Family Issues, - Guidance for the Muslim Wife - Complete book. (Part 4)

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ETIQUETTE OF A GATHERING
Good manners and habits are the best jewels. Whichever woman adorns herself with them will be regarded as the most beloved by all. Whoever you meet, meet them with respect and speak gently. Do not clean your nose in the presence of others. If the need arises, move away from there. If you want to yawn or sneeze, place your hand over your mouth and lower your voice. Do not crack your fingers nor look at someone every now and then unnecessarily. Remain sitting in your place with respect. Do not speak too much nor take an oath for trivial things. Whenever possible do not begin speaking. When someone else speaks, listen attentively so as not to hurt their feelings. However, do not listen if it is something sinful. It will be better to prevent her, or to move away from there. Until a person has finished speaking, do not interrupt. When someone arrives and there is no place in the gathering, move slightly from your place. Sit close together so that there is sufficient place. When meeting someone or departing greet with Assalamu-Alaikum and in answer say Waalaikumus-Salaam. Avoid using words like "hello" and "bye" which are in vogue nowadays.
THE ETIQUETTE WITH THE HUSBAND'S FAMILY
Understand from the outset that noble girls arrive in the bridal car and depart in the funeral bier, i.e. they love the in-laws. To achieve this you have to consider these factors: Respect your mother-in-law in all conditions as you respect your own mother. Always give preference to her pleasure whether you are in difficulty or ease. Do not say something that may distress or displease her. When addressing her, use words that are used for elders. If she admonishes you, heed her advice with silence. Do not back- answer her even though it is something unpleasant and bitter. Serve her as you would serve your mother. If she assigns a task to someone else, go ahead and do it yourself.
Respect your father-in-law as your own father. The same etiquette applies to your father-in-law as we have explained above with regards to the mother-in-law. As far as possible try and comfort him and serve him. If you intend going to some function, take the husband's or father-in-law's or mother-in-law's permission. Proceed only if permission is granted. Treat your husband's brothers wives and his sisters like your own sisters. If they are young treat them like your young sisters, because they will treat you as you treat them. Be patient if the sisters-in-law annoy you. In exchange of harsh treatment react with kindness. Do not mention anyone's faults to others nor speak ill of anyone in his/her absence as this is backbiting which is a major sin. Back-biting is the cause of grief and mutual quarrels. Some women say that we are not lying because this fault is found in that person. Remember that ghibat (backbiting) is to mention someones faults behind his back and if that fault is not in him, it constitutes slander, which is a more serious crime than back-biting. Regarding back-biting there is an incident of a woman who kept on back-biting while she was fasting. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam did not permit her to break her fast saying that she is not fasting (in reality). When she was ordered to vomit by Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, a clot of blood fell from her mouth. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam remarked that she had been back-biting all day long and drinking the blood of people.
Treat the children of your father-in-law or those related to him with extreme compassion. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: "The person who does not respect the elders nor treats the young with kindness is not of us". As far as possible treat children kindly and elders with respect according to their status. If there is a maid in the house, do not burden her with tasks beyond her ability. If a certain task is difficult assist her with it. Do not speak harshly to her. If she is ill or in some difficulty, help and serve her.

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