Is his hair nicely styled? Is he the perfect height?
Is her makeup just right? Does her body have the perfect curves?
This is packaging, it's irrelevant.
American, Pakistani, Mexican, Egyptian, Bengali, Indonesian,
black,white, brown, this is a veneer. It's unimportant in the long
run. When you're sick and battling torecover, it's not an American who
holds you and tells you that it will be okay, who makes you chicken
soup with lemon and ginger… It's a human being, a husband or wife who
loves you.
We must get beyond superficial and meaningless classifications like
race and nationality.
Does he wear Armani suits cut just right? Are hisshoes sleek and
shiny? Does her clothing drape elegantly on her figure?
You know what? That Armani suit can't stand onits own. It needs a
hangarjust to stay upright. That elegant clothing can't raise your
children right.
We must learn to look beyond appearances. I'm not saying that
appearance is irrelevant, but how much of our attraction is based on
truehuman beauty, and how much is based on distorted standards and
poisonous imagery pumped into our brains by TV, movies,
advertising,magazines and billboards? In other words, to what degree
have we been brainwashed?
The world of advertising teaches us to focus on thewrong things.
Consultantsare paid millions of dollars to design the perfect package
for a box of cereal or an energy drink, just the right shape and
bright color to catch your eye and entice you to buy. Meanwhile, the
product – as often as not – is actually bad for you, consisting of
empty calories, sugar, chemicals and dyes. They are teaching us to
make choices based on packaging and image, andwhat they are teaching
usis entirely ruinous and wrong.
Human beings, however, are not consumer products. We're not
disposable. When you marry someone you're in it for the long haul.
You'rewith them when they wake up in the morning with crust in their
eyes and hair stuck to one side of the their head; when they get laid
off from their job and you don't know how the bills will get paid next
month; when they're depressed, tired, sick; when they make mistakes,
when they say and do the wrong things, when they lose their temper,
when they're afraid or insecure…
This is as serious as it gets. This is life, and the right package
won't get you through it, won't helpon you the path, won't hold you up
when you're weak, or put a smile in your heart when you're down. The
package can't do that. Remember that when you buy something,the
package ends up in the trash. If you choose someone for the package
only, you may be bitterly disappointed when the storm comes and no one
is there to keep you safe.
These are lessons learned through heartache and disappointment. These
are lessons I have learned.
Look deeper. Find a gentleheart, a strong backbone, a striving spirit.
Look to what the person does, how they live, how they treat people,
how they relate to the Almighty. Look to that shimmering soul inside,
and discern whether it's a selfish and bitter soul, or loving and
true. Look beyond the packaging to the person inside, and trust your
fitrah-based instincts, and you'll find yourself a rare happiness, and
a precious partnership.
The most beautiful, powerful things in the world don't come in
packages. Mountains, trees, ocean, sky, stars… their true attributes
are bared to the world. They don't need packages because they are
beautifuland profound in their essence.
By basing your life choiceson matters of substance, you'll avoid
social and financial traps that ruin somany. You'll build friendships
as real and solid as mountains, with people you can trust with your
honor, your heart and your life. You'll do work that matters, and
leave a legacy that improves people's lives in unforgettable ways.
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*- WHAT ISLAM SAYS -*
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Islam is a religion of Mercy, Peace and Blessing. Its teachings emphasize kind hear tedness, help, sympathy, forgiveness, sacrifice, love and care.Qur’an, the Shari’ah and the life of our beloved Prophet (SAW) mirrors this attribute, and it should be reflected in the conduct of a Momin.Islam appreciates those who are kind to their fellow being,and dislikes them who are hard hearted, curt, and hypocrite.Recall that historical moment, when Prophet (SAW) entered Makkah as a conqueror. There was before him a multitude of surrendered enemies, former oppressors and persecutors, who had evicted the Muslims from their homes, deprived them of their belongings, humiliated and intimidated Prophet (SAW) hatched schemes for his murder and tortured and killed his companions. But Prophet (SAW) displayed his usual magnanimity, generosity, and kind heartedness by forgiving all of them and declaring general amnesty...Subhanallah. May Allah help us tailor our life according to the teachings of Islam. (Aameen)./-
''HASBUNALLAHU WA NI'MAL WAKEEL''
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''Allah is Sufficient for us'' + '' All praise is due to Allah. May peace and blessings beupon the Messenger, his household and companions '' (Aameen) ![]() | | |
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Wednesday, August 8, 2012
How to Choose a Husband, Wife or Friend
Love for your partner what you love for yourself
Imam Zaid Shakir writes:
As Salaam Alaikum,
To summarize the duties of brotherhood and sisterhood in Islam, we
should love for our brother and sister what we love for ourselves.
This is an incredible teaching that if implemented would go a long way
towards improving relations between us. This spirit of love is
especially important between husbands and wives, as we often treat
each other as abstract enemies as opposed to Muslims, first and
foremost.
- Imam Zaid Shakir
This is an excellent observation and insightfulpiece of advice. Many
of us are familiar with this hadith but have not thought of it in
terms of husband and wife.
When we want for our spouse what we want for ourselves, it takes our
marriage to a new level oflove. We begin to think about our partners
needs and wants, we pray for our partner just as we pray for
ourselves, we work for our partner's material and spiritual success as
much as our own.
We also forgive them for their mistakes just as we would hope to be
forgiven. We praise them for the good they do, thank them, hug them,
and when they need it wecorrect them in kindness. That's love, and
it's what a good marriage is made of.
--
- - - - - - -
As Salaam Alaikum,
To summarize the duties of brotherhood and sisterhood in Islam, we
should love for our brother and sister what we love for ourselves.
This is an incredible teaching that if implemented would go a long way
towards improving relations between us. This spirit of love is
especially important between husbands and wives, as we often treat
each other as abstract enemies as opposed to Muslims, first and
foremost.
- Imam Zaid Shakir
This is an excellent observation and insightfulpiece of advice. Many
of us are familiar with this hadith but have not thought of it in
terms of husband and wife.
When we want for our spouse what we want for ourselves, it takes our
marriage to a new level oflove. We begin to think about our partners
needs and wants, we pray for our partner just as we pray for
ourselves, we work for our partner's material and spiritual success as
much as our own.
We also forgive them for their mistakes just as we would hope to be
forgiven. We praise them for the good they do, thank them, hug them,
and when they need it wecorrect them in kindness. That's love, and
it's what a good marriage is made of.
--
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Eid Mubarak, have a blessed and happy Eid!
Eid Mubarak to all ourfaithful readers, first time visitors, brothers
and sisters, and friends.
Last year when I posted an Eid message I wrote,
"The last year has been difficult for me personally.But I thank Allah
that I amalive to see another sunrise, to see my daughter laugh and
learn,to enjoy all the blessings that Allah has given me, and to have
another day to ask Allah's forgiveness, pray, work, and think. Another
day to strive to be a better Muslim, a better father, and a
betterhuman being."
Alhamdulillah, since then things have improved. WeMuslims are people
of patience and truth, and if we adhere to that path then Allah will
never abandon us, rather He willguide us, ease our hearts, and open
opportunities for us.
On this day of celebration and commemoration of the sacrifices of
Ibrahim, Hajar and Ismail (may Allah be pleased with them all), may
Allah ease the hearts of all who are suffering, replace pain with
comfort and joy, sickness with health, oppression with liberation,
tyranny with freedom, and fill our hearts with the hope and tawakkul
(trust in Allah) that is sorely needed by our Ummah.
--
- - - - - - -
and sisters, and friends.
Last year when I posted an Eid message I wrote,
"The last year has been difficult for me personally.But I thank Allah
that I amalive to see another sunrise, to see my daughter laugh and
learn,to enjoy all the blessings that Allah has given me, and to have
another day to ask Allah's forgiveness, pray, work, and think. Another
day to strive to be a better Muslim, a better father, and a
betterhuman being."
Alhamdulillah, since then things have improved. WeMuslims are people
of patience and truth, and if we adhere to that path then Allah will
never abandon us, rather He willguide us, ease our hearts, and open
opportunities for us.
On this day of celebration and commemoration of the sacrifices of
Ibrahim, Hajar and Ismail (may Allah be pleased with them all), may
Allah ease the hearts of all who are suffering, replace pain with
comfort and joy, sickness with health, oppression with liberation,
tyranny with freedom, and fill our hearts with the hope and tawakkul
(trust in Allah) that is sorely needed by our Ummah.
--
- - - - - - -
4a] Ten Tips for Ramadan
4a]
for our Creator?!
So what if we have to sacrifice our sleep, and random other luxuries
that we can do without anyway. As the saying goes, "No pain, no gain."
The amount of sacrifice and struggle we put into this month, Allah
will reward us in this world and the next accordingly.Give yourself to
Allah, and see what Allah has in store for you.
6. Dua':
The essence of worship is supplication to Allah. This whole month,
Allah is willing and readily open to accept all that we ask of Him. It
is only to our own loss and detriment that we lack in begging Allah
for the things we need.
Prioritize your supplications. Ask firstly for yourself, then your
family, community, then the Ummah at large. Within that, prioritize
andask for things pertaining to the hereafter, then ask for things
pertaining to this world.Just remember one thing when it comes to
dua', the point of dua' is not that we need something or we need
protection or refuge from some other thing, the point is that Allah
told us to supplicate to Him, and that is why one should make dua'
abundantly. There are certain things Allah loves to do, and one of
them is to answer the supplications of His servants who call unto Him.
One final aspect regardingdua' is crying or pretending to cry. Tears
are something foreign to Allah and therefore He hasimmense value for
tears. The whole year we become filthy and impure spiritually by
sinning, Ramadhan is the month where we purify our spirits by bathing
our spirits in our tears.
7. Good Company:
Ramadhan is a month to maximize on good deeds and keep bad deeds at
zero. Being in the company of the righteous will allow one to attain
this goal. I will keep this point short. The minimumbenefit one gets
by being in good company is that one will not sin which in turn will
cause one to become the greatest worshiper.
There is a hadith reportedin Tirmidhi wherein An-Nabi (Sallallahu
'AlayhiWa Sallam) took Abu Hurayrah's (Radhiyallahu 'anhu) hand and
said, "O Abu Hurayrah, abstain from all prohibitions and you will
become the best worshiper."The maximumbenefit is that being with the
people of Allah, Insha Allah; a person may just Attain Allah. What can
be greater?!
8. Gratitude:
The secret to an increase in anything is to be thankful for it. To
make sure that we see this month the next year, appreciate it this
year. Be thankful for all that we have in every aspect, eventhe basic
things we neglect and take for granted. We have Iman, we have Islam.
Alhamdulillah, we are the best Ummah. We have been given the best
book,i.e. the Qur'an.
The best way to appreciate a bounty is to use it for its purpose.
Allah has blessed with infinite blessing and bounties. Ramadhan is one
of those bounties, so to fully appreciate Ramadhan, we must spend it
the way Allah would like us to spend it and attain out goal which is
Taqwa.
9. Following the Sunnah:
Anything of the beloved isalso beloved. That is a principle of love.
Allah hasproclaimed the Prophet (Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wa Sallam) as His
beloved. If we follow the Sunnah andshow a resemblance, thenwe can
also gain the focusof Allah. Particularly follow the Sunnah acts which
the Prophet (Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wa Sallam) performed in Ramadhan.
If we have to do something, might as well do it the best way possible.
The best way foranything to be done is theway of the Sunnah. If by any
chance it was some other way, Allah would have had His Prophet
(Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wa Sallam) do it that way then.
10. Istiqamah:
Imam Junayd Al-Baghdadi(RA) said, "Steadfastness isgreater than a
thousand miracles." Please do not tire one's self out in the initial
stages of Ramadhan, rather figure out a routine that works and stick
to it regularly. The most beloved of actions to Allah are those that
are done consistentlyeven though they may seem minor.
We all need to be thankful for the good thatwe have done and also for
the evil we are able to abstain from. We also need to be thankful for
whatever level of steadfastness that we have. We want to make Ramadhan
last beyond Ramadhan as well.
I'll end with a quote from one of our mashaaikh, Shaykh
In'aam-ul-Hasan Kandehlawi (RA) said, "Whoever lives their life as
they do in Ramadhan, then death will come to that person just as the
moon of 'Eid comes for the fasting person."
To conclude, we pray to Allah that He accepts all ofour efforts and
overlooks and forgives all of our shortcomings. Aameen.
--
- - - - - - -
for our Creator?!
So what if we have to sacrifice our sleep, and random other luxuries
that we can do without anyway. As the saying goes, "No pain, no gain."
The amount of sacrifice and struggle we put into this month, Allah
will reward us in this world and the next accordingly.Give yourself to
Allah, and see what Allah has in store for you.
6. Dua':
The essence of worship is supplication to Allah. This whole month,
Allah is willing and readily open to accept all that we ask of Him. It
is only to our own loss and detriment that we lack in begging Allah
for the things we need.
Prioritize your supplications. Ask firstly for yourself, then your
family, community, then the Ummah at large. Within that, prioritize
andask for things pertaining to the hereafter, then ask for things
pertaining to this world.Just remember one thing when it comes to
dua', the point of dua' is not that we need something or we need
protection or refuge from some other thing, the point is that Allah
told us to supplicate to Him, and that is why one should make dua'
abundantly. There are certain things Allah loves to do, and one of
them is to answer the supplications of His servants who call unto Him.
One final aspect regardingdua' is crying or pretending to cry. Tears
are something foreign to Allah and therefore He hasimmense value for
tears. The whole year we become filthy and impure spiritually by
sinning, Ramadhan is the month where we purify our spirits by bathing
our spirits in our tears.
7. Good Company:
Ramadhan is a month to maximize on good deeds and keep bad deeds at
zero. Being in the company of the righteous will allow one to attain
this goal. I will keep this point short. The minimumbenefit one gets
by being in good company is that one will not sin which in turn will
cause one to become the greatest worshiper.
There is a hadith reportedin Tirmidhi wherein An-Nabi (Sallallahu
'AlayhiWa Sallam) took Abu Hurayrah's (Radhiyallahu 'anhu) hand and
said, "O Abu Hurayrah, abstain from all prohibitions and you will
become the best worshiper."The maximumbenefit is that being with the
people of Allah, Insha Allah; a person may just Attain Allah. What can
be greater?!
8. Gratitude:
The secret to an increase in anything is to be thankful for it. To
make sure that we see this month the next year, appreciate it this
year. Be thankful for all that we have in every aspect, eventhe basic
things we neglect and take for granted. We have Iman, we have Islam.
Alhamdulillah, we are the best Ummah. We have been given the best
book,i.e. the Qur'an.
The best way to appreciate a bounty is to use it for its purpose.
Allah has blessed with infinite blessing and bounties. Ramadhan is one
of those bounties, so to fully appreciate Ramadhan, we must spend it
the way Allah would like us to spend it and attain out goal which is
Taqwa.
9. Following the Sunnah:
Anything of the beloved isalso beloved. That is a principle of love.
Allah hasproclaimed the Prophet (Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wa Sallam) as His
beloved. If we follow the Sunnah andshow a resemblance, thenwe can
also gain the focusof Allah. Particularly follow the Sunnah acts which
the Prophet (Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wa Sallam) performed in Ramadhan.
If we have to do something, might as well do it the best way possible.
The best way foranything to be done is theway of the Sunnah. If by any
chance it was some other way, Allah would have had His Prophet
(Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wa Sallam) do it that way then.
10. Istiqamah:
Imam Junayd Al-Baghdadi(RA) said, "Steadfastness isgreater than a
thousand miracles." Please do not tire one's self out in the initial
stages of Ramadhan, rather figure out a routine that works and stick
to it regularly. The most beloved of actions to Allah are those that
are done consistentlyeven though they may seem minor.
We all need to be thankful for the good thatwe have done and also for
the evil we are able to abstain from. We also need to be thankful for
whatever level of steadfastness that we have. We want to make Ramadhan
last beyond Ramadhan as well.
I'll end with a quote from one of our mashaaikh, Shaykh
In'aam-ul-Hasan Kandehlawi (RA) said, "Whoever lives their life as
they do in Ramadhan, then death will come to that person just as the
moon of 'Eid comes for the fasting person."
To conclude, we pray to Allah that He accepts all ofour efforts and
overlooks and forgives all of our shortcomings. Aameen.
--
- - - - - - -
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