Praised Manners - , Ruling on accepting an invitation, and the conditions for doing so .

Sometimes I am invited to a meal or to a party. What should I do if
thesegatherings are mostly filled with backbiting, slander, showing
off andcompeting in clothes, where they make fun of those who wear
simple clothes (like me)? There may also be gossip, and Ihave
housework to do (I don't want to bring a servant, but nearly everyone
who attends these parties has a servant so she has free time).
My husband and my house need me, and every moment I spend athome
matters in sha Allaah. This is my primary mission. I also want to
spend any extra time I have in reading Qur'aan or a useful book. I
don't want to attend worldly gatherings whose harm, as I see it,
outweighs thebenefits – if there are any benefits. Please advise me,
how should I deal with this? What suitable excuse can I give for not
attending, ifI have the right not to attend?
What should I do if the hostess of the party looks down on me and
enjoys seeing me in an embarrassing situation and talks about me? Do I
have to accept her invitation?
Praise be to Allaah.
It was narrated in Saheeh al-Bukhaari (1164) and Saheeh Muslim (4022)
that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: "I heard the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say:
'The rights of a Muslim over his fellow Muslim are five: returning
greetings, visiting the sick, attending funerals, accepting
invitations, and saying Yarhamuk Allaah (may Allaah have mercy on you)
when he sneezes.'"
The scholars divided the invitations which the Muslim is commanded
toaccept into two categories:
1 – Invitation to a wedding party (waleemah). The majority of scholars
said that it is obligatory to accept such an invitation, unless there
isa legitimate shar'i excuse – some such excuses will be mentioned
below, in shaAllaah. The evidence (daleel) that it is obligatory to
accept these invitations is the hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari (4779)
and Muslim (2585) from Abu Hurayrah, that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The worst kind of food is
thefood of a wedding feast that is withheld from those who would come
and to which people are invited who mayrefuse it. Whoever does not
accept the invitation hasdisobeyed Allaah and HisMessenger."
2 – Invitation to various kinds of gatherings other than
wedding-feasts. The majority of scholars say that accepting these
invitations is mustahabb,and no one differed from that apart from some
of the Shaafa'is and Zaahiris, who said it is obligatory. If we say
that it is strongly mustahabb that is close enough. And Allaah knows
best.
But the scholars have stipulated conditions foraccepting an
invitation; if these conditions are not met then it is not obligatory
or mustahabbto accept the invitation, rather it may be haraam to
attend. These conditions were summed up by Shaykh Muhammad ibn
'Uthaymeen, who said:
1- There should be nothing objectionable (munkar) in the place
where the party etc. is tobe held. If there is something
objectionableand it is possible to remove it, then it is obligatory to
attend for two reasons: to accept the invitation and to change the
objectionable thing. If it is not possible to removeit then it is
haraam to attend.
2- The person who invited him should not be someone whom it is
obligatory or Sunnah to forsake (such as one who openly commits
immoral actions or sin, where forsaking him may be of benefit in
bringing about his repentance).
3- The person who invited him should be a Muslim. If he is not,
then it is not obligatory to accept the invitation, because the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The rights
of a Muslim over his fellow Muslim are five…"
4- The food offered should be permissible for us to eat.
5- Accepting the invitation should not lead to ignoring a more
important duty; if that is the case then it is haraam to accept the
invitation.
6- It should not cause any trouble to the person who is invited.
For example, if he needs to travel or to leave his family who need him
there, and so on. (al-Qawl al-Mufeed, 3/111).
Some scholars added:
7- If the host issued a general invitation, saying that everyone
is welcome, then it is not obligatory to accept the invitation.
From the above it shouldbe clear to you that you do not have to accept
such invitations, rather itmay be haraam for you to do so, if you
cannot change the reprehensible things (munkar) or if your attending
the gatherings will affect your duties towards your husband and
children and prevent you from taking care of them as you are supposed
to do. Moreover you will not besafe from their evil and harm. This is
an excuse which frees you from having to accept invitation which you
areobliged to accept, let alone those which are not obligatory at all.
Women should also notethat they have to ask their husband's permission
to go out to parties etc. to which they are invited. You should advise
these sisters to try to make thebest use of their time and their
gatherings in ways that will benefit them either in religious or
worldly terms. For theMessenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) warned us of the consequences of attending
gatherings in which Allaah is not mentioned. He (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "No people sit in a gatheringin which
they do not remember Allaah or sendblessings upon their Prophet, but
they will regret it, if He wills He will punish them and if He wills
He will forgive them." (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3302; he said, this
is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. It was also classed as saheeh byal-Albaani
in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 3/140)
In Sunan Abi Dawood (4214) and elsewhere it is narrated that Abu
Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: "The Messenger of
Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 'People who
get upfrom an assembly in which they did not remember Allaah will be
just as if they had got upfrom a donkey's carcass, and it will be a
cause of grief to them." (Classed as saheeh by al-Nawawi in Riyaadh
al-Saaliheen, 321, and by al-Albaani).
Convey this advice to them, either verbally or in writing. In
addition, you could invite them to your house and make the most of
this opportunity to hold a dhikr circle, in addition to doing some
permissible things that they will like. Perhaps Allaah will make you
the means of starting a goodtrend of benefiting fromsuch gatherings.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Praised Manners - , The meaning of being sincere towards Allah and how the Muslim can achieve that.

Worship has three pillars, one of which is being sincere towards
Allah. How can we be sincere towards Allah? I am very ambitious, and
Iwant to acquire the greatest amount of shar'i knowledge, and I want
to be a daa'iyah. Allah has blessed me with many talents whichare
needed for da'wah and spreading knowledge, and I want to be strong
enough to pray qiyaam and fast. I have memorised the Book of Allah in
full and now I am in the process of reinforcing my memorisation and
learning how to recite it properly. I am learning shar'i knowledge and
I have a number of projects and ideas for serving the Book of Allahand
supporting the Deen, but my progress is slow for a number of reasons
and because of many obstacles, especially from my family and the
society around me -- how much I am suffering from them! Because of
physical weakness and health problems, I am not able to expend a great
deal of effort, and if I do, I will spend several days unable to move.
I always write out schedules for all these tasks and I try to follow
them, but I cannot do that because of changing circumstances. I live
on my own and I cannot find a sister to share my goals or a leader to
help me and follow up with me so that I can fulfil my ambitions. I
have lookeda great deal but I cannotfind anyone and I do notknow the
reason why I am so slow; is it because sincerity towards Allah
issomething that I have not achieved yet or what? This makes me very
sad and pains me a great deal, and holds meback from reaching my
goals. If there is any advice, then do not withhold it from me,
because I am in the greatest need.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Sincerity towards Allah isthe best type of sincerity. The Muslim is
being sincere towards his Lord if he achieves sincerity in three
aspects: faith and properbelief, acts of obedience,and morals and
manners. Faith does not mean mere wishful thinking. The one who
issincere in his faith is the one who attains faith in the way his
Lord wants from him, which includes sincerity in faith, sincerity in
intention, and sincerity in fear of Allah, may He be exalted. Not
every actof obedience is sincere unless it is done, both outwardly and
inwardly,in a manner which Allah likes.
Allah has described the sincere in one verse, in which He says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"It is not Al-Birr (piety, righteousness, and each and every act of
obedience to Allaah) that you turn your faces towards east and (or)
west (in prayers); but Al-Birr is (the quality of) the one who
believes in Allaah, the Last Day, the Angels, the Book, the Prophets
and gives his wealth, in spite of love for it, to the kinsfolk, to the
orphans, and to Al-Masaakeen (the poor),and to the wayfarer, andto
those who ask, and toset slaves free, performs As-Salaah
(Iqaamat-as-Salaah), and gives theZakât, and who fulfil their covenant
when they make it, and who are patient in extreme poverty and ailment
(disease) and at the timeof fighting (during the battles)." Then Allah
says,after listing all these attributes: "Such are the people of the
truth and they are Al-Muttaqoon (the pious)"
[al-Baqarah 2:177].
Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
This verse includes a number of great meanings, important principles
and sound beliefs.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/485.
Shaykh 'Abd al-Rahmaanal-Sa'di (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
"Such" means those whohave the characteristics mentioned, such as
goodbeliefs and actions which are the effect, evidence and light of
faith; the morals and manners which lend dignity to man and are the
essence of humanity.These are the ones who are "the people of the
truth", whose faith is sincere, because their actions confirm their
faith. "And they are Al-Muttaqoon (the pious)", because they refrained
from what is forbidden and did what is enjoined, because these things
include all good attributes by implication, and becausefulfilling
one's covenant is the essence of the entire religion, and because the
acts of worship mentioned in this verse are the greatest acts of
worship and the one who does them will undoubtedly do other acts of
worship.They are the righteous, the sincere people of truth, the
pious.
Tafseer al-Sa'di, p. 83
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-'Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Among the things we learn from this verse is that what is mentioned is
true sincerity towards Allah and towards His creation, because Allah
says: "Such are the people of the truth"; they are sincere
towardsAllah, as on the basis of these good beliefs they establish
faith and beliefin Allah, the Last Day, theAngels, the Book and
theProphets, and they establish prayer, pay zakaah, and give what
isdear to them to the charitable causes mentioned. As for their
sincerity towards Allah's creation, that is includedin the words of
Allah: "who fulfil their covenant when they make it", which is one
ofthe signs of sincerity. Hence Allah says: "Such are the people of
the truth", as they are sincere in their beliefs, in their
interactions withAllah and with other people.
Tafseer Soorat al-Baqarah, 2/293, 294
Secondly:
You should note that sincerity with Allah is notsomething that we can
make a show of and convince ourselves of whilst abandoning righteous
deeds. Rather sincerity towards Allah isin the intention and in the
action when we do it and when the means of doing it become available.
The one who is sincere towards his Lord will, by means of the
sincerity of his intention, attain that (reward) which the one who
does the action attains, if something keeps him from doing the action.
It was narrated from Sahl ibn Hunayf (may Allah be pleased with him)
that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
"Whoever sincerely asks Allaah for martyrdom, Allaah will cause him to
attain the status of the martyrs, even if he dies in his bed."
Narrated by Muslim, 1909.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
A person can have nothing more beneficial than sincerity towards his
Lord in all his affairs, along with sincerity of resolve, so he should
be sincere towards Him in his resolve and in his actions. Allah says
(interpretation of the meaning): "And when the matter (preparation for
Jihaad) is resolved on, then if they had been true to Allaah, it would
have been better for them" [Muhammad 47:21]. So his happiness lies in
sincerity of resolve and sincerity of action. Sincerity of resolve
means certain desire to do an action and not hesitating to do it. If
his resolve is sincere, all that is left is sincerity of action, which
is doing one's best and striving one's utmost when doing it , and not
letting anything,outward or inward, holdhim back from it. Resolveof
purpose prevents him from becoming weak-willed and sincerity of action
prevents him from becoming lazy or lethargic. If a person is sincere
towards Allah in all his affairs, Allah will give him more than He
gives to others, and this sincerity results from true love of Allah
and true trust in Him. So the most sincere of people isthe one who is
loves Allah most and puts mosttrust in Him.
Al-Fawaa'id, p. 186, 187
Thirdly:
A Muslim may be confused as where to begin, and how he should order
his affairs by night and day. But this should not form an obstacle for
the one whoseeks to do good or seekknowledge or call people to Allah.
The Muslim may rid himself of this confusion by organising his time.
He can allocate the first partof his day for memorizing Qur'aan, and
he can organise the rest of his days for seeking knowledge by means of
tapes, reading books, and attending classes and study circles, and
fulfilling whatever duties he or she may have as a husband or wife,
whether he or she is working or not.
What we advise our sister to do is to start and not delay, and to be
sincere in your intentionso that Allah will make your affairs easy for
you.

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Children and Good Behavior

What is good behavior?
Is it to help one's mother at home?
Is it not to raise one's voice when speaking with her?
Is it to help one's father with his work?
Is it to be quiet and not disturb others?
Is it to do homework on time?
Is it one or all of these things?
The situation differs fromone home to another andfrom one family to another.
Therefore, dear people who are responsible for the children's
upbringing, dealing withchildren's bad behavior isthe most difficult
task related to upbringing. This is because each of ushas a strong
legacy of feelings towards this issue. With such diversity of feelings
and views towards the bad behavior of our children, we can answer this
question: Why don't our children learn good behavior?
The following are the main reasons enumerated by specialists as being
behind the children's inability to learn good behavior. They emanate
from the diversity of feelings towards the behavior that we are about
to change:
1. Rejecting the way we were raised:
You may harbor some unpleasant memories of the way you were
raised;(for example, you might have been slapped, locked up in your
room, punished with your siblings for an offense committed by one of
you,following the principle ofgeneralized punishment).
As such, you are resolved to avoid all of such methods, whether right
or wrong. Consequently, you bring up your children in a different way,
because you think that your parents followed a mistaken approach with
you.
This way of thinking is sound if you want to avoid the mistakes that
your parents made towards you and, therefore, do not want torepeat the
same mistakesin dealing with your ownchildren. However, it is wrong
when a child misbehaves and his parents do not react, because they
used to reject their parents' reaction to their misconduct. With this,
the child does not learn good behavior but instead, maintains the bad
one.
2. Raising children following the approach of one's parents:
On the contrary, some may boast about their parents and of how they
brought up the preceding generation. Hence, they wish to emulate their
method while considering other methods as quite mistaken, because they
believe that their parentswere more experienced, older and had a
deeper understanding. Thus, fathers imitate their fathers and mothers
copytheir mothers in bringingup their children, while maintaining all
the pros and cons.
This approach might be good if those responsiblefor the children's
upbringing want to benefit from the experience of their parents in
bringing up their children and adopting the relevant points of
distinction in this regard. The terrible mistake, however, is to make
only our parents the standard of correctness, for they are fallible
humans and it would not be wise to copy their mistakes.
3. Differences in methodsof upbringing and parents' beliefs:
Behavior that is bad in the eyes of the father may not be the same to
the mother, and vice versa, due to differences in beliefs and methods
whereby the father and mother have been brought up. This creates a
great deal of discord between the spouses who turn to dispute in front
of the children. The children would probably think that they are the
cause behind the problems taking place between their parents.
4. Reactions of grown-ups to us when we want to deal with children's misconduct:
Whether they are grandfathers, grandmothers, uncles or aunts, many
people cannot help making comments and expressing their opinionson
what they think is correct. Moved by good intentions, these people who
might be relatives ofthe child, or friends of the parents, or even
strangers, certainly have a great effect on parents and their children
when they interfere.
5. Parents' lack of focus on the child's individual needs and character:
Many parents follow the principle of generalization in dealingwhen
they change children's misbehavior. They do not differentiate between
those who make a mistake for the first time and those who regularly
make mistakes. Moreover, they do not distinguish between those who
misbehave intentionally and those who do so unintentionally; the old
and the young, males and females, and the obstinate and the compliant.
Thus, for many parents, it does notmake a difference to change the
children's misconduct in all these cases. They apply the principle of
generalization, which in reality incorporates grossinjustice and
affects the child's responsiveness to changing their bad behavior.
6. Not overlooking some matters:
A ten-month-old child enjoys throwing things off the chair, yet he
quickly grows up and, after eighteen months, he becomes adequately
capable of recognizing wrong behavior. Therefore, the challenge faced
by the family is to determine the suitable time to encourage the
children to apply the ideal behavior. A further challenge is to
cleverly disregard the children's behavior in the formativeyears;
because they do not realize the reality of their
behavior.Therefore,parents should have infinite patience with children
in this stage of life. They should maintain their safety, without
repressing their freedom.
7. Keeping in mind the norms of society:
Each society is dominatedby certain habits and traditions. Some of
these conform to Sharee'ah (Islamic legislation) and, therefore, it is
permissible to apply them.Allaah The AlmightySays (what means): }
Takewhat is given freely, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the
ignorant. { [Quran 20:199]However, certain well-established traditions
are often counter to Sharee'ah and,therefore, should be dismissed and
replaced with that which complieswith Sharee'ah . When parents try to
rectify the conduct of their children,they often experience an
opposition from society, because the adaptation might be opposite to
some social traditions. For example, when parents teach their child to
seek permission before they enter upon others, some people may say,
"Do not make things difficult for the child. Take it easy. The child
is still young." The proper attitude to be taken by parents is to
stand in the face of the bad habit thathas been established in
society, and teach their children the right conduct, and not be
affected by what others say.
8. Changing bad behaviorwith anger:
Many parents mistakenly teach their children goodconduct in a moment
of fury. They associate their instruction with shouting, a loud voice,
frowning and sometimes insulting and beating. This gives the children
anawful impression about good conduct and makes it unpalatable. This
is because in their subconscious mind, they associate good conduct
with beating, shouting and punishment. Consequently, teaching good
conduct should be separated from punishment. Rather, punishment may be
used after teaching, so as to comply with justice.Children can be
punished when they know what is right and do not adhere to it.
However, it would be unfair to punish them forsomething which they
donot know is wrong.
Before we conclude, we should provide those who are raising children
with a definition to identify good behavior:
Good behavior is what is commanded by Allaah The Almighty in the Quran
and taught by the Prophet, , and dictatedby the sound natural
disposition, conventions and traditions.
Good behavior should not be formulated from people's opinions or the
actions and traditions of relatives if they do not comply with the
Sharee'ah of Allaah The Almighty and the Sunnah (tradition) of the
Prophet, .
This is the good behaviorthat we want our children to uphold.

•●•► •►Signs of Heart Disease

There are numerous signs of a sickness of the heart. The first of
them, isfinding it difficult to live by the purpose of our creation,
which is to know Allaah The Almighty, love Him, yearnto meet Him, turn
to Him in repentance and to prefer doing all this to any other desire.
Indeed, whoever gives precedence to his or her whims, over the love
of, and obedience to, his or her Lord, then his or her heart is
certainly diseased.
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {Have you seen the one who
takes as god his own desire? Then would you be responsible for him?}
[Quran 25: 43]. Some of the righteous predecessors said that this
verse refers to the person who is led by his or her base wants and
whims; hence, he or she lives like an animal, with no knowledge or
worship of Allaah The Almighty, in violation of His orders and
prohibitions. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {but those who
disbelieve enjoy themselves and eat as grazing livestock eat, andthe
Fire will be a residence for them.} [Quran 47:12]
Let us not forget that as we sow, so shall we reap.Therefore, if a
person notonly does not live life according to what pleases Allaah The
Almighty, but instead actively pursues a lifestyle of disobedience to
Him through His very blessings, he or she will neither find comfort
nor be relieved of pain, after death, in the Hereafter. Allaah The
Almighty, Says (what means): {He will gulp it but will hardly [beable
to] swallow it. And death will come to him from everywhere, but he is
not to die. And before him is a massive punishment.} [Quran 14:17]
Another sign of a diseased heart is that a person is not disturbed by
insubordination to Allaah The Almighty. A poet spoke of how a dead
person does not feel the pain of any wound; using that analogy,
conversely, a sound heart feels great pain when a sin is committed,
and, so, is quick to repent to Allaah The Almighty, as He Says (what
means):
· {Indeed, those who fear Allaah - when an impulse touches them from
Satan,they remember [Him] andat once they have insight.} [Quran 7:201]
· {And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves
[by transgression], remember Allaah and seek forgiveness for theirsins
- and who can forgive sins except Allaah? - and [who] do not persist
in what they have done while they know.} [Quran 3:135]
The meaning of "remember [Allaah] " in both verses, refers to the act
of bearing in mind Hismagnificence, His threats and His punishments,
andso, they seek His forgiveness. On the other hand, the one who has a
diseased heart will keep on committing sin upon sin.
In another place in the Quran, Allaah The Almighty Says (what means):
{No! Rather, the stain has covered their hearts of that which they
were earning.} Commenting on this verse, Al-Hasan said that this means
committing one sin after the other, to the extent that the heart
becomes blind. In contrast, a person with a sound heart will follow an
evil deed with a good one and make sure to repent after a wrongdoing.
A diseased heart, moreover, manifests itself when a person doesnot
feel any pain of being unaware of the truth, whereas, someone with an
upright mind could not tolerate that when coming across any confusing
matters, or having false beliefs. Verily, ignorance is a serious
calamity that pains anyone with a sound heart.
Some scholars would say: "Allaah was never disobeyed with anything
worse than ignorance." Also, Imaam Sahl was asked: "O father of
Muhammad! What is worse than ignorance?" He replied: "To be oblivious
of one's obliviousness." Indeed, such a state entirely hinders the
path to knowledge, for a person is unaware of his or her need for it.
It was once said that ignorance before one's death is death itself;
the bodies ofthe ignorant are like graves for the soul and they will
have no resurrection until the Dayof Resurrection.
Another sign of having a diseased heart is deviating from what is
useful to what is harmful.Many people, for instance, refrain from
listening to the Quran, about which Allaah The Almighty Said (what
means): {And We Send down of the Quran that which is healing and mercy
for the believers, but it does not increase the wrongdoers except in
loss.} [Quran 17:82]. Instead, they listen to songs that instill
hypocrisy, and perhaps disbelief, in their hearts and stir their base
desires. Such people sin, by preferring what Allaahand His Prophet, ,
hate. And that, in itself, is a consequence of having a diseased heart
and onlyincreases it in sickness.
On the other hand, the more the heart is sound, the more it loves what
Allaah The Almighty and His Messenger, , do, as He Says (what means):
{but Allaah Has endeared to you the faith and Has Made it pleasing in
your hearts and Has Made hateful to you disbelief, defiance and
disobedience. Those are the [rightly] guided.} [Quran 49:7] The
Prophet, , said: "He would taste the sweetness of faith, who is
content with Allaah as [his] Lord, with Islam as [his] religion
andwith Muhammad as [his] Prophet." [Muslim] He, , also said: "No
manfrom among you will have [perfect] faith, until he loves me more
than his own self, children, family and all mankind." [Al-Bukhaari and
Muslim]
The last symptom of an illheart is that a person settles in this
worldly life,satisfied with it and is at peace in it, feeling no sense
of alienation, such that he or she no longer looks forward to the
Hereafter or works for it. Conversely, when a heart becomes sound, it
yearns for the Hereafter, to the extent that it perceives the sickness
of others, while they do not see its soundness. The state of a person
with such a heart,in life, bears the spirit of the Hadeeth in which
theProphet, , said: "Be in this life as if you were a stranger or a
traveler." [Al-Bukhaari]

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