A husband's responsibilities towards his family

The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It
is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established
between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the
different kinds of personal relations. Because of this, there must be
certain etiquettes placedin order to control and regulate these
relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible
manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits.
Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from
one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children
from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children
themselves from a third perspective.
Etiquettes pertaining to the Husband
1. It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that
the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as
the mending of garments or what is similar to that.
2. It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving
himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs.
So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extends a
helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such
as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.
3. The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing
good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the
full extent of themeaning contained in these (last)two expressions.
Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are
the best of mankind in the view of Islam.
4. Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with
over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a
militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad
results.
5. From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies
and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not
forbidden in Islam.
6. The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and
pass free time with his wife.
7. The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and
specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begin
demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them.
For example, the husband should notfeel timid and restrain himself
from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.
8. There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that
the husband will see things in his wife that do not comply with his
natural disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in
opposition to the fundaments of Islam or to the obedience of the
husband and hisrights, then at that point, he should not try to change
her personality. He should also remember that if there are some
characteristics that he doesn't find pleasing in his wife, then indeed
she has other characteristics, which are definitely pleasing to him.
9. Do not let Ramadhaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing
affection to your wife. But this is so long as you are ableto refrain
yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadhaan is only
sexual intercourse. Showing affection to one's wife during Ramadhaan
can be done during the night andif during the day (while they are
fasting), it can be done by other than kissing and huging.
10. Do not chase after the small errors of your wife and recount them
to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the
relationship betweenthe two of you, and it will pose a threat to your
marital life.
11. If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with
good clothing and food, andfrom being generous in spendingmoney on
her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.
12. Do not give little importance to implementing the
punishmentrequired for any acts in opposition to the Islam, which your
wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This
should be the onlyreason that causes you to become angry.
13. What has been stated previously does not mean that you should
leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever
you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and
determination, without being too harsh or rude about it.
14. Do not attempt to meddle into your wife's housework affairs that
do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the
food and the order of the house because woman like to put their
personal touch on the house (herkingdom).
15. Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she
committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own
children. For indeed that is an actthat goes against correct behavior
and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.
16. If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife after having
adviced her and she didn'trespond then let it be by staying away from
her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within
the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating
her and describing her with repulsive names.
17. Having jealousy and caring about the bashfulness of your wife is a
praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on
the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy.
For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no
praise.
18. Entering the house: Do not alarm your family by entering upon them
suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them
with Salaam. Andask about them and how they aredoing. And do not
forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the
house.
19. Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate
encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted
and forbidden.
20. Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening
of your breath.
21. Guardianship of your wife doesn't mean that you can exploit what
Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you
harm and oppress her.
22. Showing respect and kindnessto your wife's family is showing
respect and kindness to her. This applies on the condition that it is
not accompanied by an act forbidden in Islam, such as intermingling of
the sexes or being in privacy (with them).
23. Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of
disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you.
24. Be prompt in fulfilling the conditions, which you promised to your
wife during the pre-marriage agreement.
25. When you lecture your wife orreprimand her or simply speak toher,
choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your
speech.
26. It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside
of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.
27. Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to
handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised
up in. Rural service is not like urban service, and the serviceof a
strong woman and her preparation for it is not like the service of a
weak woman.