Advice to women regarding marriage – I

Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet said: "If a man whose religious
commitment and moral conduct you approve of proposes for marriage to
your daughter, then marry her to him; otherwise, trials will prevail
and great corruption will spread upon the earth." [At-Tirmithi & Ibn
Maajah] Imaam As-Sindi commented upon this narration, saying: "A
person's religious commitment assures fulfilling hisobligations, and
his good moral conduct assures his kind treatment of others."
The spread of corruption and evil is the natural result of people
refusing to marry their daughtersoff to men whose religious practice
and morals are good, preferring instead to delay and marry them to
those with more wealth, or from a more honourable lineage. This
results in many young men and women remaining unmarried, which causes
fornication to prevail, immorality to overwhelm, and chastity to
vanish.
Imaam At-Teebi said: "This narration supports the ruling of Imaam
Maalik over the others, in which he (i.e. Maalik) said that competence
for marriage should be based only on religious commitment and moral
conduct."
Some scholars have stated that if the guardian repeatedly rejects men
who propose for marriage to his daughter for no legitimate Islamic
reason, then this could nullify his guardianship over her.
Some women set impossible conditions for future husbands, such as him
memorising the entire Quran as well as the Hadeeth collections of
Al-Bukhaari, Muslim and so on. Moreover, some of them may even go as
far as to demand a man whose character is like that of Imaam
Al-Bukhaari .
This is totally incorrect; all a man has to meet are the two
conditions set in the abovementioned narration; namely, religious
commitment and a high moral character.
How can pious men and women be brought together in marriage?
The righteous men and women in the community should play a strong role
in this. For example, the wife could become a contact for the women
and the husband for the men. The young women should not give up the
condition of the man being religious on thepretext that they will work
on him and transform him to a pious man after marriage, unless the man
is known to adhere, in general, to his Islamic obligations, as well as
having noble morals and shunning sins. In such a case, he may be a
candidate worth considering.
People's stance when asked about the man proposing:
Some people, when asked about a man who is proposing to their
daughter, give general answers and avoid being precise. They say
things like: 'He is a nice man', 'He is a kind person', 'His father is
a good man and his grandfather was religious', 'Much good is expected
from him and he is handsome', 'He is polite and wealthy' and so on. It
is after the marriage takes place that the bitter reality surfaces and
the young woman come to know him for who he really is, only after it
is too late.
Others conceal the faults of the proposing man when asked about him
due to the fear of him,or what he may do if he found out, or because
they think that todo otherwise would be to backbite; but the Prophet
said, when asked by Faatimah Bint Qays about two Companions who had
proposed marriage to her: "Abu Jahm is a man who never lowers his
stick (i.e. he beats his wives), and as for Abu Sufyaan, he is
extremely poor and possesses nowealth." She said: "I like neither of
them" The Prophet said: "Marry Usaamah Bin Zayd" So she married him
and Allaah blessed their marriage, granting her a joyful life.
The one being asked should clarify everything he knows aboutthe person
who is proposing without exaggeration, and should fear Allaah
regarding what he says. He should mention his merits as well as his
faults; heshould mention only that which he is certain of and act as
if the young woman is his own daughter or sister. This is because
marriage is a long term commitment and not an interim one. Marriage is
a relationship that is meant to last until the grave, unless there is
a valid reason to end it; and divorce frequently occurs when people
marry their daughter to a person whom they do not know well enough.
The behaviour of some young women who seek marriage:
Some young women offer themselves in marriage to young men over the
telephone, which isdisastrous as the man may be a sinner, and some
sins are more lethal than others. For example, ifthe man deals in
Ribaa (i.e. interest or usury) then his and hisfamily's provision,
food, drinks and clothing will be ill-gotten. Moreover, even a sinner
would not typically marry a woman whooffers herself to him on the
telephone. He may play around with her for a while, but when heis
serious in his search for a wife, he will seek a chaste and
well-mannered woman. A man who had such a friend was amazed at seeing
him marrying ayoung woman who was fully adherent to the Hijaab; upon
asking why he did so, the friend replied: "I wish to marry a woman
whom I would be sure ofnot finding in bed with another man upon
returning home one day." This is how men perceive young women who
freely and easily talk to them on the telephone.
The young woman and her familyor guardian must investigate the man who
is proposing to her so that they can discover whether ornot he is
putting on an act in order to appear as if he is a committed Muslim.
Histories:
It is not a condition for either of them to inform the other of
theirprevious sins, especially if they have sincerely repented and
then adhered to piety.
The vitalness of transparency:
It is very important that both the man and the woman are clear with
one another from the very beginning and agree on everything before the
contract is finalised.
If the family refuses the proposing man to see the daughter, then he
should, at the very least, get a clear description of her.

'Aa'ishah: the mother of the believers

When the Prophet emigrated from Makkah to Al-Madeenah he was
accompanied by Abu Bakr ('Aa'ishah's father) who had the most
knowledge about the Quraysh -- both the good and badaspects. He was a
well-known honorable merchant to whom people came to seek and gain
more knowledge.
'Aa'ishah's mother was called Umm Rummaan bint 'Umayr bin 'Amer coming
from the sons of Al-Haarith bin Ghanam bin Ka'ab, and she was among
the first group who embraced Islam. She had been married to 'Abdullaah
bin 'Abdul-Asad before she married Abu Bakr, and she had a son from
her first husband called At-Tufayl, and she gave birth to 'Aa'ishah
and 'Abdur-Rahmaan from Abu Bakr . She emigrated to Al-Madeenah after
the establishment of Islam there. When she died, Abu Bakr said: "O
Allaah! You know best how Umm Rummaan was hurt for Your sake and the
sake of Your Prophet ."
The Prophet used to entrust 'Aa'ishah to Umm Rummaan's charge and say:
"O Umm Rummaan, be kind to 'Aa'ishah and be mindful of me by this
kindness."
In fact, the Prophet used to love the clean and pure household of Abu
Bakr because the man of the house -- Abu Bakr -- was a man who needed
no introduction; his character and lineage were not something to
inquire about.
The Messenger of Allaah thought about proposing to 'Aa'ishah for
marriage when Khawlah bint Haakim Al-Aslamiah said to him: "What do
you say about marrying 'Aa'ishah the daughter of Abu Bakr?"; he,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam then moved his head in the affirmative,
saying yes. Then Khawlah went to Umm Rummaan to tell her the news and
said: "O Umm Rummaan, youcannot imagine how Allaah has blessed your
house!"
Khawlah said: "The Messenger of Allaah sent me to seek 'Aa'ishah for
marriage." Umm Rummaan said: "Wait for Abu Bakr, he is coming soon."
When Abu Bakr came back, Khawlah told him the news and he said: "Is
she suitable for him? She is his niece." Khawlah then went back to the
Prophet andtold him what Abu Bakr had told her, and he said: "Go back
and tell Abu Bakr that he is my brother in Islam and I am his, and his
daughter is good enough for me."
Abu Bakr thought deeply about this and then went to Mut'am bin'Uday,
who had proposed 'Aa'ishah for marriage to his son Jubayr. These
people were still disbelievers. When Abu Bakr entered their house,
they said: "O son of Abu Quhaafah, we fear that if our son married
your daughter 'Aa'ishah, then she would convince him of Islam and we
do not want this to happen."
Abu Bakr did not answer, buton the contrary he was very pleased with
that. In this way he was freed of their promise and he could give his
full agreement for the blessed marriage.
'Aa'ishah narrated how she became married to the Messenger of Allaah,
sallallaahu ''alayhi wa sallam, and said: "The Prophet came to our
house, and many people gathered there to meet him. Then my mother came
to me while I was playing, she took me to the door where the Prophet
was sitting. I wasso embarrassed and I melted in shyness. Then my
mother put mebeside the Prophet and said: "This is your wife, may
Allaah bless her for you, and bless you for her." People then left the
room, and at that night nothing was slaughtered for me and I was nine
years old at that time." Although she was young, she was a mature girl
who had reached puberty. People described 'Aa'ishah on her wedding day
and said: "She was animble, wide-eyed bride, with curly hair and a
shiny face."
Whereas Khadeejah was already a wise and mature woman when she married
the Prophet Muhammad 'Aa'ishah was a spirited young girl who still had
a great deal to learnwhen she married the Prophet . However, she was
very quickto learn, for she had a clear heart,a quick mind and an
accurate memory. She was not afraid to talk back in order to find out
the truth or make it known, and whenever she beat someone else in
argument, the Prophet would smile and say: "She is the daughter of Abu
Bakr!"
Moosaa bin Talhah once said: "I have not seen anyone more eloquent
than 'Aa'ishah." 'Aa'ishah became so wise that one of her
contemporaries used to say that if the knowledgeof 'Aa'ishah were
placed on one side of the scales and that of all other women on the
other, 'Aa'ishah's side would outweigh the others. She used to sit
with the other women and pass on the knowledge that she had received
from the Prophet . She was a source of knowledge and wisdom for both
women andmen long after the Prophet died and as long as she lived.
AbuMoosaa once said: "Whenevera report appeared doubtful to us (the
Companions of the Prophet) and we asked 'Aa'ishah about it, we always
learned something from her about it."
In addition to being extremely intelligent, 'Aa'ishah became a very
graceful young woman. When she first came to live in theProphet's
household as a young girl, a strong and lasting friendship grew up
between her and Sawdah, and Sawdah took care of her along with the
rest of the household. When 'Aa'ishah grew up, Sawdah, who was by then
an old woman, gave up her share of the Prophet's time in favor of
'Aa'ishah and was content to manage his household and be Umm al
Mu'mineen 'The Mother of the Believers' -- a title of respect that
was given to all the wives of the Prophet which confirmed what the
Quran clearlystates that no man could marry any of them after they had
been married to the Prophet :
{The Prophet is more worthy of the believers than themselves, and his
wives are (in the position of) their mothers.} [Quran 33:6]
During the nine years that 'Aa'ishah was married to Prophet Muhammad
she witnessed many of the great events that shaped the destiny ofthe
first Muslim community of Al-Madeenah al Munawarra: It was during the
course of their marriage that the direction of theQiblah was changed
from Jerusalem to Makkah, thereby distinguishing the Muslims more
clearly from Jews and Christians. It was during the course of their
marriage that she must have listened to many of the Jews, Christians
and idol worshippers who came not to listen to the Prophet but to
argue with him, in the hope that they could find a plausible excuse to
justify their rejection of him. It was through exchanges such as
thesethat 'Aa'ishah learned to distinguish what was true from what was
false.
As the prophetic guidance continued to be revealed throughthe Prophet
Muhammad, sallallaahu ''alayhi wa sallam, 'Aa'ishah's way of life,
along withthat of all the Muslims, was gradually reshaped and refined.
Itwas during the course of their marriage that drinking alcohol was
finally forbidden, it was made clear what food was allowed (Halaal)
and what was prohibited (Haraam), it became necessary for women to
wear theHijaab in public and while praying, guidance regarding how to
fast was revealed, paying the Zakaat became obligatory on all Muslims
and all rites of Hajj were purified and clarified.
In fact, every aspect of life -- frombirth to death and everything
that happens in between -- was illuminated by the way in which the
Prophet behaved. It was this way of behavior (the Sunnah), that
'Aa'ishah helped to preserve and protect, not only by embodying it
herself, but also by teaching it to others.
The life of 'Aa'ishah is proof that a woman can be far more learned
than men and that she can be the teacher of scholars and experts. Her
life is also a proof that a woman can exert influence over men and
women and provide them with inspiration and leadership . Her life is
also proof that the same woman can retain her feminity and be a source
of pleasure, joy and comfort to her husband.
'Aa'ishah spent her life with the Prophet until he died in her lap,
whereupon she said: "He died between my chest and my neck, then I put
his head on a pillow when people became very quiet while I was
mourning and suffering deep sadness."

Dought & clear,- Ruling on khul‘ during menses; should the menstrual cycle during which the khul‘ occurredbe counted?.

I was given a 2nd talaaq by my husband in January after I came off my
menstrual cycle. I then started my iddah period. I did not have
another cycle until March and then not again until last week. I spoke
to an imam about my situation as my husband has been abusive and
oppressive since the start of our marriage and advised I seek a khula,
which my husband agreed to. I am confused because I was on my menses
when he released me by khul and I was already going through my iddah
from his talaaq. What is the status of my divorce? This is very
stressful for me and I do not know what I am doing.
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
When a woman's husband divorces her (talaaq), she should count three
menstrual cycles if she is one of those who menstruate and she is not
pregnant, according to scholarly consensus, because Allah, may He be
exalted,says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And divorced women shall wait (as regards their marriage) for
threemenstrual periods"
[al-Baqarah 2:228].
But if the separation occurs as the result of something other than
talaaq, such as khul' or annulment of the marriage, then she should
observe 'iddah for one menstrual cycle, according to the correct
scholarly view. This has been discussed previously in the answerto
question no. 5163.
Secondly:
If a man divorces his wife (by talaaq), and during her 'iddah she asks
for khul' and he responds to her request, it is valid, because she is
still his wife.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The woman who is
revocably divorced (first or second talaaq) is still a wife and a
subsequent talaaq (divorce), zihaar (a jaahili form of divorce inwhich
the husband says to his wife, 'You are to me like my mother's back'),
eela' (an oath notto have sexual relations with one's wife) and li'aan
(a procedure in which the husband formally accuses his wifeof adultery
and she formally denies the charge, and each invokes the curse of
Allah upon him or herself if he or she is lying) are all valid; and
one of them may inherit from the other, according to scholarly
consensus; and if he separates from her by means of khul', his khul'
is valid.
End quote from al-Mughni, 7/400
The khul' is valid even if she is menstruating, because khul'can only
occur at the request of the wife because of what she is faced with
ofbad treatment on the husband's part. So it is permissible for it to
occur at the time of menses in order to put an end to harm (caused by
the husband's mistreatment).
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: There is nothing
wrong with khul' at the time of menses or during a period of purity in
which the husband has had intercourse with her. The prohibition on
talaaq at the time of menses is because of theharm that may affect
thewife due to making the 'iddah longer. But khul' is for the purpose
of putting an end to harm that she is suffering because of bad
treatment and staying with one whom she hates and resents, whichis
greater than the harm caused by making the 'iddah longer. So it is
permissible to ward off the greater harm by means of the lesser. Hence
the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) did not ask the
woman who separated from her husband by means of khul' about her
situation, because the khul' that could lead to making the 'iddah
longer happened at her request, which indicates that she gave her
consent and proves that it was in her interests. End quote from
al-Mughni, 7/247
Al-Baghawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:Khul' at the time of
menses or during a period of purity in which the husband has had
intercourse with heris not bid'ah (an innovation), because theProphet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) gave permission to Thaabit
ibn Qays to separate from his wife by means of khul' without knowing
about her situation (regarding menses etc). Were it not that it is
permissible in all circumstances, he would probably have asked about
her situation.
End quote from Ma'aalimat-Tanzeel, 8/148
It says in al-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 8/326: The majority of fuqaha' –
Hanafis, Shaafa'is and Hanbalis – are of the view that khul' at the
time of menses is permissible, because of the general meaning of the
words of Allah, may He be exalted (interpretation of the meaning):
"then there is no sin on either of them if she gives back (the Mahr or
a part of it) for her Al-Khul' (divorce)" [al-Baqarah 2:229].
And because she has a need to put an end to her suffering by
separating from her husband, as she is offering to give up wealth for
that purpose.
The Maalikis, according to their well-known opinion, are of the view
that khul' is not allowed during the woman's period. End quote.
See also Badaa'i' as-Sanaa'i', 3/96; at-Taaj wa'l-Ikleel Sharh
Mukhtasar Khaleel, 5/304; Mughni al-Muhtaaj, 4/498
Once it is established that khul' at the time of menses is
permissible, the woman who has been divorced by means of khul' does
not finish her 'iddah when she becomes pure from the menstrual period
duringwhich the khul' occurred. Rather she must go through another
menstrual cycle, then become pure and do ghusl; then her 'iddah will
have ended, because the period during which the khul' occurred was not
a complete menstrual cycle, and 'iddah has to be a complete
menstrualcycle.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The menstrual cycle
during which she was divorced (talaaq) does not count as part ofher
'iddah, and there is no difference of opinionamong the scholars
concerning that, because Allah, may He beexalted, has commandedthat
she wait for three menstrual cycles, so it includes three complete
cycles; the cycle during which she was divorced does not count because
it is only part of a cycle. End quote.
And Allah knows best

Dought & clear,- Ruling on distributing leaflets and pamphlets that contain Qur’anic verses for da‘wah purposes to non-Muslims.

My question is regardingdistributing leaflets/pamphlets for dawah
purposes that contain Quranic verses. Itis likely that many of them
will end up on the streets or bins after being distributed. Isnt this
wrong and should this discourage us givingout such material? Also, is
this ok, considering that the targeted recipients are non-muslims who
are impure?
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
Distributing leaflets and pamphlets for da'wah purposes is a good deed
and is calling people to Allah. It is something from which many
peoplebenefit, especially non-Muslims. It is a means of spreading the
religion of Allah, establishing proof for them and leaving no excuse
for them, and conveying to them the message of their Lord. But this
work should be done in a thoughtful manner, following guidelines and
methods through which the aim may be achieved in an appropriate manner
without going against the rulings of Islam.
Secondly:
Leaflets and pamphlets for da'wah purposes that contain Qur'anic
verses do not come under the same rulings as the Mushaf, and the one
who touches them cannot be said to have touched the Mushaf, because
the Qur'anic material in them is mixed with other material. So they
come under the same ruling asthe ruling on books of fiqh, tafseer and
the like,and it is permissible for a non-believer or one who is in a
state of impurity to touch them.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
With regard to the verse that the Prophet (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him) wrote – i.e., to Heraclius – his intention thereby
was to correspond, and a verse in a letter or a book of fiqh and the
likedoes not come under theprohibition on touching it, and the book or
letterdoes not become a Mushaf.
End quote from al-Mughni, 1/109
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Some of the scholars are of the view that it is permissible for a
non-believer to touch the Mushaf if there is thehope that he will
become a Muslim. They quoted as evidence for that the fact that the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) wrote to Heraclius,
the ruler of Byzantium, (a letter containing) the verse in which
Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning): "Say (O Muhammad SAW): 'O people of the Scripture (Jews and
Christians): Come to a word that is just between us and you" [Aal
'Imraan 3:64]. They said: This verse is a verse of the Book of Allah
that he wrote to Heraclius. But the correctview is that this is not
proof; rather it only indicates that it is permissible to write one or
two verses of the Book of Allah. As for handing over the entire Mushaf
(to a non-Muslim), it is not proven that the Prophet (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) did that.
End quote from Majmoo'Fataawa Ibn Baaz, 24/340-341
Thirdly:
If these books or leaflets are translated into another language,
otherthan Arabic, then the matter is easier. It does not matter if the
non-believer touches a translation of the meanings of the Holy Qur'an
into a language other than Arabic, even if it is a translation of an
entire soorah, because the translation is an interpretation of the
meanings of the Qur'an, and it does not come under the same rulings as
the Qur'an. The non-believer is not forbidden to touch books of
tafseer or Islamic knowledge, unless he is doing so by way of
mishandling them or showing disrespect. See the answer to question no.
119323 .
To sum up:
There is nothing wrong with distributing these leaflets and pamphlets
for da'wah purposes, even if they contain some verses of the Holy
Qur'an or hadeeths of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him), and there is nothing wrong with allowing the non-believer
to touch them and read them, because of the great interests that are
served by that, of acquainting him with the religion of Allah, and
establishing proof for him and leaving him with no excuse by conveying
the message. The interests ofconveying the message to him in the hope
that he might become Muslimtake precedence over the possible negative
consequences of allowing him to touch them and handle them.
Disallowing the printing of these books and leaflets that are aimed
atnon-Muslims would cancel out a great deal of good and impose
restrictions on the means of calling non-Muslims to Allah.
With regard to throwingthese leaflets into the trash, it is not
permissible according toIslam, but it is only haraam for the one who
does that action himself. As for the one who prints and distributes
these leaflets and spendson that, he will have (thereward of) his good
deeds and is not responsible for the actions of others.
See the answer to question no. 39376
If it is possible to write on them a request not tothrow them on the
ground or the like, or asking the reader to leave them in an
appropriate place, that would be a good idea.

And Allah knows best.