White Lies: Are They Permissible?

Many take the permission of the Prophet to lie in three exceptional
cases in the wrong way as a justification for white lies. The Prophet
said: "A liar is not one who tries to bring reconciliation amongst
people and speaks good (in order to avert dispute), or he conveys
good." [Muslim]
Commenting on this Hadeeth, IbnShihaab, one of the transmitters, said
that he has not heard that the exemption was granted with regard to
the typical lies that people tell but in three cases: In war in order
to cause reconciliation among people and in the narration of the words
of the husband to his wife, and the narration of the words of a wife
to her husband (in a euphemistic way in order to cause reconciliation
between them).
Some may take this as a license to take truthfulness lightly and tell
what they think to be white, harmless lies. The case is the opposite.
What people misunderstand is the Arabic usage of the word `kadhib.' In
particular in the Prophet's usage of it `kadhib' means anything less
than the complete truth, even if it is not a lie in our ordinary usage
of the term. This becomes clear in the following Hadeeth narrated by
Muslim:
The Prophet said: "Ibraaheem never `lied' except in three cases, two
for Allaah, when he said [as an excuse when asked byhis people to join
them in celebration of their idols] `I am sick'; and [when they came
back and asked who broke their idols, he said] `Rather, it was the
biggest among them who did that.' And the third was about Saarah, and
that was his saying: `When he asks you, say you are my sister, because
you are my sister in Islam.' [Muslim]
Imaam an-Nawawi explains that these lies were "lies only with regard
to the understanding of their immediate audience, but not in and of
themselves." Ibraaheem indeed was "sick"of their idol-worship, and his
response that it was the biggest idol who broke the rest was simply a
rhetorical ploy, which is not ordinarily considered a lie in our
speech. For instance, when a friend sees you sipping on a cup of tea
and asks, "What are you doing?" and you say: "What do you think? I am
flying in the air"—that is not a lie, but a rhetorical expression to
convey your annoyance. The Prophet Ibraaheem made this clear inthe
third example by adding that Saarah was his sister "in Islam," for
she, indeed, was. But the Prophet still called it a lie because it was
less than the whole truth.
The scholars of Islam agree, reports Imaam an-Nawawi, that a Muslim is
permitted, indeed, required, to hide an innocent or wrongly persecuted
person from oppressors, and if he must lie in this pursuit, he can.
But even in such cases, lying should be avoided if possible. Abu Bakr
al-Siddeeq the most truthful manof the 'Ummah who accompaniedthe
Prophet on his flight to Madeenah, was accosted by an acquaintance of
his who did not know the Prophet by face buthad probably heard of the
Makkan search for him. He asked Abu Bakr about his companion, to which
Abu Bakr said: "He is my guide. He shows me the way." Abu Bakr didnot
lie even in such dire circumstances, but simply equivocated.
The case of "lying" allowed for a husband speaking to his wife (or
vice versa) is similar. When a wifeasks her husband if he loves her or
thinks she looks beautiful, the answer is not always clear even to the
husband. Depending on hisstate of mind and their relationship, the
woman who looks perfectly beautiful and loveable to him most of the
time might look not so at the moment. Especially, when influenced by
Satan's whispers, one's wife often looks less attractive than other
women, even if the opposite is true.
Since the usual standard of truthfulness in Islam is so meticulous and
high, the husband is allowed to say what pleases her or helps
reconcile herheart, even if at that moment he does not feel exactly
that way.
Saying that he loves his wife is likely in fact to recall in his mind
what he loves about her and bring happiness and incite more love in
her heart. Thus, the statements made to please one's spouse are not,
strictly speaking,"lying" in our ordinary usage.
With this exception, lying to one's spouse in any other situation or
any other way is as prohibited and despised as in anyother. A
relationship built on lies cannot last for very long, let alone be
blessed with "mercy" and "love" that Allaah promises to place between
spouses [Quran 30:21].
Finally, take the case of war. War is fought to overcome and often
destroy the other side. But even in this situation, the rule in the
Quran is to never deceive in principle. People often misunderstand
what the Prophet famously said, namely, that"War is khud'ah
(stratagem)." Khud'ah is stratagem, a tactical maneuver to mislead the
enemy. It is not treachery, deception, or breach of agreement, which
would be khiyaanah, and Allaah emphatically prohibits that.
Allaah Almighty Says (what means): {If you fear treachery (khiyaana)
from any group, openly throw back (their covenant) to them, (so as to
be) on equal terms: for Allaah loves not the treacherous.} [Quran
8:58]
Imagine the level of integrity required, such that even when you fear
the enemy's breach of treaty and attack, you do not simply
unilaterally end the treaty and attack them, but, rather, let your
enemy know that the treaty is over.
What the Quran and Hadeeth teach us is that the requirement in Islam
of truthfulness and integrity is so high and the agreement between our
outsidesand insides must be so meticulous that even equivocation,
telling half the truth, and evading the straightforward fact is termed
as kadhib, a lie. Under normal circumstances, such differences between
one's words and true feelings would be considered lying, but they are
allowed in uniquely exceptional circumstances.