How to interact with your wife

The man interaction with his wife
Allah جل وعلا has obligated upon the man similar to that which He has
obligated upon the woman. Allah جل وعلا said:
وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلِلرِّجَالِ
عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ [البقرة:228
"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living
expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards
obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree
(of responsibility) over them[al-Baqarah 2:228]
Allah جل وعلا has made the rights of the man primary, but He has
giventhe woman rights just has He has given the manrights. Allah جل
وعلا said in this verse:
"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living
expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards
obedience and respect) to what is reasonable.
The Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ gave many advices
concerning the women.
There are some people who marry and they do not learn the regulations
concerning social interactions with the wife. How should he talk to
her? How should he request from her? What are the obligations that the
wife must perform?
On the contrary, he only interacts with her based upon his sheer
desires. He treats her according to his wishes and sometimes based
upon his manhood and based upon his strength. And hedoes not do that
which isIslamic binding upon him. He does not learn the legislated
regulationsconcerning social interaction and dealing with the wife.
And how beautiful is the statement of Ibn Abbass رضي الله عنهما
concerning this verse! Hesaid concerning the statement of Allah جل
وعلا:
"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living
expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards
obedience and respect) to what is reasonable.
He said: 'Verily I do not like to demand all of my rights from my wife
such that it will become obligatory upon me to give her all of her
rights that she requests from me.
And also he used to orderwith beautification; meaning the man
beautifying himself for his wife.
He said:
"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living
expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards
obedience and respect) to what is reasonable.
Therefore if the man requests that his wife beautify herself for him,
and that she remove any foul odor and that she is beautified when with
him; then likewise it is obligatory upon him to interact with her with
that which Allah جل وعلا has made obligatory.
Look at the condition of the Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ
with his wives when they request maintenance from him. He said to them
kind gentle words that preoccupied for a period of time until Allah جل
وعلا reveal verses concerning this in SoorahAl Ahzab.
In many instances the man's interaction with his wife is according to
desires and according to the desires of manhood.
But some of the people are diligent upon interacting with their family
according to the appropriate legislation, and this is what is
obligatory so this is what we wanted to point out because this is a
type of interaction that many people are void of.
On the other extreme as it relates to interacting with the wives, some
people believe that good interaction is to give his wife free rein.
And he fulfills every desire that the woman has without looking to see
if that which she requested is permissible or impermissible, and
without looking to see if it is something she has a right to do or
not. It is something that will be good for her or is it something that
will not be good for her? Is there a benefit for her it that or not?
(The men) are negligent in this affair to the extentthat the women
conduct themselves freeing like they are the men.
No doubt that these are two images on opposite sides of the spectrum.
*.The one who is harsh and cruel
*.The one who gives his wife free rein and it is as though his wife
has become the man.
And the resolution for that, rather the balance and the guidelines are
for the person to strive tobe with his wife according to the
guidelines of the legislation.
Allah جل وعلا ordered that the women should be given their rights;
likewise He ordered that the man should be given their rights. And the
Prophet صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِوَسَلَّمَ, from the final advices he gave
during his life, was advice concerning the rights of the women.
During his sermon on theday of Arafat, during his tremendous sermon
which he bided farewell to the people he said:'Be kind to the women
because verily they are inyour trust.'Meaning like captives
But this does not mean that he leaves the affairs up to her to do
however she wants, and it does not mean that the personis negligent
concerning the commands of Allah; rather he should be in accordance
with that which Allah جل وعلا wants.
The man requests things from his wife but it is befitting that his
interactions with his wifebe in accordance with the statement of Ibn
Abbass رضي الله عنهما.
He said I do not like to demand all of my rights from my wife such
that it will become obligatory upon me to give her all of her rights
that she requests from me.
On the other hand, there is the interaction of the wife with her
husband. Allah has given the man adegree over the woman. He said:
But men have a degree (of responsibility) over them [al-Baqarah 2:228]
Allah جل وعلا gave man a preference based upon him providing
maintenance. Thus He gave him preference in that which is specific to
the man; thus man is the one responsible for providing maintenance and
he is responsible for commanding the good and forbidding the wrong.
And it is upon the wife toobey the husband in that which is obedience
to Allah, she should obey him in that which is correct and she should
not disobey him.
Such that no one he hates should enter his home and she should
notleave his home unless he is in agreement. And if the wife preserves
the husband's rights upon her then she has performed her obligations.
And it appears in an authentic narration: "If the woman prays her
fivedaily prayers, and fast (the month of Ramadan) and obey her
husband, then it will be said to her,'enter paradise from any door you
choose.'"
And there is no doubt theit is a requirement for the woman to obey her
husband and it is an obligation upon her as it relates to her
interaction with her husband that she is obedient and pleased and she
should be the one who concedesand yields. And she should not make the
manthe one who submits to her, and the one who is submissive to her,
because in this action there is corruption.
And the judges have spoken about the affair of the husband obeying his
wife and what occurs when some of the women rule their husbands. The
end result is that the woman is not content with her husband, the one
who obeys her, and has some good interactions with her; rather she
makes him obey her in everything that she desires. Thus the end result
is that she hates him, because the woman by her nature needs someone
who will take care of her. So if the man takes responsibility for her
and interacts with her according to the commands of Allah جل وعلا then
both of them will have a good result.