'' Our Lord ! grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter and save us from the torment of the Fire '' [Ameen]
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{in Arab} :->
Rabbanaa aatinaa fid-dunyaa hasanatan wafil aakhirati hasanatan waqinaa 'athaaban-naar/-
(Surah Al-Baqarah ,verse 201)
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Sometimes they shame me because I still am unmarried and staying with
them. From my simple salary, 200 LE, I try to help at home. I am a
governmental clerk at education ministry. I wanted to study another
field, actually I did not want to work for the government, but I
listened to them. They were saying a lot of things about the
advantages of working for the government; such as stability and
pension, etc. I became a clerk. Now I cannot get married. I am 34
years old, I avoid being disobedient to my parents. But I have dignity
and I want to protect it when they say such things to me, especially
my mother when she says "you still are unmarried staying with us". How
shall I behave with them? I try to repress my anger a lot but until
when?!.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Your parents have great rights over you and are entitled to respect
and kind treatment, even if they mistreat you, and even if they try to
make you leave Islam and join the caravan of shirk – Allaah forbid.
This is a right that is guaranteed to them by Islam. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you
be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old
age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at
them but address them in terms of honour"
[al-Isra' 17:23]
"But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with
Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but
behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who
turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your
return, and I shall tell you what you used to do"
[Luqmaan 31:15]
Remember this even though you think that your treating them kindly and
honouring them is destroying your "dignity". Remember this even though
you are saying "how long can I suppress my anger?"
You have to carry on putting up with your family's mistreatment of you
and you have to carry on honouring them and treating them kindly, even
if they mistreat you and hurt you.
Secondly:
What we advise you to do in practical terms is as follows:
1 – Be patient and seek reward with Allaah for the things you are
suffering from your family. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"And seek help in patience and As-Salaah (the prayer) and truly, it is
extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khaashi'oon [i.e. the true
believers in Allaah — those who obey Allaah with full submission, fear
much from His punishment, and believe in His Promise (Paradise) and in
His Warnings (Hell)]"
[al-Baqarah 2:45].
2 – Honour them and treat them kindly, and show kindness to them by
giving them gifts, taking care of them, and speaking nicely to them.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet(peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "Give one another gifts, so that you will
love one another." Narrated by al-Bukhaari inal-Adab al-Mufrad(594);
classed as hasan by al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar inal-Talkhees al-Habeer(3/70)
and by al-Albaani inIrwa' al-Ghaleel(1601).
3 – Advise them and urge them to adhere to the rulings of sharee'ah
and good manners, with wisdom and beautiful preaching.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Invite (mankind, O Muhammadصلىالله عليه وسلم( to the way of your Lord
)i.e. Islam( with wisdom )i.e. with the Divine Revelation and the
Qur'aan( and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is
better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His path,
and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided"
[al-Nahl 16:125]
4 – Use a variety of da'wah methods, and do not stick to just one
method. Audio and video tapes and booklets may have an effect in
changing their behaviour.
5 – Seek the help of knowledgeable people and seeker of knowledge who
are held in high esteem by them, and ask them to visit you and speak
to them and advise them.
6 – Strive to seek a halaal income, which will enable you to get
married. You can look for another job, or travel to a Muslim country
to work there.
7 – Always pray that they will be guided.
We ask Allaah to enable you to do that which He loves and which
pleases Him, and to make things easy for you, and to guide your family
to righteousness and wisdom.
And Allaah is the source of strength.
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