Marital Life, - Divorce Rate Rivals Marriages in the Muslim World

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Ash-Sharq Al-Awsatnewspaper hosted meetings with a number of scholars to discuss their opinions on the phenomenon of increasing divorce rates.
One of the scholars, Shaykh Saalim ibn Mubaarak Al-Mahaarifi, may Allaah preserve him, thepreacher in Riyadh Air Base and the Imaam of Hamzah ibn Abdul-Muttalib' Mosque at the National Guard base, said:"The reality of many people today indicates varying degrees of indifference to the value of words and the meaning of expressions, as well as its impact and consequences. There is one particular phrase people are often heard uttering mindlessly, though it may steer them toward loss and immorality, thrusting them into the maze of anxiety, sorrow and apathy, followed by grief and regret, only there is no use of regret then. That is because by that point, it has already destroyed the edifice of families and homes, caused fear and turned joy into sadness, a smile into a frown and hope into despair. ]Such is the effect of[ the sentence: You are divorced. How many times has it severed ties between relatives and those who adore each other and cut off long-standing relations of love and companionship?"
He further added:“No one can argue against the benefit of divorce or its inevitability if marital life becomes unbearable. When a couple’s aversion to each other intensifies to the extent that reconciliation would not be beneficial, then divorce is the only resort. However, their separation must be in an aura of kindness and compassion, just as they were joined in union with the same emotions.Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}But if they separate ]by divorce[, Allaah will enrich each ]of them[ from His abundance. And ever is Allaah Encompassing and Wise.{]Quran 4:130[
Allaah The Almighty did not create the individuals who have wed with the exact same nature; therefore, those spouses who think they share identical feelings and desires and hence, will not clash, actually live in a dream world. The gentle breeze on the shores of marriage does not continuously blow calmly inside the home; rather the air may become turbulent, storms may brew and the atmosphere may become turbid. Expecting marital life to be a continuous source of comfort is an illusion and it is rational to prepare one's self to face some grievances.As Allaah The Almighty reminds us, Saying )what means(:}For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allaah makes therein much good.{]Quran 4:19[ The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, also advised:"A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her attributes, he will be pleased with another."]Muslim[
However, the incidence of divorce nowadays has increased to such an extent that it competes with the occurrence of marriages. As the obligation on husbands to take responsibility and provide for their wives, has become lost on some men, in these times of heedlessness of the guidance in the Quran and Sunnah, and others have resorted to unlawful sources of income, the concept of the conjugal bond has been reversed and marital life has been corrupted. At the same time, the media, using different means, has inflated doubts ]concerning marriage[ among people and established false concepts.”
Shaykh Saalim, may Allaah preserve him, also indicated:“Marital life is nothing but a form of social life; in most every society, there is a chief to whom people refer to, in case of major issues. In the hierarchy of a family, a man is worthy of that role, as he is generally more knowledgeable of its interests and capable of authoritatively running it; Allaah The Almighty has created him with certain inherent characteristics and abilities that differ from those He bestowed on the woman. What her surrounding environment calls on her, then, to contend for the duty of being in charge with the man, is amiss and nothing else but a form of manifest eccentricity and a clash with reality which stands as evidence behind what I propose. Equally importantly on the other hand, the right of taking charge of the woman does not mean that a man is entitled to despotism and subjugation. The marital contract is neither one that sanctions slavery nor a limited contract of enjoyment; rather it is much purer and more honored than that, for it entails that a woman, too, has rights over a man,as Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable.{]Quran 2:228[Moreover, the husband can never simply dispense with his wife and she cannot thrust him aside either, for they must be like AllaahThe Almighty Says )what means(:}They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them.{]Quran 2:187[
The frequency of divorce increases these days when a husband turns into either of two sorts of men. He may become conditioned in wielding his authority so much that he neglects reason and emotion. He is like a military commander heading a dictatorship in his home. Although he may always succeed in operating his household as he wills, he will never taste love and happiness nor experience contentment and bliss. The other possibility is that a husband becomes one who acts in accordance to his emotions and neglects his authority until he loses it. Therefore, he lives in his home like a slave who is dominated and controlled by others. His wife leads him wherever she wills, even if it is a path to destruction.
Other causes of the prevalence of divorce are the increase in gossipmongers and envious people, who change marriage, which is supposed to instill affection and harmony into a source of hatred and division. Even families of both spouses sometimes have a share in situations that directly fan the flames of many disputes, sever intimate ties and facilitate the folly of many.”
Another scholar, Shaykh Al-Mahaarifi, may Allaah preserve him, said:“Conjugal relations are meant to be deep-rooted and long-term. May Allaah The Almighty have mercy upon a person who is well-intentioned, good-natured, lenient, kind and merciful towards his family and does not overburden his wife. May Allaah The Almighty also bless a woman who neither makes arduous demands of her husband nor afflicts him with harm. It was narrated that the Messenger of Allaah TheAlmighty, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"If a woman prays her five ]daily prayers[, protects her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from whichever gate she wants.'']Ibn Hibbaan[As for the husbands, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, advised them:"Be kind to women."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was also once asked about the rights that men owe their wives, so he replied:"Give her food when you have food and give clothes to her when you dress up yourself. Never hit her on her face and do not revile her. Do not leave her alone except ]in the safety of[ the home."]Abu Daawood[”
On his part, Shaykh Muhammad ibn Sulaymaan Al-Barqaan, may Allaah preserve him, chairperson of the Court of Social Security and Marriage in Riyadh, Imaam of At-Turki Mosque, in the Faaraabi district of Riyadh, warned against some husbands making light of divorce and mentioned some catalysts of separation, saying:"There are many reasons for the increased incidence of divorce in the community. I will mention some of them: using drugs leads to many problems among spouses which eventually end in divorce; disparity in thought and practice among the spouses, and the husband being so preoccupied that he falls short in fulfilling the wife's rights."

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M