'' Our Lord ! grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter and save us from the torment of the Fire '' [Ameen]
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{in Arab} :->
Rabbanaa aatinaa fid-dunyaa hasanatan wafil aakhirati hasanatan waqinaa 'athaaban-naar/-
(Surah Al-Baqarah ,verse 201)
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wI am 25 and my husband is 28. We have been married 9 months and are
both working but living with relatives. We are planning inshaAllah to
move on our own in January. Thing is I really very much want to start
having children soon, but my husband wants to wait2 or more years.
I''m really unhappy with this decision. His reason is he wants us to
save money and possibly continue his studies, pay his debts and save
for our future. I''m very happy with my husband and our marriage but
I''m very much desiring to be a mother sooner rather than later.
Shouldn''t he have more trust in Allah?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah.
May the peace and blessings of Allah showerupon our beloved Messenger.
Dear Sister,
The key to resolving this situation is to maintain open, loving
communication with your spouse. A woman's heart may yearn for
children, while her husband may want to wait. Sometimes the reverse is
true: he's ready right away and she wants to wait.
I know that the maternalurge is very strong. But it's also important
to consider both the short and the long term. An important decision
such as this one should be mutual.
I do suggest that you give your husband a little more time for the
simple reason that you are still newlyweds. Becoming parents
completely changes your life. It is very beneficial for husband and
wife to establish a firm marital foundation and a solid relationship
before having children. Then when the stresses of parenthood come into
play, husband and wife have a repository of strength, love, and
friendship to draw upon.
Trust me, having kids canbe stressful, albeit the stress is good
stress. Takethis time to enjoy each other and the activities that
become very difficult or even impossible to do once you start a
family.
It's also important to make your expectations very clear to your
husband. While you may be willing to wait a while, let him know that
you don't want to hold off indefinitely. Now is the time to understand
how the female body works. Most women are in their childbearing prime
in their 20s. After awoman reaches age 30 or 35, her fertility begins
to decline and conception does becomemore difficult. So it's a good
idea to set a date so to speak and look forward to the anticipation of
conception and parenthood. It's a wonderful thing to plan for.
I don't think it's an issue of your husband not trusting in Allah Most
High enough. Give him the benefit of the doubt. You live with
relatives, and he wants to continue his studies. When you have your
own family, you will definitely want your own space. I think he's also
being prudent to consider your finances. Having children requires some
income. For example, there's the cost of prenatal care, your hospital
stay, decorating the nursery, laying in all those supplies, as well as
your child's well-baby visits. It is actually in your future child's
or children's best interests for Mom and Dad to be as prepared as
possible.
Last, but certainly not least, both of you should make istikhara. Turn
to Allah Most High for guidance in all situations; Allah willing you
will make the best decision. And emphasize the sunna of our
belovedMessenger, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. The Prophet
lovedchildren and taught his Ummah to be kind and generous to the
young. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that
Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "When a man dies, accrual
of merit in his favor from good deeds ceases except from three
actions: 1. A charity which continues after hisdeath; 2. Knowledge
left behind from which men continue to benefit, and 3. Righteous
offspring who pray for him." (Muslim 4005)
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