Marital Life, - The Wife's Salary - A Blessing Accompanied by a Thousand Curses

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An employed wife is the dream of many young men today, in order that she would cooperate with him in confronting the escalating costs of living. However, the majority of these young men soon realize that the salary of the wife is a blessing that is accompanied by a thousand curses. Social and economic shifts that have hit the core of Moroccan society and caused radical changes at different levels have given women the chance to go out into the labor market and listed them among those who receive monthly or weekly salaries. People thought that wives going out to work would be a blessing that doubles the family income and leads to a better life, even if not a life of plenty. Though the wife's help in bearing the expenses of her house achieved a relative rise in living standards of families, it also sparked many family disputes that in some cases ended in divorce.
Men in Charge of Women
Unquestionably, husbands are responsible and obligated by theSharee‘ahto cover various expenses of the marital life, whether or not the salary is sufficient. Disputes arise over the salary of the employed wife. Some women firmly believe that the husband should bear all the responsibilities of the marital life, and that he should not aspire to the money of his wife, which is a reality that husbands do not accept, especially those who are needy. This causes marital disputes that often end in divorce.
Sharee‘ahcourts endeavor to reconcile the husband and wife on the basis that a Muslim woman has her independent financial liability that should not be affected by the man's right to be in charge and that the husband is the one responsible for maintaining her and her children financially. Personal status law that regulates marital relations in Morocco has repeated many times that the husband has no authority over his wife or her money or financial liability. It grants the wife financial rights to her husband's money, the like of which are not granted for the husband to his wife's money.
Abdur-Rahmaan Al-‘Umraani, a Moroccan researcher, suggests solutions for this problem. The question is: To what extent is the employed wife entitled to financial support. He mentions three cases:
1-The man married her while she was working and laid a condition on the marriage contract that she should contribute with him to the financial maintenance of the family in return for her being allowed to go out to work. In this case, she must accept, since it is obligatory to fulfill contracts.
2-He married her while she was not employed and did not lay a condition that she should contribute to the financial maintenance. However, she began working after marriage. Here the problem is solved by mutual agreement and consent.
3-In case the husband is in hardship. Here she has the option either to offer her money willingly if she is well-off, or to be patient until Allaah brings about, after hardship, ease, or, she could choose to get a divorce and the husband submits to this. Patience is certainly the best solution here in the interest of the children and the consideration of the marital relationship.
Small Salaries
In his research about 'The development of the labor market among Moroccan females', Dr. ‘Umar Al-Kattaani stresses that Moroccan woman entered the labor market in response to a need, necessity, and social and economic demands.
Their entry into the market was more than it being merely a sign of family and social refinement, which is clear when looking at the general educational levels of working women, which remains at low levels. This makes her status very modest in the social scale. Many family disputes arise because of small salaries that a husband needs to fully cover his expenses with, while the wife considers her salary a right that she acquired whereby she would help her parents or siblings, with which she also buys her clothes and jewelry.
A press report indicates that many employed women consider their salaries an indispensable misfortune, especially those with low incomes. Such women find themselves compelled to share it with their husbands in one way or another, even though her entire salary is not sufficient to satisfy either the husband's or the wife's desires. Sanaa’, an employed woman, says, “The majority of simple women who are employed envy the women who have dedicated themselves to their houses and assigned their husbands full responsibility of financial maintenance. There are also some women who regret working because they do not enjoy a penny of their salaries that they spend on their children, particularly when they grow older and their needs increase."
Working Out the Problem
There is no strategy to work out this persistent social problem, which has shaken relations within modern families. This problem is still a fundamental cause of disputes between spouses. Surely, every family solves this problem in its own ways, in accordance with the balance of powers that connect its parties.
According to Mrs. Na‘eemah, who is a teacher, the husband pays the rent of the house and bears the daily expenses while he assigns her to buy the children's clothes at a time when their needs know no end. Sameerah, a journalist, mentions the story of a young woman who was a pharmacist who had a relationship with an employed young man who had a low-income. When they decided to marry, he laid a condition that she makes a written commitment to pay him six thousand dirhams to him at the beginning of each month, so that he would not be forced to ask her for money every day. She completely refused his proposal and vainly tried to reach a compromise, thereupon she broke off the engagement and neither of them have married until now, which is more than a year later. Faatimah, a teacher, reiterates the saying that, "Your husband behaves in the way that you get him accustomed to". Thus, she does not help with the expenses of her house, not even with the price of a safety match. She adds, “If he does not buy salt, I cook his food without salt in order to encourage him to not deliberately forget buying it ]in the future[.” Meanwhile, she assures that she does not request anything from him for herself, since she fully undertakes her own expenses. On the other hand, he bears his own expenses and that of his children in addition to the rent, food, and medicine. When they have guests, it is easy to get over that complicated relationship as follows: the husband is responsible for the expenses of the visitors if they are from his family, and the wife pays if the visitors are from her family.
Other women admit that they only refuse the orders of their husbands when they are asked to bear the expenses; they prefer to do it willingly. As-Sa‘diyyah, an engineer, applies the saying, “A wife who wants to be happy should bear ]some of the expenses[ on her own account.” She stresses that a woman should make her husband feel that he is the master, even at the time when he is forced to dispose of her salary. There are some wives who give their husbands leadership of the marital life, while some husbands submit to the reality and surrender to the dictates of their wives, even if they are housewives and have no income. Mrs. H.N, a lawyer, acts freely without any interference from her husband due to her high income. She covers the families’ daily expenses and that of the children. The husband, however, is entrusted with any expenses in cases of emergency.
Other wives totally place their husbands in the driver's seat and transfer their complete salaries to their husbands' bank accounts; others are content that their partners undertake their reasonable demands without discussing the details; others are tested with deviant husbands who spend both their salaries on amusement and committing sins. They even force their wives to go into debt in order to spend the money on another form of entertainment. Based on such irresponsible husbands, some women come to the conclusion that husbands are not to be trusted, so that they take precautions for the future. Other women dispose of their salaries with full liberty without consulting their husbands or contributing, despite his tough financial conditions. Some husbands may be indebted in order to pay for school fees or electricity bills while the wife saves her salary in order to buy a new gold bracelet or have another caftan made for a marriage ceremony that might or might not take place the following summer.
Some husbands borrow their wives salaries and record it on a written document or a check, and if the husband fails to repay the debt on its due date, she puts pressure on him and threatens that she will submit the check to court.
There are unemployed women who help their husbands in the form of hand crafts that are done at home such as traditional embroidery, tailoring or weaving. Other women who earn high incomes, such as doctors, engineers, and lawyers, prefer to marry low-income earners in order to be able to exercise some sort of control for which they give their husbands a sum of money. This creates a point of weakness that they take advantage of. Mrs. Khadeejah, a housewife, views the life partnership to mean sharing through times of ease and hardship. She asks, “Do we really understand the social developments that countries experience?” She reminds us that our traditional communities were free from all these modern innovations.
A Widespread Disease
The issue is certainly not limited to Moroccan society. It extends to include the entire Muslim and Arab world that have similar levels of social development. It also extends to the West. A recent American study confirmed that the salary of the wife has become one of the clearest causes for marital dispute in the land of Uncle Sam! It states that the reason is that the wife sometimes insists on not merging her salary with that of the husband's to cover the family expenses. The study, which was published in American and international newspapers, added a summary in which it was stated that the wife's persistent reminding that she has her own money, or focusing on the fact that her salary is higher than that of the husband, hurts the husband's pride greatly. Thus, he does not mention his psychological condition except through creating disagreements and disputes, which in most cases lead to divorce and violent acts.
Karen Robinson, an American researcher, stated that after a woman joins the work place and guarantees her own income, it becomes a must for her to respect the feelings of her husband. She should not overlook the psychological aspect of her lifetime partner so as to avoid the collapse of their marital life. She advises wives to evade using words that might hurt the feelings of their husband such as 'my bank account', or 'how should I spend my monthly salary?'

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M