Women site, - Mutual Rights - Good Companionship - III

One day, the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, told 'Aa'ishah,
may Allaah be pleased with her, the lengthy Hadeeth of Umm Zar', which
was narrated by Muslim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, and was
explained by some scholars in volumes due to its enormous pearls of
wisdom and meanings. After the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam,
told 'Aa'ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, how Abu Zar' treated
his wife Umm Zar', the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"I
am to you like Abu Zar' to Umm Zar'."He, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, meant by this that he was perfect in good companionship and
intimacy, just like Abu Zar' was with Umm Zar'.
In happy and cheerful moments, the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, brought happiness and cheer to his family. It was
authentically narrated that on the day of 'Eed the Abyssinian boys
arrived and played with spears in the mosque. Just look at the perfect
Sharee'ah of Islam and its sublime mission! On that day of 'Eed which
is characterized by happiness, the souls need a type of peace and
affinity to remove the state of apathy and weariness. On that day, the
Abyssinians entered the mosque of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, and paraded with their spears. Just look where the parade was
held; it was held in the second most sacred House of Allaah, the
Mosque of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam!
The mosque was taken as a place where people played with spears on the
day of 'Eed because it was a merry occasion. Islam is a religion of
perfection that gives everything its due right and estimation.
'Aa'ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, wanted to feel happy on
that day. She, may Allaah be pleased with her, wanted to watch the
Ethiopians parading with their spears. She, may Allaah be pleased with
her, asked the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, to let her see
the parade, so how did the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam,
reply to her? Did he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, tell her that she
was immature or that she was wasting her time? Did he, sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, start reminding her that Paradise and Hell were
approaching? No. The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, stood up
on his noble feet to allow her to watch the Ethiopians, not for the
purpose of watching for its own sake, but because he, sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, knew that this standing would please Allaah The
Almighty. The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, who was the
cream and most perfect of creation, kept standing to please Allaah
without the least feeling of blemish or belittlement, because he,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, felt that he was bringing affection,
love and happiness to his family and translating his true love and
perfect marriage by his standing. For that reason, the Prophet,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, was the best husband to his wife, and
his behavior represents the perfect and best guidance for the Muslim
who wants to live equitably with his wife.
His wife would prepare his food and drink, and when he, sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, gathered with his family, beloved persons and wife
under one roof, he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, would not say
unpleasant words to her. If he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, found
the food delicious, he would praise and appreciate it and thank the
one who prepared it after thanking Allaah The Almighty. If he,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, found fault with it, he would not
dispraise or criticize it, nor would he dispraise the one who cooked
it.
Living equitably requires sacrifice, true love and mutual emotions
that indicate perfection in marriage and intimacy. Therefore, the
guidance of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, is the most
perfect guidance.
It was authentically narrated that 'Aa'ishah, may Allaah be pleased
with her, said that she would bring broth or milk to the Prophet,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and though he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, was the one who requested it, he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, would insist that she drink before him. 'Aa'ishah, may Allaah
be pleased with her, was a noble woman and daughter of a noble man, so
she did not accept drinking before the Messenger of Allaah,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and preserved his right. When she gave
him the drink, he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, would ask her to
drink first, and when she refused, he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam,
would insist by taking an oath that she would drink first. As a
result, she would take the container and drink and after that the
Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, would put his mouth in the
same spot that her mouth had been. The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, did not do so without reason; rather, he, sallallaahu 'alayhi
wa sallam, wanted to let her know her value and to show her his love
and affection. That is because just as the Prophet, sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, sought closeness to his Lord through prostration
and bowing to Him, he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, also sought
closeness to Him through comforting his wife's heart, bringing her
happiness and making her cheerful. The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, sought closeness to Allaah by teaching the Ummah )Muslim
nation( perfect manners and the best ways of treating families and
wives.
These are very important matters that a Muslim should pay attention
to. Sometimes the wife needs to feel happy in her home, so if the
Muslim wants to make her so he should adopt the guidance of the
Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam. Sometimes she wants to feel
happy outside the house, so we find that the Prophet, sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, would go out with his wife to Qubaa' and race her.
The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and his wife started
running, and she would beat him. Later, when she gained weight, the
Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, raced her again and this time
he beat her, saying: "Tit for tat." All these things represent love
and kind treatment in lifestyle.
Whenever man looks at, reflects upon or studies well the guidance of
the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, he will surely find good
companionship in its perfect manner and best form, since he,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, was the most perfect man in living
equitably with his family. Muslim homes will never be happy until
these warm emotions are observed. Look at the man who treats his wife
with these true feelings and emotions and how Allaah blesses his
family and wife. He surely leads a happy and serene life, since
whoever fears Allaah, carries out His orders and lives in kindness
with his wife, Allaah rewards him by granting them a happy life and
good companionship. The same thing applies to the woman who fears
Allaah and lives in kindness with her husband. They will only hear and
see what makes them happy. Therefore, a Muslim should abide by the
Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, in
fulfilling this great duty.
There is another very important point that we should consider, namely,
the lack of reward for not reciprocating good companionship. In other
words, it is very difficult for the husband to show affection, mercy
and kindness to his wife while the wife in return shows misbehavior,
harm, contempt or disobedience. Similarly, it is very difficult for
the wife to show warm emotions, kind feelings and good manners to her
husband, while he in return treats her with painful, harsh and hurtful
sentiments that devastate her. So, what should Muslim spouses do?
Some scholars have said that the greatest and most perfect reward for
good companionship takes place when the husband who observes good
companionship with his wife is mistreated, or when the wife who
observes good companionship with her husband is mistreated. This is
the truest form of good companionship. One day, a man said, "O
Messenger of Allaah, I maintain kinship ties with my relatives, but
they sever them; I give them, but they deprive me; and I pardon them,
but they are rough to me." The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam,
said:"If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot
ashes."]Muslim[ This means that the man was the winner as he had
gained the reward. Allaah who does not allow the reward of those who
do good deeds to go astray.
Spouses who treat one another kindly are expecting a good reward and a
happy end from Allaah The Almighty. A husband should not wait for a
reward from his wife; he should wait for that from Allaah The
Almighty. Every Muslim who wishes to possess good and perfect manners
should not hope for reward from other people; rather, he should always
be watchful of Allaah and abide by His Laws, not to have his goodness
or kindness rewarded with a similar attitude, but to gain appreciation
from Allaah who is above the seven heavens. He should do so in order
to find his kind words, manners and good treatment written in the
record of his good deeds on a Day when the contents of the graves will
be scattered and that which is within the breasts exposed. If the man
adopts good manners and proves to be a kind husband while his wife is
evil and harms him, he should be patient. Perhaps Allaah will
compensate him with something better.
Talking about Zakariyya )Zachariah(, may Allaah exalt his mention,
Allaah Says )what means(:}And amended for him his wife.{]Quran 21:90[
Some scholars commented on this verse saying that when Allaah tested
Zakariyya, may Allaah exalt his mention, by depriving him of
offspring, he earnestly turned to Allaah in supplication. Allaah Says
)what means(:}]This is[ a mention of the mercy of your Lord to His
servant Zechariah. When he called to his Lord a private supplication.
He said, "My Lord, indeed my bones have weakened, and my head has
filled with white, and never have I been in my supplication to You, my
Lord, unhappy. And indeed, I fear the successors after me, and my wife
has been barren, so give me from Yourself an heir."{]Quran 19:2-5[
Prophet Zakariyya, may Allaah exalt his mention, supplicated to Allaah
at the age of one hundred and twenty without despair of His Mercy. He
supplicated to Allaah at the end of his life to grant him a child, and
Allaah fulfilled his need and more out of His Bounty. It always
happens that when a person supplicates Allaah with certainty in
troubles and hardships, Allaah answers his supplication and grants him
even more than what he asked for. Thus, Allaah says )what means(:}And
amended for him his wife.{]Quran 21:90[ Allaah granted him Yahya
)John(, may Allaah exalt his mention, and amended his wife. Some
scholars said that his wife would insult and harm him and that she was
ill-mannered and harsh with him; yet, he, may Allaah exalt his
mention, remained patient with her until the end of his life.
Accordingly, Allaah compensated him by granting him a child and making
his wife religiously observant who lived equitably with him.
Hence, if the man lives equitably with his wife and finds good in her,
he should praise Allaah The Almighty; otherwise, he should be patient,
fully believing that Allaah does not allow the reward of the person
who does good deeds to go astray. This also applies to wives whose
good companionship is returned with ill-treatment by their husbands.
She should expect that Allaah would compensate her for her patience
and comfort her pains, and compensate her in her religion, life and
the Hereafter.