.
Shaitaan has declared war on all of humanity, and Allaah Almighty has
given the believers the tools necessary to win this war. Informing
each other of ugly deeds we perform or about loathsome characteristics
that we may have is like pointing out where the land mines are on a
battlefield. By pointing out these hidden dangers, we help to keep
each other from destruction. In this war of conquering the self, the
help, aid and guidance of our brothers and sisters is needed to assure
the ultimate victory, insha-Allaah )Allaah willing(, of true success
in this life and in theHereafter.