Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * He is asking about the custom of joking with the groom on his wedding night

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M NajimudeeN - INDIA
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Recently I had some conversation of virtue and culture on wedding night, I just wanted to get clear picture about wedding night, in our country back in India , when groom want to enter the room of bride on first night of wedding relatives and friends dont allow to enter the bedroom of bride and instead they start wasooli(demanding money or for a trip) if groom doesn't agree they not allow to enter , it's just for fun we do, but I heard it's haram , but question is how it is haram when there is nothing against Islam or sharia, please clarify to me as it will help us o correct ourself if we are wrong , also please be noted we will not keep groom and bribe wait for whole night, it's just for fun as we get only one day to celebrate like this, please help us with authentic source from Quran and hadeet.
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
Celebrating weddings and other worldly occasions is permissible subject to the condition that they are free of reprehensible matters such as free mixing, music and so on. Such activities are coming under the heading of permissible fun and there is nothing wrong with that according to Islamic teachings.
See also the answer to question no. 115148.
Secondly:
It is not appropriate to stay in a Muslim’s house so long that it causes a disturbance to him or his family. It is also not appropriate to enter his house at a time when he may not like anyone to enter, even if that is by way of joking or having fun.
Al-Bukhaari (5163) and Muslim (1428) narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) got married and consummated the marriage with his wife. My mother Umm Sulaym made somehaysand put it in a stone vessel, then she said: O Anas, take this to the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). Then he said: “Go and invite So and so for me, and whomever you meet,” and he mentioned some men by name. I invited those whom he had named and whoever else I met. And the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to me: “O Anas, bring the stone vessel.” They came in until they filled the courtyard and the apartment. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Let them make circles of ten, and let each man eat from what is nearest to him.” They ate until they were full; one group went out and another group came in, until they had all eaten. Then he said to me: “O Anas, clear it away.” I picked it up, and I do not know whether it held more when I put it down or when I picked it up. Some of them sat talking in the house of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), and the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) was sitting there, and his wife had her face turned towards the wall. They were bothering the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), so the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) went out and greeted his wives, then he came back. When they saw that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) had come back, they realized that they were bothering him. So they all rushed to the door and left. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) came and hung up a curtain and went in, and I was sitting in the apartment. It was not long before he came out to me, and this verse had been revealed. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) went out and recited it to the people:
“O you who believe! Enter not the Prophet’s houses, unless permission is given to you for a meal, (and then) not (so early as) to wait for its preparation. But when you are invited, enter, and when you have taken your meal, disperse without sitting for a talk. Verily, such (behaviour) annoys the Prophet…”
[al-Ahzaab 33:53].
Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
What is meant by dispersing after having eaten is moving from the place where people ate so as to make it easier for the owner of the house. End quote.
Ibn Battaal (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Causing annoyance to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) is haraam for all of his ummah. Similarly, it is haraam for the believers to cause annoyance to one another.
From the hadeeth we learn the fiqhi ruling that if a person sits for so long in someone else’s house that he causes annorance to the owner of the house, it is permissible for the owner to get up and leave him, or to tell him that he needs him to leave, so that he will leave, and that is not bad manners.
End quote fromSharh Saheeh al-Bukhaari(9/510).
A Muslim may be annoyed by something that his friends do to him by way of joking and playing, or by way of following the people’s customs, but he may feel too shy to tell them not to do that, for fear of hurting their feelings. The wise Muslim would not do that to his Muslim brother, especially in his house and on his wedding night. He may be upset by that, but feel too shy to say anything to them, and his wife may be upset and annoyed by that deed. With regard to such matters, the least that may be said is that they are makrooh (disliked), if they cause any harm or annoyance to the groom or to the owner of the house.
What should be done is to adhere to the Islamic etiquette having to do with asking permission to enter, entering the house and staying in the house, especially at sensitive times when staying for too long may cause a great deal of inconvenience to the household.
Moreover, asking the groom for money or anything else that may impose a burden on him – even by way of joking, may embarrass him and make him respond to this request, so he may use some of his money to pay his friends unwillingly. Ahmad (20577) narrated from ‘Amr ibn Yathribi that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a man to take any of his brother’s wealth unless he gives it willingly.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inal-Irwa’(2/279)
Al-Qaari (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
It is haraam to take anything by means of shyness.
End quote fromMirqaat al-Mafaateeh(4/1330)
To sum up:
This action should be avoided and this tradition should be abandoned, because of what it may lead to of embarrassment, distress and annoyance, whether to the man or his bride.
You can visit at some other time, and you can joke in some other way.
A man said to Sufyaan ibn ‘Uyaynah (may Allah have mercy on him): Joking is objectionable. He replied: Rather it is Sunnah, but only for the one who does it in an appropriate manner at an appropriate time.
See also the answer to question no. 22170for information on Islamic guidelines and etiquette with regard to joking.
And Allah knows best.
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