'' Our Lord ! grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter and save us from the torment of the Fire '' [Ameen]
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{in Arab} :->
Rabbanaa aatinaa fid-dunyaa hasanatan wafil aakhirati hasanatan waqinaa 'athaaban-naar/-
(Surah Al-Baqarah ,verse 201)
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Four years ago a guy proposed me, but I refused him as I did not want a haram relationship. Many times he asked me for marriage, and I said I would talk to my parents about it. He said after he completed his studies he would ask my parents for marriage. We were in the same university, so we were in contact.
As time passed I fell in love with him. I started liking everything about him. He used to take care of me and protect me. After a year, he again asked me to marry him, and this time I said yes. I saw tears in his eyes. He told his family about me, and his sister start talking to me. She said she would come to my house to talk to my parents.
In these 4 years we both became very close to each other. But I made one big mistake, so during this time we both got physically attracted to each other. I knew it was sin, so I asked Allah for forgiveness every time. We both knew it was wrong. we tried to avoid sitting alone. Now 4 years have passed, and my parents want me to get married now. They are finding a boy for me.
He had a fight with his parents. Whenever he talked to them for marriage, they said no, and he was tensed. One day we had a fight, and he left me. He said our marriage is not looking possible to him, and he’s fed up with our fights.
I prayed to Allah that he comes back to me and gets married to me. For 3 months, all night I keep praying. I pray regularly 5 times. I read Qur’an daily. I’m a good Muslim, and the only sin I have done is getting physical with him. A thousand times I have asked Allah for forgiveness, but Allah never listens to me.
I don’t want to to get married to anyone else. I don’t want any other guy to touch me. I always imagined him as my husband, and always prayed to Allah that I get married to that guy. I had trust in Allah; I knew Allah would never do this to me. But Allah did this. Now I don’t feel like praying or reading Qur’an. I’m shattered and broken. I feel like Allah is not with me. I have wished for something, and this is the first time I asked Allah for something this desperately. I pray and cry all night in sajood, but Allah is not listening to me. I was so attached to Allah and used to love Allah so much, but now I feel disconnected with Allah and I don’t love Him. I don’t want to say this, but yes I don’t love Him anymore.
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