Controlling Anger: An Essential Skill for Educators - I

A US TV channel presented a series on the views of children onthe way
in which their parents discipline them. The channel hosted some
intelligent children who are able to articulate their views clearly
and strongly every week, and in doing so, they would ask them a set of
questions.
In one of the episodes, a mother listened to her child on the
television expressing his views and notes, and talking about the issue
of disciplining. The mother was greatly astonished when sheheard what
her son had said. Thereason will be shown in this dialogue that took
place betweenthe mother and her son when he returned home.
Mother: Have I ever cut any amount of your daily pocket money as a punishment?
Son: No.
Mother: Have I ever confined you in your room all day?
Son: No.
Mother: Have I ever told you that Iwill stop you from playing because
you are a naughty child?
Son: No.
Mother: So, why did you claim that I had done all these things with
you on television?
Son: I had to say all these things; otherwise, I would have had to say
that you yell at me every day!
Dear readers and people responsible for the upbringing process,
Perhaps this scene is often repeated in many homes – unchecked anger
explodes, resulting in furious outbursts, throwing insults and
name-calling. And who is the target of all these things? It is the
nearest and dearest person to your heart – your child!
Does the responsibility of raising children cause a psychological
crisis for the people who are responsible for it?
In the absence of positive programming of behavior and parenting
attitudes towards the disruptive, inappropriate and unacceptable
behavior of their children, caregivers may resort toactions and
reactions that are associated with anger and tension, and these are
usually negative and destructive. Thus, our Prophet warned us against
acting in the state of anger and ordered us to do things that remove
it and reduce its intensity. That is because at such times, a person
may often act rashly.
What is anger?
Linguistically, anger is the opposite of satisfaction and – according
to Ibn 'Arafah – it is a state in the hearts of human beings which is
praiseworthy sometimes and dispraised at other times. The praiseworthy
type of anger is that which happens to support religion and the truth
in the context of correction and reforming. Beyondthese contexts,
anger becomes dispraised.
What happens when you becomeangry?
Agitation sparks involuntary reactions, which irritate the nerves,
move the emotions, suspend thinking, make one lose his balance and it
increases the heart rate, blood pressure and the flow of blood to the
brain. The organs are disturbed and thisclearly shows on the person's
features – his color changes, he trembles, his limbs shake, he is not
in his normal moderate mood, his appearance becomes ugly, and he
behaves in a mannerthat is beyond his normal boundaries. If the person
does not restrain himself, his tongue will utter foul words and
insults and his hand will stretch out to beat and commit violence.
During angry outbursts, one's heart rate accelerates per minuteto
double the quantity of the blood flow that the heart pumps or that
which runs in the blood vessels with each pulse. This causes high
blood pressure and increases the secretion of adrenaline.
Should we lose our temper whenever our children make a mistake? How
can we bring themup successfully knowing that thisstage is
characterized by making mistakes; since they lack knowledge and
experience in many of their life affairs and are supposed to be living
under their parents' guidance and care? Therefore, whoever is
responsiblefor the upbringing process must learn the art of anger
management, because controlling one's temper has a significant impact
on controlling the behavior of your children. If you keep yourself
calm and manage to get through the difficult situations without
agitating your anger, your communication with your children will be
more effective and your punishment will be more efficient.
Therefore, we invite you to manage your anger, not to cancelit. The
Prophet recommendedus to avoid anger, and at the same time he praised
the one who becomes angry when the rules of Sharee'ah (Islamic
legislation) are violated. He made this prohibition only to warn
against the negative effects of anger and forbade us from negative
anger. It is possible thatman's anger and agitation turn to positive
qualities should he properly manage and control them. We do not mean
to cancel it altogether because angry feelings are the source of power
and interaction, and represent the sign of his concern about his
religion and values. These feelings help man protect his
life,religion, honor and property.
Concerning the upbringing process, if parents and people who assume
the responsibility of raising children do not become angry about the
unacceptable behavior of their children, this will be a sign of the
passivity of the educator and his lack of responsibility. It also
shows his incorrect estimation of the Hereafter-related results of
negligence in raising the children.
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {O you who have believed,
protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people
and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they
do not disobey Allaah in what He commands them but do what they are
commanded.} [Quran 66:6] The Prophet said: "Allaah will question every
caretaker concerning those whom He put under his care whether he had
borne the responsibility or neglected it." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
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