A husband's responsibilities towards his family

The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It
is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established
between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the
different kinds of personal relations. Because of this, there must be
certain etiquettes placedin order to control and regulate these
relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible
manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits.
Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from
one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children
from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children
themselves from a third perspective.
Etiquettes pertaining to the Husband
1. It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that
the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as
the mending of garments or what is similar to that.
2. It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving
himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs.
So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extends a
helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such
as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.
3. The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing
good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the
full extent of themeaning contained in these (last)two expressions.
Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are
the best of mankind in the view of Islam.
4. Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with
over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a
militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad
results.
5. From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies
and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not
forbidden in Islam.
6. The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and
pass free time with his wife.
7. The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and
specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begin
demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them.
For example, the husband should notfeel timid and restrain himself
from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.
8. There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that
the husband will see things in his wife that do not comply with his
natural disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in
opposition to the fundaments of Islam or to the obedience of the
husband and hisrights, then at that point, he should not try to change
her personality. He should also remember that if there are some
characteristics that he doesn't find pleasing in his wife, then indeed
she has other characteristics, which are definitely pleasing to him.
9. Do not let Ramadhaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing
affection to your wife. But this is so long as you are ableto refrain
yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadhaan is only
sexual intercourse. Showing affection to one's wife during Ramadhaan
can be done during the night andif during the day (while they are
fasting), it can be done by other than kissing and huging.
10. Do not chase after the small errors of your wife and recount them
to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the
relationship betweenthe two of you, and it will pose a threat to your
marital life.
11. If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with
good clothing and food, andfrom being generous in spendingmoney on
her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.
12. Do not give little importance to implementing the
punishmentrequired for any acts in opposition to the Islam, which your
wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This
should be the onlyreason that causes you to become angry.
13. What has been stated previously does not mean that you should
leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever
you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and
determination, without being too harsh or rude about it.
14. Do not attempt to meddle into your wife's housework affairs that
do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the
food and the order of the house because woman like to put their
personal touch on the house (herkingdom).
15. Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she
committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own
children. For indeed that is an actthat goes against correct behavior
and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.
16. If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife after having
adviced her and she didn'trespond then let it be by staying away from
her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within
the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating
her and describing her with repulsive names.
17. Having jealousy and caring about the bashfulness of your wife is a
praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on
the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy.
For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no
praise.
18. Entering the house: Do not alarm your family by entering upon them
suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them
with Salaam. Andask about them and how they aredoing. And do not
forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the
house.
19. Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate
encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted
and forbidden.
20. Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening
of your breath.
21. Guardianship of your wife doesn't mean that you can exploit what
Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you
harm and oppress her.
22. Showing respect and kindnessto your wife's family is showing
respect and kindness to her. This applies on the condition that it is
not accompanied by an act forbidden in Islam, such as intermingling of
the sexes or being in privacy (with them).
23. Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of
disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you.
24. Be prompt in fulfilling the conditions, which you promised to your
wife during the pre-marriage agreement.
25. When you lecture your wife orreprimand her or simply speak toher,
choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your
speech.
26. It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside
of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.
27. Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to
handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised
up in. Rural service is not like urban service, and the serviceof a
strong woman and her preparation for it is not like the service of a
weak woman.

Islamic Stories - , Thirst for Learning

Hadhrat Abdullah bin Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) says:
"After the passing away of the Prophet (peace beupon him), I said to
an Ansari friend of mine: 'The Prophet is not now with us. But a large
number of Sahabah are still among us. Let us go to them and get
knowledge of the Islamic practices.' He said: ' Who is going to
approach you for learning a regulation in the presence of these
eminent Sahabah?' I wasnot discouraged. I kept up my quest for
knowledge and approached every person who was supposed to have heard
something from the Prophet. I managed to gather substantial
information from the Ansar. If on my visit to someone of the Sahabah,
I found him asleep, I spread my shawl at the gate and satwaiting.
Sometimes my face and body would getcovered with dust, but I kept
sitting till they woke and I was able to contact them. Some of them
said: 'Abdullah you are the cousin of the Prophet; you could have sent
for us. Why did you take the trouble of coming to our places?' I said
to them: 'I must come to you, for I am a student and you are my
teachers.' Some people for whom I had waited said: 'Since when have
you been waiting for us?' I informed them that I had been sitting
there for a pretty long time. They said: 'What a pity! You could have
awakened us from our sleep.' I said: 'I did not like to disturb you
for my own sake.' I thus carried on my pursuits, till there came a
time when people began to flock to me for learning. My Ansari friend
realizedthis at that time and remarked: 'This boy has surely proved
himself more sensible than us.'"
Source: From the book"Stories of the Sahabah" by Shaikh Muhammad
Zakariyya Kaandhlawi.
Besides our quest for knowledge to earn a livelihood in this world, we
must as well gain sufficient knowledge of Islam. No matter what age
group we belong to at this moment, we should atleast have that much
Islamic knowledgewith which we can turn our 24 hours life into
worship. Those with knowledge and practice will be exalted in this
world and in the hereafter.

Islamic Stories - , Army of Elephants

The following incident ismentioned in Surah Feel of the Holy Quran and
it happened during the period of the birth-year of Prophet Muhammad
(peace be upon him). Abraha Al-Ashram was the governor of Yemen on
behalf of the king of Ethiopia. He (Abrahah) thought to build a
house(like the Kabah at Makkah) in Sana (the capital of Yemen) and
call the Arabs to performthe pilgrimage there in Sana instead of the
Kabah in Makkah, with the intention of diverting the trade and
benefits from Makkah to Yemen. He presented his idea to the king of
Ethiopia who agreed to it. So the house (church) was built and he
named it Al-Qullais; there was no church of its like at that time.
Then a man from the Quraish tribe ofMakkah came there and was
infuriated by it, so he relieved his nature (stools and urine) in it,
soiled its walls and went away. When Abrahah Al-Ashram saw that, he
could not control his anger and raised an army to invade Makkah and
demolish the Kabah.He had in that army thirteen elephants and amongst
them was an elephant called Mahmud which was the biggest of them. So
that army proceeded and none amongst the Arab tribes that faced them
(fought against them) but was killed and defeated, till itapproached
near Makkah. Then there tookplace negotiations between Abrahah
Al-Ashram and the chief of Makkah (Abdul Muttalib bin Hashim, the
grandfather of the Prophet), and it was concluded that Abrahah would
restore the camels of Abdul Muttalib which he had taken away, and then
he (Abrahah) would decide himself as regards the Kabah. Abdul Muttalib
ordered the men of Makkah to evacuate the city and go to the top of
the mountains along with their wives and children in case some harm
should come to them from the invading oppressors. Then that army moved
towards Makkah till they reached valley Muhassir. While the army was
marching towards Makkah, in the middle of the valley, suddenly it was
overtaken by flocks of birds, flocks after flocks, air-raiding that
army with small stones slightlybigger than a lentil seed.There never
fell a stone on a soldier except it dissolved his flesh and burst it
into pieces. So they perished with a total destruction. Abrahah
Al-Ashram fled away while his flesh wasbursting into pieces till he
died on the way (back to Yemen). Such was the victory bestowed by
Allah, (the All-Majestic, All-Powerful) to the people of Makkah and
such was the protection provided by Him for His House (Kabah in
Makkah).
Extracted from Tafsir of Surah Feel (Surah 105)

10 Choices You Will Regret in 10 Years

These two words paired together create one of the saddestphrases in
the English language.
Here are ten choices that ultimately lead to this phrase of regret,
and how to elude them:
1. Wearing a mask to impress others. – If the face you always show the
world is a mask, someday there will be nothing beneath it. Because
when you spend too much time concentrating on everyone else's
perception of you, or who everyone else wants you to be, you
eventually forget who you really are. So don'tfear the judgments of
others; you know in your heart who you areand what's true to you. You
don't have to be perfect to impress and inspire people . Let them be
impressed andinspired by how you deal with your imperfections.
2. Letting someone else create your dreams for you. – The greatest
challenge in life is discovering who you are; the second greatest is
being happywith what you find. A big part of this is your decision to
stay true to your own goals and dreams. Do you have people who
disagree with you? Good. It means you're standing your ground and
walking your own path. Sometimes you'll do things considered crazy by
others, but when you catch yourself excitedly losing track of time,
that's when you'll know you're doing the right thing. Read The 4-Hour
Workweek .
3. Keeping negative company. – Don't let someone who has a bad
attitude give it to you. Don't let them get to you. They can't pull
the trigger if you don't hand them the gun. When you remember that
keeping the company of negative people is a choice, instead of an
obligation, you free yourself to keep the company of compassion
instead of anger, generosity instead of greed, and patience instead of
anxiety.
4. Being selfish and egotistical. – A life filledwith loving deeds and
good character is the best tombstone. Those who you inspired and
shared your love with will remember how you made them feel long after
your time has expired. So carve your name on hearts , not stone.
What you have done for yourself alone dies with you; what you have
done for others and the world remains.
5. Avoiding change and growth. – If you want to know your past look
into your present conditions. If you wantto know your future look
into your present actions. You must let go of the old to make way for
the new; the old way is gone, never to come back. If you acknowledge
this right now and take steps to address it, you will position
yourself for lasting success. The Power of Habit .
6. Giving up when the going gets tough. – There are no failures, just
results. Even if things don't unfold the way you had expected, don't
be disheartened or give up. Learn what you can and move on. The one
who continuesto advance one step at a time will win in the end.
Because the battleis always won far away and long before the final
victory. It's a process that occurs with small steps, decisions, and
actions that gradually build upon each other and eventually lead to
that glorious moment of triumph.
7. Trying to micromanageevery little thing. – Life should be touched,
not strangled. Sometimes you've got to relax and let life happen
without incessant worry and micromanagement. Learn to let go a little
before you squeeze tootight. Take a deep breath. When the dust
settles and you can once again see the forest for the trees, take the
next step forward. You don't have to know exactly where you're going
to be headed somewhere great. Everything in life is in perfect order
whether you understand it yet or not. It just takes some time to
connect all the dots.
8. Settling for less than you deserve. – Be strong enough to let goand
wise enough to wait for what you deserve. Sometimes you have to get
knocked down lower than you have ever been to stand up taller than you
ever were before. Sometimes your eyes need to be washed by your tears
so you can see the possibilities in front of you with a clearer vision
again. Don't settle.
9. Endlessly waiting until tomorrow. – The trouble is, you always
think you have more time than you do. But one day you will wake up
and there won't be any more time to work on the things you've always
wanted to do. And at that point you either will have achieved the
goals you set for yourself, or you will have a list of excuses for why
you haven't. Read The Last Lecture .
10. Being lazy and wishy-washy. – The world doesn't owe you anything,
you owe theworld something. So stop daydreaming andstart DOING.
Develop abackbone, not a wishbone. Take full responsibility for
yourlife – take control. You are important andyou are needed. It's
too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday.
Someday is now; the somebody the world needs is YOU .
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