Dought & clear - Short Temper and Cursing One You are Angry With.

I get angry easily and at times I go in a rage and start cursing the
person I am angry at in private. When I cool down, I
say"astaghfirullah," and I keep making an intention to not do it
again. I know cursing is haram (impermissible). Ihate what I do, and I
wish I can control myself. I want to know how one repents for cursing
someone in anger. The person does not hear me say these things but I
still feel bad about them. And do I have to tell the person that I
cursed them in private? Can I just keep it to myself as to not create
animosity between me and the person? Can I give sadaqah (charity) to
cancel the harm I did? What do I need to do to fix the problem? I want
to stop, and I keep making du'a (supplicating) - but for now I want to
repent for the times I cursed people in anger. Also does Allah accept
my curses in anger? I am feeling very depressed over this issue. I
feel badwhen I stand for prayer.I wish to really repent and feel
content about my repentance. Jazak Allahu Khairan.
Praise be to Allah.
You have to restrain your anger, because Allah says (interpretationof
the meaning):
"...who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, Allah loves
Al-Muhsinoon (the good-doers)." [3:134]
"And those who avoid the greater sins, and Al-Fawahish (illegal sexual
intercourse), and when they are angry, they forgive." [42:37]
This is because when a person does not restrain his anger, he insults,
curses, swears and hits. Anger may be a door to all kinds of evil. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) often advisedpeople
not to get angry. Al-Bukhari narrated in al-Saheeh from Abu Hurayrah
(may Allah be pleased with him) that a man said to the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him), "Advise me." He said: "Donot get
angry." The man repeated his request several times, and he said, "Do
not get angry."
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) regarded the
one who controls himself when he is angryas being the strongest ofmen.
Al-Bukhari narrated in al-Saheeh that the Messenger of Allah (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "The strong man is not the
one who can wrestle (fight); the strong man isthe one who controls
himself at the time of anger."
Al-Hafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) made some important
points in Fath al-Baari in his commentary on the hadeeth (narration)
"Do not get angry". He said:
"Al-Tabarani quoted the hadeeth of Sufyaan ibn 'Abd-Allah al-Thaqafi:
I said, O Messenger of Allah, tell me something that will be of
benefit to me, and make it brief and concise. He said, "Donot get
angry, and Paradise will be yours." It was also narrated that
Abu'l-Darda said: I said, OMessenger of Allah, tell me of a deed which
will earn me admission to Paradise. He said, Do not get angry...
Al-Khattabi said: The meaning of thephrase 'Do not get angry' is,
Avoid the things that cause anger and do not expose yourself to that
which provokes it. Anger itself could not have been forbidden, because
it is something natural which cannot be removed from human nature.
Someone else said: what is meant is that which can be achieved by
training oneself... It was said thatit means, Do not do that which anger
provokes you to do. Ibn Battal said: the hadeeth indicates... that
striving to control oneself is more difficult than striving against
the enemy, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him) described theone who controls himself at times of angeras being
the strongest ofpeople. Someone else said: Perhaps the person who
asked this question was hot-tempered; the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allah be upon him) used to command each person to do that which was
most appropriate for him, so he summed up his advice to this person by
telling him not to get angry. Ibn al-Teen said: in the words 'Do not
get angry', the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
brought together the good of this world and of the Hereafter, because
anger results in cutting off ties and withholding kindness, and it may
lead to one doing harm to the person with whom one is angry, which
diminishes one's religious commitment.
One of the scholars said:Allah created anger fromfire, and made it an
instinct in man. When there is a dispute, the flames of anger are
fanned until a person's face and eyes become red, because the skin
reflects what is underneath it... Anger produces external and internal
changes, such asa change in colour, trembling, uncontrolled actions
and a change in appearance, such that if the angry person could see
himself when he is angry, he would feel ashamed of his ugly appearance
and the wayhis appearance has changed. All of that is what happens on
the outside. The internal effects are even worse, because it generates
hatred in the heart, envy(hasad) and all kinds of bad feelings. The
most ugly effects of anger are the internal effects, and the external
changes arethe results of the internal changes. All of this has an
effect on the body. The effect on the tongue is that it speaks words
of slander and foul language which the wise person would feel ashamed
of, and the angry person regrets them when he calms down. The effects
of anger can also be seen in people's actions, when they beat and
kill. If the angry person does not have the chance to do that, he
turns his anger against himself, tearing his garments and slapping his
cheeks; sometimes he may have a seizure, or fall unconscious, or break
vessels, or hit someone who has not done anything wrong. Whoever
thinks about these evil actions will realize just how much wisdom
there is in these gentle words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him), 'Do not get angry,' and to how great an extent
they protect people's interests by warding off this great evil which
mayotherwise lead who knows where. All of this has to do with anger
for the sake of worldly things, not anger for thesake of religious
matters... (Anger for the sake of Allah is praiseworthy and recommended,
such as anger when seeing evil actions). It helps a person not to get
angry when he bears in mind what has been narrated concerning the
virtues of restraining anger, and the warnings concerning the results
ofanger; he should also seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan... and
do wudu (ablution)... And Allah knows best."
Remember, too, that theProphet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him) was not a person who insulted or cursed others. It was reported
in Saheeh al-Bukhari that Anas ibn Malik (may Allah be pleased with
him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was
not a person who insulted people or used obscene language, and he did
not curse people. If he wanted to rebuke anyone, he would say, "What
is wrong with him? - may his forehead be rubbed with dust."
You must repent to Allahfor any curses and aggressive words that you
have uttered, but there is no need to tell those whom you have cursed,
so as not to provoke any evil actions.You can ask their forgiveness in
a general way. With regard to the people whom you have prayed against,
pray for good things for them, especially if you have been unfair to
them in your prayers against them when they did not deserve such a
thing. AskAllah to be kind to you, for a person's du'as
(supplications) may come back on him if he prays against someone who
does not deserve that. You must keep yourtongue busy with du'a and
dhikr (remembranceof Allah), because that brings peace to the heart.
"... verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest" [13:28 -
interpretation of the meaning]. Keep away from using your tongue to
hurt other people.
May Allah bless our Prophet Muhammad.