Am I jealous or is he a flirt?

I'm trying to find the answer to this question and it's really hard
for me, believe me!
I truly love my husband with whom we've been married for 8 years, the
first 3 of which we spent living separately in different countries.
Now we are already together. In the beginning everything was perfect
and I even feared sharingthis with others because people say "it's too
good to last".
So, I've noticed recently that when we are in a company with
handsomemen my husband is constantly around me and he is very kind and
affectionate to me. I find this normal and I'm quite pleased with it.
I considerthis the right attitude to a wife. I like showing my
feelings towards him in front of people and I'm very happy when they
notice it. The problem is that when we are in a company with
attractive women he changes abruptly – he stops touching me at all,
even keeps a distance, or if I show in some way or another that he is
my beloved husband he is unpleasantly surprised and stands as if
frozen, while his attitude to the other women is more than friendly.
There have been cases when he has spoken to a woman for about 10-15
minutes and haven't even looked at me meanwhile. (to say nothing of
including me in the conversation!). Sometimes I hesitated on leaving
the place in orderto see if he will notice myabsence. I think this
will probably last at least an hour or until he sees some handsome guy
around.
Whenever he meets a woman he will greet her with a hug, in which I
find nothing bad, but after that he will study her from head to toe
while talking to her. Another issue is that when a woman calls him on
the phone he becomes so enthusiastic that you may think this is the
happiest day in his life. However when I call him he gets so awfully
indifferent. And this happens when I'm tellinghim his favorite team
haswon an important game.
After this description of the situation (not mentioning many other
similar cases and the bad thing is unpleasant memories get more and
more) I'm asking you to help me see if I'm too jealous.
I will appreciate this a lotbecause right now I'm onthe verge of a divorce.

True Love truned into nightmare

Hi, my name is James and my wife name is Angel. We have been together
now for 5 years. Let me start with my background before I met my wife.
Like all men, I too was enjoying my life to the fullest. I had lot of
friends; went on a weekend outing, drinks, party and so on. I am a
Christian and she is a Hindu and I had a lot of opposition from my
parents and families. Even my friends advised me to stop seeing her
and start new considering the consequences. But I was so much in love
with her that I thought it is worth to live with her for 2 minutes and
die rather than living without her for rest of the life. I somehow
convinced my parents and families risking my father's life. Due to all
this chaos he had a major cardiac arrest and underwent bypass surgery.
My mom'sblood pressure shoot to 190 and she bled from nose. Doctor
said that shewas lucky to live because with such high BP she could
have had a cardiac arrest and would have never recovered. Well, I
faced all these problems but still was firm to my parents that she is
the one. I started losing interest in everything; started coming home
drinking a lot, met with an accident and was just seconds away from
death. My parents looking at my ordeal approved our wedding and we got
married.
I could have married Angel without my parent's consent, but my parents
have done so much for me that I want their blessing in my wedding. We
got married and everything was going fine for 5 to 6 months and then
problems started. Considering that I am now a married person and have
a lot of responsibilities I started concentrating in my work. I
distanced myself with all of my friends, started working for 16hrsa
day (so that I can have overtime), and even started working on
weekends. All my hard work paid off, I was promoted as an Asst.
Manager and had a salaryhike of 75%.
The problem is my wife issuspicious on me for everything; she checks
my mobile call log, messages and even my purse. She does not let me go
out even for a minute, she keeps on calling me all day checking where
I am, what I am doing, with who I am. She checks my mobile for unknown
numbers and calls them back from her mobile to see if that is a male
or a female. If it is a female, she creates such a ruckus that I feel
like I am becoming a murderer with all the negative thoughts (can't
explain it here). Well, being a manager I have a lot of
responsibilities and get calls all day long. I really don't know what
to do; I love her more than anything but her behaviour has made to
think again. I have sacrificed my life so muchfor her and still
sacrifice a lot but she pushes me to the limit.
It is no use talking to her,I have tried so many times to try to talk
it to her and have her understand that her behaviour is not right.
ByGod's grace I have everything now and financially well settled. I am
just thinking if she is really worth all my sacrifices or if I should
move on without her.

How should we choose our friends according to Islam?

We should choose the friend that believes in and abide by our
religion(Islam) and gives great respect to what Allah (SWT) and
Prophet Muhammad (saw) had ordered us. And we should stay away from
the one who is not well mannered and gives no attention to what Islam
isabout or what pleases or displeases Allah (SWT), for he will surely
affect usnegatively. There is no good if the companion drowns us in
sins and displeasing Allah (SWT). The bases for the actions of those
who follow the evil ways are corrupt; their actions are built upon
misguidance and deviation.
Good friends are those who share with their companions both happiness
and sadness. Ifwe share our feelings with the wrongdoers whose actions
are worthless and based on corruption, then we are following the same
ways and standards as they aredoing, and we will end up being as
corrupt as they are, and then we are in a big trouble, how can we face
Allah's (SWT) dissatisfaction and displeasure? Instead of making
friends with the misguided ones we should befriend the righteous, yet
treat the rest in a gracious and justmanner. Staying at sufficient
distance is necessary; yet treating everybody in a noble andkind
manner is required.
The danger of having corrupt friends isn't confined to the worldly
life. Such friendships produce repentance on the Day of Resurrection,
too!
Allah (SWT) , the Exalted says in the Noble Qur'an:"And (remember) the
daywhen the unjust one shall bite his hands saying: O! Would that I
had taken a way with theMessenger! O woe is me! Would that I had not
taken such a one for a friend! Certainly he led me astray from the
reminder after it had come to me;" (Surah Al-Furqan, 25:27-29)
The two main regrets on the day of judgement are(1) Not following
ProphetMuhammad (saw) on the path of guidance and (2) Befriending a
person who diverted one from the truth.
Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as)has said: "The felicity of this and the
next world lie in two things: firstly, keeping secrets; and secondly,
friendship withthe good. And the miseries of this and the next world
are summed up in two things: firstly, divulging secrets; and secondly,
friendship withwicked persons."
So take heed before the inevitable day of judgement comes and we are
reckoned for our acts.
Allah (SWT), the Exalted says in the Noble Qur'an:"Friends on that Day
will be enemies one to another, except al-Muttaqun (i.e. those who
have Taqwa/Piety)."(Surah Az-Zukhruf, 43:67)
It is wise to choose moderation in dealing with friends. Excessive
love and confidence in friends are unacceptable since it happens that
a friend may change into an enemy and use the secrets that he had
shown as weapons.
Allah (SWT), the Exalted says in the Noble Qur'an:"And cooperate in
righteousness and piety, but do not cooperate in sin and aggression."
(Surah Al-Maeda, 5:2)
Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as)said: "When you cherish someone you should
cherish him moderately for he may be your enemy someday, and when you
hate someone you should hate him moderately for he may be your friend
someday."Also said: "If you intend to cut yourself off from a friend,
leave some scope for him from your side bywhich he may resume
friendship if it so occurs to him some day."
Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) said: "The secrets that you must show before
your friends are only those through which your enemies cannot harm
you, for a friend may change into an enemy."

Who should not be befriended according to the philosophy of Islam?

When choosing our friends we should ask ourselves first: Are they
going to help us achieve the purpose for which we were brought to
life? Or will they take us away from it? Will they desire for us
Allah's (SWT) pleasure or is that completely irrelevant to them and
not their concern at all? Are they leading us to Paradise or to the
Hell?
Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (as) narrates from his father who said,"O my
son don't befriend five types of people:
1. Don't befriend a liar (Kadhib). For a liar is like a mirage. He
shows the distant as near and the near as distant. He will always
deceive you and trouble you.
2. Don't befriend a transgressor (Ghasib). Forhe will forsake you for
a paltry sum and make your sins appear very alluring to you. He will
make you a victim of Allah's chastisement through his petty sins and
take you farther away from His obedienceand satisfaction. He will make
Allah's worship appear as His disobedience, and His disobedience as
His worship. He will drag youalong with himself in the fire of hell.
3. Never befriend a miser (Bakheel/Kanjus). For in your time of need
and distress, he will withhold his wealth from you, while he is in a
position to assist you. (He values his wealth more than anything else.
And to thatend he is prepared to forsake even his friends)
4. Do not befriend a fool (Ahmaq). For (in his foolishness) he will
harm you while he intends to help you. (That is why it is said, 'A
shrewd enemy is better than a foolish friend')
5. Don't befriend the one who breaks relations (with his
relatives/Khata Rahmi). For, such a person has been cursed in the
Noble Qur'an in three places. He is engrossed in his own affairs with
scant regard for others. (Friendship with such a person will
eventually lead the individual towards sins and disobedience of
Allah)"
Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as) said: "Do not befriend a sinner
(Fasiq/Fajir) because he will sell you for a morsel."
Imam Sajjad (as) said:"Do not make anyone your enemy even though you
consider him harmless and do not turn down a person's friendship even
if you think he will not benefit you."
The Noble Qur'an says,"The hypocritical men and the hypocritical women
are all alike; they enjoin evil and forbid good and withhold their
hands; they have forsaken Allah, so He has forsaken them; surely
thehypocrites are the transgressors." (Surah Al-Tawba, 9:67)
On the other hand, Noble Qur'an discusses the believers in the
followingmanner, "And (as for) thebelieving men and the believing
women, they are guardians of each other; they enjoin good and forbid
evil and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, and obey Allahand His
Messenger; (as for) these, Allah will showmercy to them; surely Allah
is Mighty, Wise." (Surah Al-Tawba, 9:71)
The two Qur'anic verses mentioned above only goto show how critical a
role friendship can play in our lives. A true friend then, is the one
who takes us closer to Allah's (SWT) compassion and grace.
Having deliberated at length on who should not be befriended, we shall
now see what kind of people should be befriended. Imam Jafar Sadiq
(as) narrates,"Friendship entails certain trusts and duties. Then the
one who observes these obligations is a true friend and the one who
breaches this trust is unworthy of friendship. These obligations are
as follows;
1. He should be the same outside as he is inside. In other words, he
should not have a dual personality. (In this age however, we often
come across people who are exceptionally humble and modest on the
outside, with little, if any humility, on the inside)
2. He will consider your virtues as his virtues and your misdeeds as
his misdeeds. (In other words your virtues will cheer him and your
faultswill grieve him. God forbid, he must not feel relieved after
observing some vice in you, and take solace from the fact that he
himself is above that vice.)
3. If he acquires a position of power and authority, it must not bring
about a drastic change in his attitude. In other words, prosperity
must not transform the individual adversely. (There are some people
who make the best of friends in adversity. But apositive change in
their financial condition reveals a dark, hitherto unknown side of
their personality. On the other hand we see some people who make good
friends in prosperity, but misfortune transforms them, disclosing
their fickleness.)
4. He must give his friendship (with you) priority over all his
worldly possessions. In other words in times of adversity, he must be
willing to give his all to redeem you.
5. He must never leave you alone in times of misfortune and distress."