Fathwa, - Is it permissible to show hair to, not just any suitor, but your future spouse?

Question:
I have heard from my Hanafi teachers that it is impermissible for a
woman to show her hair to a suitor, that those who say it is
permissible are using a very weak opinion. My husband, however, says
that the mashaikh only say this to the 'aam people who may misuse the
ruling (to see the hair of every girl that they are not even serious
about). His family is mashaAllah very pious, and his brother is
becoming a mufti under the tutelage of Mufti Taqi Uthmani. His brother
actually told my cousin that it would be permissible to request to see
a girl's hair. Also, another one of my husband's brothers saw the hair
of his future wife beforehand (when he was reasonably convinced he
would be marrying her), and my husband's sister showed her hair (only
once) to her future husband (though normally she is in niqab). (Note:
they did not do these things with any one else they were considering;
only the people they *actually* eventually married). I am very
confused. Do people like our respected Mufti Taqi Uthmani allow for
this? Perhaps Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam or someone else familiar with
him could reply?
Answer:
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Looking at someone one intends to marry is not merely something that
is permissible, rather it has been encouraged by the Messenger of
Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace).
Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) narrates: I was in
the company of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him
peace) when a man came and informed him that he had contracted to
marry a woman of the Ansar. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him &
give him peace) said to him: �Did you cast a glance at her? He said:
No. He said: �Go and look at her, for there is something in the eyes
of the Ansar�. (Sahih Muslim, no. 1423)
Sayyiduna Mughira ibn Shu�bah (Allah be pleased with him) narrates
that he proposed to a woman for marriage. The Messenger of Allah
(Allah bless him & give him peace) said to him: �Look at her, for it
may produce love between you.� (Sunan Tirmidhi, no. 1087, Musnad
Ahmad, Sunan Nasa�i & Sunan Ibn Majah)
Sayyiduna Jabir (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the
Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: �When one
of you proposes to a woman for marriage, then if he is able to look at
what will induce him to marry her, he should do so.� (Sunan Abu Dawud
and Musnad Ahmad)
The great Hadith and Shafi�i Fiqh scholar, Imam al-Nawawi (Allah have
mercy on him) states:
��In the Hadith (of Abu Hurayra mentioned first) there is
recommendation of looking at the face of the woman one is intending to
marry. This is the opinion of our (Shafi�i) School, the School of
Malik, Abu Hanifa, all the scholars of Kufa, Ahmad and the majority of
the Ulama. Qadhi (Iyadh) has narrated from a group (of scholars) that
it is disliked but that is incorrect and contrary to the clear text of
this Hadith, and contrary to the consensus (ijma�) of the Ummah�Then,
it is permitted for him to look at her palms and face only, for they
are not considered to be part of the nakedness (awra), and also
because by looking at the face, one is able to determine her beauty or
otherwise and by looking at her hands one is able to determine the
chubbiness of the body or otherwise. This is the opinion of our School
and the view of most others.� (al-Minhaj Sharh Sahih Muslim, p. 1068)
Mulla Ali al-Qari, the great Muhaddith and Hanafi Imam, states in his
renowned Mirqat al-Mafatih, quoting from Allama Teebi that the meaning
of the Messenger of Allah�s (Allah bless him & give him peace)
statement �if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her,
he should do so� (in the Hadith of Jabir recorded by Imam Abu Dawud,
quoted earlier) is either wealth, status, beauty and religion (deen).�
(Mirqat al-Mafatih, 6/198)
Thus the above explanation by Mulla Ali al-Qari quite clearly refutes
the interpretation some people make with regards to the Hadith of
Jabir, in that one may look at whatever may induce one into marrying.
If such general permission is given, people will demand to see all
sorts of body parts.
Thus, the above is quite clear in determining that, it is only
permitted for one to see the hands and face of the woman one is
intending to marry. This permission is also subject to certain
conditions.
Imam al-Haskafi (Allah have mercy on him) states:
�It is recommended ��to look at the woman before marriage.�
Allama Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) explains the above by stating:
�Meaning, even if there is desire (shahwa) but this is when one
genuinely believes it is possible to get married to her.� (Radd
al-Muhtar, 3/8, Kitab al-Nikah)
Imam al-Haskafi (Allah have mercy on him) states in another place:
�If one fears desire (shahwa) or has a doubt (m: in attaining desire),
then one will be prevented from looking at the face of a non-Mahram
woman. Thus, the permissibility of looking is restricted to not having
desire otherwise it will be unlawful (haram). This ruling was in their
times, in our times however, one will be prevented from looking at a
young woman (m: regardless of whether one fears desire or otherwise).
The exception for looking and not touching is when there is a need,
such as for the judge, witness in the court�and for the one who
intends to marry, even with desire but only if one�s intention is to
implement the Sunnah (m: and fulfil one�s objective of marriage) not
to fulfil one�s desires (m: by looking without really wanting to
marry).�
Allama Ibn Abidin, the commentator of al-Haskafi�s Durr al-Mukhtar,
mentions the following points in his commentary of the above text:
1) There is nothing wrong in looking at someone one is intending to
marry even with desire (shahwa) due to the Hadith of Mughira ibn
Shu�ba (Allah be pleased with him) where the Messenger of Allah (Allah
bless him & give him peace) said: �Look at her, for it may produce
love between you� and because the aim is to fulfil the Sunnah of
marriage and not desire.
2) It is not permitted to touch the face and hands of the woman even
when one does not fear desire, for there is no real need for that.
3) The need is only in looking at the woman once, thus more than once
would not be allowed, for cases of need are restricted to the actual
need. (m: However, if one was uncertain and undecided by looking at
her once due to some reason, such as not looking at her properly, etc,
then one may look again. This, however, should not be merely having
another go at the whip; rather one should genuinely think that
marriage is highly likely)
4) Permissibility of looking is only to the hands and face
5) If it is not possible to look at the woman or one wants
descriptions of parts of the body that are other than the hands and
the face, then one may send a female relative (such as a mother or
sister) to look at her and then describe her to him.
6) A woman may also look at the man whom she intends to marry even if
there is a fear of desire, rather this is more important. The reason
being is that the husband will be able to divorce her whenever he
wants if he dislikes her, but the wife cannot do that. Thus, it is
very important that she looks and is content with him. (See: Radd
al-Muhtar ala al-Durr al-Mukhtar, �Bab al-Mass wa�l Nadhar fi Kitab
al-Hadhr wa�l Ibaha, 6/370)
Thus, to sum up, it is not only permitted but recommended to look at
someone one is intending to marry. This, however, is only when one is
seriously contemplating marriage with her, and that marriage is
possible and likely. This permission is even in the case where one
(the man or the woman) fears desire (shahwa), if the right intention
is there. Merely fulfilling the desire to look will be unlawful.
It will not be permitted for the man and woman to remain alone in
seclusion (khalwa), for there is no need for that. Being alone with a
non-Mahram is unlawful (haram) or at the least prohibitively disliked
(makruh tahriman) and must be avoided.
Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Abbas (Allah be pleased with him) narrates
that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:
�A man must not remain alone in the company of a woman, and a woman
must not travel except that her Mahram is accompanying her.� (Sahih
al-Bukhari, no. 2488)
If one decides to marry someone, it is for the man permitted to look
at the woman�s face and hands only. This is the opinion of the
majority of the scholars (jumhur), including the Hanafis, as mentioned
earlier. Some individual scholars (such as Imam al-Awza�i, Ibn Hazam
and Dawud Zahiri) did permit looking at other than the hands and face
but this is not the mainstream opinion.
As far as the opinion of Mufti Taqi Usmani (Allah preserve him) is
concerned, I have not heard anything directly from him, but it is
clearly mentioned in his Dars Tirmidhi (3/351) that one is only
permitted to look at the hands and face.
And Allah knows best