Be What You Want Your Child To Be

These are words that should be addressed to parents and mentors in
order to achieve a general benefit: Whoeverlikes his child to be
something, should first be that something.
Be a positive role model:
Dear parent, your child is attached to you. You are his role model and
leaderand the basic moral benchmark on which he depends in all that he
does. So, be a positive role model for him to follow in your faith and
worship of Allaah The Almighty; and be a positive role model for him
in your morals, manners and good treatment. In other words, be a
positive role model in the complete sense of the word, through your
practical treatment with your children, following the example of the
Prophet, .
Be fair:
If you are not fair, in no way can you be able to judge between two
opponents even in a trivial case. Being so, what do you think of the
whose case occupies you throughout your entire life? You would not be
able to direct your child in the manner you like if he feels you
prefer his brother over him. That is the kind of injustice which the
child never accepts, as the Messengerof Allaah, , did not accept
earlier.
Be with him part of his time
Dear parents, you have no valid excuse before Allaah The Almighty, nor
any argument that is acceptable to the child tojustify your failure to
finda specific time to sit with him, which is his right over you and
everyone should be given his due right. That is also the trust of
responsibility, and Allaah The Almighty commands you to give back the
trusts to those who are liable to them. O you who leave your child to
others to bring him upon your behalf; do not weep on the morrow
because you are held guilty (for his negligence of you) for as you
waste him when he is a child, he shall waste you when you grow old.
Be tolerant:
Frequent blame and reproach for everything, whether or not it is
significant, inevitably leads to adverse results, the child would
neither follow the given advice, nor would he give up (the mistake).
The result would be that you wouldlose your position of aweand
reverence in the sight of your child, who, in turn, would leave you
and refrain from listening to you. Anas served the Prophet, for ten
years, during which time he never heard from him (any word of rebuke
even as trivial as) 'Uff'.
Be intelligent:
Utilize suitable opportunities and current events to implantall the
values and morals you like in the heart of your child. What you
giveyour child would then be imprinted in his heart, and become
inerasable. The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam,
made Ibn 'Abbaas ride behind him on a donkey, and of course, he (Ibn
'Abbaas ) was happy about riding behind the best of all creation on
the same mount. He taught him words which remained not only in his
memory but also in the memory ofthe whole Ummah (nation): "If you are
mindful of Allaah, He will protect you, and if you are mindful of
Allaah, youwill find Him ever with you. When you ask for anything ask
it from Allaah, and if you seek help seek help from Allaah. Know that
if the people were to unite to do you some benefit, they could benefit
you only with what Allaah had written for you, and that if they were
to unite to do you some harm, they could harm you onlywith what Allaah
had written against you. The pens (of writing the Divine decree) have
beenlifted and the pages havedried (of their ink)." [At-Tirmithi]
Similarly, the Messenger of Allaah, , rescued theboy before bad habits
were inculcated in his breast, and said to him once he noticed any
kindof bad behavior: "O boy! mention the Name of Allaah, and eat with
your right hand and eat of what is nearer to you (in the dish)."
[Al-Bukhaari] The boy then did not forget it, as shown in his comment,
" Since then I have applied those instructions when eating."
Be a storyteller :
A story has the influence of magic on the soul. It absorbs the child's
mind and makes him live with its heroes. So, it is due onyou, father
and mother in particular, to pay special attention to relating stories
to children. One-third the Noble Quran consists of stories about
ancient people. Moreover, the Prophetic Sunnah contains many authentic
stories. Therefore, you should employ those stories to be a source of
reflection and giving lessons, as stated by Allaah The Almighty when
He Says (what means): } There was certainly in their stories alesson
for those of understanding.} [Quran 12:111]
Be patient:
Be patient when listening to the needs of your child, keeping in mind
that you are talkingto someone with limited mental faculties, so you
should speak to him according to his understanding. Your perfect
example, the Prophet, , tolerated and was patient with 'Aa'ishah while
she was reclining against his back, looking at the display of the
Abyssinians. In this context, she said, "(I continued watching) till
Iwas bored" So you may deduce from this event how a little girl (who
hadnot reached the age of puberty) who is eager to enjoy amusement
should be treated in this respect."
Be a companion:
Dear parent, let each of you be a companion (to his child), so that
you would attract him. No doubt, keeping company has a great impact on
thechild, and makes his heart like a blank page having all that the
mother and father like tobe imprinted on it. However, you are not
theonly companion of the child: there are evil friends who do their
bestto ruin what you build. So, occupy all the time of your child with
your company, and be conscious before your child is stolen from you
while you are heedless. Your company pleases him so much, and
encourages him to relate his affairs to you and divulge his secrets.
So, behis companion, encourage him and praise him a lot. Ibn 'Umar
never left the night prayer after he heard the words of the beloved
Prophet, : "What an excellent man 'Abdullaah is! Were he to pray at
night." [Al-Bukhaari]
Be a watcher:
Dear parent, do not throw the seed (in the land) and then go and leave
it, saying to yourself: I have been cultivating . However, you should
wait for the harvest, otherwise, the blight of evil and corruption
would come after you to eat your cropbefore you pluck its fruits. So,
you should watch over your child in his morals, particularly
truthfulness, for lying is the basis of all vices. When the Messenger
of Allaah, , liked to prevent a man from all kinds of evil, he said:
"Do not lie." Watch over him in his friends and peers. Watch over him
in his physical constitution and seclusion. Be careful, lest there
arise factors that try to ruin what you havebeen building throughout
the years, seeking the help of Allaah The Almighty at all times. -
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